George H.W. Bush Was Hungry For Some Pizza....

He must have been trying to use an expired coupon.

Think You've Seen It All?

There's a point as a man, where you have to just call it a day.
Do you know what I mean?
There's a defining moment in time, where you just have to take stock of where you are, and what you're doing, and just say "Fuck.....I think it's just time for me to pull the plug on my shit...I'm a COMPLETE assclown...HOW THE FUCK DID I GET HERE???"

When you follow the link I'm about to give you, you are going to see a commercial for a product called "VULVA Original".
I can't do the product justice in description, so I'll just copy their pitch.

"The vaginal scent of a beautiful woman. VULVA Original is NOT a perfume. It is the feminine, erotic, intimate scent for your own smelling pleasure."

Ok, seriously....dudes....can you just chill the fuck out at this point??
Is it REALLY that hard for you to get laid?
REALLY?!?!?
I mean, it's becoming incredibly embarrassing to be a man.
How are women NOT supposed to think men are the creepiest fuckers going?

Let me give you a bit of advice...maybe we can get this shit back on point.
If you are pulling out the credit card to order this shit, your game is FUCKED.
You are NEVER gonna get a real woman, and rightfully so.

Oh, and as a side note...how funny is the intro commercial to this site?
The guy is a fuckin' model, and he's all creepin' and smelling her bike seat.
Yeah, let me help you out...THAT GUY, he ain't the type that's ordering VULVA Original.
Why?
Because as I type this, he's TEARIN' some broad up, hardstyle.
Either that, or his boyfriend is blowing the BALLS off of him....but you get my point.

In actuality, VULVA Original's customer base is about 265 lbs, wearing a "Green Lantern" shirt with Buffalo Wing sauce stains on it, and is called "MortrogothTheDarkOne" on World Of Warcraft.

So dudes, instead of spending your money on VULVA Original, how 'bout use that cash to buy some salads and a gym membership?
I'm only saying this because I'm a friend, but you're a FUCKNUT.
Seriously.
Everyone is laughing at you, and despite what you tell yourself, a woman wouldn't really love you if she just got to know the "real you", because the "real you" is a creepy, fuckin' sack of douche.

VULVA Original Site <----Click Me

Bad Travolta / Good Travolta

Ok, I know it's his daughter, and we ALL love our daughters.
But...um...was this really necessary?



Oh what I would give for the good old days of Tony Manero!
Saturday Night Fever was an awesome coming of age film in my opinion. Maybe not by standard definitions, but it was still a moment where an individual realizes that they had to put their silly ways behind them.

Look at this shit!!!



That's bad ass!!!

Speaking of Tony Manero....there's apparently a Chilean film called "Tony Manero" in which a serial killer is obsessed with Travolta's character from the film.
I would KILL for an American version of that.

Eh...time is a prick.

The People's Choice Awards (Or) America Should Be Killed.

You know what?
Enough already, America.

So I'm talking to a friend the other day, and he asks "Did you watch The People's Choice Awards?"
I say "Why no, dude....I did not."
He says "Yeah, I'm done with them, in fact, I'm done with America."
I ask "Why are you done with America, dude?"
He responds "The "people" decided that "The Proposal" was "Comedy Of The Year" over "The Hangover"."

Ok, PAUSE!

Are you people full blown fucking morons at this point?

Look, I can take your little Twilight bullshit...I can! I don't agree with it, but I get that women of all ages, and men of all...well....other men, get all giddy like a schoolgirl with a crush, whenever Edward tells Bella that he wants to die...um...again, if he can't be with her.
I get it.

And I get your shitty taste in music too. I get that you like shit like Lady Gaga because you have no ability to see beyond the moment. You get all caught up in shit like a fuckin' dunderhead. In fact, I'll bet some of you reading this have even said to a fellow girlfriend "He can't read MY Poker Face", to which the other responded "ROFLMAOPQRST!!! You GO girl!!!"
And I get that you like to dance to shit, ergo, "Boom Boom Pow" makes sense in your world.
Having it on your iPod somehow isn't embarrassing for you.

