Sunday, July 10, 2011

Movin' On Up!

This blog will not be updated anymore, because I have moved on to bigger and better things!
Ok, not really....I just moved to our official site now.

Join us at Anuddercast.com for all updated blog posts, and for podcast episodes.
Click the "Listen" tab over there for podcasts, and the "Read" tab for the blog.
Pretty self explanatory, no?

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Thoughts On Harold Camping And The Rapture Bunch From An Athiest

Yeah, yeah....The Rapture didn't happen, and we're all having a laugh.
BUT, there's something more interesting about all this to me...you know, the athiest.

I have watched people who are self proclaimed Christians laughing about Harold Camping's claims for quite some time now....laughing about his "predictions".
What strikes me odd about this, and the first thing that pops into my mind is that the same people who are snickering about him and his people, are then turning around and telling me that they BELIEVE stories of a man and an ark...a man walking on water...plagues as punishment...talking bushes...parting seas...resurrections...etc.

To me, this is the same as a Lady Gaga fan laughing at a Madonna fan.
The only difference is that one of them is offering more up to date bullshit.

From an athiest's point of view, you all sound as crazy as Harold Camping to me every time I hear you talk about Noah, Job, Abraham, or Moses.
You're laughing at HIM for thinking that what you ALL believe is eventually GOING to happen, was going to happen on May 21st!
He just dared to put a date on it, and HE'S an asshole?
Am I the only one who finds this the goof of all time?

This post was brought to you by Jack Daniels, and the memory of Randy Savage.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Movie Review: Thor



This Summer, we kick off our movie season with the big screen adaptation of Marvel Comics' "Thor" starring Chris Hemsworth, Anthony Hopkins, and Natalie Portman.
That seems like a decent way to begin, right?

And it was.
A decent way to start. 

By now, you more or less know who Thor is, but if you don't, here's the short version....he's the god of thunder and he wields a hammer that can do some serious damage. Earthquake level damage, not like the kind that just has you needing to call a drywall contractor.

In the film, Thor's daddy casts him out of the Kingdom of Asgard because he's too high strung, and causes way too much trouble for the people of Asgard. SO, naturally he sends him to the shit hole that is Earth.
We are then treated to the usual "fish out of water" material that this type of storyline dictates...not understanding that he can't act the way he does in his world, not understanding why we act the way we do in ours, etc. etc.

I was never a big fan of Thor as a superhero, for some reason, he just never appealed to me. So, naturally when I heard they were making a big screen version, I wasn't exactly thrilled.
That said, I walked away completely satisfied with the way Kenneth Branagh translated the character to our world. A character that seemed to me unworkable in a real world environment, worked perfectly well, and more importantly, this Marvel world that is being built for us leading up to "The Avengers" film has maintained it's integrity. 

My one gripe with Thor is that I felt it spent too much time on the love story between Hemsworth and Portman, and didn't give us as much action as I would have wanted. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't lopsided....in fact it was probably perfectly balanced for the men who want to see a hammer smashing the shit out of things, AND their dates who want to see Thor being gentle with the woman he has his eye on.
I always have a problem with the superhero/mortal love stories, by the way. I know it sounds cliche' at this point, but wouldn't these guys kill the woman during sex?
Seriously?

Thor as a whole, works well overall. I wasn't blown away by it, but I wasn't unhappy with it either.
You KNOW you're going to see it anyway, so really none of this matters...it's the Summer F'N Movie Season, after all...why would you not?

Oh, and before I leave, let me give you this one piece of advice...DON'T pay extra for the 3D version...there was really no benefit that I could see to warrant the extra cash.

By the way, while I was writing this, I had "Hot Dog: The Movie" playing in the background.
Why do I do that shit to myself?

Monday, April 4, 2011

Gays, And Atheists, And Sky Monsters....OH MY!


"But...How Can You Be An Atheist, Joe?"

That's the question that people ask me with great regularity.
How can I NOT believe in The Bible?

I want you to watch two videos. One is of a young man who was raised by two lesbian mothers, and the other is of  a young man of solid Christian faith. Both are speaking at the same public forum in Iowa, regarding civil unions between same sex partners, this past January.
In my opinion, one sounds like a very articulate, well thought out man, giving you anecdotal bits of information about his life experiences, and where they have led him all while being raised by a gay couple.
The other, while equally articulate with his words, but not the others equal as an orator, sounds like he is warning of the wrath of a dark magician's sorcery in a remake of "Excalibur".

