http://www.blackdynamite.com/trailer
As you can see, that movie looks SPECTACULAR.
BUT, and this is a big BUT...they could have at least mentioned the man that they stole everything that you've just witnessed from.
From the narrative, to the look, the kung-fu...EVERYTHING you just witnessed, was 100%... RUDY....RAY....MOORE.
How do you name "Shaft" and "Superfly", and not pay tribute to the man Dolemite?
He's not mentioned anywhere in the trailer, AND in the history of Blaxploitation section on the site.
All kidding aside...this is fucking disgraceful.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
The Best "Rick Roll" Ever!
Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends pulled the biggest "Rick Roll" ever at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade today.
This cannot be topped, and thus, OFFICIALLY ends Rick Rolling.
This cannot be topped, and thus, OFFICIALLY ends Rick Rolling.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Recess is Cancelled
Today my son came home and reported to me that most of his outside recess was cancelled. Why, you may ask.
Did he get in trouble? No.
Was it bad weather? This sounds reasonable, but no.
It was because of excessive gun shooting in the vicinity. And this did not make national news why? No I don’t live in an inner city with a lot of gun violence…I live in West Virginia. Oh yeah, and its deer season.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Spreading The Message
Rest In Peace, Brendan.
On a related note, I just tried to volunteer at The Sunday Breakfast Mission for Thanksgiving, and they are filled with volunteers.
Figures...the one time I try to do something decent with myself.
On a related note, I just tried to volunteer at The Sunday Breakfast Mission for Thanksgiving, and they are filled with volunteers.
Figures...the one time I try to do something decent with myself.
Twilight (2008)
Before you even start in on me, YES, I should have known better, but I'm a sucker for vampire stories.
The problem is, Twilight isn't really a vampire story...at least the way I've come to love them.
Twilight instead is a glorified episode of "90210" with a vampire element as a subplot.
Replace Dylan McKay's drinking problem with Edward Cullen's "vampire problem" as the reason why the female protagonist should stay away from him, and there you have it.
Now, I've heard people say that Stephanie Miller's series, of which Twilight is the first entry, is the new "Harry Potter".
That statement makes me realize why I dislike so many people.
To compare this story to Harry Potter is an insult to J.K Rowling of the highest order.
Harry Potter was so multi-faceted and imagination igniting.
Twilight is as vapid as a soap opera.
There's really no meat to the story...the characters really aren't engaging in any way.
And for the record, I also listened to the audiobook...well, for as long as I could...it wasn't engaging either. I just didn't care about these characters, and the movie remained faithful to that feeling for me. Seeing them visually did nothing to improve the situation.
In fairness, it probably didn't help that this movie had all the production value of an episode of "Dawson's Creek". It simply didn't *feel* like a theatrical release.
Nothing about it was special visually, and when there WERE special effects, they were hacky and didn't give the illusion of reality at all.
In fact when I think about it....this should have seriously just been a special movie night on Fox or The CW.
This was bullshit.
Last night, I caught an episode of "True Blood" on HBO, and I SWEAR to you, it was infinitely better than this entire movie.
So listen to your pal, Joe....SAVE YOUR CASH.
Monday, November 24, 2008
"Motherf**ker!!....Food Eater!!"
As discussed on Episode 8 of ZZZCast, here's the scene from 1986's "River's Edge".
That's awesome, don't even say shit.
I would try to show the great scenes with Crispin Glover's character "Lane", but I'd have to put up every single time he's on film, so just go watch the movie.
That's awesome, don't even say shit.
I would try to show the great scenes with Crispin Glover's character "Lane", but I'd have to put up every single time he's on film, so just go watch the movie.
The Electronic Cigarette
On the last episode of ZZZCast, I suggested that Andrew "Dice" Clay get one of these, so he doesn't have to look like such an assclown puffing on an un-lit cigarette while he does his act.
(As seen on Jimmy Norton's "Down & Dirty" on HBO.)
I have no idea why anyone else would need one of these...it seems REALLY stupid to me, but so does the entire pop music scene, and millions of people disagree with me about that too.
Enjoy this video, complete WITH some pop kind of music playing...because you know you wanna be "in da club" when you're puffing on an electronic cigarette.
Oh, and they also have electronic cigars too, that ALSO contain no tobacco.
If they ever come out with and electronic joint of bowl and people buy that too, I will officially turn over my American club card.
Not that I use....but there's a line, people.
http://www.smokingeverywhere.com/
(As seen on Jimmy Norton's "Down & Dirty" on HBO.)
I have no idea why anyone else would need one of these...it seems REALLY stupid to me, but so does the entire pop music scene, and millions of people disagree with me about that too.
Enjoy this video, complete WITH some pop kind of music playing...because you know you wanna be "in da club" when you're puffing on an electronic cigarette.
Oh, and they also have electronic cigars too, that ALSO contain no tobacco.
If they ever come out with and electronic joint of bowl and people buy that too, I will officially turn over my American club card.
Not that I use....but there's a line, people.
http://www.smokingeverywhere.com/
A Leopard's Spots
Lately, I've been wondering about people and their ability to change. Sure, you'll often hear people say that they're going to do it, but they never really do. OR, they change for a brief period of time, only to fall back in the their bad habits or patterns again.
I often find that those who DO claim to have altered some bad behavioral pattern in their life, are just ONE bad incident away from everything unraveling again. These types seem to have a weak emotional foundation that's easily shattered when things aren't going precisely the way they want them to.
This to me, is the worst case scenario in personality traits.
What do you think it is that causes destructive behavior?
I often see people say that they are a product of their environment, and while I'd say that's true in a lot of cases, it isn't always accurate. How many of us have known people who come from a great family, were born with good looks and all of the blessings that one could hope for entering the game of life, yet still seem to conduct themselves like a complete jackass regardless of the toll it takes on themselves and those around them?
Would you say these people are born this way?
And if so, can they truly stop a behavior that is innate to them?
"A leopard can't change it's spots"
I think that statement is more or less true.
I think that people can however, experience extremes in life. That they can enter a phase of their life as a result of some sort of personally tragedy, that throws them into a tailspin for a while. If they are fortunate enough during this time, the people around them will help them see their way to a path of healing, when they can no longer find it for themselves.
These people can "change their spots", because the spots they were wearing were never really theirs in the first place.
Afterward, wise leopards will take the lesson that they learn during this time, and use it to grow more remarkable spots....but still, not different ones. Just ones that are a little darker and richer than they were before.
But the ones who are inherently bad leopards....the ones who simply disregard everyone and everything else in their life for their own personal gain....these leopards have permanent spots.
Their spots never seem to alter in any way.
And the only thing that seems to change for them is opportunity.
Over time, these leopards eventually drive away those around them. Those who hoped against hope that the leopard would eventually change, at some point realize that it's an exercise in futility, and separate themselves from the leopard.
After years of this, you'll often find the leopard appear to be a shell of his/her former self.
Withered as if they've been through a terrible storm, meeker than they were before.
It's at times like this the people tend to pity the leopard...to think that if it just had one more chance, things might be different...that it surely has learned it's lesson now.
Only to be burned again.
So what do YOU think?
Have you ever met a "leopard" that changed it's spots....for good?
You know, it IS possible that I just have met the wrong people.
In fact....I just went over the list of the people I know, and YES, I have indeed met the wrong people.
I often find that those who DO claim to have altered some bad behavioral pattern in their life, are just ONE bad incident away from everything unraveling again. These types seem to have a weak emotional foundation that's easily shattered when things aren't going precisely the way they want them to.
