How Do You Type Out The Close Encounters Theme?

So if you've been paying attention, you have noticed an insane amount of UFO sightings lately.
Starting specifically on October 13, 2010 in the day lit skies of Manhattan.

But here's what you may not know.
In his book, "Challenges Of Change" retired NORAD officer Stanley Fulham, who claims to be in contact with extra terrestrials, stated that they would begin revealing themselves to us on....you guessed it....October 13, 2010.

And if you take the number 10, 13, and 2010 do you know what that signifies???
Huh?
No, I'm asking you....I have no idea, but isn't that what people always do in these situations?
Look, I'm just as new to this as you are, you don't need to get all uppity on me!!!
Whatever.

Now let's look at this....the Vatican recently held meetings regarding how they would deal with the revelation of extra terrestrial life. That would kinda mess things up for them a little bit, you know.
Then back in September, there was all kinds of buzz about The United Nations appointing an "Alien Ambassador", for the day that we make first contact.

Then in October....the sightings begin en masse.
Strange, no?

Let start at the beginning....Manhattan....



Ok, weird, but no big deal in and of itself, right?

What about 2 days later in El Paso, TX.....



Then 2 more days later on the 17th in Richmond, VA....



Italy....



Phoenix the originator of lights in the sky...but this time...in the daylight.



And North London....



Then on October 21st, there was this from Washington D.C.
Notice that the helicopters observe, but nothing is done to the craft. Strange in a post 9/11 America, no?



The following night in Cincinnati, OH....



Oh now, you're thinking we were left out of all the fun again, weren't you my fellow Delawareans?
You were thinking that the only aliens we have are Christine O'Donnell and Glen Urquhart, right?
Well you're WRONG!!!

October 22, 2010: Route 7 and 41.......



I think they sent the most to us, because they saw Christine O'Donnell's "I am not a witch" spots, and realized we either really need some help, or some good old fashioned killin'.
Are you happy now, Christine???? Your dumb has made the aliens come out!!!!

And the list goes on and on....Bath, Maine....Scotland....Argentina....Moscow.
And let's not forget China having to shut down it's airports because this gem has appeared EIGHT times since June.



All I know is, if this is all fake, it's the biggest global conspiracy we have ever seen, and I tip my hat to the crew behind it. Well, figuratively that is....I don't actually own a hat.

If it's legit square biz....just kill us quick. That whole slave thing seems like a really shitty idea.
At the very least....you'll definitely end religion, and that works for me, because I REALLY get tired of arguing with grown ass people about Noah and his Magical Ark.

AnudderCast Is Officially The Greatest Podcast Of All Time.

I noticed that Christine O'Donnell sites her own articles from her own website, on her Facebook page, so I figured....what the Hell!!

Have you heard AnudderCast?
No?
Well where have you been?? Under a rock??

AnudderCast is only the most successful, and most downloaded podcast of all time!
More people download AnudderCast each day, than have watched every single SuperBowl...COMBINED!!!
No, it's totally true!

AND, AnudderCast is an aphrodisiac! Pinky Swear!!!
If your woman has been a little cold lately, put on AnudderCast, and Rosie from the old Bounty Paper Towels commercials will have to rush in to sop up the mess!!
No that's true....there were like studies done at one of the colleges that I may or may not have attended.

And you know who else loves AnudderCast?
Only a little known guy named Jesus.
Yup.
I ran in to him last week at Buffalo Wild Wings, and he was all like "Yo, Episode TwenT7 was ON POINT, Dawg!! Fo' reals!!!"
He wanted to pay for my meal, but it thought it would be a little much.

You know what else?
1 out of 4 doctors found that listening to AnudderCast kills the H.I.V. virus.
Yeah, I know that 3 out of 4 didn't, but lets just focus on what I *think* makes my point!

Anyway, if I were you, I'd be off to iTunes, Podbean, or Podcast Alley, and downloading AnudderCast....unless you LIKE not getting laid.

Walter and Pacman For The Atari 2600.

I've already told you that I'm 40 now, so I have no problem admitting that I used to play the Atari 2600 like it was my job.
Seriously....as much as I possibly could, I was planted in front of that thing.
That was, until Colecovision came along, but that's a whole other story.

Now, if you were around in the early 80's, or hell, even are around now, which you clearly are because you're reading this, you no doubt know what Pacman is. More importantly, if you do, you also know what Pacman is supposed to look like.
But nowhere in your recall, do you remember Pacman looking like this, right?



