Me And Katt Williams Set Things Straight About Michael Jackson

By the way....do you notice how nobody is calling him "Jacko" now?
What happened to that?

Now...NOW...He's "Michael" again. No "Whacko Jacko" to be heard anywhere.
Hell, I was watching NON music TV today, and as they came back from a break, there was a quick "Remembering Michael Jackson" piece.
I'm not trying to downplay what the guy was in music once, but can we admit that Thriller was really his moment in the sun, then he just rode that shit out, because people are too stupid to figure out when something goes from great to suck?

Seriously, did you ever notice that about people in America?
If you keep TELLING them that something is great...they believe you.
Madonna, Prince, Michael....not one of these jackoffs have made a RELEVANT piece of music since the 80's...yet people still hold them in high regard, and have NO IDEA WHY.

Even Michael's dancing...ok let's get this out of the way....FUCK ANYBODY who says that moment when he first did the Moonwalk on Motown's 25th wasn't INSANE. I remember the crowd EXPLODING...I remember going to school the next day, and EVERYONE was talking about that shit...saying that there must have been a conveyor belt in the floor or something.
THAT, was the moment that Michael Jackson BECAME Michael Jackson.
Sure, he was badass when he had an afro and was rockin' "Off The Wall"...but that Moonwalk during his Billie Jean lip sync, was the catalyst to why we are still talking about him today, and why he wasn't forgotten like Rockwell who sang "Somebody's Watchin' Me".

BUT, for the next 25 years....that prick NEVER did another "new" dance.
He just stuck with the shit that worked back then. I mean...I'm not into dancing anyway...but Christ dude, mix it up a bit!

Anyway screw all that...Katt sets it straight here, and if you're offended by...what should we call it?....SALTY language..don't push play!!
God knows if someone doesn't warn you people you get all up in arms.

Jon Lajoie's Michael Jackson Sendoff

If you've read here for a while, you know I dig Jon Lajoie's stuff.
If you've read here for a while, you know I hate hypocrisy.
If you've read here for a while, you know what NSFW means.

Things You Should Never See

Sometimes two things come together that are so diametrically opposed, that the outcome is clearly a sign of the impending apocalypse.
This is one.

Terrible Video From Iran Today

A young woman who was protesting the outcome of the election was killed by Basij.
Yet another reminder of how fortunate we are in this Country, that even when things happen that call for protest, there's no fear of being gunned down in the process of expressing your opinion.

My heart goes out to the Iranian people who are suffering through these terrible tragedies, for simply expressing their opinions on a perceived injustice.
Lives are ending for something that most of us are too lazy to participate in.
Me included.

Sometime during the day, while I was at the mall drinking a latte or looking at a waterfall at a park, this young woman was dying for no justifiable reason.
Kinda pauses you.

WARNING: VERY GRAPHIC VIDEO

L...O...L, Dummy!

Ok, if anyone believes that this dopey broad fell asleep while FIFTY THREE stars were being tattooed on HER FACE, I would like to sell you property on Mercury during my "One Day Only...HALF OFF" Sale.

I always get annoyed when someone thinks they're smarter than you, EVEN WHEN their story is idiotic at it's very foundation.

Congrats, sister....you look like a complete assclown, AND Mommy and Daddy are pissed at you. Angst and rebellion can really bite you in the ass sometimes.
You should have just started listening to metal and being promiscuous or something.
At least later in life you can just pretend those things didn't happen.
Try "pretending" you don't have 53 stars on your face at a job interview!

When iPod's Shuffle Attacks!

Ok, look...before we've even get started, I have a LOT of shit on my iPod.
I have things that I actually have no interest in, because I have the Billboard Top 100 of every year from 1974-1990...SO, I think you can understand that there's gonna be songs included in that, that I don't particularly care for.
Saavy?

SO, I'm at work today, and I decided to put the ole' iPod on shuffle. Figured I'd mix it up a bit instead of my usual rotation of Killswitch Engage, George Michael, Killswitch Engage, George Michael.
I mean, I know that SOUNDS like all levels of awesome at first, but after a while it becomes monotonous.

So I'm rolling along, and soon I hit "Der Kommissar", and was thinking "Ok...this is pretty badass!"...then, it gave me "Aggression" from Sevendust. Alright, we're on a roll here!
THEN, I got Scott Weiland covering David Bowie's "Fame"...if you haven't heard it, check it out....VERY good cover!
But alas, how does the old saying go..."To All Good Things...There Is An End"?

As if the hand of God came down from the heavens to smite me....."Afternoon Delight" from the Starland Vocal Band.
This is truly the most godawful pile of shit I have ever known in my life.

Enjoy for your self....