This to me, is the worst case scenario in personality traits.
What do you think it is that causes destructive behavior?
I often see people say that they are a product of their environment, and while I'd say that's true in a lot of cases, it isn't always accurate. How many of us have known people who come from a great family, were born with good looks and all of the blessings that one could hope for entering the game of life, yet still seem to conduct themselves like a complete jackass regardless of the toll it takes on themselves and those around them?
Would you say these people are born this way?
And if so, can they truly stop a behavior that is innate to them?
"A leopard can't change it's spots"
I think that statement is more or less true.
I think that people can however, experience extremes in life. That they can enter a phase of their life as a result of some sort of personally tragedy, that throws them into a tailspin for a while. If they are fortunate enough during this time, the people around them will help them see their way to a path of healing, when they can no longer find it for themselves.
These people can "change their spots", because the spots they were wearing were never really theirs in the first place.
Afterward, wise leopards will take the lesson that they learn during this time, and use it to grow more remarkable spots....but still, not different ones. Just ones that are a little darker and richer than they were before.
But the ones who are inherently bad leopards....the ones who simply disregard everyone and everything else in their life for their own personal gain....these leopards have permanent spots.
Their spots never seem to alter in any way.
And the only thing that seems to change for them is opportunity.
Over time, these leopards eventually drive away those around them. Those who hoped against hope that the leopard would eventually change, at some point realize that it's an exercise in futility, and separate themselves from the leopard.
After years of this, you'll often find the leopard appear to be a shell of his/her former self.
Withered as if they've been through a terrible storm, meeker than they were before.
It's at times like this the people tend to pity the leopard...to think that if it just had one more chance, things might be different...that it surely has learned it's lesson now.
Only to be burned again.
So what do YOU think?
Have you ever met a "leopard" that changed it's spots....for good?
You know, it IS possible that I just have met the wrong people.
In fact....I just went over the list of the people I know, and YES, I have indeed met the wrong people.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Uptown Saturday Night
For me, next to Fat Albert, this is the greatest thing Bill Cosby ever did.
I would recommend that you skip to the 1:20 mark of the clip and then sit back and watch one of the funniest scenes of that era of film.
"You so ugly...til the sun refuse to shine when you come out!"
Why do I think that this it what Obama would have been like playing the dozens?
I would recommend that you skip to the 1:20 mark of the clip and then sit back and watch one of the funniest scenes of that era of film.
"You so ugly...til the sun refuse to shine when you come out!"
Why do I think that this it what Obama would have been like playing the dozens?
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Now...I'm completely awesome, right?
But just imagine how much my awesome factor would go up if one of you got me this for Christmas! I would be walking down the street...or ordering my latte in Starbucks, and people would be all like "Whoa! that dude is AWESOME!", and their friends we be like "I don't think I've ever seen anyone more awesome."
And Anudder Music Review: Guns N' Roses - Chinese Democracy
I want to tell you that this disc is pure shit.
I *want* to tell you that.
But it would be a lie.
It's been 17 years since Guns N' Roses released their last disc, the double album "Use Your Illusion 1 and 2". The discs were the follow up to one of the biggest albums of all time "Appetite For Destruction", and in my opinion, they couldn't have been more fittingly titled.
I often am stunned at the way the American public and mostly radio stations, still regard Guns N Roses as rock and roll legends. Let's break this down for a minute.
Appetite For Destruction was released in 1987....almost 22 years ago.
Anyone who was born at the time of the release, has now potentially graduated college.
The follow up double discs were mediocre at best. 30 some odd songs, and I don't need all of one hand to count the memorable tracks. Oh wait, I'm a liar because I just remembered that masterpiece "Get In The Ring" where Axl sat and challenged people to fights to a background track. That's AWESOME, right?
There were a couple of EPs in between the two major releases, but other than that....nothing.
So, Guns N Roses basically had ONE great record, almost a quarter of a century ago.
Is that fair to say?
Ok...for the last...let's say...15 years, Axl Rose, after getting rid of every other original member of the band has been in the recording studio creating the follow-up to "Use Your Illusion".
And use his illusion he did. In perhaps the greatest magic trick I have ever seen, this man has been able to get MILLIONS of dollars from a record label to create a new disc...for 15 years...because he made ONE great disc in 1987.
THAT, my friends, is fucking brilliant by ANY standard.
It is easily the greatest hustle I have ever personally seen, and I tip my hat to that gentleman.
As for the disc that the world has waited 15 years for?
It's very solid.
It's well composed...it's lyrically strong....it's got some really great elements to it.
But it's 15 years of hype, and 15 years too late.
Axl Rose has created an atmosphere around this disc that simply forbids it from being as amazing as it needs to be, to justify the wait.
Furthermore, the funniest part of this whole thing is that for me, Axl himself is the weakest link.
The musicians who play on the disc are great...there's some material that seems it would have been more up to date about 5 years ago or so, but it's still very good.
But it's Axl's voice that detracts from the whole endeavor.
What was once THE voice that defined a generation of music, now sounds like a relic of an age long since passed.
And that's the kick in the nuts of it all.
This whole time, people have been saying "It's gonna suck without Slash and Duff and those guys.", but the exact opposite is true. It only DOESN'T suck because of the new blood.
I assume Axl wrote the material, and as I've said, it's very solid that way.
But I can't imagine this disc even being close to interesting if all the players involved were from that era gone by.
At the end of the day, this disc won't be the final nail in Axl Rose's coffin...or at least it shouldn't be.
And believe me, I really didn't want to have to say that.
I *want* to tell you that.
But it would be a lie.
It's been 17 years since Guns N' Roses released their last disc, the double album "Use Your Illusion 1 and 2". The discs were the follow up to one of the biggest albums of all time "Appetite For Destruction", and in my opinion, they couldn't have been more fittingly titled.
I often am stunned at the way the American public and mostly radio stations, still regard Guns N Roses as rock and roll legends. Let's break this down for a minute.
Appetite For Destruction was released in 1987....almost 22 years ago.
Anyone who was born at the time of the release, has now potentially graduated college.
The follow up double discs were mediocre at best. 30 some odd songs, and I don't need all of one hand to count the memorable tracks. Oh wait, I'm a liar because I just remembered that masterpiece "Get In The Ring" where Axl sat and challenged people to fights to a background track. That's AWESOME, right?
There were a couple of EPs in between the two major releases, but other than that....nothing.
So, Guns N Roses basically had ONE great record, almost a quarter of a century ago.
Is that fair to say?
Ok...for the last...let's say...15 years, Axl Rose, after getting rid of every other original member of the band has been in the recording studio creating the follow-up to "Use Your Illusion".
And use his illusion he did. In perhaps the greatest magic trick I have ever seen, this man has been able to get MILLIONS of dollars from a record label to create a new disc...for 15 years...because he made ONE great disc in 1987.
THAT, my friends, is fucking brilliant by ANY standard.
It is easily the greatest hustle I have ever personally seen, and I tip my hat to that gentleman.
As for the disc that the world has waited 15 years for?
It's very solid.
It's well composed...it's lyrically strong....it's got some really great elements to it.
But it's 15 years of hype, and 15 years too late.
Axl Rose has created an atmosphere around this disc that simply forbids it from being as amazing as it needs to be, to justify the wait.
Furthermore, the funniest part of this whole thing is that for me, Axl himself is the weakest link.
