My Man Tom Sepa Makes The Big Time!

I've known Tom for a few years now, and I've always dug talking to the guy...our conversations have covered everything from current events, to stories of the time he did acid in Valley Forge National Park, to him breaking out his guitar and going in to song.

Well now the San Francisco Chronicle has done a story on Tom's ever changing life.
Click the link below

"Park Nomad, laptop in tow, calls bushes home"

Make It Stop!!!!!

When Al Roker is the coolest looking dude in your "Rockband", your whitebread levels are WAY too high.

The "McCain is a Poopie-Head" Series: The Mystery of Petraeus' Unarmed Humvee

Fuck! I just soiled my Depends®

I admit, I love watching McCain getting owned. And it happens a lot! This is one of my favorite clips of McCain looking like a hot-headed wack-job.

During the first part of this clip, McCain berates CNN reporter Wolf Blitzer for questioning McCain's claim that some neighborhoods in Baghdad are safe. The second half of this clip is of CNN reporter Michael Ware (who has been in Iraq for four years) knocking McCain out with a one-two punch. Hilarity ensues.



P.S. If you haven't yet, be sure to register to vote! For most states, the deadline to register to vote in the November election is in October.

Shocking News!!! President Bush Does the Right Thing!

"Well I suppose instead of lethal injection, I could just send him to Iraq", Dubya flatulently thinks to himself.

In a surprising display of a coherent and logical thought process, George "Dubya" refused to overturn the death sentence of a convicted rapist/murderer/army cook Ronald A. Gray.

"While approving a sentence of death for a member of our armed services is a serious and difficult decision for a commander in chief, the president believes the facts of this case leave no doubt that the sentence is just and warranted," Bush's press secretary Dana Perino told the Associated Press.

Sadly, Bush still can't pronounce the word "nuclear".

Corey vs Corey

Working as a team, Corey Feldman makes a cock-jerking motion with his fist, while Corey Haim pretends to suck. "We always know what the other one is thinking", the Coreys proclaim in unison.

When it comes to the two Coreys... Feldman and Haim, who do you think is the craziest? I know, I know... you people think that Corey Haim is the crazy one. I disagree.

My vote for "Craziest Corey" goes to Feldman. My argument is this... If you’ve watched the reality show "The Two Coreys", then you’ve seen that Haim knows he has issues. He talks about some of his shortcomings, and deliberately does his best to hide his other shortcomings (crack, coke, whatever else) because he’s sane enough to know that drugs are something he should hide if he wants to continue working as an actor. And besides, I have a soft-spot for "Lucas", okay? Sue me.

Feldman, on the other hand, is a self-riotous, preachy vegan who not only seems to think he is superior for supporting PETA and not wearing leather... but he actually thinks he can sing. Can you say, " Delusions of grandeur"?

You be the judge...

HAIM GIVES GREAT INTERVIEW!!! Watch this E! Interview... 36 seconds in.

Now here’s Feldman... singing. Watch at 1:25 in... Feldman does his best Michael Jackson imitation while his wife Susie Sprague cries from humiliation..

I think I’ve made my point here.

Cows Are Pelican Wannabes And Bastards!!!

I can deal with a pigeon...but a little peeping chickie?
YOU SONOFABITCH!!!

Pelicans Are Evil

Not that I enjoy pigeons, but am I the only one who has a very hard time watching this?
I mean, it's seriously hard to swallow....OH SNAP...WOCKA WOCKA WOCKA!!!!!

What is it exactly? You know that moment when a band just loses it?
Here's the thing about Metallica and the Load/Reload years...they weren't *awful* albums. They weren't.
They were just awful *Metallica* albums. Because Metallica was metal...the F'N KINGS of metal. Just ten years prior to the release of Load/Reload, they were just lighting the Metal World on fire. It wasn't just a band, it was a movement in music.
But that changed with The Black Album...then worsened with Load/Reload...and St. Anger...what do you really say about St. Anger?
Well, some people say a lot....but your ole' pal Joe isn't going to. You know why?
Well, for one, I said all I had to say when I altered the cover back then, titled it St. Wanker, and it made it's rounds on music sites all over the net.
But mostly because I saw the documentary "Some Kind Of Monster" (no, it wasn't a mockumentary like Spinal Tap...it just felt like one).
Anyone who saw this film HAS to know what an absolutely F'D up place this band was in at the time. I don't just mean because of rehab...I mean because of ego and a bad case of the Hollywoods.
But you know what I'd be willing to bet? I'd be willing to bet that after the backlash following that disc's release, Metallica was knocked down a WHOLE lotta pegs. Even if they don't pay attention to what the fans say, I'll bet it was hard to not notice that St. Anger was the worst selling disc of their career.

So...I forgive you for that Metallica. We all get a little carried away with ourselves every once in a while. Hell, I sit here writing this blog as if ANYONE cares what I have to say about ANYTHING.
See what I mean?

So on to the upcoming "Death Magnetic". Did you hear the lyric in the video above "Suicide, I've already died!"? That lyric right there ends it for me. I know that sounds absurd, but that moment is all too familiar for me. I've had it happen with many bands over the years. It's the moment where they just...lose it.
That thing...that vibe that made them cool...it just goes away with a shitty lyric.
The first time it happened to me was September 24, 1990. On this day, two of my favorite bands of the time released new discs. Megadeth's "Rust In Peace" and Iron Maiden's "No Prayer For The Dying" were in my hands during my lunch hour. I popped Maiden's tape...yes I said TAPE...into my car's TAPE player and I was off. The first song was entitled "Tailgunner"...I immediately felt like something was wrong.
Then came the chorus...
"Climb into the sky never wonder why - tailgunner
You're a tailgunner"
SCREEEEEEEEEEECCCCCHHHHHHHHH! went the brakes.
The "metal" had died.
The rest of the disc was as much of a disappointment as that lyric.