THAT, was the Atari 2600 version of Pacman....and it was a complete and utter piece of shit.
Atari COMPLETELY screwed everyone with that version of Pacman.
And it never had to be that way....in fact, years later, it was proven that it never had to be that way.

A guy who wanted to show what a lazy job the Atari programmers did with their port of Pacman, programmed his own version of the game, using an emulated 2600 developers kit.
In short, his computer simulated the tools that he would have had back in the early 80's, if he were a real Atari game programmer.

Here's what he turned out...

So as you can see, Atari raped you.
Atari raped us.
That was the Pacman we could have been playing in our homes.

But, I do have some found memories about their version of the game. Not involving me actually playing that piece of shit, because I never really did. But involving my friend Walter.

Walter was a high strung young fella....so much so, that he had a Ritalin prescription.
But getting him to actually take his Ritalin, was a magic trick that his mother seldom could pull off.
So most days, his energy level was a little more than what was desired.

There were two things that Walter loved and gave his undivided attention to, and they were both on his Atari 2600.
Pacman and Yar's Revenge.
Both games, I found to be really shitty...but he adored them for some reason that I will never quite understand.
His Pacman sessions stand out for me more than Yar's Revenge, because he actually put himself into the Pacman world.

If you recall from the video I showed you of actual gameplay, the sounds, much like the graphics, were NOTHING like what we had come to know with the arcade Pacman experience. That somehow did not bother Walter in the least bit. In fact, he embraced it.
When Walter would successfully consume a ghost, he would exclaim "PAAAA-KOOOO!!!"....each and every time.

But there was also a sound effect that Walter created FOR the game.
See, the Atari version of Pacman didn't have the cherries, strawberries, and other various fruits as it's bonus items that would appear below the ghost box. It had a giant square.
Yes, a square.
But Walter decided that it was a pie.
Yes, a pie.
So, each and every time he would eat the pie, he would exclaim "PIE FOR WALTER!!" Each...and...every...time.

All was right in Walter's world!
Except for one small problem.
Walter's brother Robert, would want his turn with their video game system.
This usually consisted in Robert entering the room and saying "Gimmie the jewystick, Walter!"
Yes, the "Jewystick".

You see, back then, you didn't have a game controller, you had a joystick.
This joystick, to be precise....

 

For some reason though, it was refered to as a "Jewystick" around their household. It would have made more sense to call it a "Chewystick" though, because someone in that house had left teeth marks all over the rubber stick part. It was literally gnawed upon.

What I most remember about the Jewystick, was it's final day.
Walter was playing Yar's Revenge, and Robert entered the room in his usual way.
"Walter, it's my turn, give me the jewystick!"

This was basically ignored by Walter, who was entrenched in his game.
Robert was persistent though, and finally gained Walter's attention. Walter assured Robert that when his game was over, he would give him his turn.
But it seems that Walter's word wasn't exactly good, as once his game ended, he simply began a new one.
This sent Robert into a frenzy.
I remember the final moments going like this.....


"Give it, Walter!....give me the jewystick!.....Give it here!.....give it here!....gimmie the jewystick!.....give it!.....give it!!.....give it here!.....gimmie the jewystick!....give it here!"

And then, in a volcanic eruption, Walter shot up from his seat and yelled "FINE THEN!!!!!", and smooth blasted Robert right on his skull top with the...."Jewystick".
I think someone didn't take their Ritalin that day.

It what seemed like slow motion, I remember the orange button flying across the room, and the stick flying another way, and then silence.
Just pure silence....a silence that matched my disbelief at what I had just seen.
But suddenly, the silence was broken by Robert wailing in pain. I remember him walking up the basement steps on his path to tell their mother, holding his head, and doing one of those screams that kids do where no sound is even coming out, but when it does, it's blood curdling.

Walter, knowing the ass whooping he was about to receive, looked to me and said in a panic "WE GOTTA GO!!!"....and out the back door we went!
As we darted up the alleyway, Walter's mother screamed from the kitchen window "You gotta come home sometime, boy!!!!!", and he did, but hey....why be killed now, when you can be killed later, right?

What's my point in all this?
My point is that Atari could have made a better Pacman, but I still have fond memories of the piece of shit they gave us, anyway.
Sometimes the things that suck the most, are the most fun to look back on.
Well....not for Robert, though.

I'm About To Be 40...Let's See What I've Learned Thus far.