The musicians who play on the disc are great...there's some material that seems it would have been more up to date about 5 years ago or so, but it's still very good.
But it's Axl's voice that detracts from the whole endeavor.
What was once THE voice that defined a generation of music, now sounds like a relic of an age long since passed.
And that's the kick in the nuts of it all.
This whole time, people have been saying "It's gonna suck without Slash and Duff and those guys.", but the exact opposite is true. It only DOESN'T suck because of the new blood.
I assume Axl wrote the material, and as I've said, it's very solid that way.
But I can't imagine this disc even being close to interesting if all the players involved were from that era gone by.
At the end of the day, this disc won't be the final nail in Axl Rose's coffin...or at least it shouldn't be.
And believe me, I really didn't want to have to say that.
Guitar....um...Bike...Hero?
I don't understand why a lot of people on Youtube bother doing the things they do, but I have to admire the amount of work that went in to this.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
And Anudder Audiobook: Artie Lange - Too Fat To Fish
Back in July, Adrienne Curry, the wife of Christopher Knight of The Brady Bunch told me that I was "filth" that she needed to "purge" from her life.
The reason that she found me so undesirable was because I gave her my opinion on an excerpt from her book, which by the way, she asked for.
Now, many people gave her their opinions too....but mine was offensive to her, because it wasn't favorable. Before you start, no, I wasn't trying to be an asshole.
Curry had posted an excerpt which recounted a bad experience she had while taking acid. The point of this chapter was to illustrate her history and battle with this, her drug of choice.
I politely explained to her that I found it a tough read because it was clear that she was trying to play up the situation, and that she came off as a white girl seeking "street cred". That the "celeb drug addicted past" thing had been done a million times before, and much better. But mostly because it read like the term paper of a high school student who thought they were being a trailblazer by choosing marijuana as their subject matter.
I then told her that *in my opinion* she should excise this chapter from her book.
What's my point in all of this?
My point is that Artie Lange's "Too Fat To Fish" is a TRUE example of an individual who sincerely battled with drugs. Not an experimenting teenager, but a guy with the world in the palm of his hand who put drugs before EVERYTHING else. And real drugs...not some "I wanna be in touch with the colors" bullshit, but cocaine and heroin...REAL DRUGS, people. The shit that cartels kill people over. When's the last time you saw some jacked up story about a ruthless LSD cartel?
When's the last time a chick found herself doing something that she later has to cry about in the shower, for a hit of acid?
Get it, Adrienne?
"Too Fat To Fish" details the life of comedian Artie Lange who is most likely known more for being a cast member of The Howard Stern Show, than for anything else in his career.
Now, I'm reviewing the audiobook here, mostly, because I really don't like to read. It's just never been my thing...I get distracted too easily when I just stare at a bunch of words on paper.
But in this particular case, I recommend the audiobook anyway, because of who reads it.
It becomes a whole seperate form of entertainment in audio form, that I'm sure you can't possibly get from just reading the book.
The first few chapters are read by Lange himself, and are by far the most entertaining.
Naturally, no one else can tell Artie's story like the man himself. He lived what he's telling you about, and his telling of his life is reminiscent of Ray Liotta narrating as Henry Hill in "Goodfellas". I loved these particular chapters more than I ever thought I would. They revolve around Lange's remembrances of his father who passed away a few years after having an accident at work that left him a quadriplegic. You will find yourself laughing one minute and being brought to the verge of tears the next.
Too soon, however, Lange's voice informs you that for the rest of the ride, other people will be reading for him, because this was yet another in a long list of things that he "fucked up". Normally, this would be pretty irritating. But it makes sense in a weird way, because the whole theme of the book is about him making a mess of all good things that come his way.
The remainder of the book is read by Gary Dell'Abate, the producer of the Stern Show, comedians Jim Florentine, and Reverend Bob Levy.
Dell'Abate's reading is fine, but it lacks a bit of the Jersey grit that the other three deliver.
Florentine does a really decent job and his fluidity and style is the closest to Lange's.
Levy's however, is the most entertaining.
When Lange introduces Levy as one of the people who will be filling in for him, he describes him as the only Jew that you'll ever meet, who can't read, and if you know Bob, you know what he means.
But that's not what the funniest part of Bob's reading was for me.
First and foremost, and if you read this Bob, you'll probably want to strangle me for this, but all I saw in my head when I heard Bob's voice was Larry Fine from The Three Stooges.
I don't know what it was, and I've spoken to Bob on many occasions, but he sounded like Larry Fine to me. I *think* it's because Bob was putting so much enthusiasm into it, and when you talk to Bob, he's usually pretty low key. The only times that Bob actually sounded like Bob to me, was when the reading required him to be calling someone a "cocksucking motherfucker", because that's basically how Levy says hello when he answers the phone.
The second thing that had me cracking up during Bob's reading was the voice he would do anytime the reading required him to repeat the dialogue of a black character in the story.
But in particular Quincy Jones.
At one point in the book, Lange recounts a conversation he had with Quincy Jones. Lange even describes Jones' voice as being smooth and cool, but Levy goes into a characterization that could only be described as "Silky the 69th Street Pimp".
Most of all, I just found Lange's story to be something that I could relate to. No, I never did insane amounts of drugs, or experienced any success in show business. But Lange's story is that of an average jerkoff, like me, who went after his dream and can't even believe himself, that things have worked out the way they did.
And most of all, he still comes off as that average jerkoff....and I think that's why so many people love Artie.
His story is like any of ours....only with a Cinderfella story twist to it.
What?!?
Cinderfella was a nice reference!!! Lange is a comedian...Cinderfella was a Jerry Lewis film, and HE'S a comedian.
I hate you.
Anyway, I highly recommend getting this audiobook, because it's great, and reading is for sissies.
The reason that she found me so undesirable was because I gave her my opinion on an excerpt from her book, which by the way, she asked for.
Now, many people gave her their opinions too....but mine was offensive to her, because it wasn't favorable. Before you start, no, I wasn't trying to be an asshole.
Curry had posted an excerpt which recounted a bad experience she had while taking acid. The point of this chapter was to illustrate her history and battle with this, her drug of choice.
I politely explained to her that I found it a tough read because it was clear that she was trying to play up the situation, and that she came off as a white girl seeking "street cred". That the "celeb drug addicted past" thing had been done a million times before, and much better. But mostly because it read like the term paper of a high school student who thought they were being a trailblazer by choosing marijuana as their subject matter.
I then told her that *in my opinion* she should excise this chapter from her book.
What's my point in all of this?
My point is that Artie Lange's "Too Fat To Fish" is a TRUE example of an individual who sincerely battled with drugs. Not an experimenting teenager, but a guy with the world in the palm of his hand who put drugs before EVERYTHING else. And real drugs...not some "I wanna be in touch with the colors" bullshit, but cocaine and heroin...REAL DRUGS, people. The shit that cartels kill people over. When's the last time you saw some jacked up story about a ruthless LSD cartel?
When's the last time a chick found herself doing something that she later has to cry about in the shower, for a hit of acid?
Get it, Adrienne?
"Too Fat To Fish" details the life of comedian Artie Lange who is most likely known more for being a cast member of The Howard Stern Show, than for anything else in his career.
Now, I'm reviewing the audiobook here, mostly, because I really don't like to read. It's just never been my thing...I get distracted too easily when I just stare at a bunch of words on paper.
But in this particular case, I recommend the audiobook anyway, because of who reads it.
It becomes a whole seperate form of entertainment in audio form, that I'm sure you can't possibly get from just reading the book.