Let me break this down....."The Hangover", was hands down, the most hysterical comedy to come along in YEARS.
I'm gonna be SO arrogant about this, that I'm gonna state that as a fact even though I have no data to support it.
BUT, I will challenge you to name something else that was even close in a laugh per minute ratio.
And it CERTAINLY wasn't "The FUCKING Proposal"!!!!

Hmm...."The Fucking Proposal"....I wonder if I can get that greenlit?

Quite frankly, "The Proposal" was your average romantic comedy...nothing really even standout about it.
Here's the formula:
Guy works for woman.
Woman is a bitch.
Woman needs guy to pretend they're engaged.
Guy and woman start to REALLY fall for each other.
They end up in love.

DUH! Never seen THAT before, right?

"The Hangover" on the other hand, was edgy, filled with brilliant characters, and a fairly original plot.
Zack Galifanakis alone was funnier than the entire cast of "The Proposal".

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!?!?!?
We truly live in a Jerry Springer nation now.
You do realize that, right?

Let me close by breaking it down to you like this....
"The Proposal" is a movie you take a date to, and you expect her to like it.
"The Hangover" is a movie you take a date to, and if she DOESN'T LOVE it, you know she's not the one for you.

Walruses Are Creeps!

....but apparently never need to leave the house!
I wonder if he "keeps the change"?

By the way, you know what else is weird, Mr. Camera man?....being a grown ass man talking to your woman, and saying "S'n his own D.".

The F'N Hilarious Google Phone Spoof!

I guess this is supposed to be in reference to Google's new Android 2.1 based "Nexus One" phone that is coming to carriers soon.

This is a brilliant spoof, and if you don't think so, you aren't allowed to come here anymore.

NSFW Language.

Pay Attention, Kiddies! Look What Mommy And Daddy Are Busy With!

"Have it your way, at Burger King"
"Have a Coke and a smile"
"Life is short. Have An Affair"

Three great American advertising slogans, no?

Seriously, America....has it come to this?
I watch you bellyache about divorce rates. I watch you bellyache about what effect it will have on our children. I see you crying about AIDS and other STDs. I hear your cries for people to be kinder to each other, and how no one has any honor anymore. I see you crying about how no one honors religion anymore. The last part, we all know I personally don't subscribe to, but it's still a very legitimate point for a lot of people.

Then I watch Ashley Madison become a monster website, with national advertising.
Hopefully the God Gangstas aren't registered members, but if Jim Bakker and Jimmy Swaggart are any indicators....

For those who are unaware, Ashley Madison is a site specifically designed for married people, and people in committed relationships, to have affairs.

Look, I know it's a free country, but is this level of disregard for the institution of marriage really necessary?
Am I the only one who finds this completely outlandish?

Hmm...let me try something here....

"It's high noon and your husband is still at work. Have you fucked a stranger yet?"

I think I'll apply for an ad executive position at Ashley Madison!!

I've never cheated on anyone in my life, but if you are going to have an affair, should it be like this?
What I mean is, if you are going to completely betray the person who kissed you goodbye this morning, and wished you a great day, shouldn't be it with someone who means something to you? You know, someone who you've built some level of a personal relationship with, so that when you end up tearin' that shit up after the office Christmas party, you can say "No one meant for it to happen...it just....happened?

By the way, am I the only one who LOVES those animalistic moments that no one planned on?
Just in a general sense, mind you...like I said, I don't cheat.

Eh...anyway.

My point is, if you go and register at Ashley Madison, it's like premeditated murder versus a heat of the moment killing, you know?
You are now SO F'N diabolical, and such a sack of dick, that you actually planned out fucking over someone who thinks you love them, for a total stranger named some cornball shit like "69Girlxxx".

Does that really sit right with you?

Wait...now that I look at that screen name, that does seem kinda hot.
I wonder if I have to use my credit card to register?

Options

Feel bad for the Yo Boy that has to sit next to her?

Now, I would first suggest that he punch her teeth out...but it appears someone already tried that.
SO, clearly the loss of teeth will not stop the beast.

The next logical step would be to twist her head around until the neck sounds like you cracked your knuckles. But something tells me the she could somehow go on even if the head were removed. Not to mention, she seems to be channeling energy from a higher power.