But everything has it's time...for people to really expect a group of men nearing 50 to light the world on fire in a genre of music that's historically been defined by youth, is simply ridiculous.

"Suicide, I've already died"
Indeed.

Vincent Bugliosi wants Dub Bush tried for murder!!

This is some interesting shit, and I've always admired Bugliosi for his honesty and intelligence. He has a very "common sense" approach to things, but when he can apply actual law to his position (which is often) it always makes for a great listen.

"Ms. Monroe...Your Closeup!"

Think I'm lying?
Stand about 15 ft. back from your screen and look at this pic again.



See, now don't you feel ashamed of your self?

Astronaut Edgar Mitchell Says They're Real!

From FoxNews:

Former NASA astronaut and moon-walker Dr. Edgar Mitchell — a veteran of the Apollo 14 mission — claims aliens exist.

He says extraterrestrials have visited Earth on several occasions — but the alien contact has been repeatedly covered up by governments for six decades.

Mitchell, 77, said during a radio interview in Birmingham, England, that sources at NASA who had had contact with aliens described the beings as "little people who look strange to us."

He said supposedly real-life ET's were similar to the traditional image of a "small gray" — short, slight frame, large eyes and large head.

Mitchell also claimed human technology is "not nearly as sophisticated" as the aliens' and "had they been hostile," he warned "we would be been gone by now."

Hey Hey Hey, I'm Fat Albert, Neighborhood Snitch.

If you grew up in the 70's and 80's, you watched Fat Albert.
Don't even bother debating me about this...you did.

Fat Albert was a staple of my childhood, and it seemed to run forever. Other cartoons would come and go, but Fat Albert was always there somehow.
As I got older, I of course abandoned Fat Albert, but when the Greatest Hits was released on DVD, I had to grab it out of uncontrollable nostalgic reaction.

I sat with my kids over several weeks and we went through all of the episodes on this boxset. My kids in this day and age, found Fat Albert to be as captivating as I did back then.

But I noticed something that I hadn't really paid attention to as a youth. Something that kind of made me see the character of Albert a different way.
Albert was a snitch.

Seriously, that's ALL he did. Every episode centered around Albert disapproving of someone else's behavior, and then telling on them.
He told their parents, he told police, he told the teacher Ms. Wooker, he told Mudfoot the homeless guy...if they would listen, he would tell.

Now, I understand that Albert and crew were supposed to be teaching you a decent value system, but seriously, WHO would hang out with this guy?

Dumb Donald: "Say Rudy, let's cut school and go to the movies"
Rudy: "Can't now stupid...you said that in front of Albert!"

Russell: "Hey guys, my parents are away why don't we all hang at my place and invite some girls over."
Albert: "Hey Hey Hey, it's not cool to have girls over when your parents are away!"

You see what I mean?
Would you hang with this guy when you were a teenager?

I'd actually like to see an updated version of Fat Albert that went the same way but in a more realistic Northeast Philadelphia.

Rudy: "Hey ya'll...I just downloaded The Dark Knight off the internet...let's watch it!!"
Albert: "Hey Hey Hey, I'm gonna tell the MPAA!!"
Weird Harold:"Snitches get stiches, bitch!!! Beat that motherf**ker down, yo!!!"

Or maybe a scene like this:

Rudy: "Yo, check it...I got some weed we can smoke!"
Albert: "Drugs are bad news, Rudy....I'm tellin' the police!!!"
Rudy: "BLAM!...BLAM!....BLAM!.....now you ain't tellin NOBODY shit, Albert!!"

See, now that would be realistic...and funny!
The more I think about it, the more I like it....a show where every week, Albert tries to tell on somebody and gets gunned down in the street by his own crew.
That's comedy.

So in short, we've learned that ultimately, all Fat Albert taught us was how to have EVERYONE hate you, and NEVER get invited to do cool shit.

Those Wacky Neighbors...

I just shot this photo of a neighbor's house. Just wanted to share.

Roger Hall 1919 - 2008

I usually don't get serious here, but just for now I'm going to.
I met Roger Hall through my "real life" occupation in 2005. I remember walking in to his home and the first words that he said to me were "Those are some really fancy shoes you got on there!" I didn't know how to take the statement because sometimes when I encounter men of Mr. Hall's age, they aren't always of full mental faculty.
This however, was not the case with Roger Hall.

Mr. Hall had a wit about him that you rarely run in to in life...not just in men his age, but in people in general. He always had some hilarious take on something you were discussing or a fantastic anecdote to share. And when you read the details of his life below, you'll understand why.

I'll leave you with his obituary from The Wilmington News Journal that details a life truly lived, and words that you won't often hear from me....it was TRULY a pleasure to have known this man.

WWII spy, novelist Roger Hall dies

WILMINGTON -- Writer and former OSS agent Roger Hall, who penned the spy classic "You're Stepping on My Cloak and Dagger" more than a half-century ago about his exploits as a World War II spy, died from congestive heart failure in his Brandywine Hundred home Sunday afternoon. He was 89.

"I hope God has a sense of humor, because if he doesn't, I'm in a lot of trouble," he told his wife of 35 years, Linda Texter Hall, just a few days before he died.

"He was a good agent with a great sense of humor," recalled Elizabeth McIntosh, author of "Sisterhood of Spies," and who served with the OSS in Shanghai during the war.