The first few chapters are read by Lange himself, and are by far the most entertaining.
Naturally, no one else can tell Artie's story like the man himself. He lived what he's telling you about, and his telling of his life is reminiscent of Ray Liotta narrating as Henry Hill in "Goodfellas". I loved these particular chapters more than I ever thought I would. They revolve around Lange's remembrances of his father who passed away a few years after having an accident at work that left him a quadriplegic. You will find yourself laughing one minute and being brought to the verge of tears the next.
Too soon, however, Lange's voice informs you that for the rest of the ride, other people will be reading for him, because this was yet another in a long list of things that he "fucked up". Normally, this would be pretty irritating. But it makes sense in a weird way, because the whole theme of the book is about him making a mess of all good things that come his way.
The remainder of the book is read by Gary Dell'Abate, the producer of the Stern Show, comedians Jim Florentine, and Reverend Bob Levy.
Dell'Abate's reading is fine, but it lacks a bit of the Jersey grit that the other three deliver.
Florentine does a really decent job and his fluidity and style is the closest to Lange's.
Levy's however, is the most entertaining.
When Lange introduces Levy as one of the people who will be filling in for him, he describes him as the only Jew that you'll ever meet, who can't read, and if you know Bob, you know what he means.
But that's not what the funniest part of Bob's reading was for me.
First and foremost, and if you read this Bob, you'll probably want to strangle me for this, but all I saw in my head when I heard Bob's voice was Larry Fine from The Three Stooges.
I don't know what it was, and I've spoken to Bob on many occasions, but he sounded like Larry Fine to me. I *think* it's because Bob was putting so much enthusiasm into it, and when you talk to Bob, he's usually pretty low key. The only times that Bob actually sounded like Bob to me, was when the reading required him to be calling someone a "cocksucking motherfucker", because that's basically how Levy says hello when he answers the phone.
The second thing that had me cracking up during Bob's reading was the voice he would do anytime the reading required him to repeat the dialogue of a black character in the story.
But in particular Quincy Jones.
At one point in the book, Lange recounts a conversation he had with Quincy Jones. Lange even describes Jones' voice as being smooth and cool, but Levy goes into a characterization that could only be described as "Silky the 69th Street Pimp".
Most of all, I just found Lange's story to be something that I could relate to. No, I never did insane amounts of drugs, or experienced any success in show business. But Lange's story is that of an average jerkoff, like me, who went after his dream and can't even believe himself, that things have worked out the way they did.
And most of all, he still comes off as that average jerkoff....and I think that's why so many people love Artie.
His story is like any of ours....only with a Cinderfella story twist to it.
What?!?
Cinderfella was a nice reference!!! Lange is a comedian...Cinderfella was a Jerry Lewis film, and HE'S a comedian.
I hate you.
Anyway, I highly recommend getting this audiobook, because it's great, and reading is for sissies.
O.....K.....
Either someone wasn't thinking AT ALL....or.....they're a marketing genius.
You decide....
You decide....
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
It's not a podcast, it's a ZZZCast!
How was that for a cornball slogan?
Oh whatever, it's just as good as the shit that real companies conjure up.
So, a little over a month ago, Ro asked me if I would do a podcast with her for her site ZZZList.com.
I said "Well....only if I don't have to do ANY work. If I can just sit there and respond to shit you say to me, you have a deal....but no way will I do any work"
See, I'm a lazy bastard and the idea of doing ANYTHING on the internet that seems like work to me, is out of the question...I love the internet as a clowny outlet, but that's all.
She said "Fine...I'll just call you and that's all you have to do....GOD you're a tool!"
Then I said "Oh, and I'll need $100 a show...catch you later!"
By episode 6, we somehow became the #64 podcast out of 3,372 comedy podcasts on Podcast Alley..just one spot below the Onion Radio News and outranking the Philadelphia morning radio duo of Preston And Steve who were positioned at #103 .
We had over 2,000 downloads in the month of October alone and our "popularity" gauge is full at iTunes.
F'N crazy, right?
There are now seven episodes of ZZZCast so I figured I'd finally say something here.
Here's the page she set up for it at her site....http://www.zzzlist.com/Podcast/Show.htm
The production value is shit....I'm a moron....and she's some sort of gloryhound.
But if that seems interesting to you, have at it.
How was that for a sales pitch?
Oh whatever, it's just as good as the shit that real companies conjure up.
So, a little over a month ago, Ro asked me if I would do a podcast with her for her site ZZZList.com.
I said "Well....only if I don't have to do ANY work. If I can just sit there and respond to shit you say to me, you have a deal....but no way will I do any work"
See, I'm a lazy bastard and the idea of doing ANYTHING on the internet that seems like work to me, is out of the question...I love the internet as a clowny outlet, but that's all.
She said "Fine...I'll just call you and that's all you have to do....GOD you're a tool!"
Then I said "Oh, and I'll need $100 a show...catch you later!"
By episode 6, we somehow became the #64 podcast out of 3,372 comedy podcasts on Podcast Alley..just one spot below the Onion Radio News and outranking the Philadelphia morning radio duo of Preston And Steve who were positioned at #103 .
We had over 2,000 downloads in the month of October alone and our "popularity" gauge is full at iTunes.
F'N crazy, right?
There are now seven episodes of ZZZCast so I figured I'd finally say something here.
Here's the page she set up for it at her site....http://www.zzzlist.com/Podcast/Show.htm
The production value is shit....I'm a moron....and she's some sort of gloryhound.
But if that seems interesting to you, have at it.
How was that for a sales pitch?
Monday, November 17, 2008
Why I'm The Way I Am
As of late, I've been in a very introspective kinda way.
Human behavior has always interested me, though not enough to actually pursue any real understanding of it as dictated by textbooks and degrees. To some degree, I've always had a decent handle on what drives most people...there's always a curve ball here and there, but for the most part, you can understand someone just by watching them for a short amount of time.
Lately though, I tend to try to figure out my own behavior and what the catalysts to a lot of them are.
One of the first things I find perhaps odd about myself, is my sense of humor. I tend to find things funny that many other people might find horrifying or incredibly embarrassing to laugh at. Now however, I find that I can't find anything shockingly funny anymore. I feel like it's all been done in some shape or form before, and I'm even at the point that when I see someone trying to be over the top shocking, I find them hacky and pathetic.
During one of my introspective dalliances, I attempted to figure out why I was never entertained by "comedy" unless it was something just....well....awful.
And then I traced back to the source.
Now, I could describe to you the individual that I hold responsible for me not being able to be entertained by Jeff Foxworthy or Judy Tenuta, but just so you have a nice visual, I give you....Billy:
When I was 14 years old, I began working Summers and Weekends for my Step-Father's company. Billy was his employee, and when I would go in to work, nine times out of ten I was paired with him. As you can see, he was a typical contractor type, but that is exactly where Billy stopped being typical in any way, shape, or form.
Whenever I was paired with him, I would step in to his van and be greeted with a borderline sinister "Hello, Boooooyyyy". The tone always supplied a "just wait til you see what I have in store for you." atmosphere to the morning.
Billy seemed to have no gauge for what you thought in your head, versus what was appropriate for audible broadcast. And it wasn't just what he said, but how he said it. For instance, I can recall many times where we would arrive at a customer's home and they would do the obligatory "Is there anything you need from me before I head out?", and Billy would respond with "It wouldn't hurt ya to throw a pot of coffee on, now would it?" Then there would be the stare down between him and the home owner.