I'm sitting here drinking a smoothie I just made in my Montel Williams HealthMaster Blender.
It consists of two bananas, two peaches, ten strawberries, some spinach, soy milk, ice, and a little peanut butter for protein.
I'll drink this throughout the day, while you eat a Double Quarter Pounder with "ham drippins" and extra cheese, washed down with a few Bud Light Limes or something.

And you know the best part?
You'll probably out live me.
Because that always seems to be the way these things go.

You see, I'm turning 40 this week, so I think I'm supposed to start be concerned about my health and stuff....at least, that's what everyone says, right?
As time has gone by, I have become more and more "health conscious". My lifestyle today, doesn't even begin to resemble the one I lived when I was 20, or even 25.
Those were fast food filled days, and Jagermeister filled nights...by the bottle.
I don't mean that to be an exaggeration, I literally would go out each night with a bottle of Jagermeister, and it would be gone when the night was done.
THAT, to me, was "social drinking".

But make sure you live that way in your youth....just for a little while.
It can be a HELL of a good time.
And if you don't....you'll be more likely to try to live that way when you turn 40, and have what is known as a mid-life crisis. That is when you become a total douchebag, and no one wants to be a douchebag.

However, through the various trappings of life, I have mellowed out considerably as of this typing...you know, days before I turn the "Big 4-0".
I hate that saying, by the way. That, and "Lordy Lordy, Look Who's 40!".
I just feel that the person who says that to you on your birthday, should be some incredibly overweight female co-worker that wears big sweaters, and has a lot of cats that are all named "Mr. or Mrs." something or other.
Don't be that person.
Don't ever be that person.
You may have convinced yourself that "Mr. Stompybottom" is all the companionship that you need, but that's just some bullshit rationalization mechanism that you've taught yourself to use, to stop yourself from wanting blow your brains out whenever you watch "The Notebook", and you realize that you will never have a story like that of your own.


Go have a story like that of your own.
It's your choice.
YOU know what's stopping it from happening...so do something about it.

Thing is, in my personal experiences, people who are overly invested in their animals, are so, because they completely lack the social skills to make their company desirable to human beings. So, they compensate by convincing themselves that their pets "love" them in the same way that another human would.
Let me break it down to you....your pets love you, because you feed them. If you no longer had food to give them, they would eat you.
However, if a human is starving, I doubt they would eat their child or significant other...get it?

If in this life, you get along better with animals than you do people, it's because you're an asshole.
Let the kidding of your self stop at this sentence.

Don't be an asshole. Don't be someone who walks into a room and knows that you owe apologies to people who were never anything but good to you. What's the point of that? What are you getting out of it?
I mean, I'm an asshole...but just because I say inappropriate things and such. But I never go around trying to fuck people over.
That's just bullshit.
And if you are someone like that....how's that worked out for you so far?
No need to answer...I already know.

But on the flipside of that...respect people who are genuinely trying to redeem themselves.
Do you know how difficult that shit must be? To know that people are thinking about you in a poor light when you enter a room, to know that you have a long road to walk down until others see you the way you now want to be seen. To be acknowledged for *truly* correcting your mistakes, and for the life you live now, not the one that you once did?
That has to be the worst....but they still do it, because they want to be better than they were.
Be thankful, if you've never had to try that hard.

Apologize when you should.
If you've done something terribly wrong, say you're sorry.....and mean it.
However, saying you're sorry, and repeating the offensive action over and over again, means you really aren't sorry at all. I just put that on the table because I've known people in my 40 years that seemed to think otherwise.
And not apologizing doesn't make you sophisticated or powerful.....it just makes things worse.
Save that "Apologies are a sign of weakness" shit, for overdone 80's movie characters who are trying to pull off a hostile takeover or something...if you were an asshole...apologize!
It makes you more of an asshole than you already are if you don't, so at least make an attempt to right your wrongs.
After all, the only thing that you can ignore, and it'll just go away, is your teeth.
I learned that from an old Crest commercial, or something or the sort.

At the same time, however, don't think that just because you're truly sorry, people have to forgive you.
Sometimes, and for me especially, it's not so much a matter of holding a grudge, as it is that I feel there's no value to you in my life.
That doesn't mean that the new you can't have value in someone else's....just that I have invested more time than I should have in you, and am completely not interested in investing a second more.
I suspect others have that same kind of policy.
It's kinda like going to a shitty amusement park. You paid your entry fee, you went on all the rides, but at the end of the day, you felt like it wasn't worth the time or money you spent on it. Since then, it's added new rides and cleaned up it's act a bit, but you just have no desire to give it another go.
Saavy?
Good.
Let's move on.