Hall, who grew up in Annapolis, Md., where his father, a Naval officer, was stationed, was recruited soon after World War II began by the United States' Office of Strategic Services, the World War II intelligence agency that was dissolved after the war and then became the Central Intelligence Agency in 1947.

As a member of the OSS, Hall trained in Washington, D.C., and in England, parachuted behind enemy lines in Europe, and, with his friend William Colby, future CIA director, accepted the surrender of 10,000 German troops in Norway in 1945.

Hall had knee replacement surgery in March. While undergoing physical therapy in April, he felt exhausted, and woke up the following morning with chills. Doctors found he had pneumonia and later found numerous blockages in his heart.

They decided not to perform a bypass because of his age, the high number of blockages and his wish to go home.

He returned home from the hospital only last Tuesday, however, because of the many infections he contracted in the hospital.

"He was one of kind," said Dan Pinck, who served with Hall in the OSS during World War II. "A very strong-minded person, he wrote as he saw it, and no one ever told him otherwise. Beneath his humor was a lot of seriousness."

Hall left the agency because, he said, it had "become too bureaucratic."

Eleven publishers rejected "You're Stepping on My Cloak and Dagger," now recognized as a classic of its kind, before it was published in 1957. It was republished in 2004 by the Naval Institute Press. Hall was the subject of a profile in The News Journal in January 2007, on the book's 50th anniversary.

"Roger Hall epitomized the finest OSS traditions established by General [Bill] Donovan [founder of the OSS]," said OSS Society President Charles Pinck, Dan's son.

"Known for his quick wit and levity, we should not forget that he volunteered for one of World War II's most dangerous missions in which he parachuted behind enemy lines in Europe to fight the Nazis and was selected by Major William Colby, who would later become head of the CIA, to head one-half of the Norway Special Operations Group (NORSO). I think General Donovan must have had Roger in mind when he said that he 'would rather have a young lieutenant with enough guts to disobey a direct order than a colonel too regimented to think and act for himself.' Roger had more than enough guts."

After the war, Hall published stories and articles in many publications, including The New Yorker and The New York Times, and published three books, including a spy novel and a novel about high-fashion models. He also was cartoon editor at True magazine in the early 1970s.

A bachelor most of his life, he met his wife at a writers conference in 1968. They married in 1973 and moved to Delaware in 1986.

During his final hours, he repeatedly asked to go home, Texter Hall said.

"One time, he harked back to his days in the OSS," she said. " 'The plane is here and I can't find my parachute,' he said. I told him it was all packed and on the plane. All your men are there on the ground waiting for you, and you're over the drop zone. They're waiting for you. Find your parachute and you'll be perfectly safe."

Services are pending.

Movie Spew: The Dark Knight

I take back what I said about Hollywood the other day in my review of The Lost Boys: The Tribe.
It's not all of you Hollywood, it's just some of you. Just like in other occupations, I guess there are people who skate by doing the least possible, and then there are those who light their particular field on fire. Those who take something and make it so memorable that they set the standard for everyone else around them.

That's what The Dark Knight embodies.

Just like in my review of The Lost Boys 2, I'm not quite sure where to begin...but for a very different reason this time. This film was pure enjoyment from beginning to end, and even after it's over it resonates with you. It's hard to shake it's imagery and it's dialogue.

One of the first things that come to mind for me looking back over this film's promotion...one of the most stark realizations...is what an injustice the film's trailer does in terms of conveying the true tone of the film. Especially when it comes to Heather Ledger's brilliant performance. But in all honesty, I wouldn't have preferred it any other way. To have given more of what he does to the audience in the trailer would have been to rob them of the enjoyment of his performance on screen. I'm sure you've already seen it said elsewhere, but Ledger forever owns this character now. If a young life had to end the way Ledger's did, I can't imagine a more glorious final note to end on.
But we'll get back to Ledger in a bit.

The thing I love most about Christopher Nolan's conveyance of the Batman character is the believability he lends to the story. He makes the idea of a billionaire being a vigilante actually seem not only plausible, but do-able. The gadgetry is explained in a completely realistic way so that your suspension of disbelief is really at a minimum. Christian Bale conveys a man who is in a true struggle with his desire to live a normal life and his belief that his work as Batman must be done. He sends the message of an unhappy individual and that's one of the main points of detail that separates Batman from other films in the genre. Thus allowing you to sink in to his film in a way that you would a crime drama, rather than a Summer "superhero" movie.

What really set this Nolan film apart from his first effort "Batman Begins" was the sub-stories.
It wasn't just the story of Bruce Wayne's struggle with his alter ego this time, but several stories. Aaron Eckhart as Harvey Dent, Maggie Gyllenhall as Rachael Dawes, and Gary Oldman as Lt. Jim Gordon were all integral parts of this tale.

However, as great of a job that all of the above names did in their respective roles, all were, and will always be, overshadowed by Heath Ledger.
Ledger's performance was something that simply defines an actor.
He owned this film every time he appeared on the screen, and when he wasn't there, you were awaiting his next appearance. If I were pressed to site a comparable example, I'd liken his on screen charisma to Val Kilmer's portrayal of Doc Holliday in 1993's "Tombstone", only with a far superior film surrounding it.

Ledger TRULY conveys the psychosis of The Joker in that he's doing these terrible things, but he's being completely...well...clowny as he's going about them. You find your self laughing at the way he kills people which in normal circumstances would be very disturbing. The mental imagery of the videos he forces his victims to make before their death which is very reminiscent of things we've unfortunately come to know as all too real from outlets such as Al-Jazerra, set the tone of this man in a way that no other "comic book" villain has been portrayed before. Then, that tone is counterbalanced by a dementedly funny line or facial gesture that leaves you fascinated with the character. And it's the little nuances like the constant licking of his lips that Ledger lends to the character that really allows you to forget that you're watching Heath Ledger, and BELIEVE that you're watching the Joker.

