I remember when my son was born....my car was being worked on for a transmission problem, so I had to use my parent's Lincoln Town Car to take my now ex-wife and son home on a wintery day in December of 1997.
But more specifically for the purposes of this story, I remember the day after.
I returned to work, and the customer said "So...what did you have?".
I responded "A boy.".
He said "Enjoy every minute while he's young....you'll be handing him the keys to the car before you know it."
I laughed, thinking that he was crazy.
In less than four years, I will be handing my son the keys to the car.
And it all seems like the blink of an eye.
I often tell friends with young children now the same thing that man told me back on that December day in 1997. And they laugh the same way I did, as they recount the latest anecdote of terror that their child has unleashed upon them.
The circle of life and all that, I suppose.
Yesterday, my daughter, who was born two years after my son, text me (yes...we're texting) with something that I found alarming enough for me to immediately call her, but ultimately was nothing more than a pre-teen girl, drama queen moment.
You see, my daughter believed that "the entire school pretty much hates me."
I mean, not me...her.
And yes, the ENTIRE school.
I began to explain to her that in order for the entire school to hate her, she would have to be quite an overachiever in jerkattude. That was a new word, in case you feel like you haven't heard it before. I bring shit like that to the table from time to time, to illustrate how cool I am.
Where was I?
Oh yeah, so I was explaining to her that I really doubted that the ENTIRE school hated her, and that she was more than likely over-reacting to the words of ONE person who probably was less than thrilled with her at the moment. I mean, I doubt even Adolf Hitler's ENTIRE school hated him...or Charles Manson's for that matter.
Hell, MY entire school didn't hate me, and I'm quite proficient at being an asshole.
But this all got me to thinking....
I really hope that those of you whom I know...or don't know...that have young children at the moment, stop to appreciate the simplicity of your lives right now.
At least as far as that stuff goes.
I remember when I would come home from work back then.
My daughter, usually in her pajamas with the feet, and bottle tilted upward so as to get the proper flow, would eject said bottle with such force that the nipple would make a popping sound, and she would exclaim "DOE!!!", before running to me so I could pick her up.
(My children have ALWAYS called me by my first name, and as you can tell, she couldn't exactly pronounce it properly at the time....unless you thought my name WAS "Doe", in which case you are THE DUMB.)
From that point, we would head to the Family Room, and usually put on an episode of "Oswald" to end the night. Oswald was a blue octopus and his best friend was an obsessive compulsive penguin named Henry. My son and daughter would fall asleep to the adventures of these two and their friends.
Never once did my daughter believe that Oswald and ALL of his friends hated her.
And more importantly, I never had to convince her of anything to the contrary.
Oswald and all his crew would always be waiting for her again the next day, and all was right in the world.
SO what's my point?
My point is that while your children may be driving you crazy today, you are in the easy phase right now. No one is hurting their feelings....no one outside of your home has any effect on them.
YOU...and their toys...and favorite shows, ARE their world.
It's as simple as that.
I never thought I would look back on that stupid blue octopus with such fondness, and I never thought it would already be SO long ago, but it all does move as quickly as that guy on the December day in 1997 told me....and you REALLY DO need to enjoy it while it lasts.
So take a moment to remember that from time to time.
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