Them with their "Did he just say that to me like that?" look, and Billy with his hands rested on his ,very much accurate in my drawing, protruding gut..rolling his fingers on it like he was playing a bloated piano, and smiling back at them as if to say "Yes, motherfucker...I DID just talk to you like that."
All of this became very commonplace for me...so much so that I even reached a point where I didn't even get embarrassed by it anymore.
But this time...here today...I'm gonna tell you one of the first memories I have of working with this guy that let me know that there was something very wrong going on here.
On October 30 1985 a woman named Sylvia Seegrist carried out a killing spree at the Springfield Mall in Springfield, PA. When it was over, 3 people were dead, and seven wounded. It horrified the nation, because it was a time when things like that didn't happen as often as they do now.
At the entrance in front of the mall, an ATM was embeded into it's brick facade. As Seegrist entered the mall, she shot at a person who was using the ATM, which luckily missed them, but left a bullet hole in the brick.
A few days later, Billy needed cash in the morning before work.
As we pulled up to the front of the mall, we could see a local news van positioned near the ATM.
We approaced the curb, and Billy looked at the cameraman and newscaster, then turned to me and smiled in a way that resembled The Grinch when he was about to steal Christmas.
I thought to myself "OH FUCK, OH FUCK...Dude don't do this!!!"
But there really was no stopping him once he had this look, and I never even bothered actually speaking the thoughts in my head.
As he turned away from the ATM after completing the transaction, the newscaster set in.
"Sir, can I ask you some questions?"
The smile once again set in on his face and the fingers began playing the belly piano in preparation for his response.
"Why.....you sure can!" he responded in an almost Ward Cleaver-ish tone.
"Sir, how do you feel coming here after the events of the last week?"
"Why.....what do you mean by the events of the last week?
Now I knew something bad was about to happen, and I just wanted to be any place but where I was.
"Well....sir....you DO realize that a woman named Sylvia Seegrist shot and killed a bunch of shoppers in the mall the other day, don't you?"
Billy then began screaming!
"WHAAAAAT?!?!? HERE?!?!? OH GOD, YOU'RE NOT SAFE ANYWHERE!!!!"
At this point he began running back to the van, arms flailing "START THE VAN, KID!!! START THE VAN!!!!! LET'S GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE...PEOPLE ARE KILLING PEOPLE AROUND HERE!!!!"
He jumped in the driver's seat and turned to look at the reporter as she was lowering her microphone with a look on her face as if she smelled something awful.
With all the energy she could muster while being completely appalled at what she had just witnessed, she muttered the most simple "Asshole", that I have ever heard.
Billy ERUPTED in laughter at the utterance, and we drove off.
"What is the MATTER with you, dude?" I asked him.
"Wha...oh....hey, FUCK that bitch, booooyyyy. She's a fuckin' parasite. She don't care about what happened there the other day...this is a big payday for her kind! FUCK EM'!" he responded.
"You gotta lotta growin' up to do, kid. The world isn't the way it appears. But don't worry, ole Uncle Billy is here to show you the light, spider!
Say...did you ever give a girl some qualudes?"
This would be my harsh introduction into his world of entertainment, but certainly not the last thing I would ever witness.
His brand of "comedy" though, has apparently stuck with me all this time.
Human behavior has always interested me, though not enough to actually pursue any real understanding of it as dictated by textbooks and degrees. To some degree, I've always had a decent handle on what drives most people...there's always a curve ball here and there, but for the most part, you can understand someone just by watching them for a short amount of time.
Lately though, I tend to try to figure out my own behavior and what the catalysts to a lot of them are.
One of the first things I find perhaps odd about myself, is my sense of humor. I tend to find things funny that many other people might find horrifying or incredibly embarrassing to laugh at. Now however, I find that I can't find anything shockingly funny anymore. I feel like it's all been done in some shape or form before, and I'm even at the point that when I see someone trying to be over the top shocking, I find them hacky and pathetic.
During one of my introspective dalliances, I attempted to figure out why I was never entertained by "comedy" unless it was something just....well....awful.
And then I traced back to the source.
Now, I could describe to you the individual that I hold responsible for me not being able to be entertained by Jeff Foxworthy or Judy Tenuta, but just so you have a nice visual, I give you....Billy:
When I was 14 years old, I began working Summers and Weekends for my Step-Father's company. Billy was his employee, and when I would go in to work, nine times out of ten I was paired with him. As you can see, he was a typical contractor type, but that is exactly where Billy stopped being typical in any way, shape, or form.
Whenever I was paired with him, I would step in to his van and be greeted with a borderline sinister "Hello, Boooooyyyy". The tone always supplied a "just wait til you see what I have in store for you." atmosphere to the morning.
Billy seemed to have no gauge for what you thought in your head, versus what was appropriate for audible broadcast. And it wasn't just what he said, but how he said it. For instance, I can recall many times where we would arrive at a customer's home and they would do the obligatory "Is there anything you need from me before I head out?", and Billy would respond with "It wouldn't hurt ya to throw a pot of coffee on, now would it?" Then there would be the stare down between him and the home owner.
Them with their "Did he just say that to me like that?" look, and Billy with his hands rested on his ,very much accurate in my drawing, protruding gut..rolling his fingers on it like he was playing a bloated piano, and smiling back at them as if to say "Yes, motherfucker...I DID just talk to you like that."
All of this became very commonplace for me...so much so that I even reached a point where I didn't even get embarrassed by it anymore.
But this time...here today...I'm gonna tell you one of the first memories I have of working with this guy that let me know that there was something very wrong going on here.
On October 30 1985 a woman named Sylvia Seegrist carried out a killing spree at the Springfield Mall in Springfield, PA. When it was over, 3 people were dead, and seven wounded. It horrified the nation, because it was a time when things like that didn't happen as often as they do now.
At the entrance in front of the mall, an ATM was embeded into it's brick facade. As Seegrist entered the mall, she shot at a person who was using the ATM, which luckily missed them, but left a bullet hole in the brick.
A few days later, Billy needed cash in the morning before work.
As we pulled up to the front of the mall, we could see a local news van positioned near the ATM.
We approaced the curb, and Billy looked at the cameraman and newscaster, then turned to me and smiled in a way that resembled The Grinch when he was about to steal Christmas.
I thought to myself "OH FUCK, OH FUCK...Dude don't do this!!!"
But there really was no stopping him once he had this look, and I never even bothered actually speaking the thoughts in my head.
As he turned away from the ATM after completing the transaction, the newscaster set in.
"Sir, can I ask you some questions?"
The smile once again set in on his face and the fingers began playing the belly piano in preparation for his response.
"Why.....you sure can!" he responded in an almost Ward Cleaver-ish tone.
"Sir, how do you feel coming here after the events of the last week?"
"Why.....what do you mean by the events of the last week?
Now I knew something bad was about to happen, and I just wanted to be any place but where I was.
"Well....sir....you DO realize that a woman named Sylvia Seegrist shot and killed a bunch of shoppers in the mall the other day, don't you?"
Billy then began screaming!
"WHAAAAAT?!?!? HERE?!?!? OH GOD, YOU'RE NOT SAFE ANYWHERE!!!!"
At this point he began running back to the van, arms flailing "START THE VAN, KID!!! START THE VAN!!!!! LET'S GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE...PEOPLE ARE KILLING PEOPLE AROUND HERE!!!!"
He jumped in the driver's seat and turned to look at the reporter as she was lowering her microphone with a look on her face as if she smelled something awful.