On a personal note, wherever you are Heath Ledger, THANK YOU for finally helping me in my argument that Jack Nicholson's portrayal of The Joker was campy nonsense, and ultimately proving my position that Jack is NOT a good actor, but only portrays himself in everything he does...but maybe we'll go in to that more another day.

In closing, I can't recommend this movie enough. Not just for comic book fans, not just for Batman fans, but for all movie going audiences. This is simply something that doesn't come around much these days...a movie that gives you all it possibly can for the price of your admission. It delivers in every conceivable way.
If I had one problem with it, it would be this....I can't imagine how it can ever top itself now. I can't see the next outing from Nolan and company setting the benchmark higher.

I of course, hope I'm wrong however.

Do you believe in magic?

I didn't...until now. Thanks to Mr. Pregnant for making me a believer!



Good luck getting this song out of your head.

If I had one of these animatronic dinosaurs...

I would scare the SHIT out of people coming out of church.
As they ran screaming I would yell "WHERE'S YOUR SAVIOR NOW, HUH? WHERE'S YOUR SAVIOR NOW?!?!?!?
Then God would probably smite me.

Movie Spew: The Lost Boys "The Tribe"

You know what? I give up.
Seriously, I'm not even going to expect people to try anymore...why should they?
There is absolutely no incentive for Hollywood to put out anything decent....the money still flows like water, and even if your film is a complete pile of dog shit, the studios will STILL greenlight a sequel.

I, in all honesty, have no idea where to begin. How do you truly do justice when describing something so incredibly terrible?

The biggest question that comes to mind here is, why did you wait 21 years to drop a sequel, if you were going to just slop together this dogshit? This could have been put out when "straight to video" was kicking ass at the local Blockbuster. Why treat the film with the kind of regard that Warner Studios had, only to turn around and shit all over it now?

First, let's get the highlights out of the way

1.) Angus Sutherland as Shane

2.) Aiden's re-do of Cry Little Sister. (I still dig the Carfax Abbey remake, but this also had some elements that were solid. I think the Carfax vocals, with the arrangement from Aiden would be KILLER, but alas...not a perfect world and all...)

Now for the rest of this shitpile...

SPOILERS AHOY!!!! PROCEED YE NO FURTHER!!!!

Ok let's make this quick...
A brother and sister lose their parents in a car accident.
They move to a coastal California town that I can't for certain say is Santa Clara because there is no familiar locales.
They meet a ultra hip vampire gang.
Vampire leader wants to give sis a toolin'.
Slips her a flask with the dreaded "head vampire blood" in it.
She's now part-time like Michael in the original because being a Hollywood writer is easy.
Brother is heated, no doubt because of some latent incestous feelings and because he wasn't invited to play in the reindeer games. Jealous little asshat.
Brother seeks the help of dum DAH DAAAAAHHHH "The Frog Brothers"!!!!
BUT, only Edgar is doin' the vampire fightin' these days, because it seems ole Alan has since gotten a case of the vampires. NOW, this would lead the logical mind to think that the story will culminate in a battle between Edgar and Alan since, oh I don't know, Jamison Newlander is credited as playing "Alan Frog" in the film, and he's acknowledged several times in the film as being part of the vampirical bad guys now.
You would THINK that, right?

Oh but you would be wrong.

Not only is there no epic showdown, but Newlander never appears in the film, unless it happened when I blinked.
I'm not even gonna comment on that further, I'll just leave it with you.

NOW, you know who else is credited in the movie?
Corey Haim returning as "Sam Emerson" and the "new kids" are also of the surname Emerson! Haim's connection to the new story...that would be cool, right? I mean, it's a sequel and all, and you can't just base the entire connection to the first film on Corey Feldman and his Edgar Frog character, right?
Well, you'd be PARTIALLY right.
You see my droogies....Corey Haim does in fact appear in this film.
But in a decision that is surely a copy-cat move from this summer's Iron Man and The Incredible Hulk, you will only see Haim AFTER the movie is over.
Yes, you would be correct to say "The Lost Boys 3" is what Warner Bros. clearly has in mind.
In the brief moment that Haim is actually delivering dialogue, you get what you came for. You get the follow-up story to one of your favorite 80's teen movies. But you had to sit through almost 2 hours of utter garbage to enjoy it.....should I do this?.....oh screw it....Corey Haim is a VAMPIRE!
That's right....Sam is now one of "them"
And just as Edgar and Sam lunge at each other, they kick you square in the nuts and roll credits.

I say to you people in all the honesty that I can muster, *I* could have written a better sequel to this movie. I could have even taken what they gave us here storyline wise, and made something much more sincere out of it, and a writer I am not. This movie contained none of the magic of the original. It was goofy, disjointed, silly, and went a lot further with the gore than the first did. Not that I care about gory shit, but shouldn't they be in keeping with the original tone if they're going to make the sequel? What I mean in short is, I let my son who's 10 watch The Lost Boys....but I would never let him watch this.

Now, I've heard that a lot of this film had to be shot and re-shot because Haim was fucking shit up and smoking crack on the set and all, but if I was Haim, I may have been smoking crack too....no fuck it, I WOULD have...I would have smoked crack, shot up heroin...hell, I would have shot up my crack rocks WITH heroin so that IT was high when I smoked it in my crack pipe that I previously coated in LSD.
This script...this movie, was terrible....and I think they're trying to blame it on Haim and the trouble he caused.
But if Haim IS the reason that we were robbed of a decent...not great....but DECENT sequel to The Lost Boys, then why would you set it up for a 3rd WITH him?