Let's watch, and then come back to this....

First Zack Wahls, whose parents are lesbians.....


And now, Ezekiel The Messenger Of God's Wrath...

Now, here's where I explain my thought process.
One of these young men, speaks to us from the point of view of human experience in hopes of advancing our race so that we can focus on more important things. He talks to us on a human level. He speaks to us about his family working together after one of his mothers developed Multiple Sclerosis, a disease that the other young man would no doubt tell us was brought upon herself as wrath from the Sky Monster for her being gay.

The first young man, I can relate to, on a human level. He seems to process information like I do. He seems rational and logical....I "get" him.

The other young man speaks to us as if our time for sacrificing a virgin to Kong "King Of The Apes" is short, if we hope to avoid the sky raining fire and blood. His mindset is from The Bronze Age, and he sounds...for all intents and purposes....insane to me. He pleads with other humans to prohibit certain people from enjoying a simple quality of life that others have, based on a book filled with countless inaccuracies.
Inaccuracies that have been proven through scientific fact. Scientific fact that the second young man would no doubt tell you are the Devil's trickery.

One of the thought processes here have brought us to where we are technologically, medically, and most importantly, in the way we as a people treat each other.

The other would have us still riding horseback, "praying" for God to intervene when a family member gets a disease, and actually killing people for loving someone of the same sex.

I just can't buy into that way of thinking, and when I hear someone speak like that in 2011, it actually sounds laughable to me. I respect his right to believe it, but I will never accept it for me.

Simply put, I don't think we are as important as the religious would have you believe. I don't think there's a Sky Monster keeping tabs on us, because quite frankly, I think we're not where we need to be in a pecking order of Universal importance.
I would NEVER pay attention to us, if I was the almighty creator of everything. 

Do you realize that as you're reading this, there's a guy out there having sex with a cantaloupe? 
Seriously.
That's how un-evolved we are. A man...very overweight and socially awkward, just warmed up a cantaloupe in his microwave, cut out a hole, and is pounding away on it as he watches Pornhub.com. He's done it so many times, that he knows exactly how long to put it in the microwave for, so it doesn't get too hot.

Why is he doing this?
Is it because The Devil tricked him into having sex with the cantaloupe?
No.
It's because he doesn't know how to talk to women, and he's a genetic train wreck. His excessive over eating and social ineptitude is a result of when he was an alter boy and one of the Sky Monster's Official Representatives used this gentleman as his OWN cantaloupe....no microwave required.

This left his views of sexuality and his trust in other people highly distorted....this was HIS human experience.
The Sky Monster was apparently busy worrying about who found their way into an adult, loving, consensual relationship on those days, and didn't bring his wrath down on his employee for these infractions, though. 
OR, maybe it was Good Friday, and someone was having a Roast Beef sandwich, and he needed to smite them! (Inside Joke)

Both the young man with the lesbian mothers, and the gentleman with the cantaloupe had human experiences that forged who they are today. The Sky Monster didn't play a role in either scenario, except for the fact that he and his organization condemn one of the circumstances, and most likely facilitated a situation in which the other could continuing occurring.

Now, what would be more important to focus our time and energy on....making sure every person out there has a chance to have positive human experiences, or focusing on a supposed punishment from a supposed creator, based on the words of a proven flawed text, the has been responsible for some of the greatest atrocities in the human race?
One left a young man with a positive and successful outlook on life.
The other destroyed a man's life entirely.

My point is, if your Sky Monster isn't going to intervene when an atrocity like child rape is occurring.....I can't take the warnings of his wrath seriously, when two grown people of the same sex, who love each other want to join in some sort of a commitment ritual.

But I guess most importantly, I can't take seriously the words of a book which at it's foundation of doctrine, would stop us from advancing to a higher level as a people.

Bronze Age Hocus Pocus.

I've never seen a bird soar to great heights while it was tied to a rock.



Saturday, January 29, 2011

AnudderCast - Episode 4T: "God Hates AnudderCast?"