With all the energy she could muster while being completely appalled at what she had just witnessed, she muttered the most simple "Asshole", that I have ever heard.
Billy ERUPTED in laughter at the utterance, and we drove off.
"What is the MATTER with you, dude?" I asked him.
"Wha...oh....hey, FUCK that bitch, booooyyyy. She's a fuckin' parasite. She don't care about what happened there the other day...this is a big payday for her kind! FUCK EM'!" he responded.
"You gotta lotta growin' up to do, kid. The world isn't the way it appears. But don't worry, ole Uncle Billy is here to show you the light, spider!
Say...did you ever give a girl some qualudes?"
This would be my harsh introduction into his world of entertainment, but certainly not the last thing I would ever witness.
His brand of "comedy" though, has apparently stuck with me all this time.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Madonna Had A Few Simple Requests
Don't even start with me....NO, I don't usually get in to gossipy shit, but I hate this bitch with all that I am, so I thought I'd share.
It seems that Guy Ritchie, the dopey bastard who "Once Upon A Time" thought it would be a good idea to marry Madonna who, to me, looks like what would be produced if Skeletor fucked a praying mantis.
I think my sentence structure was ALL jacked up on the last one, but read it a few times until it makes sense. Chances are, if I didn't know better the first time out, I'll only make things worse with an edit.
ANYWAY, over the weekend Ritchie was apparently foolish enough to think he could have visitation with his kids without the ever powerful Voguing arms reaching out and interfering in his business.
Let's have a look at the list, shall we? (read that last sentence with a British accent...it's more in keeping with our subject that way....what?.....no, not Madonna, she just *pretends* to have a British accent.)
-Under no circumstances should they be allowed to read magazines, newspapers, or be allowed to watch TV or DVDs
-They must adhere at all time to a macrobiotic, vegetarian, organic diet with no processed or refined foods
-All water they drink, even when it's to dilute organic juice, should be Kabbalah water.
-They should wear the clothes that Madonna has sent with them on the flight. If they need to be bought anything, they should not contain man made fibers.
-Their hands should be regularly cleaned with disinfectant spray if they are in public places.
-They should not be bought toys which are spiritually or ethically unsound.
-Guy should not discuss the separation with them.
-Madonna should have phone contact with the boys at least three or four times a day, at times set by her
-The boys should not be introduced to Guy's new friends, especially any female friends he has attracted since the separation
-Madonna has encouraged this access to give Guy time with the boys, rather than his parents spending time with them
-The boys should not be photographed while with Guy. It is his responsibility to organize security so that does not happen
-At bedtime, Guy should read David the "English Rose" books that Madonna wrote.
Oh Guy, you silly bastard!
How cool does banging "The Material Girl" seem now?
This my friend, is unfortunately what you have to look forward to for the rest of your days.
Isn't it funny really, how a woman who built her career around controversial hijinks and sexual antics...who made a book entitled "Sex" in which she simulated intercourse with a dog and Vanilla Ice all of a sudden knows what's best for everyone?
Hey, come to think of it...which one is more embarrassing now...the dog or Vanilla Ice?
My advice Guy?
Go ALL O.J. on that gap toothed, pseudo Brit hooker!
Seriously, dude....I don't have tons of cash or anything, but I SWEAR I will go door to door like I'm raising money for fuckin' Jerry's Kids to fund your legal team, and I think a LOT of other people would too.
By the way....when I was in my freshman year of High School, there was this cat Steve in my wood shop class that was all excited with himself because people told him that he sounded just like Madonna when he sang "Starlight" so he began singing it to show us.
Did you ever want to beat someone to death with a spice rack even though you knew it would mean a failing grade on the project?
Word to your mutha!
It seems that Guy Ritchie, the dopey bastard who "Once Upon A Time" thought it would be a good idea to marry Madonna who, to me, looks like what would be produced if Skeletor fucked a praying mantis.
I think my sentence structure was ALL jacked up on the last one, but read it a few times until it makes sense. Chances are, if I didn't know better the first time out, I'll only make things worse with an edit.
ANYWAY, over the weekend Ritchie was apparently foolish enough to think he could have visitation with his kids without the ever powerful Voguing arms reaching out and interfering in his business.
Let's have a look at the list, shall we? (read that last sentence with a British accent...it's more in keeping with our subject that way....what?.....no, not Madonna, she just *pretends* to have a British accent.)
-Under no circumstances should they be allowed to read magazines, newspapers, or be allowed to watch TV or DVDs
-They must adhere at all time to a macrobiotic, vegetarian, organic diet with no processed or refined foods
-All water they drink, even when it's to dilute organic juice, should be Kabbalah water.
-They should wear the clothes that Madonna has sent with them on the flight. If they need to be bought anything, they should not contain man made fibers.
-Their hands should be regularly cleaned with disinfectant spray if they are in public places.
-They should not be bought toys which are spiritually or ethically unsound.
-Guy should not discuss the separation with them.
-Madonna should have phone contact with the boys at least three or four times a day, at times set by her
-The boys should not be introduced to Guy's new friends, especially any female friends he has attracted since the separation
-Madonna has encouraged this access to give Guy time with the boys, rather than his parents spending time with them
-The boys should not be photographed while with Guy. It is his responsibility to organize security so that does not happen
-At bedtime, Guy should read David the "English Rose" books that Madonna wrote.
Oh Guy, you silly bastard!
How cool does banging "The Material Girl" seem now?
This my friend, is unfortunately what you have to look forward to for the rest of your days.
Isn't it funny really, how a woman who built her career around controversial hijinks and sexual antics...who made a book entitled "Sex" in which she simulated intercourse with a dog and Vanilla Ice all of a sudden knows what's best for everyone?
Hey, come to think of it...which one is more embarrassing now...the dog or Vanilla Ice?
My advice Guy?
Go ALL O.J. on that gap toothed, pseudo Brit hooker!
Seriously, dude....I don't have tons of cash or anything, but I SWEAR I will go door to door like I'm raising money for fuckin' Jerry's Kids to fund your legal team, and I think a LOT of other people would too.
By the way....when I was in my freshman year of High School, there was this cat Steve in my wood shop class that was all excited with himself because people told him that he sounded just like Madonna when he sang "Starlight" so he began singing it to show us.
Did you ever want to beat someone to death with a spice rack even though you knew it would mean a failing grade on the project?
Word to your mutha!
Monday, November 10, 2008
LISTEN AT THE BIBLE!!!!!
Ron's entry that featured Benny Hinn reminded me of an entry I've been meaning to make for quite some time now.
I'm not a religious person, so to speak....AND, I find that most people who *claim* to be religious have no idea what adhering to the word of God really means. Mostly I think that those in America interpret the bible to work *for* them and their lifestyle, rather than curb their lifestyle to work for the bible/word of God.
BUT, that's a sticky conversation, and as I said, I'm not really religious, so we'll just leave it at that for now.
However, there is one preacher that I watch fairly often, and that's Pastor Gino Jennings from Philadelphia.
Now, I don't really watch him to get my religion fix, but more because I enjoy the way that he forces people to look at how they DON'T really follow the word of God the way they are supposed to while calling themselves faithful believers.
The synchronicity in which he operates with the scripture reader Steve is flawless, and his methods are second to none. (in my opinion, that is)
In the two following clips, he addresses...well...basically Catholicism I suppose, and where it and it's followers often deviate directly from what the bible tells them.
What did Yoda say..."Do or do not, there is no try."