Seriously, I can't even begin to explain to you how much I hate this song.
You know what...yes I can.

This song, is so soulless...so without ANYTHING musically redeeming, that I hereby dub it "The Theme Music Of White People".
In mean, how the FUCK did America accept this shit? And I KNOW it was only White America, because there is NO WAY IN HELL that any black cats were gettin' down to this shit while Earth Wind And Fire was layin' shit down at the same time!

I can't imagine how all the other races didn't band together when that became a hit song and said "Oh...fuck this shit right here...these motherfuckers gotta go!"
A genocide was in order, people! You know it's true!
That's right, I said it...THAT is how bad that song is!

And you know what, I not only would have supported the genocide, I would have been one of those turncoat bastards like they had in the Warsaw ghetto, that were Jewish, but would snitch on other Jews to the Nazis.
I would be rattin' out EVERYTHING for shit as simple as an extra dinner roll, because I HATE my people so much for making that song a hit!
I'd be all whispering shit like "Nah...see that one over there...the one with the cardigan? Yeah, I saw him trying to dance...couldn't have been more than 15 minutes ago."

I won't be hitting shuffle again tomorrow.

Iran Isn't Taking It Sitting Down!!!

How amazing is that?
When Iranians believe an election was stolen, they don't have comedians make jokes about it, they get out there and DO something, even when death is a threat.
Now, I don't pretend to be well versed about the situation, but I did used to talk to this cat in Tehran on Skype (I don't want to give his name for obvious reasons)....he always used to tell me that he and his friends despised Ahmadinejad, and was praying for the day that they would be free of him.
Speaking with him was a real eye opener for me, because he would always tell me that he and his Iranian friends had no animosity towards America, and that he felt that both Governments played their respective people against each other with propaganda.
We here in the States of course, were always being told that the "real problem" was Iran, in our battle with Iraq.

He seemed like a good man.
Hopefully, he's doing well through all this.

GREAT series of photos here....Link

The Return Of Zack Morris

Kinda funny bit that Jimmy Fallon is running on his show.
Although, I remember feeling too old to be watching "Saved By The Bell" when it was on at the time, and now there's a reunion for it?
Christ, I hate getting old.
Remember the time that Jessi got hooked on "No-Doze", and started losing her shit while singing "I'm So Excited" from The Pointer Sisters?"
It's so bad, it still makes me cringe.....and if Zack had any sense, he would have started being her supplier, and worked out shit in trade, if you know what I mean!
Oh whatever...I'm just trying to add something interesting to the show...I don't see you having a better idea.

Here's the scene, by the way...

The Wilmington Bag Lady

If you live in Wilmington, DE, you have CERTAINLY seen this woman.
She's simply known as "The Wilmington Bag Lady"...BUT, she's a little more unique than the average homeless person.

For one thing, she doesn't stay in one place begging for shit. Instead, she walks LONG distances, clearly to get herself out there, and self promote. See, you can see her down in Trolley Square one minute, and up near the Concord Mall the next. For those who aren't familiar...that's a LONG ASS WALK....especially for you Ho-Ho guzzling hamhouses that I see all the time.
I actually saw her shopping in the ACME at the Fairfax Shopping Center once, which was weird somehow... but I mean, something has to go in those bags, right?
Isn't it strange that seeing her do what all normal humans do, seems bizarre somehow.
Or is it just because I'm an asshole?

But really I'm not joking about the self promotion thing...I mean, I AM, in that I don't *think* she's doing it consciously...but then again, she MAY just be that crafty. But what I DO mean is, how many homeless cats become KNOWN by everyone?
She's borderline iconic at this point.
So much so that she had her own Myspace page, and *I* feel the need to write something about her.


Look at her...no "Please help me, I'm homeless" bullshit sign...NONE of that!
In fact, I hear if you try to help her...by like offering to get her some shoes so she doesn't have to wear duct tape anymore..she gets HEATED.
She doesn't need your pity, asshat!

By the way, I was in NYC once, and there was this homeless guy sitting under a drain spout, in the winter, as it was raining. He had a perfectly written sign that said "Please help me, I'm blind, Homeless, and have AIDS." SO, I approached him and said "If you're blind, how did you write the sign so perfectly?"
He all of a sudden could see very well as he looked at me and told me to go fuck myself.
Oh stop it, people.
He was CLEARLY a gimmick. I don't give a fuck if you're blind...you can still feel water DRIPPING ON YOUR FUCKING HEAD, RIGHT?
His attempt at sympathy was a little overstated for my tastes.
Besides, on the list of things that I will burn in hell for...this is nowhere near the Top 10.