Remember that song "It's All About The Benjamins"?
Die Hollywood.

The Punk-Rock Mobsters

Other working titles for this blog…

“Hanging With Henry Hill”
“I Am the Chauncey Gardener of Radio”
“Just a Few of Many Reasons Why I Am Infinitely Cooler Than Joe”

L-R: Henry, Lisa, Lowell, and George. After this photo was taken, they all broke out into a rendition of the Minutemen song "There Ain't Shit on T.V. Tonight".

Last weekend I was at a dinner party at Henry Hill (You remember Henry Hill… character from the movie “Goodfellas”, right? Of course you do) and his fiancée Lisa More’s house in the LA area. Also at the party were legendary punk rockers Jack Grisham from the band T.S.O.L. and George Hurley from the band Minutemen. I’ve been pimping out some of the pictures on Myspace to promote my wicked cool site ZZZlist.com (Henry, Jack, and George are featured there – click on the “celebs” tab), and people have been asking me how this odd group got together and how the evening turned out. Read on and I’ll tell you everything!

A few months ago after I interviewed Jack Grisham for my awesome site (I may have mentioned it earlier… ZZZlist.com) and the conversation turned to Henry Hill. It turned out that Jack and Henry’s fiancée Lisa have mutual friends. So later when I interviewed Henry and Lisa for Reverend Bob Levy’s Miserable Men website (“Miserable Men” is Levy’s show on one of radio jock Howard Stern’s Sirius Satellite Radio channels) , I mentioned Jack to Lisa, and we set the date to get together. Lisa said that Henry would cook because, just like in the movie “Goodfellas”, Henry really does love to cook! (Watch for Henry’s organic “Sunday Gravy” in stores soon!)

Jack was driving from Huntington Beach, and I was coming from the San Pedro area, so we drove separately. My entourage consisted of Lowell Niles (an engineer/filmmaker from San Diego) and George Hurley (Drummer for the bands Minutemen and fIREHOSE), both relatives of mine. In case you didn’t guess, that’s where George fits in.

George, Lowell, and I got to the house first. We got to the door and the house was open and we could hear music in the living room. We were knocking and no one came to the door so I called the house and we could hear the phone ringing. We started to get nervous and were thinking things like “What if we were walking in on some crazy mob shit?” and “Good thing we brought the camera”. After a few minutes, Lisa’s good friend Michele came and hung out with us. She told us that Lisa and Henry were making a quick run to the store. We were relieved that no one was hurt.

A few minutes later, Henry and Lisa returned followed by Henry’s brother Joe. Soon Jack and his adult daughter Anastasia checked in. Finally, local celebrity Mickey Bush arrived. Everyone seemed to hit it off. I’d tell you about some of the conversations but I like to respect people’s privacy so I’ll tell you about the food instead!

Dinner was a garden salad tossed with a tangy Italian dressing, followed by penne pasta and Italian sausage covered in Henry’s signature Sunday Gravy and accompanied by garlic bread. Dessert was fresh cut watermelon and a variety of pastries that Lowell brought from a Japanese bakery in San Diego. This message brought to you by Henry Hill’s Sunday Gravy.

After dinner, Henry was committed to spend an hour live on a radio show, so I ended up interviewing him on air in the studio that Nate Caserta set up in his house. Henry gets ants in his pants and can't sit still, so when he took a break I interviewed Anastasia and George. Jack came in later and I took a break but I think that George and Lowell interviewed Jack. Henry spent the evening answering live questions, and the audience loved him. Eventually Lisa came in and did a wrap-up.

A few notable items:

- For awhile there were actually helicopters flying around overhead. Henry looked nervous, but it turned out that they live near an LA County Aerial Firefighting Fleet station. Luckily no one was arrested.
- Mickey Bush was hilarious. At one point he said, “Tonight I feel like a teenager. I don’t think I could get one, but I feel like one”. Say it aloud with a British accent and you’ll understand why I cracked the fuck up. Think Austin Powers.
- Lowell and Lisa really hit it off, and promised to get together and make a movie. It was a true Hollywood moment.
- It’s weird but I’ve been on the radio a lot lately… sometimes live, other times recorded audio of my interviews. I feel like Forrest Gump sometimes when it comes to radio shows… the opportunities just fall in my lap.
- We got to see a lot of Henry’s artwork… I love his paintings! Check them out at his eBay store.

Here are some photos from the evening:

Meet Boogie, our host.

As you can see, Jack Grisham is about 8’ taller than Henry Hill.

Henry and Joe: No pictures or you’ll disappear forever. Capish?

One dog goes one way, the other dog goes the other way, and this guy's sayin', "Whadda ya want from me?'

Fuggetaboutit!

Lowell and Boogie. It wasn’t supposed to be “that” kind of party, but there actually was a love connection.

The infamous Mickey Bush – he lives like a rock star but without the booze, drugs, or groupies. And instead of a Lamborghini, he drives a scooter.

Henry and the lovely Lisa. I seriously love these people!

Henry's Italian heritage forbids him from buttoning the top two buttons.

George and Jack: Super punk powers, ACTIVATE!

Nate Caserta… sound engineer, producer, beat-dropper

Then it was off to Vegas. We stayed at the Green Valley Ranch… food, stretch limo, hotel, booze… everything comped. And I dropped $2,000.00 in the casino and broke even. Life is good!