Shirley Phelps Roper is one of the most controversial figures in America today.
As one of the prominent members of The Westboro Baptist Church, the daughter of Pastor Fred Phelps has enraged Americans across this Country with protests at the funerals of fallen military heroes, celebrities, and anyone else that is deemed immoral by Westboro Baptist's strict adherence to Biblical scripture.

In almost every interview that she has done, hostilities eventually rise to the surface and things deteriorate rapidly. 

One of the things I have found interesting over the last couple decades since "Political Correctness" began it's stranglehold on America, is how those who abhor the intolerant, MEET THEM with intolerance.
To me, that's like trying to extinguish a fire with a flame thrower.

So our approach was a little different, and I think a lot more of the American ideal of yesteryear.
We wanted to give the history of Westboro Baptist, shed some light on where the family really comes from, and discuss the catalyst to the entire "God Hates Fags" agenda.

In the end, we didn't change Shirley's mind about anything, and I know we won't change America's, nor should we. 
But we did achieve what we set out to do.
We had a civil discussion with someone who has extremely different life views than ours, we got a little bit better of an understanding of where Shirley comes from, and most importantly, we maintained civility while still making our positions clear.

Something I think a few other real journalists should think about.
If I want to see screaming matches....I'll watch Jerry Springer.

So check out the episode....

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Sarah Manson Orders Hits!


Well, not really.....but she is an incredibly irresponsible person.

As I'm sure you know by now, Representative Gabrielle Giffords was shot while meeting with constituents in Tucson, AZ. The shooting spree left six dead and fourteen injured.

This Doucherocket was responsible....


That's right, Jackie Coogan, aka "Uncle Fester" from television's "The Addams Family".

Ok, fine.
It's not Jackie Coogan....but I'm not gonna type his real name because it's what he would want, so Uncle Fester it is.

Now because of Uncle Fester, we will go through all the standard questions that are asked when one of these tools shoots a place up. You know, the "Why were the warning signs ignored?", and the "What could have been done to prevent this?" nonsense.

Here's your answer.....they were ignored because not every dickbag who talks crazy shit, ends up shooting everyone.
It's just that simple. You can't eradicate every person who acts like a nutcase. 
In my perfect utopia you could, but sadly that isn't the reality of our existence.

There is another part to the equation in these type of events that I find particularly interesting though, and that's....The Blame Game.

Now in the past, let's say....going back to Columbine, we blamed heavy metal and video games.
In case you didn't know, the Columbine shooters, (shhh....don't say their names either) shot their fellow classmates because of Marilyn Manson and Doom.
No, it's true.
Everyone knows it.
The formula was this simple.

"Shock Rock" + First Person Shooter = Everyone at school must die.

Even *I* can understand that, and I was a terrible student.
I'm pretty sure Manson even included a map of the school inside every copy of "AntiChrist Superstar", with cross-hairs on it pinpointing every individual that he deemed to be problematic.
The map included the text "I've diagnosed the problem......help me find the solution."

So as you can see, anyone who was so deeply entrenched in the world of Manson, AND who had social awkwardness or even so far as a complete mental disorder, would HAVE to act at his behest!!!
I mean, that's how America saw it at the time. 
Manson's concerts were cancelled everywhere. Protests plagued his appearances. 
He was shunned, because this was clearly his fault!

Oh, and don't think Doom got off easy either!
A huge push for new laws regarding sales restrictions of violent video games swept through this nation!
Children should NOT be playing these types of games, because it makes them do things!!!
Especially the weak minded or mentally ill children!! You know the ones that have a hard time fitting in?
Those.
WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN?!?!?!?

Huh?
What do you mean there was no map of Columbine in "AntiChrist Superstar"?
There HAD to be! How else would those two dickfucks have known who to shoot?
EVERYONE said it was Manson's fault! He MUST have been more specific in his message, I'm sure of it!

Ok, enough with my facetiousness.
Here's the point I want to make....
In 1999, I watched people work themselves into a froth over Marilyn Manson and videogames; swearing that those two things were the direct catalyst to the shootings at Columbine High School.
There was no map in the jacket of "AntiChrist Superstar"
There was no Columbine level on Doom.

