Al Alberts: Master Of Deception

It's true....and I think it scarred me for life.
And you know what? Even if it didn't, I will pretend that it did for the purposes of what I'm writing here today.

In all seriousness though, this is the first example of TRUE disappointment that I can remember.

For those who aren't familiar, Al Alberts was a staple of weekend television in the Philadelphia region all through the 70's and 80's. Italian mothers from all over South Philly made it their goal to get their little "Joey", "Michael", "Frankie", "Christopher" or "Anthony" on this friggin show.

(Yes, it is a FACT that we're all named one of those choices....there are variables, but SOMEWHERE in the name, whether it's a born middle name, or you take it at Confirmation, your name contains one if not MORE of those choices. For instance...I happen to own Joseph AND Anthony...so there!)

Then again, now that I'm thinking about it...my friend's sister was DYING to get on Al Alberts who when she was in her teens. I remember going over to his house, and she would be working on a dance routine to Shannon's "Let The Music Play".
His mother would watch her, and then turn to me and say... "Isn't she REALLY good?"
I'd politely nod yes....but in my head I would be thinking....
"Good at WHAT?!?!?...some bullshit routine to a shitty song? And where does it all go from here, if she DOES end up on his show? Will she be dazzling the world on the Tonight Show with this routine next?"

You know, I swear I have no idea why ANYONE hangs out with me....I'm really not a pleasant person now that I think about it.

Oh...some brief history.....

Alberts was born Al Albertini in Chester, PA (Chester REPRESENT!!!), and went on to become a member of the singing group The Four Aces., whose biggest hit was "Love Is A Many Splendored Thing", for the movie of the same name, AND I believe it was in the opening beach sequence in Grease. But NOW, by the time that Grease was in theaters, was hosting a local talent show.

There.
Are you caught up?

By the way, as a kid when everyone played Grease, I always wanted to be Kenickie because his name was cool, and he wasn't all being a bitch over some chick. He was getting broads pregnant and chillin'.
Meanwhile, Danny was wearing sweaters and trying out for the track team and.....oh nevermind.

Anyhoo, people....yours truly ran into Al Alberts when he was around 5 years old at Hershey Park. Now if you've seen the pics of me at my Facebook page, I was just ADORABLE, and Al and his wife Stella stopped to talk to me.
Al said to me "You know what, Joey....if you watch my show NEXT WEEK, I'm gonna say a special hello just to you!"

NOW, I was 5 or so....I had NO IDEA what "local" celebrity meant. All I knew is that you were on the same TV as Hong Kong Phooey, and therefore you were something VERY special.
SO, when the next Saturday arrived, I EAGERLY waited for the start of The Al Alberts Showcase.
Normally, I hated when it came on...for two reasons....
ONE, because it signaled the end of Saturday Morning Cartoons, and TWO, because my Grandmother would insist on watching it.
I think old Italian women had a thing for Al, and I must admit that his pompadour was VERY intoxicating to the eyes....BUT, I wasn't really a fan of his brand of entertainment.
The only thing worse as far as I was concerned, was when she would watch Larry Ferrari on Sundays.
The fucker played songs on AN ORGAN.
Now, I don't know where your tastes stand, but to ME...next to a Xylophone, the Organ is the worst fucking instrument on Earth.
It's like Satan placed them here to audibly rape me jailhouse style.
You know, the kind where the huge guy says..."JUST LET IT HAPPEN!!"

But I digress....
Al began his show the way he always did, and I was SURE any minute now, he would point into the camera and say "I want to say a special hello to my new friend Joey"...but he never did.
Not that week....or any that followed.
And I sat....and sat.....and waited....and waited.
You have NO IDEA how many Frosty Acres commercials I had to endure, with some cat in a Dollar Store Snowman costume trying to pimp frozen vegetables to me.

Oh Al, why hast thou forsaken me??????

Considering the asshole I grew to be, maybe Al was on to something.
Maybe he detected something that no one else did.
OR, maybe Al's deception was the catalyst to why I am the way I am.
I the words of the Tootsie Pop voice over guy..."The World May Never Know".

Here he sings to other little boys whose dreams he shattered as they are all the losers of the "Little Mr. Showcase" contest.
Do you know why I'm blue Al, DO YOU?!?!? And what the fuck is a titty car??