Dullaware: Going to Mojo 13 Tomorrow Night Could Get You Tickets To Wilco!

Tomorrow night (Saturday July 19th), Von Hayes will be playing Mojo 13 along with The Tressels and The Creeping Weeds. But there's more to the story....for every $6 admission in to the show you'll get a chance to win a pair of tickets to see Wilco at The Grand in Wilmington.
How's that for cool?

Besides, you'll get to hang out in the ultra hip Mojo 13, instead of standing around in some bar that has a band covering Sugar Ray or some awful shit like that. Nothing as cool as watching middle-aged drunk women singing along with "IIIIIIII just wanna fly...put your arms around me baby...", right?

The address is up above in the fancy logo.
The number is here: 302-798-5798
Now leave that silly Hootie And The Blowfish cover band at that lame ass bar you're used to and get over to Mojo 13.
Hell at the very least, if you win the Wilco tickets, you can get $300 for them a piece on Ebay.
Then you could upgrade your stereo in the ole PT Cruiser and really show the world how you live on the edge when you're blaring some Spin Doctors Greatest Hits!!

Pay Attention America!

Oh don't sit there acting shocked. I put up with a lot of nonsense from you, but being disingenuous is where I draw the line!

See, this type of stuff is what you've mentality embraced for years now. You're simply looking at a Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie without the hotel chain and multi-platinum Dad with the baddest ass afro of all time, trust funds to cushion their idiocy.

Let me tell you how the rest of this plays out. Stephanie Woods...the blonde, will end up on the talk circuit and in Penthouse or something with a six figure deal, and then in a couple more years, there'll be two more dopey chicks doing something similar because "if Stephanie can get rich this way, so can I!!!!"

Sing it with me America "♫ It's the circle of life...and it moves us all ♫".

Sadly, this kind of stuff IS the circle of life here in America, and it will continue until we all stop making celebrities out of these types.

In the words of the honorable prophet Smokey The Bear "Only YOU can prevent forest fires."
Well....yeah...I know it's not exactly the same thing, but it kinda has a connection.

The Dixon.Com Radio Show

Listen up, assclowns!
Our pals Captain Obvious and his crew return to the airwaves tonight July 18th from 5-7pm on 1520 AM in West Chester, PA. There's always interesting discussion going on with The Dixon.Com Radio Show, and tonight I'm told they'll be discussing memories of The Philadelphia Spectrum.
What kind of Philly area resident would you be if you didn't participate in that?
So tune in....the Tivo isn't going to delete One Tree Hill before you watch it, you sissymary...it'll wait until after the show.

Oh, and see, I was so busy taking shots at your taste in television programming that I forgot to add that if you DON'T live within range to tune in on your radio, and let's face it...with an AM signal they may be better off driving around in a van and yelling the show out of the window at passers by....then you can tune in on the intercyberwebernets here:
The Dixon.Com Radio Show

See how I take care of you?

Welcome To Dullaware

This won't apply for everyone, just my fellow Delawareans.
I decided that there's enough wacky shit going on in this State, that I'll pay tribute to it from time to time in comic form.
For those who have no idea what the above artwork means, our County here (New Castle) have taken it upon themselves to "correct" a section of straight road here (Ebright Rd.) by adding a bump out median and stop signs. The design is truly the most idiotic things I have ever seen, other than those fucking circles that they have in New Jersey.
This was apparently done to make the road safer.
Yes, an obstacle course appearing out of nowhere, for no apparent reason, makes things better in the infinite wisdom of New Castle County.
Wouldn't the stop signs have sufficed?
Oh, but then tax payers couldn't have been bilked for the road re-construction...sorry that slipped my mind for a moment.

You know what will be even cooler?
When the tax payer pays AGAIN, after the County is forced to finally recognize how bad of an idea this was and puts it back the way it was.

But then again, this amazing new road architecture is right in front of a neighborhood where the County allowed a porno shop owner to purchase a home that would be used to house mental patients from Delaware State Hospital (all done with a no bid contract, from what I've been told) while claiming to the neighborhood residents that it was going to be used for a man and his elderly mother.

Down with whitey!!

What would Mr. Furley think?

I think he would say the same thing I'm saying...IT'S UNDERWEAR YOU TOOLSHEDS!

What am I talking about?

This video is making the rounds now on the net...people are claiming that Suzanne Summers accidentally flashes her umm...well, you know, while lifting her dress during a demonstration.

http://view.break.com/536871 - Watch more free videos

First, who can tell WHAT'S going on there?
Secondly, wasn't Three's Company an AWFUL fucking show?
Week after week...there's a misunderstanding...then Mr. Furley is afraid Jack is gonna try to blow him...then they all realize there was a misunderstanding, and Larry wasn't really raping goats in his apartment, but investing in a goat cheese company.
OH YOU GUYS!!!!

Rinse. Repeat.

Goodbye Old Friend

The Philadelphia Spectrum is going to be torn down after the 2008-2009 hockey and soccer season. For 42 years, The Spectrum served up national music acts and sports teams to Philadelphia and the surrounding region.

My first memories of The Spectrum were as a very young child. My mother took me to see the Ice Capades featuring Hanna Barbera's cast of characters. I remember being VERY excited to see Hong Kong Phooey hit the ice because he was my favorite HB character at the time. Now not so much.....he's poorly drawn and other than the Scatman Cruthers voice...not very notable.

Oh, and The Ringling Bros. Barnum & Bailey Circus...can't forget that! I saw this several times in my young years in that building.