Today, I watch people in a frenzy to explain how Sarah Palin isn't responsible for the shootings that Uncle Fester pulled off.

Sarah Palin gave us this map....

Down there in Arizona....Gabrielle Giffords has cross-hairs on her.

Now, under the same logic of "anyone completely entrenched in the world of__________"
"What is politics, Alex?"

Ok, that was a played out joke, but we can easily suggest that if one were obsessed with politics and "weak minded" or "mentally ill", they could EASILY see this map as specific instructions, no?
FAR more so, than the lyrics to "The Beautiful People", right?

But what are people doing at this hour?
Trying to explain how the actions of "one deranged young man are not the fault of Sarah Palin!"
Funny, isn't it?

See, I have watched Palin speak. I have listened to her talk about those who are destroying the American way of life, in her estimation. I have watched her align herself with The Tea Party which is symbolic of the event that sparked The American Revolution. I have watched her shooting off guns. And I have seen her map.

I say without jest, that if the theory of the "weak minded and mentally ill" is accurate, she through her words and actions, laid out a far more precise blueprint than Marilyn Manson and Doom ever dreamed to.
But she's a "hockey mom" with "Mainstreet's best interests at heart!", so she can't be a bad person, right?

Today Palin released a video claiming that people linking her to this tragic event is "blood libel".
For those unaware, blood libel is a term that's used in regards to religious minorities, primarily Jews, and it refers to them being libeled by suggesting that they make sacrifices and drink blood during religious rituals.
It was designed to more or less demonize them.

"He is an anti-American operative with blood on his hands. Why was he not pursued with the same urgency we pursue al Qaeda and Taliban leaders?"

~Sarah Palin on Julian Assange. 

As far as I know, it can not be suggested that a single death can be connected to what Julian Assange put on his website.

However, it can be
suggested that 6 deaths and 14 injures can be connected to what Sarah put on hers.
Under her own usage of the term blood libel....isn't she guilty?

Now, I'm not saying that she's responsible...I'm just giving an example of what a "maverick" Sarah has been when choosing her words in the past, as opposed to this video she has released today, in which she says it's unfair to tie her to this event because of what was on her website.
Sarah never seemed that interested in "fairness" before.

But this isn't as much of an indictment of Sarah Palin, as it is one of the hypocrisy of America.
When you look at what's presented, it would make far more sense to assume that Uncle Fester did what he did, because in his compromised mental state, he became entrenched in political rhetoric that made him feel that he NEEDED to do something to stop the destruction of his Country.

It does not make sense that 13 children died at Columbine because two assholes listened to "Little Horn" while playing a pixely first person shooter.

Today, the media is willing to say, essentially, that some people are just fucked up.
That's today.
Because the person having fingers pointed at her, looks, sounds, and dresses just like them.
She talks the way they talk. She fears the God they fear. And she goes to the churches they go to.
Although the man made trail to her culpability in this tragedy is far more sound than the one they created to Manson with Columbine, they NOW understand that things sometimes happen, and that there is no one, or no thing, to blame other than the person pulling the trigger.
Now.....they get it.

Interesting.



Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Welcome To 2010 America, In The Year 1984?


Am I alone in realizing that America is...well...over?
Take a good look around you. I know, I know, it will stop you from fist pumping like The Jersey Shore guys, and it will definitely distract you from figuring out whether it's really Miley Cyrus in those naked bathroom shots.
Oh, and it will probably interrupt your slacktivism when you're posting Sherman and Mr. Peabody as your profile picture on Facebook, to "stop child abuse". But when you stop....when you actually take a look around, you'll see that there's something very wrong going on here.

You know what? I'm glad I thought of that silly Facebook Slacktivist thing in my opener, because isn't that what all this complacency is about? Americans want to feel like they're doing something....without actually DOING SOMETHING!
I mean, that's what that whole thing about posting your favorite cartoon character to stop child abuse was, right?
It was much ado about nothing. It accomplished absolutely NOTHING in the way of stopping or protesting child abuse, because who was it for? Who was watching and counting? It was ridiculousness at it's very foundation.
Yet still, everyone jumped on the bandwagon.
And why?
Because they were told it was the right thing to do.