Don't be a braggart.
Here's a little tip from me to you....when you go around broadcasting how great your life is to everyone who will listen, it usually means....you hate your life.
I don't mean the occasional, "I love my life!!!" statement, I mean the constant full resume of everything awesome about YOU, gimmick.

Overcompensation: n- an attempt to make up for a character trait by overexaggerating its opposite.

See?
It's really pretty basic, and the fact that I have to walk you people through such things, is a little embarrassing.
But more importantly than the fact that everyone knows you're full of shit, you're just plain fucking annoying!
If people are expressing a current dislike of their life, and you plow in there with your "resume of awesome", they hate you. You do not resonate with them on a human level.
No one is impressed. No one is wishing they were you.
You're just a douchebag.
A simple "Hey, I know what you mean", or an anecdote of yours that rings similarly to what they're expressing at the time, is a little more in order.
Despite what you clearly think, blowing out other people's candles does not make yours shine brighter.
It just makes everyone else hate your candle.


If you're in a shitty marriage or relationship....become an "Ex".
Unless you're the part of the marriage/relationship that's shitty...in which case...stop being an asshole.
If you're thinking you'll just get away with your bullshit forever and that they'll never leave you because they've put too much time in, or because you have kids now, or because they have too much to lose....man, do you have a rude awakening coming your way.
And here's the worst part, right around the time that you realize that you really fucked up something good, and want another chance....that person will have had a lifetime's worth of you, and will be down the road and never looking back.

If you've found someone that's truly good to you...hold on tight, and never let go.
The owner of Mr. Stompybottom cries themself to sleep each night wishing they had what you do.
And they're waiting for their chance to pounce on your fuck up.

But if you aren't the one screwing it up, and you're the decent one in the relationship...there is nothing worse than being stuck with someone you can't stand.
For all of you out there, and I know there are some, I feel your pain. I know what it's like to go out to social events, and want people to think that everything is everything in your marriage, to put on your best face and your best fake smile, but meanwhile be secretly evaluating who you should have stayed with/went for/never let get away/or would rather be with, instead.
It's a motherfucker, isn't it?

No matter how hard you try, you just can't get them to work with you to make the relationship good, right?

Look, it's just this simple....whether you're a man or a woman, and you're in one of these kinds of relationships, there is someone better for you out there!!
There's someone who has your sense of humor, someone who likes to talk about things you like to talk about, someone who wants to experience things that you want to experience, someone who isn't a drunk or a drug user, someone who doesn't lie to you constantly, someone who isn't violent or busting your balls constantly.
That, is who you should be with.

Life is short....it really is....why waste one more minute with someone who drains the life from your body?
Someone who is all about themselves.
Do you really want to be with them for the rest of your life?
No?
Then why be with them for the rest of the week?
It doesn't matter how much YOU valued a relationship, if the other person doesn't value it at all.
That's a VERY important thing to think about.

CARPE DIEM, BITCHES!!!

Spend as much time with your kids doing the things they want to do, as possible.
People will always tell you how fast it all goes by, and it's so incredibly true, that I really can't convey it accurately in words. One of my children will be a teenager in just a couple months, the other is a preteen....but I can still remember taking them hunting for Batman figures and Care Bears, and more importantly, the excitement they had when they found the exact one they were looking for, like it was yesterday.
And I always will.
I can't imagine being like some of the people I have seen, who have children, but invest no time into them at all. Who don't care what their interests are,  and who have never shown them something that sparked a new interest in them.
I also don't care for people who try to shelter their children from the realities of life. You aren't doing them, you, or anyone else a service.
Talk to them, and explain things in detail....you'll be surprised how much better things flow that way.

Place an inordinate amount of value on your friends.
They are the only people who know what a total fuck up you've been your whole life, yet still will call you to go out for a beer on Saturday.
There's something to be said about that. 

And express yourself.
Do something you like to do. Don't just be another cog in the machine...say something, draw something, build something, grow something, compose something...anything...but leave some kind of mark. Be known for SOMETHING even if you aren't good at it....just be known for trying to be.
Believe me, there are people that I can think of, that just the thought of them can bring a smile to my face, simply because of how badly they wanted to be good at something that they weren't.
There's something very endearing and admirable about that.

But most importantly, I guess, try to not look back and have too many regrets that weigh on you constantly.
Because I guess that's what all of it is about, right?
If you've done the terrible things I've mentioned here, and haven't done the great things, you probably have regrets.
That, I guess, is what we all need to figure out....how to avoid regret.

I'm still working on that.