Cuckoo Assclowns

There are a ton of reasons to dig YouTube, but the reason I love it most is that it exposes all the creepy sumbitches that you always knew were out there, but preferred to not actually see.

Now, usually I would post goofy YouTube videos under my "YouTool" section, but these people aren't necessarily tools, as much as they are just...well...Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs!

Our first Cuckoo Assclown wants you to know something about Rainbows. But rather than me elaborate any further, why don't you just enjoy for your self.....

So there you have it.
Rainbows are secret Government agents.
You know, now that I've watched this a second time, I think she's on to something, and I'd like to point out something that she hasn't picked up on.....
Gays are CLEARLY in cahoots with the Government!!!
Think I'm crazy?
Well let me ask you THIS....
When you see Gay Pride Parades, what flag are they carrying?
What do they have on T-Shirts....wristbands....etc???
That's right....RAINBOWS!
Gay starts with "G", and you know what else starts with "G"?
Government!!!!!

If we sit idly by and let Gays and Rainbows work along side the Government to take over, how long until we are all forced to dress with more style, decorate our homes better, and have a greater appreciation of the arts and fine cuisine?????
Who will be left to shop at Walmart and eat Pork Rinds????

Fine...keep rolling your eyes, we'll see who laughs last.

Our next entry HATES lawnmowers.
Don't believe me?
Watch for yourself.....oh, and as a word of warning, this video contains extreme acts of violence towards what appears to be a Toro 20350 Variable Speed Recycler, so if you are a member of PETL (People For The Ethical Treatment Of Lawnmowers) you may want to avoid this.

I don't care WHAT that Lawnmower did, it didn't deserve that.
Especially the airplane spin and toss at the end.
Hopefully the proper authorities see this video, and she's brought to justice.
I'm still shaking.

Jennifer Aniston and Romantic Comedies SUCK....SURPRISE!

So this guy is in a Starbucks, and he's ordering a skinny, triple shot Caramel Macchiato...tall of course, because his overbearing fiance, Rhia always tells him that beyond that is simply too indulgent....and just as the barista calls out his specific concoction, another hand touches his as he's wrapping it tightly around the red holiday version of the coffee monger's small sized cup.
It's an attractive woman in a bizarre multi colored winter knit cap. They stare at each other for a minute, when she suddenly spurts out "Dad....I think he's gonna pork her!", which is a favorite line of his from "European Vacation"
He stares at her in a hypnotic gaze, and as she begins to explain herself, thinking that she may have been too forward with a complete stranger, he completes the dialogue with "He's not gonna pork her, Rusty...now eat your breakfast."
After a momentary pause, brought on by each being amazed that the other "got it", they erupt in laughter.

You see, Rhia never lets him watch "European Vacation", because it's "too juvenile".
Now he's confused because he realizes that everything he THOUGHT he wanted in life was wrong.
Could this strange, eccentric girl be who he was looking for all along, even though his friends think Rhia is "good for him"?

Sound vaguely familiar?

Of course it does, because it's the basic outline of everything Jennifer Aniston ever plays.
Either that, or she's this successful businesswoman, who achieves greatness in her professional life, but can't get it together in her personal life.

Now that I'm thinking about it....isn't that how ALL women are portrayed in these braindead "romantic comedies"?
How about a woman who is just ugly...and NO, not one who can be "fixed" by just taking her glasses off and letting her hair down!
Or maybe one that's a complete bitch whose priorities are in the wrong place, and THAT'S why Ben Affleck won't call back?
What about one that LOVES polka dancing and knitting, and normal people are like "Accordians and Afghans SUCK, you loopy bitch!"
Or...or....maybe one that's nothing terrible to look at, but just spent WAY too much time with her mother watching Wheel Of Fortune and going to bingo, and now lacks the ability to socialize with her own peers???

I'm going off on this tirade, because I just saw that trailer for Aniston's latest film "Love Happens"...and if you're wondering what the plot line is, the synopsis on IMDB starts off with "Just when you least expect it...."
Yup....she's THAT girl again.

It's just all levels of suck at this point. Can't someone re-invent the romantic comedy?

OH, and while I was seeing "Julie And Julia" the other day, I saw the trailer for "Did You Hear About the Morgans?", a new film staring Hugh Grant and Sarah Jessica Parker.
HOLY SHIT is that woman hideous!
If I lived in her City, there would be NO Sex!!! <-----see, that was a play on words in case you missed it.
Whatever.
She looks like if Ruth Buzzi was sent to Auschwitz.

Here's a link to the trailer so you can see the fugly for yourself....

Oh yeah, and F**K Jennifer Aniston!!!!

Unbelievable Brutality Towards A Mentally Handicapped Man

WARNING: VIOLENT VIDEO POSSIBLY CONTAINS FOOTAGE OF A MURDER

The sensai of what appears to be the East Coast chapter of the Cobra Kai Dojo is Bobby Joe Blythe of Virginia. From what I can gather, this mentally challenged man, was attempting to emulate Bruce Leroy from The Last Dragon, and entered Blythe's Dojo conducting himself in a fashion very similar to the character, with the only difference being that he claims to have been instructed by Jesus Christ.