Or Myagi for that matter .."You karate do yes....safe. You karate do no...safe. You karate do guess so....SQUISH...just like grape!"
I don't really know what the fuck that had to do with anything, but I always enjoy tying I movie reference to shit, and besides, it kinda works if you think about it.
Anyway, I give you the HONORABLE Pastor Gino Jennings:
I'm not a religious person, so to speak....AND, I find that most people who *claim* to be religious have no idea what adhering to the word of God really means. Mostly I think that those in America interpret the bible to work *for* them and their lifestyle, rather than curb their lifestyle to work for the bible/word of God.
BUT, that's a sticky conversation, and as I said, I'm not really religious, so we'll just leave it at that for now.
However, there is one preacher that I watch fairly often, and that's Pastor Gino Jennings from Philadelphia.
Now, I don't really watch him to get my religion fix, but more because I enjoy the way that he forces people to look at how they DON'T really follow the word of God the way they are supposed to while calling themselves faithful believers.
The synchronicity in which he operates with the scripture reader Steve is flawless, and his methods are second to none. (in my opinion, that is)
In the two following clips, he addresses...well...basically Catholicism I suppose, and where it and it's followers often deviate directly from what the bible tells them.
What did Yoda say..."Do or do not, there is no try."
Or Myagi for that matter .."You karate do yes....safe. You karate do no...safe. You karate do guess so....SQUISH...just like grape!"
I don't really know what the fuck that had to do with anything, but I always enjoy tying I movie reference to shit, and besides, it kinda works if you think about it.
Anyway, I give you the HONORABLE Pastor Gino Jennings:
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Is This The Greatest Video Ever?
There have been many music videos that I thought were great, but this one is just fucking genius!!! I know it has been around for a while, but it is an all-time classic!
Benny Hinn might be one of the biggest scumbags of all time, preying on stupid people all over the world, but...... the motherfucker and his flock of fools make me laugh! "My Man Benny!" I can't help it, I love watching morons act like morons.
I guess that's why I watch Fox News so much.
This Makes Me All Sad And Nostalgic
Goddamn that was a great time to be young.
YES, I know this is all computer generated, you ass....but it's pretty accurate.
I remember standing around crowds of people watching someone play Dragon's Lair. They actually would have to place a monitor on top of the arcade cabinet because otherwise you couldn't get close enough to the machine to see anything.
Anyone remember Showbiz Pizza? That's one of the places around here that had Dragon's Lair.
They had a couple other hot games too, but the problem was it was like a Chuckie Cheese, so you had a bunch of little kids running around fuckin' up your gametastic style.
And then there was this jacked up robot band called The Rockafire Explosion that would play the current hits of the time, only minus whatever cool factor the original version of the song had.
You haven't lived until you've seen a hillbilly bear singing "Der Kommisar"!
See what I mean? It's hard to get your game on with that kind of loopy shit going on as a backdrop.
You were applauding for ROBOTS, people!!!!
WHAT THE FU.....hey....speaking of shit like that....why do people applaud at the end of a movie?
Haven't you seen that before? The movie ends...the credits start to roll...and the theater starts erupting in applause.
WHY?
I could see if the cast were in the theater with you...or even let's say a member of the production team, and you want to just say to them "Hey, that was some damn fine editing, my friend...DAMN FINE!".
But why are you applauding at the SCREEN?
Wait...what the hell was this post about anyway?
YES, I know this is all computer generated, you ass....but it's pretty accurate.
I remember standing around crowds of people watching someone play Dragon's Lair. They actually would have to place a monitor on top of the arcade cabinet because otherwise you couldn't get close enough to the machine to see anything.
Anyone remember Showbiz Pizza? That's one of the places around here that had Dragon's Lair.
They had a couple other hot games too, but the problem was it was like a Chuckie Cheese, so you had a bunch of little kids running around fuckin' up your gametastic style.
And then there was this jacked up robot band called The Rockafire Explosion that would play the current hits of the time, only minus whatever cool factor the original version of the song had.
You haven't lived until you've seen a hillbilly bear singing "Der Kommisar"!
See what I mean? It's hard to get your game on with that kind of loopy shit going on as a backdrop.
You were applauding for ROBOTS, people!!!!
WHAT THE FU.....hey....speaking of shit like that....why do people applaud at the end of a movie?
Haven't you seen that before? The movie ends...the credits start to roll...and the theater starts erupting in applause.
WHY?
I could see if the cast were in the theater with you...or even let's say a member of the production team, and you want to just say to them "Hey, that was some damn fine editing, my friend...DAMN FINE!".
But why are you applauding at the SCREEN?
Wait...what the hell was this post about anyway?
Saturday, November 8, 2008
F Joe Lieberman!
Joe Lieberman made his choice to pimp for John McCain all over the country and betray the Democratic Party. Now Lieberman wants to kiss and make up. F that! Lieberman should be stripped of his Senate Committee Chair of Home Land Security and banished to a low profile subcommittee. Senate majority leader Harry Reid needs to grow a set and kick Lieberman out of the Democratic Party Caucus. Last I checked Lieberman is an independent. He calls himself an Independent-Democrat. No Joe, you are a sell-out! Lieberman addressed the Republican National Convention, so let the GOP have Lieberman. I still blame the nasally douche for being too much of a pussy as Al Gore's running mate. Lieberman is a traitor and has to go!
Friday, November 7, 2008
Now Will You Stop Complaining?
All I ever hear is "Joe, why don't you ever give us some pictures of hot chicks?", or "Joe, I like to jack it during my lunch break...Obama isn't hot enough though, bro."
Well, THERE!
How hot is Amy these days?
Tell me you wouldn't LOVE to put it down on that!!!
I mean, what a total package that is....the hair, the running mascara, the lumberjack coat.
Who says drugs are bad for you?
World Of Warcraft playing DORKS, that's who!!!
People who just don't get what it means to party hardstyle.
So WHAT...EVER to all you 9 to 5, slave to the grind chumps.... Me and Amy Winehouse are gonna set this bitch OFF, yo!
Well, THERE!
How hot is Amy these days?
Tell me you wouldn't LOVE to put it down on that!!!
I mean, what a total package that is....the hair, the running mascara, the lumberjack coat.
Who says drugs are bad for you?
World Of Warcraft playing DORKS, that's who!!!
People who just don't get what it means to party hardstyle.
So WHAT...EVER to all you 9 to 5, slave to the grind chumps.... Me and Amy Winehouse are gonna set this bitch OFF, yo!
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
I'd Say Brand Is Bouncing Back Fairly Well...
"Russell Brand left Britain in disgrace, but less than a week after resigning from his BBC Radio 2 show his career appears to have recovered.
Brand is reportedly thrashing out a deal to appear in the fourth Pirates Of The Caribbean film - as Captain Jack Sparrow's younger brother Jonathan. The deal to appear in the children's film could be worth as much as £5million and would catapault the 33-year-old into the Hollywood A-list.
A source told The Sun: 'There couldn't be a role more perfectly suited. There's a lot of Jack Sparrow in his mannerisms and behaviour. Depp's accent isn't a million miles away from Russell's either."
So there you have it. I think it's safe to say that resigning from the show may not have ONLY been about what it seemed at face value. Maybe someone knew it was time to clear up the schedule a bit, huh?
At the same time, I can't wait to see a "Pirates" film with Brand opposite Depp.
On paper, it should be the most entertaining yet.