In 1986, I went to my first concert at The Spectrum....Iron Maiden "Somewhere On Tour".
If you didn't see Maiden in the 80's, I feel bad for you. But I did...at the Philadelphia Spectrum.
Now that I think about it, if you weren't a metal fan in the 80's I feel bad for you...that was an AMAZING scene at the time. But that's for another day, I guess.
In the years that followed, I saw Metallica, Slayer, Suicidal Tendancies, Testament, Megadeth, Anthrax, Alice In Chains, Judas Priest, Yngwie Malmsteen, Ace Frehley, The Cult, Queensryche, and most recently The Cure play in that building.
Hmm....I think we need to go over that list again, and sing the Sesame Street song "One of these things is not like the other" to see if we can figure out which one it is.

And no, I never saw sports at there, so I don't have a "I was there when so and so made the winning shot" story. I just don't care about that kind of shit....never did. In fact, I'd probably STILL be more excited to see Hong Kong Phooey ice skating than to watch guys running up and down a basketball court.

In recent years the shift has moved away from The Spectrum to the newer Wachovia Center, so I think we all knew this day was coming. But still, it'll be strange when it's not there anymore.
Now I know how people felt when Veteran's Stadium was torn down.

Got any of your own stories about The Spectrum?

The Only Episode Of The AWFUL 70's Tom & Jerry Show That I Ever Remembered

New ongoing feature!!! Aren't you excited?
From time to time, I'll throw stuff up that I've always found stuck in my head over the course of my life...things that borderline drive me insane in a way. YOU may find them completely uninteresting or downright idiotic, but for some inexplicable reason, I haven't been able to shed these memories for the life of me.

Let's get on with it.....

Remember in the 70's when you would be eating your Freakies cereal and watching Saturday Morning Cartoons? I know it's cliche to mention Freakies, but I used to dig the shit out of Grins And Smiles And Giggles And Laughs too....now who mentioned THAT before, hmmm?

Anyway, remember when they remade Tom & Jerry and decided that Tom & Jerry were now friends? Sure you do...these episodes could easily be identified by Jerry wearing a red bowtie. Apparently the bow tie was some sort of mind control device that made Jerry forget about all the awful shit that Tom was trying to do to him back in the prior decades.
They say as men get older their testosterone levels decrease making them less aggressive in nature....I guess Tom was all mellowed out by this point, and just wanted to chill with Jerry, so he sent away for the mind controlling bow tie from the ACME company.

What?
Oh ok, I guess you have a better explanation for this complete bullshit shift in the character models and storyline?

Sometimes I get so tired of trying to talk reason to you.
The point of all of this was that THIS episode which I'm about to show you, has stuck with me throughout my entire life. I have no idea why, but I've always remembered this and in fact, at random times, for no apparent reason at all, the memory of "PIPSQUACK! bird" will go off in my head. These episodic outbursts of 70's cartoon dialogue probably explain why I have such a weird sense of humor....hmm....I wonder if this needs to be addressed in therapy?

Oh, enough about me....I give you Tom & Jerry in "Hold That Pose"....

Jon Lajoie

Ok, if you don't laugh at this bastard, just kill yourself.
Seriously...we don't need YOU around here ruining shit and being offended.
Besides, why should you be sitting around here watching this when you could be out in some coffee shop (that's NOT Starbucks, because Starbucks has SOOO sold out, right?) reading your favorite Noam Chomsky book while Mother Love Bone pipes through your earbuds, you politically correct 90's slacker warrior you!

Ok....

I think they're gone now.

This first one is called "Show Me Your Genitals". This one is especially funny to me, because he dresses like my ex-brother in law. And I would think this is how he would dance if he ever were to attempt such a thing. Not that I'M saying shit....I NEVER dance, and I never will, much to my girlfriend's chagrin. See how I used a fancy word right there? That's of French derivation...oh shit, I just did it again!



Funny right?

This next one is called "Everyday Normal Guy", and may be the funniest shit of all time.
It's like a bizzaro world rap song. Instead of telling how he rolls like a boss and shit, he tells the truth.
I like to type on my blog, MUTHA FUCKA!!!
Ahh...you'll get it in a minute.



There's a lot more, but I think you're capable of finding them yourself, because you understand words like "chagrin" and "derivation".

Jack Grisham of T.S.O.L.

Since a lot of you reading this are probably around my age, you'll no doubt remember T.S.O.L. from back in the greatest mother F'N decade that ever was...the 80's.
Even if you don't know the music, you were probably, at the very least, frightened by your high school's punk crew who had a T.S.O.L. patch on their jacket, only to realize that they are just like you deep down, after you spent Saturday detention with them and Mr. Vernon, with all his "mess with the bull, you'll get the horns" bullshit, and....wait...that was something else wasn't it?
Hmmm.

ANYWAY, our own Ro Hurley has interviewed Jack Grisham of T.S.O.L., and in a RARE moment, is too modest to whore her work out. No seriously, you have NO IDEA how rare of a moment this is.

Check it out here:
Ro Hurley Interviews Jack Grisham

The Happening: Perhaps The Worst Movie I Have Ever Seen

Mark Wahlberg after a failed attempt at searching for ANY signs of intelligence in "The Happening's" script.

I'm seriously at a loss for words here. What an amazing disappointment.
It wasn't that I thought "The Happening" was going to be spectacular or anything...in fact, from the trailer, I was left with the impression that it was, at best, going to be a mediocre film.
I wish I could say that.

My disappointment is more focused on M. Night Shyamalan. In a time where Hollywood is simply re-hasing EVERY FUCKING THING under the sun...what?...yes EVERYTHING...there's a new Robocop in production so piss off with your argument.
But as I was saying, in a time where creativity is no longer required to be a Hollywood screenwriter, Shyamalan was bringing NEW ideas to our theaters. Maybe some of them faltered, but they were new and original, and for that I always welcomed a new film from him.