TSA screenings are also the right thing to do. At least in the name of "Security Theater". That's the term given to all of these new screenings and procedures, as coined by Bruce Schneier in his book Beyond Fear.
It's meaning is simple.....
NONE of what you're seeing is actually making us safer.
It's all "theater". It's all an illusion that we are being treated to, because all of these measures were put in place after a near catastrophe. These catastrophes were averted only because of terrorist failure, or passengers on planes attacking the perpetrator, but none ever stopped an attempt in it's tracks.

The terrorists, you see, are always a step ahead.
They were ahead on 9/11.
They were ahead with Richard Reed.
They were ahead with Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab.

So this is a sort of closing of the barn door after the cow got out.
The "bad guys" are already planning around the security measures that do nothing but annoying the piss out of you, while violating your civil rights.

The only people affected by all of this....the only ones being interrogated, are the American air travelers who are simply trying to get to the new Wizarding World Of Harry Potter attractions at Universal Studios, FL. And you're picking THEM out as the problems, because as every stand up comic will tell you, in their hackiest of material, they only search the little old grandmothers and white people at the checkpoints, not the people who fit the "profile".

Profile!
Profile!
Profile!

Sorry, I just did that to make the easily offended go away. They HATE profiling, because... "it's like wrong to target people just because they have all the attributes of people who want to attack us, and well, who already DID attack us....and also keep telling us they are GOING to attack us again. I mean, that's just wrong! I mean, think how bad it makes them feel"

Probably not half as bad as I feel knowing that everyone is gonna get to see my hog, the next time I want to go on Splash Mountain.


Sorry, Muslim people. Sorry you have to own something because some of you are fucked up....but that's just the way it goes.
As a white man, I have to own the whole slavery thing from over a century ago, even though I come from a long line of derelicts who probably wanted to own slaves, but kept blowing all their cash on booze and whores.
I'm Irish...you know how it is.

But regardless of that very real reality....most black people who see me, probably assume that my ancestors owned slaves. Just like people today will now look at you, and assume you are part of a sleeper cell.
No one said life was fair.

But no one cares about all this. Family Guy reruns are on.
Let's see if you can pull away from that for a second.

Julian Assange of Wikileaks attempted to show everyone what was really going on behind the scenes. He showed us that all those politicians who claim to have "Main Street's best interest at heart", really have anything but. It showed us that the "they're all corrupt" whispers that we've heard all of our lives, are wholeheartedly true.
He showed us that we are aware of who attacked us on 9/11, and that those same people continue to fund the insurgency in Iraq, and these very same people, Saudi Arabia in case you didn't know, have ASKED us to invade Iran!
But Fox News told us Assange is a terrorist.
That he is putting the men and women of our military "in harm's way".
So, it MUST be true!

5,817

That number up there, is the number of American military lives lost in the Afghan and Iraqi theaters as of the time that I submitted this blog entry.
While, according to the Wikileaks cables, the American government knows that Saudi Arabian donators were behind the attacks that kicked this whole party off, 5,817 men and women have died elsewhere.
Why?
I don't know.....do you?
I just know there's no plan to bring them home, and they're still over there dying...as recently as December 5th.

So I ask you.....who put our men and women in harms way more?

1.) A Government that sent them into two wars with people that had no hand in the 9/11 terror attacks? A Government by the way, that was co-piloted by Dick Cheney, a man who's currently at the center of a $180 million dollar bribery scandal, circling around Halliburton, a company that has made billions off of said wars.

or

2.) A man who released "in house" documents that showed everyone the reality of those wars.


The basis of our government being the opinion of the people, the very first object should be to keep that right; and were it left to me to decide whether we should have a government without newspapers, or newspapers without a government, I should not hesitate for a moment to prefer the latter.
~Thomas Jefferson


Thomas Jefferson, in case you didn't know, was one of the Founding Fathers.
He was one of the framers of The Constitution that this Country was built upon.

5,817.

Since Wikileaks released their cables, 12 soldiers have died in Iraq and Afghanistan.
I haven't seen any evidence that Julian Assange was responsible for that....but he's still a wanted man for it.
 