Ralph Nader Is A Doucherocket
Last night while watching the outcome of the Election, I fell asleep.
Screw you, I was tired...I've been KILLING myself recently...with not only my job, but my new career in cake design.
ANYWAY, I woke up around 12:45 am or so and my local Fox affiliate was running a live interview of Ralph Nader conducted by Shepard Smith which I caught already in progress. Smith asked Nader something to the effect of "what obstacles does Obama face now?".
Nader came back with "We have to see if he can deliver on the promises he's made, or if he's going to be an Uncle Tom."
AWESOME, right?
SO, a shocked and horrified looking Smith says "You said Uncle Tom on the evening that America has just elected it's first Black President?"
Nader, realizing what he had just done, immediately begins trying to accuse Smith of "bullying him" and telling him that they can just cut to black now, because he wasn't going to take this from him.
Smith went on to try to explain that he wasn't trying to bully him, but more that he just couldn't believe that Nader would use such and ugly terminology ESPECIALLY on this particular night.
He then offered Nader an out by saying "In retrospect, do you wish you maybe had used a different description or set of words?"
Nader looks directly into the camera and says as deliberately as one can "NO...I...DO...NOT!"
I tried to find video of it for you, but my Web-Fu seems to have failed me.
UPDATE: Found the video...my memory was a bit off, but it's basically close to what I said.
Screw you, I was tired...I've been KILLING myself recently...with not only my job, but my new career in cake design.
ANYWAY, I woke up around 12:45 am or so and my local Fox affiliate was running a live interview of Ralph Nader conducted by Shepard Smith which I caught already in progress. Smith asked Nader something to the effect of "what obstacles does Obama face now?".
Nader came back with "We have to see if he can deliver on the promises he's made, or if he's going to be an Uncle Tom."
AWESOME, right?
SO, a shocked and horrified looking Smith says "You said Uncle Tom on the evening that America has just elected it's first Black President?"
Nader, realizing what he had just done, immediately begins trying to accuse Smith of "bullying him" and telling him that they can just cut to black now, because he wasn't going to take this from him.
Smith went on to try to explain that he wasn't trying to bully him, but more that he just couldn't believe that Nader would use such and ugly terminology ESPECIALLY on this particular night.
He then offered Nader an out by saying "In retrospect, do you wish you maybe had used a different description or set of words?"
Nader looks directly into the camera and says as deliberately as one can "NO...I...DO...NOT!"
I tried to find video of it for you, but my Web-Fu seems to have failed me.
UPDATE: Found the video...my memory was a bit off, but it's basically close to what I said.
Barack Obama Is The New Messiah Of The World!!
Can a brother JUST be the President?
If you've been following this blog, you'll know that I've been an Obama supporter from the outset. So as you can imagine, I'm elated at last night's outcome.
But there is an undertone going on here that I can't help but be troubled by.
In the midst of everyone being so amazed that America has elected it's first Black President, I think they are forgetting that he was only elected PRESIDENT, not "The Rectifier Of All Of Societal Ills"...not "The Messiah: Christ v2.0".
I understand that everyone is all excited now, and I understand what an amazing step forward it is for America to have finally overcome the racial barrier that has until now prevented ANYONE of dark complexion to hold the highest office.
BUT, I think *some* grounding in reality needs to occur here.
If the mentality that exists here now continues, Barack Obama can ONLY fail. People are setting the bar so high that no one could hope to reach expectation.
We're a funny lot, White America.
We went from hundreds of years of thinking that a black man couldn't succeed in such a position of great importance, to thinking instantly that a black man will be able to accomplish more than any white man in the same position ever could.
How about just letting him be President the same way that everyone before him did?
How about THAT kind of equality?
But maybe that's what the black leaders who have made the comments to the effect that "this is only a step forward, and NOT the end of the long road" mean?
Maybe we haven't REALLY reached the end of the road, until a black man can just be elected President without all the fanfare and high expectations of being New Coke...err...I mean Christ?
On the flipside....how many of you have heard all the racist comments from white friends today? Oh stop it...be honest!!!
I've heard a TON of cool shit so far. I imagine it must be what Hanukkah is like for Jewish people...it seemed that every time I turned around, I got another "present".
It's really weird, you know?
On one hand, this Country DID just elect it's first Black President...and 61% of those who voted for him were White.
On the other hand, I still hear racist bullshit every day.
Where do we really stand, Whitey?
Oh, and how cool is the "What?....is the White House gonna start serving fried chicken and Kool-Aid at dinners now?" line?
Yes, Zeke, it is.
And I hope it's extra crispy recipe and cherry flavored, because all other Kool-Aid flavors are bullshit. Except Berry Blue...that shit was fuckin' dope, yo! I used to drink that as a hangover cure during my Jagermeister phase. I wonder if it really worked, or I just convinced myself it did?
I was kind of a tool back then, so it could be the latter.
What?
Yeah, I know I'm still a tool by societal definition, but I've more or less excepted it.
YOU on the other hand are running around singing "Miley Cyrus" songs thinking it shows how you're still in touch with the youth.
Jesus Obama doesn't sing Miley Cyrus, and neither do I.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Charm City Is My Bitch!
That's right....I totally OWN Duff Goldman!!
I know what you're thinking..."Joe, how do you deliver such mastery with your very first cake? Your rendition of Perry The Platypus is second to none."
What can I say really? It's just something that comes very natural to me.
Um...ok...enough bullshit.
My daughter loves Disney's "Phineas & Ferb"...more specifically, the character from the show "Perry The Platypus". So being that her birthday was today, I asked her last week what kind of cake she wanted. She responded as you can already imagine.
Now, I watch WAY too much Food Network, and as a result, I end up thinking that I understand how to do things that I CLEARLY am out of my league about....AND the ONLY reason that I didn't actually try to use fondant here was because the woman at the cake supply shop told me that it was a lot of extra work and money that was generally lost on children.
SO, I decided to just go with basic stuff.
I explained to my daughter before presenting the cake that Perry had been in an accident and had suffered head trauma, AND that even though he may look and act a little differently than she remembered, he was still the same Perry, with the same feelings as you and me.
She responded with "So...you REALLY messed this up, huh?"
In closing, rest easy Duff.....for now.
I know what you're thinking..."Joe, how do you deliver such mastery with your very first cake? Your rendition of Perry The Platypus is second to none."
What can I say really? It's just something that comes very natural to me.
Um...ok...enough bullshit.
My daughter loves Disney's "Phineas & Ferb"...more specifically, the character from the show "Perry The Platypus". So being that her birthday was today, I asked her last week what kind of cake she wanted. She responded as you can already imagine.
Now, I watch WAY too much Food Network, and as a result, I end up thinking that I understand how to do things that I CLEARLY am out of my league about....AND the ONLY reason that I didn't actually try to use fondant here was because the woman at the cake supply shop told me that it was a lot of extra work and money that was generally lost on children.
SO, I decided to just go with basic stuff.
I explained to my daughter before presenting the cake that Perry had been in an accident and had suffered head trauma, AND that even though he may look and act a little differently than she remembered, he was still the same Perry, with the same feelings as you and me.
She responded with "So...you REALLY messed this up, huh?"
In closing, rest easy Duff.....for now.
Russell Brand Resigns From BBC Radio
Well that sucks. I really enjoyed his show because I think he's hilarious, and because it was refreshing to hear a show with guests that aren't the same old, same old that we get here in America.
In the U.K. maybe they were, but here, they were like hearing brand new celebrities.
Oh well, change and all.
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