And no, I'm not trying to be funny with the Bruce Leroy thing...according to Blythe at the end of the video, the year is 1984, so we are right within the timeline of the film's release.

After humoring the individual, Blythe has one of his student's engage the man, who states several times that he isn't wishing to fight.
What then follows is a SAVAGE beatdown, with some finishing blows to the head that most likely either killed the man, or left him brain damaged.

Local and Government authorities are investigating this as a possible homocide, and have begun reviewing missing person cold cases.

If this does in fact turn out to be a murder....this is YouTool winner of the Century for putting this video online.

Dear Zachary: A Letter To A Son, About His Father.

This is maybe the most incredibly powerful documentary I have ever seen.

Filmmaker Kurt Kuenne's "Dear Zachary" is maybe the most personal documentary that a filmmaker could ever be unfortunate enough to make.
Why unfortunate?
Because it details the life, and murder, of his friend Dr. Andrew Bagby.

What Kuenne set out to do was create a living memorial to his friend, for Bagby's son Zachary, who would never know his Father. He did his best to document who Andrew was...to his friends...his co-workers...and his family, so that his son Zachary could one day know what his father meant to the people whose lives he touched.

His son Zachary.....who is mothered by the person who murdered Andrew.
A woman, who Andrew's parents Kate and David, would have to interact with in order to see their grandchild....all the while KNOWING that she killed their son.

THAT is what Kuenne set out to do.
But his work unintentionally becomes something so much more.

I don't want to get into too much detail because the power of this film comes from watching the story unravel before your eyes, and I hate even describing it that way, because it treats the subject matter as if it's "The Sixth Sense", while this is people's REAL lives that we're discussing.

I will say this much.....
If you can watch this film without tearing up...you have no soul.

It's available now on DVD and is on Netfilx's Instant Streaming.

The Trailer

Yup.....Japan Again.

After seeing what goes on in that Country, I only pray that we NEVER go to war with them again.
Can you imagine the shit they would come up with NOW to torture prisoners of war?

Seriously....as a message to ALL other Countries out there...leave these motherfuckers ALONE!
Don't even get into the mix with them....I don't care WHAT they do.
Let them talk shit if they want to...let them laugh at your inferior technology....just don't get into conflict.

Let them just sit there cranking out their Hentai porn, having bizarre as SHIT game shows, and housing the World's Masturbating Champion (yeah, there's a fuckin' surprise, right?)....just leave them be!

I do love their sushi though.....love that shit like a fat kid loves cake!

Kelsey Briggs

Take a few minutes to watch this video



I can't imagine being Lance Briggs.

In the opening scenes of this video, there's a black and white still shot of Kelsey, thumb in mouth, asleep on her father's shoulder.
As a father of two, I fondly recall those moments of my life, and there are pictures of me with my children in the exact poses, thumb in mouth, on my shoulder, asleep.

Those images sometimes strangely appear in my head when I watch them now....my son getting texts from girls at school....and my daughter doing her cheer routines for The Brandywine Warriors. In those moments, I'm reminded of how much time has passed....time that *seems* like it was the blink of an eye to me now.
And I lament the fact that I won't ever have them fall asleep on my shoulder that way again....but then a smile comes to my face, because I love the individual entities that they have become.

Lance Briggs never gets to see what Kelsey would have become.

Before her eventual death, and before her two broken legs, Kelsey was admitted to the Emergency Room for a broken collar bone, bruises, and abrasions about her body. But as you learned, was eventually placed back in the custody of the people who did this to her.

If you have the ability to do something like that to a defenseless little girl, then it's simply within your core being....you WILL do it again.

I guess that kind of common sense is too much to ask of the court system.

For the record, what the above video doesn't tell you, is that Michael Porter, the piece of garbage that killed Kelsey, was also charged with sexual assault, as well as First Degree Murder, and was allowed to take a plea of "enabling child abuse", to receive a lesser sentence. Kelsey's mother Raye Dawn Smith also pled to "enabling child abuse", but this leaves me asking a question.....if they were both just enabling, who does the court feel actually PERPETRATED the abuse?
I mean, doesn't one of the two have to actually be the killer if the other was just enabling?

I guess that kind of common sense is ALSO too much to ask of the court system.

Lance Briggs served his Country in Iraq, and I'm sure as his time to return home drew closer, thought of picking up his smiling little girl and feeling her squeeze him as hard as she could.
Instead, he came home to put her in the ground, never to feel her squeeze or hear her laughter again.

How does that ever feel right....ever?

Thanks Kristin for bringing this to my attention.

Kelsey's Purpose (A Site Run By Kelsey's Grandmother)

Thoughts On Michael Vick Becoming A Philadelphia Eagle

I couldn't give a squirt of piss.

Seriously.

I guess I should say that I don't find Michael Vick as interesting, as I do the people who feel that he should never be able to work again.
Let's see...he was convicted of a crime....served his sentence....and now is supposed to what?
Sit around for the rest of his life unemployed?