Members of Dynacorp International, a U.S. Security contractor who are training Afghan police, and that draws almost all of it's 2 billion dollar annual contract from taxpayer money, aren't wanted though. Which is strange, considering that according to Wikileaks cables, they are known to be hosting Bacha Bazi parties in Afghanistan.
What's Bacha Bazi, you ask?
It's parties where young boys are bid on by wealthy businessmen for anal sex.
That doesn't seem right, does it?

I know, maybe telling what they did, is actually worse than what they've done!
That must be it, right?
Let's check on that......

Sec. 1.7. Classification Prohibitions and Limitations.
In no case shall information be classified, continue to be maintained as classified, or fail to be declassified in order to:
conceal violations of law, inefficiency, or administrative error;
prevent embarrassment to a person, organization, or agency; restrain competition; or
prevent or delay the release of information that does not require protection in the interest of the national security.

That's from Executive Order 13932, put in place by George W. Bush, on March 25, 2003.

Julian Assange is wanted for releasing information that show violations of law, inefficiency, and administrative error. Information that was embarrassing to people....especially Hillary Clinton....organizations and agencies.

But nevermind all that....Kim Kardashian and Gabriel Aubrey have called it quits!!!! OMG!!!!
No, like I'm TOTALLY serious! It's on the frontpage of Yahoo! right now!
(How else did you think I knew who Gabriel Aubrey was?....Kardashian you can't escape, if you live in America)

Do you think if we all change our Facebook profiles to pics of our favorite things to eat as a kid, Kim and Gabriel will get back together?
I hope so.

In the coming weeks, monitors will be placed in Walmarts, Hotels, and Shopping Malls, that feature messages from Homeland Security. These messages will remind you that "If you see something, say something", and then ask you to report others that you find suspicious to law enforcement.

The question is, what does Homeland Security now deem "suspicious"

Homeland Security recently seized over 70 web domains, without due process, and then recently placed actor Mark Ruffalo on a terror advisory list, for his participation in a documentary about natural gas drilling entitled "Gasland". In fairness, I could completely understand doing this to him for his participation in "Rumor Has It" with Jennifer Aniston, but not for a documentary.

In the 50's, Senator Joe McCarthy went after everyone that he believed to be "Communists". That was the word then...they didn't invent "Terrorists" yet, or something. "McCarthyism" is widely regarded as one of the most embarrassing ideologies in American history....yet here we are....again.
Just replace "Communist" with "Terrorist".

The placement of Mark Ruffalo on a terror advisory list simply because of his participation in a documentary, reminded me of all of The Hollywood Blacklist.
Rather than me explain it to you....just go here.....
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hollywood_blacklist

See how eerily similar it all is?

Eh, what can I say, people....the great America seems to be crumbling down around us, and no one seems to either care or notice, because Snooki has a new boyfriend.
You know, after all the Wikileaks stuff broke, I was reading the comments under an article on a U.K. based website regarding a poll that day that said MSNBC found that 70% of the American people felt that Julian Assange was a terrorist.
One of the posters said something to the effect of.... 

"Look at them! They now can SEE how corrupt their Government is, and they want the head of the man who showed them, instead of those responsible!!"

SHOOT THE MESSENGER!!!!
Fear is a motherfucker, isn't it?
Not as much as complacency though.

I'm gonna leave you with a quote from one of Senator Joe McCarthy's strongest critics, Edward R. Murrow.
Just change out certain words to make it more applicable to current day terminologies and watch how creepy it gets....you'll know the ones, I'm too tired to explain it to you.....besides, Man Vs. Food is on, and I've just completed my Slacktivism for the day!

"His primary achievement has been in confusing the public mind, as between the internal and the external threats of Communism. We must not confuse dissent with disloyalty. We must remember always that accusation is not proof and that conviction depends upon evidence and due process of law. We will not walk in fear, one of another. We will not be driven by fear into an age of unreason, if we dig deep in our history and our doctrine, and remember that we are not descended from fearful men.

We proclaim ourselves, as indeed we are, the defenders of freedom, wherever it continues to exist in the world, but we cannot defend freedom abroad by deserting it at home. The actions of the junior Senator from Wisconsin have caused alarm and dismay amongst our allies abroad, and given considerable comfort to our enemies. And whose fault is that? Not really his. He didn't create this situation of fear; he merely exploited it—and rather successfully"
~Edward R. Murrow

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Taking A Moment To Thank A Genius

This will be lost on you, because undoubtedly, you don't wash your hands after using a restroom, but for those of us who do, I want to extend a long overdue thank you to the Excel company for their magnificent product.