Now...do you see that, douchenozzles?
The Wilmington Bag Lady KNOWS when it's inclimate weather.
Does she look like some assclown that would sit under a drain spout during a rain storm?
HELL NO!

See, I don't seem like such a dick now in regards to what I said to that guy in NYC, do I?
When are you gonna learn to trust me about shit?
You know what, why do I even bother...all you care about is Tivoing the "Mama's Family" Marathon on TBS.

ANYWAY....I salute you Wilmington Bag Lady!
You do your own thing...you don't ask anyone for SHIT, and you would NEVER do something completely idiotic to garner sympathy from rubes.
Keep on truckin, sister!

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things....

Well, actually, you're only getting one of them this time, and no...it has nothing to do with cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudels.

For this entry, you will be treated to 1979's "Over The Edge", which featured the screen debut of Matt Dillon, who would go on to reprise the same character he played in this film, in The Outsiders and Rumble Fish....only, he had a different name in each film...but trust me...it was the same character.

In this film, the character's name is Richie White. Richie is COMPLETELY too cool for school, which seems odd now, when you see him in a half shirt, calf high tube socks, and riding a banana seat bike with a flag that says "Richie" on it....but trust me, he was badass back then.

Don't believe me?
Let him tell you sump.....



See? You will get your F'N BIDNESS HANDLED by Richie AND his bike flag!
Did you ever have someone tell you sump before?
One of my other favorite lines from Dillon is "I'm an outlaw, jack! Them cops wanna deal wit me, they best do it in the street!"
What's a cooler line than that coming from a 14 year old?
Nothing....nothing is.

"Over The Edge" was centered in "New Granada" a fictional subdivision that was going to feature Twin Cinemas and a Roller Rink! "Tomorrow's City...Today" the sign promised. But while all this progress was happening...no one was paying attention to the kids!! GASP!!!!

They weren't bad kids...they just needed some direction!
And they did what all kids do when they don't get the direction they need...they drank, did drugs, had sex, listened to Cheap Trick, locked their parents in the school during an emergency town meeting about "the trouble with kids today", shot the place up with shotguns and then lit everything they could on fire.
See?
Just a little tomfoolery!
Oh those crazy kids!!!

While this all seems like a bunch of silly bullshit, I think this movie dictated the pace of my generation for a bit. I seem to remember MANY "Richie Whites" shortly after this film was released, during my Junior High School days.
Hmm...OR, is it possible that the film was reflecting what already existed out there?
Who knows...I was nine at the time the film was released, people....I was still playing with Star Wars figures and shit. I remember when I found the Jawa figure before my cousin John...and he was all jerked off about it. And let me tell you, I didn't mind rubbing it in whenever I got the chance!!!
Oh I was such a silly goo....oh...yeah...Over The Edge....

Anyway, I remember this movie being on HBO almost every day back in the early 80's.
I think they just rotated this with "Red Dawn" and "Midnight Madness".....OOHHHH "Midnight Madness" is another one we have to get into sometime.
"The Bonaventure Hotel!!!!"

Whatever...you never understand ANYTHING I'm talking about.

The point is, Over The Edge is a part of ME...and this is my blog.
If you don't like it, go start your own blog and talk about how "Ice Castles" changed your life forever.

But I learned things from Over The Edge.
I learned that if you ignore your kids, they'll start listening to "Surrender" from Cheap Trick.
And if they start listening to "Surrender" from Cheap Trick...shit's getting lit on fire.

You know.....

Between this video I'm about to show you, and the intro for the Xmen Origins: Wolverine videogame, I've come to realize that we as viewers would be WAY better off if the movie studios would just allow game developers to make films.

This is the cinematic intro to the upcoming entry in the "Star Wars: Knights Of The Old Republic" franchise, and this short video is better than the last three films combined.
And no, I'm not even gonna go for a Jar Jar joke here, because that is SO played, and I'm very hip and stuff. I mean, for me to go for a joke about Jar Jar in 2009, would be the equivalent to me telling people to "step off" and shit, you know what I mean?
I mean, YOU still do shit like that...but I'm WAY cooler than you....in fact, I never said "step off" even when people were saying it, because unlike you, I never enjoyed the show "Martin".

Don't you feel silly now for thinking that show was so great?

Wait...what was I talking about?
Oh yeah...this video......



See....and not a single instance of Martin Lawrence ANYWHERE!

You know what, I'm gonna give you the Wolverine intro too, because we're tight like that. I just wish Logan was doing this shit on the set of "Martin" and then at your house when you were sitting there laughing away and repeating catchphrases from the show.
But we all have dreams.
Anyway.....

Goodbye Hard Rock Park!