I mean, he IS an NFL team player....THAT is his career, no?
So, by these people's way of thinking, Michael Vick should be forbidden from doing what he does, because he committed a crime....he's not "suitable" to be on ANY NFL team again, right?
Because there aren't a PLETHORA of NFL players who conduct themselves abhorrently off the field, right?
No sir, none as awful as Vick.
I mean sure, some have actually killed PEOPLE...but that was an accident, right?

So, if he is such a pariah in his particular field of expertise, what job IS suitable for him now?
Clearly we are assuming that people of lower stations in life have LESS of a problem with a man who murdered dogs with this way of thinking, right?
Or would Pete The Janitor who loves his Golden Retriever have just as much of a problem with Vick as the NFL and it's players?

SO, I say let the guy return to what he does best.

Besides, did any of you know these dogs personally?
How do you know they weren't complete assholes who had it coming?
Maybe one of them was in to Vick for LARGE amounts of cash, because he was trying to support an out of control Snausages habit?
Maybe one had an out of control attitude problem....maybe he thought he was God's gift to the canine world, and Vick was just sick of him prancing around like he owned the place.
Do you know?
Where YOU there?

Besides....let he who is without an electrocuted Dachshund cast the first stone!

And Anudder Death: John Hughes

There's been a lot of celebrity deaths recently...well big ones anyway.
After Michael Jackson died, I saw a lot of people saying that he represented their youth...that the 80's died WITH him, for them, on that day.
Well, while Michael Jackson CERTAINLY was synonymous with the 80's for those of us who were teenagers back then, he didn't *mean* the 80's to me.

John Hughes...did.

For as long as I can remember, my friends and I quoted Hughes films, and these films are SO ingrained in us, that we immediately know the end of the line, AND the exact scene it was from, before it's finished. (Lately, I've been a big fan of quoting Duncan from Some Kind Of Wonderful..."It's your mother's house...we're havin' a party"...although to do it justice, you have to pronounce party as "PAHty"....oh nevermind, YOU probably don't get it anyway!!)

While in some cases, Hughes material was slightly exaggerated in it's representation of us, I have always believed that his films served as a time capsule....a look into the youth of the 1980's from every end of the spectrum.

And for me, the one stand out moment in his career was "The Breakfast Club".
It wasn't that it was just a great film then...but it's the fact that as I have grown, I've seen it from both sides of the fence, and for other reasons, it's a great film now.

No, I'm not gonna explain....I'm gonna link you to a previous entry I made where I discuss it, which strangely started off as me trashing a local Delaware cover band, and somehow ended with me going into the brilliance of The Breakfast Club.
You know, I'm realizing now that if I could just stay focused more, I would probably be much more successful in life.

Ready?

The link you've been waiting for!

Needless to say, the death of John Hughes had a strange impact on me.
Not because I knew him....but because his body of work knew my generation.
(Although I still have HUGE issues with "Pretty In Pink"....I'll get around to explaining that someday)

You know...as I'm getting older, I'm watching the things I always took for granted, fade away one by one.
Next it could be me!!!!
Nah...I'm WAY to cool to die!

So from every...."Brain"......."Athlete"......."Basket Case"......."Princess"......and "Criminal"....
Thanks for the memories, Mr. Hughes.

The Japanese Are Masturbating On Mars!

Ok, maybe I'm being hard on Japan here...but they're the ones that come up with this crazy shit most of the time. I mean, they DID have vending machines with girl's panties in them, right?
Or was that just a rumor?

Regardless.....
Could you imagine being an alien race that's observing us, and THIS is what you see?
When we aren't killing each other because our fairy tale book says something different than someone else's fairy tale book, we're sitting around, jacking a rubber egg up and down on our rigs?

Oh, the reason I'm tying this to aliens is because I've been watching people on the internet go apeshit about a square rock on Mars, lately.
Here it is for YOUR viewing pleasure....

See how cool I am?
I don't just leave you all wondering what it looks like and shit, do I?

Anyway, they keep throwing around the word "Monolith" to create some sense of awe. Monolith translates to "single stone"...but I'll bet these dumb motherfuckers think it means "interstellar transport" or "alien death machine" or some shit.
Now, I FULLY believe there is other life out there...I just don't believe that a blurry, black and white picture of a square rock proves it.
Call me a skeptic asshole if it makes you feel better.

But I DO agree that it is indeed....a monolith by technical definition.

I guess I'm having one of those days where I find the human condition to be pathetic.
Then again...the VERY people who find this rock to be definitive proof that aliens live on Mars as we speak, are probably the VERY SAME people who are jacking their hogs in a rubber egg.
(Insert played out comment about their Mother's basement here)

"Intelligent Life"......BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
We suck.

Things That Are Stupid: Twiki

Ok, this always bothered me, so time to address it.
If you remember the show "Buck Rogers in the 25th Century", you remember Twiki.
Why the HELL would a robot that supposedly lives HUNDREDS of years from now in a majorly technologically advanced society, have to preface everything he says with "Beedi Beedi Beedi"?

Stupid.