I give you....The Xlerator....


This magical device will have your hands dry in about 10 seconds flat.
I'm pretty sure it has hurricane force winds captured inside it's steel casing, that are released every time the sensor detects a hand is placed below.

Remember the days of old? A machine so weak, that it would have been quicker to pay the guy who just serviced you in the stall to just blow on your hands to dry them?
Those days sucked!

Or that silly "wave your hand under the dispenser and a towel rolls out" thing??
It gives you a sheet so tiny that only a fucking dwarf would be able to dry his little sausage hands with it, but it's pointless anyway, because he can't reach up to wave his hand under it.
I can picture the lil' fella now...jumping as high as he can with his hands flailing about, and then finally still.... looking up at the machine in silence with his sad little face...just wanting a towel, but knowing he can never have one. And then with his head down, slowly walking out of the restroom, as he dries his hands by rubbing them on the sides of his tiny pants.
Those are the moments in life to cherish, people. Don't let them pass you by without taking a minute to appreciate them!

But I digress....
The Xlerator is the greatest thing to ever hit the bathroom stall since the cologne guy. Not that I actually use the cologne guy, because I haven't rocked Drakkar Noir since the 80's....but I just like to know that he's there.
By the way...is there a dollar amount they could pay you, to get you to sit in a Men's restroom all day?
What a terrible way to make a buck.

Now, you may be asking yourself why I didn't discuss the much newer Dyson Air Blade instead of the Xlerator....


It's because I don't enjoy the Air Blade as much as I do the Xlerator.
Sure, it does a fine job of drying the hands, but I don't like the idea of putting my hands into something.
Every time I use the Air Blade, I feel like I'm presenting my hands to a police officer for cuffing, or that the machine is some sort of trap.
Besides, I don't just willingly surrender to "the man".

P.S....I'd like to see a dwarf try to use this one too!!!!

Monday, November 1, 2010

The Rally To Restore Sanity


We keep hearing about "values" and "honor" these days, and how they need to be restored. We hear about what the "Real America" is supposed to be.
The strange part about that is, the people who keep trying to force their belief system of "values", "honor", and "patriotism" down our throats, seem to be missing what America was all about.

The right to be who you want to be, live as you want to live, and to decide for yourself what the three things I mentioned above are, for you.

This past weekend, I joined an estimated crowd of 215,000 people in Washington, D.C., for the "Rally To Restore Sanity" that was held by Comedy Central's Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. The point of this get together was for Americans who feel that politicians have completely driven the train off the tracks, to join forces, and let their voices be heard.

It was for ALL people who share this belief.
I saw Whites, Blacks, Asians, Latinos, Indians, Muslims, Democrats, Republicans, Libertarians, The Green Party, the young and the old, all joined together for one common cause....to say "ENOUGH!".

Enough Paranoia.
Enough Fear.
Enough Lies.
Enough Spin.
Enough Division.
Enough Propaganda.
And Enough of YOUR "values".

When did America become a place where everyone needs to adhere to one specific group's value system?
I thought this was a Democracy?
I thought each man was allowed to forge his own path here, based on his own choices and beliefs?
I think people forget that their values, aren't necessarily someone else's, and that when you try to push your values on someone, you become very non-American.

For those of you on the Right, that feel that this rally was an attack on you, sorry.
But when you align yourselves with the Tea Party of Sarah Palin and Glenn Beck, you kind of put yourselves in that position.
For everyone who sees how crazy a lot of the fear mongering they offer is, I can only say this....
The elections tomorrow may not prove us right....but I believe history will.
I think this particular time in our existence as America, will be looked back on as a huge black eye for America. I believe this place in time for America, will be this generation's "McCarthy Era", but I hope it doesn't eventually contain events that overshadow it.

But now I want to tell you a simple story about how exactly what the rally was fighting against, is still alive and well, this very day!

At the end of the rally, as we were heading back to my car, my son asked me...
 "Do you think that the people in their costumes, and the Pro Prop 19 guys will hurt the way that people view the rally?"