Last September...I went on a trip to Myrtle Beach, S.C. and visited the Hard Rock Amusement Park.
The park had JUST opened the previous Spring and as you can imagine, was based around all things Rock & Roll.
As crazy as it sounds...this day will go down as one of the best of my life. It was one of those moments where EVERYTHING just fell in place the right way, even when everything was wrong by all technical and moral definition.

Like from the moment it all began with the guy at our hotel who we had to buy our tickets from.
His "office" was literally a closet...and when we went in, we immediately noticed his hand was bandaged up and bloody....and as we sat to get our tickets, he began nervously explaining away the smashed file cabinet in the room as something that someone tried to "Jerry Rig".
He then went on to talk about people on "Talk Radio" shows that have anger management problems which is "just too much for him"....and his brother who owed him a BUNCH of money, and that he now had to explain this to his wife tonight.

Now, if you've read here long enough....you know how difficult it would be for me to not bust out laughing at this guy who CLEARLY lost money on a bet, then beat the SHIT out of his file cabinet as if IT picked the wrong horses, and now had to explain to his wife that he didn't have the rent money.
I LIVE for people like this!

YOU might see him and his situation as a sad state of affairs....I however, saw this as a GLORIOUS start to the day. A start that had us laughing during the entire car ride to the park from our hotel as we envisioned his talk with his wife that night...and things probably ending up for her, the same way they did the file cabinet.
But I have problems, people...I've told you this MANY times now.

In the park, things were not quite as interesting as him...but there were funny things in their own right, all the same.

There was "Led Zeppelin The Ride" which was a Zeppelin shaped rollercoaster that BLASTED "Whole Lotta Love" into your face for the entire duration of the high speed ride. Now, I know that sounds like a dream come true, especially if you're from Claymont, DE or Aston, PA. but was it REALLY perfect?
No.

As you waited in the queue, you were treated to a video that featured two guys PRETENDING to be Wayne and Garth from "Wayne's World"......in 2008. Not that I mean THEY were in 2008....I mean that apparently the ultra hip suits at Hard Rock corporate thought that an imitation Wayne And Garth would be "really hip with the kids" in 2008.
Really, people? "Schwing!"????

But somehow....maybe they were on to something, because we laughed our asses off at the sheer idiocy of it. Their "fail" at being hip....was a homerun....just like the File Cabinet Serial Killer.

Then there was "Phonehenge"....it was a bunch of British Phone booths arranged like Stongehenge. See? Get it?
Anyway...that was just a photo spot...but the hippie park attendant who approached us and gave us a flyer because he was campaigning his DOG for Governor was a bit more interesting.
No, he wasn't an act....he was just insane apparently.

We even had lunch in "Alice's Restaurant"....and were actually informed that we "could have anything we want"....as long as it was on the menu.

But the highlight of the day, was the dark ride "Nights In White Satin: The Trip".
I really don't even know how to do this justice...and much like they say about the 60's themselves, if you weren't there, you just really don't understand.
Let's just put it this way...you began by putting on 3D glasses, and from that point EVERYTHING was in 3D. The walls, the ceiling, the carpet....all in the dark, and day-glo painted.
It was as trippy as it claimed it would be, and was actually named one of the top three attractions of 2008 by ThemePark Insider.

But what made this day so amazing, is that we just about had the whole park to ourselves.
It was after the heavy season in Myrtle Beach, AND the park itself was doing terribly.
SO, we were able to do whatever we wanted...as many times as we wanted....and NEVER had to wait in any sort of a line.
It was so dead that when a ride would end, the crew would just ask if we wanted to stay on and go again!
AND the characters that walked around in the "British Invasion" section of the park, actually recognized us when they would see us come back around again....."THERE'S MY FRIENDS AGAIN!" would be heard from the guy who looked like Brian Jones....before the whole swimming pool mishap, of course.

The sheer silliness of everything, was magnificently absurd, and the epitome of perfect in my twisted sense of normalcy.

What's my point of all this you ask?

"Hard Rock Park" closed shortly after our trip because of poor performance, and re-opened as "Freestyle Music Park" this past Memorial Day, MINUS all the licenses that afforded them the rides that I mentioned here. I will never ride "Nights In White Satin" again...but I will ALWAYS remember it when I hear that song.
Everything I knew that day, is gone...never to return again.


See, even the logo sucks.

That perfect day can now never even attempt to be replicated.....well, for a number of reasons....but mostly because the place I knew doesn't exist anymore.
I mean....Disney World is always still there...so is Six Flags....but this place is gone now, at least the way I knew it.
Kinda weird to happen so quickly.

This was one of those rare moments when you knew that what was happening was something great...and in retrospect, it was even better now that it's gone.

I had an amazing day there...a day that will stay with me forever.
So I'd say I got my money's worth.