All that has changed.

"The Happening" is borderline Ed Wood-esqe in that Shyamalan *intends* to make a film that is meant to be taken seriously, but ultimately is only something that is unintentionally hilarious in it's premise, script, and acting. Seriously, the delivery of some of these lines had me actually laughing out loud. But what do you do as an actor when you're given something that seems like it was written during a cocaine induced frenzy?

Huh?...I don't know, you tell me...look at him:

Can't you just see him in his boxers, all tweaked on blow after watching Lord Of The Rings with that Astro Boy haircut of his saying..

"Yeah..YEAH...what if that happened in OUR world, what if the trees get fucking PISSED! They're pissed, right....and they decide "HEY, fuck these humans, right?...FUCK these humans and all their pollution and shit.. and fucking carving into us...we don't need that right? How would you like me to carve "DO BONGS!" into you MISTER MAN...MISTER HUMAN BEING?!?!?....hey, send Donny back out to get some more of this shit...I'm gonna write this shit in a fucking NIGHT. SIXTH SENSE, MOTHERFUCKERS...YOU BETTER ASK SOMEBODY!!!!!"

Huh? Whatever, think what you want, but if that ISN'T how this bullshit went down, then Shyamalan needs to put the writer's pen down for good. I mean, I'll accept a drug induced frenzy, that's how distorted my gauge is, but I WILL NOT accept that he wrote this shit straight. That's just fucking hack bullshit.

I could go on and on about how terrible this movie is, but I won't.
I will say this, at one point, they run from the fucking wind.
Yes, you read that correctly.

But here's the twist to the usual "bad movie review"...here's what is gonna set me apart from other people.
I HIGHLY recommend you see this.
Seriously, you need to see how bad this is. You need to feel Marky Mark's delivery of his lines, and how terrible those lines are to begin with. You need to laugh out loud when you see one of the opening scenes in which the guy with Tourette's from Rescue Me plays a construction worker who's watching his co-workers committing suicide all around him, and then looks up on the verge of tears and says the line "God in Heaven!".
You need to be stunned at the predictability.
You need to suffer too.

Oh, and for you internet geeks, I think if you stay through the credits, you can hear the soundtrack of a toilet flushing which symbolizes the career of M. Night Shyamalan.
Ok, maybe I made that up....but it SHOULD happen.

Hey Criminals...Learn How to Implicate Others for your Crimes!

A black man cleverly plants touch DNA on an unsuspecting hermaphrodite.

Today in the news, murdered child JonBenet Ramsey’s family was cleared for her decade-old murder due to one of the latest DNA techniques, "Touch DNA".

I got curious, wondering what is "Touch DNA"? So I googled, and found an interesting article that explains, "Touch DNA, also referred to as low copy number DNA (LCN) or low-level DNA2, results when an individual comes into contact with or touches an object, leaving small amounts of biological material on the object’s surface." I read on, and saw that "biological material" equals dead skin cells. So every time I scratch my face or arm, or touch a doorknob or flush a toilet, I’m leaving my "Touch DNA" behind for all to enjoy. Holy shit.

Since appears to be easy to gather someone’s "touch DNA", I started thinking about what this could mean for the future of humankind. Could the government collect my DNA at will and put my profile in a database without my knowledge or consent? Could someone steal my exfoliating face cloth from my shower and shake it over a crime scene to implicate me? Could I go to jail based on this evidence? I hope not.

But on the other hand, this might be good news for criminals. If convicted on this evidence, could a robber cry "frame-up"? Or better yet, say that HYPOTHETICALLY, I wanted to kill a certain someone for snoring too loud or leaving the toilet seat up. I think it would be easy to steal someone’s dirty socks, wear them inside out, and strangle a person in their sleep. Surely the skin cells of the person who wore the socks would be all over the crime scene. Then throw the socks in a river, and when the cops come, act surprised. IN THEORY.

That’s it for now...I have to run because I have someone to choke...err... I mean something to do. Bye for now!

Anticipation

Man, this Summer is just escaping me. Did you ever feel like that? Like time is just whizzing by and you're not doing any of the things you want to?
By this point last Summer I had been to the beach several times...to Washington D.C. twice...shit, a lot of places.
This Summer...nothing more than the Greek and Italian Festivals.

I feel like time is just blowing by, and I'm standing on the sidelines.

I remember when I was younger...my mother would say "Just wait til you hit 30...time just ZIPS by after that."
Fuck if that wasn't right.
I think it's because usually around that point, all the benchmarks of your life have past.

Think about it....
You wait to get your Driver's license.
You wait to graduate high school.
You wait to turn 21.
Then maybe College....Marriage....Children...then...nothing left to wait for anymore.
You just start getting OLDER.

I mean sure you can still do shit....but the major things...the milestones...they're over with. You're just another jerkoff going through the motions now. Nothing "special" to look forward to...nothing monumental.
Does anyone WANT to be a Grandparent? I mean sure you dig your grandchildren, but what fucking assclown is running around out there at a young age saying "Can't wait til I have Grandchildren!!"
You know why people who are older look forward to grandchildren? Because that's all that's really left. It's all that will be *new* in their life.

I think that's why time *seems* like it gets faster. It's like when you're a kid waiting for Christmas Day....it seems like it takes forever.

Anticipation slows time.

Not physically of course, but in your mind.
Without anticipation, the pages of the calendar just drop away, and before you know it, YOU are the the one telling the "younger folk" to just wait until they're 30 to see how fast time goes.