I responded by saying that anyone who thinks those people hurt the point of the rally, didn't get the point of the rally in the first place, and that outlets like Fox News weren't going to tell the truth about what went on here today anyway.

He then said "Well, they can't lie about it, because there were cameras, and too many people who know what really happened."

I said "Oh, you'd be surprised what people will do to further their cause." 

This morning, my son called me. He had seen the "Fox and Friends" spin on The Rally To Restore Honor, and he was livid.
He said that he couldn't believe the flat out lies they told....including how the rally was all pro Obama and the liberal agenda, and reports of people trying to overturn and light the Fox News van on fire.

You see, we were near the Fox News van...and no one EVER bothered it...yelled at it....spit at it...nothing.
The only thing I heard, was people saying "Wow, I can't believe they actually are going to cover this...I wonder how they'll spin it." 

Well, my son doesn't have to wonder that now, because he WATCHED Fox News blatantly lie about what was happening there. 
He knows now that they in fact, distort reality for their own agenda.

My son was especially irritated with the female host of Fox and Friends, Gretchen Carlson, because of the way she tried to belittle Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert for not being "real newsmen" and laughing at the people who didn't understand that.
He said "When did they ever claim they were anything but comedians...and who there didn't realize that?" 
I told my son that he would have to forgive her....she was probably just a little upset that, while they are not real newsmen, she is....and yet I guarantee that more people know who they are than who she is, and that their respective shows probably have more viewers in one episode, than Fox and Friends has all month.
That fact is probably irritating her a little bit.

So what did Fox News accomplish with all of this?
It discredited itself on a personal level, to a 12 year old boy, who was a first hand witness to their lies.

So for him, the rally means more today, than it did Saturday.

Well played, Fox News!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

How Do You Type Out The Close Encounters Theme?


So if you've been paying attention, you have noticed an insane amount of UFO sightings lately.
Starting specifically on October 13, 2010 in the day lit skies of Manhattan.

But here's what you may not know.
In his book, "Challenges Of Change" retired NORAD officer Stanley Fulham, who claims to be in contact with extra terrestrials, stated that they would begin revealing themselves to us on....you guessed it....October 13, 2010.

And if you take the number 10, 13, and 2010 do you know what that signifies???
Huh?
No, I'm asking you....I have no idea, but isn't that what people always do in these situations?
Look, I'm just as new to this as you are, you don't need to get all uppity on me!!!
Whatever.

Now let's look at this....the Vatican recently held meetings regarding how they would deal with the revelation of extra terrestrial life. That would kinda mess things up for them a little bit, you know.
Then back in September, there was all kinds of buzz about The United Nations appointing an "Alien Ambassador", for the day that we make first contact.

Then in October....the sightings begin en masse.
Strange, no?

Let start at the beginning....Manhattan....



Ok, weird, but no big deal in and of itself, right?

What about 2 days later in El Paso, TX.....



Then 2 more days later on the 17th in Richmond, VA....



Italy....



Phoenix the originator of lights in the sky...but this time...in the daylight.



And North London....



Then on October 21st, there was this from Washington D.C.
Notice that the helicopters observe, but nothing is done to the craft. Strange in a post 9/11 America, no?



The following night in Cincinnati, OH....



Oh now, you're thinking we were left out of all the fun again, weren't you my fellow Delawareans?
You were thinking that the only aliens we have are Christine O'Donnell and Glen Urquhart, right?
Well you're WRONG!!!

October 22, 2010: Route 7 and 41.......



I think they sent the most to us, because they saw Christine O'Donnell's "I am not a witch" spots, and realized we either really need some help, or some good old fashioned killin'.
Are you happy now, Christine???? Your dumb has made the aliens come out!!!!

And the list goes on and on....Bath, Maine....Scotland....Argentina....Moscow.
And let's not forget China having to shut down it's airports because this gem has appeared EIGHT times since June.



All I know is, if this is all fake, it's the biggest global conspiracy we have ever seen, and I tip my hat to the crew behind it. Well, figuratively that is....I don't actually own a hat.

If it's legit square biz....just kill us quick. That whole slave thing seems like a really shitty idea.
At the very least....you'll definitely end religion, and that works for me, because I REALLY get tired of arguing with grown ass people about Noah and his Magical Ark.