I'm really at a loss here.
Let's just hope that the plane was an international flight, and she had a one way ticket.

The Lovely Bones

"My name is Salmon...like the fish! First name, Susie. I was fourteen years old when I was murdered on December 6, 1973."

Did you ever have a movie leave you feeling utterly depressed and that all hope is gone?
Well that's what Peter Jackson's "The Lovely Bones" did to me, and I have enough things harshing my mellow.

"The Lovely Bones" is based on the 2002 Alice Sebold novel, which tells the story of Susie Salmon, a 14 year old girl who is raped and murdered by her neighbor. Susie is then stuck in the "in-between", a place that's not quite Earth, but not quite Heaven. From the in-between, Susie watches as her family tries to continue on with their lives, after she's lost.

Now, I've seen a lot of these types of movies, going all the way back to the 1983 made for tv movie "Adam", about Adam Walsh's kidnapping and murder, and John Walsh's subsequent rise as an abducted child activist.
But no matter how many I see, they still bother the shit out of me.

There's something quite special in a very disturbing way, about a man who decides to rape and murder a child.
Something about the moment when they choose a specific victim, and KNOW that they are going to end that child's life, that I never get desensitized to, even when it's a fictional tale.

I don't mean to imply that "The Lovely Bones" was a bad film, because it wasn't.
I felt that it was incredibly well done, and the performances, especially Stanley Tucci as the murderer, were great. I think I just didn't like the subject matter.
As a father of a daughter, I think I was more disturbed by this than usual.

Mark Walhberg plays Susie's father, who has an incredibly hard time letting go of Susie, and moving on with his life. From the in-between, Susie finally realizes her father would never move on, even though she wanted him to.

"I knew then, he would never give me up. He would never count me as one of the dead. I was his daughter, and he was my dad....and he had love me....as much as he could."

Exactly.

It was moments like that, that forced me to think of how things would be for me, if God forbid I were ever in Mr. Salmon's position.
And THAT, is what really depressed me about this movie.
It made me realize that even if one got their hands on the person who killed their child, and could exact any revenge they deemed necessary on them, it would never equal the pain and devastation that their loss levied against them.

If you don't get bothered by such things, then I recommend seeing "The Lovely Bones".
It's a well acted, stylish (albeit a little over the top with the "in-between" visuals) film, that makes you think about how precious life is, and how you never know when the last time you will see someone will be.

NOW....

Here's what I LOVED about "The Lovely Bones"!
I grew up in Chester, PA....and as a child, I was taken to The MacDade Mall quite a bit.
Sadly, the mall is a barren ghost town now, with a Kmart as a remaining anchor store, and last time I was there, (shortly before shooting began on the film) there were just a couple spaces that were occupied by stores.

BUT, Peter Jackson's crew restored the mall to it's 1970's glory for the filming, and although it's just facades, it *felt* like the mall I remembered as a child. Not in some washed out old photos, but in full color high resolution glory.

The screengrabs I found however, are not.
But if you're from Delco, and you spent your childhood at that mall, you HAVE to love this.....

"Oh Michael, I LOVE your music....now that you're dead."

So......everyone is going apeshit over this fragment of a song that Michael Jackson apparently recorded with Lenny Kravitz, before he died. I don't know if "DJ Tucky" was supposed to be in it, or it got added later.

Couple things.
First, you people are fucking ridiculous.
If Michael Jackson was still alive, NO ONE would give a squirt of piss about this audio mediocrity.
Well, maybe people in Mexico, and a few of the weird countries in Europe....you know the ones.
Oh, and Japan...those bastards LOVE shit like Michael....and selling schoolgirl's used panties in vending machines.
See, there IS a parallel here.

But besides that, people would ignore this the same way they ignored everything else he did after he was accused of showing young boys his magic trouser weasel.
And why?
Because it sounds EXACTLY like everything else he did that was ignored for the last 15 plus years. There was no rebirth, no magic moment, like I see people gushing over.

Anyway, this song is dick...see for your self.
I hate me some people today.