Taking A Moment To Thank A Genius

This will be lost on you, because undoubtedly, you don't wash your hands after using a restroom, but for those of us who do, I want to extend a long overdue thank you to the Excel company for their magnificent product.

I give you....The Xlerator....

This magical device will have your hands dry in about 10 seconds flat.
I'm pretty sure it has hurricane force winds captured inside it's steel casing, that are released every time the sensor detects a hand is placed below.

Remember the days of old? A machine so weak, that it would have been quicker to pay the guy who just serviced you in the stall to just blow on your hands to dry them?
Those days sucked!

Or that silly "wave your hand under the dispenser and a towel rolls out" thing??
It gives you a sheet so tiny that only a fucking dwarf would be able to dry his little sausage hands with it, but it's pointless anyway, because he can't reach up to wave his hand under it.
I can picture the lil' fella now...jumping as high as he can with his hands flailing about, and then finally still.... looking up at the machine in silence with his sad little face...just wanting a towel, but knowing he can never have one. And then with his head down, slowly walking out of the restroom, as he dries his hands by rubbing them on the sides of his tiny pants.
Those are the moments in life to cherish, people. Don't let them pass you by without taking a minute to appreciate them!

But I digress....
The Xlerator is the greatest thing to ever hit the bathroom stall since the cologne guy. Not that I actually use the cologne guy, because I haven't rocked Drakkar Noir since the 80's....but I just like to know that he's there.
By the way...is there a dollar amount they could pay you, to get you to sit in a Men's restroom all day?
What a terrible way to make a buck.

Now, you may be asking yourself why I didn't discuss the much newer Dyson Air Blade instead of the Xlerator....

It's because I don't enjoy the Air Blade as much as I do the Xlerator.
Sure, it does a fine job of drying the hands, but I don't like the idea of putting my hands into something.
Every time I use the Air Blade, I feel like I'm presenting my hands to a police officer for cuffing, or that the machine is some sort of trap.
Besides, I don't just willingly surrender to "the man".

P.S....I'd like to see a dwarf try to use this one too!!!!