Saying Goodbye To A Shit Decade...For The Most Part.

When I look back over the last ten years, I can't help but think what an absolutely miserable decade it was for the most part. It wasn't just terrible for me personally, but it was basically miserable for us all as a nation.

I think history will remember the early 2000's as "The Decade Of Panic".
We rang in 2000 panicking about the dreaded "Y2K" bug. Remember when we were all going to die because computers would stop understanding clocks?
We all waited breathlessly...."WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN THE CLOCK STRIKES MIDNIGHT?!?!?"
Turned out....a whole lotta nuthin' is what happened.

Then during the month of August in the Summer of 2001, we were all going to be eaten by sharks.
Remember that?
The whole nation was in a panic because the news constantly told us how sharks were strangely attacking in record numbers at our beaches.
Hell, I think people in the Mid-West were even looking over the shoulders for sharks, and those motherfuckers don't even have an ocean!

A month later, I would have given anything to have only to had sharks to worry about.

From now, until the day they put me in my grave, I will never forget September 11, 2001.

You wanna know the funny/sad thing about that?
September 11 is my Mother's birthday. Strangely, years before 2001, I was able to forget that day from time to time.....making the "Happy Birthday" call at the end of the day, because my work schedule always had me thinking of other things.
But not now.
Not ever again.
And for me...this decade made Layla take on a whole new meaning.

The names Osama Bin Laden and Al Qaeda became part of our lexicon.

In the years that followed that terrible day, we were CONSTANTLY reminded that the "tersts" (Pres. Bush's pronunciation for "terrorists" not mine) were always plotting to kill us.
We were taught that the colors that we once had to learn in kindergarten, now indicated different levels of our impending doom.
We bought plastic and duct tape to protect us from an impending chemical attack, although all scientific indicators told us they would be absolutely useless if such an attack were ever to actually occur.

We went to war.
And we stayed there.
And we have no idea when we will ever leave.
And somehow, that's become a suitable answer.

We saw Daniel Pearl get beheaded.
We also saw Nick Berg get beheaded, reportedly at the hands of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi.
And we saw Nick's father Michael, call for calm, peace, and forgiveness....something I didn't understand at the time.

Madrid.
London.
Bali.
Mumbai.

Kabul.
Baghdad.
Fallujah.
Tehran.

And our terror alert levels...you know, those colors we talked about, went up and down all the time...JUST to make sure we didn't forget we were about to die.

But Al Qaeda wasn't enough.
We were also under attack from birds, cows, and pigs.
Mad Cow was gonna kill us if we ate steak....but bullocks to them, I LOVE me a filet from Sullivan's!!!
The Swine Flu is probably killing you as you read this...whether you know it or not.
But more importantly, even if you do survive the cow and the pig, The Bird flu is currently mutating to one day cause a pandemic.
Pandemic is a word that become a household item during this decade too.

Oh, did I mention the ice caps are melting?
What about the Mayans saying that we're all fucked in 2012?
YOU ARE GOING TO DIE!!!
Maybe even right now.
If not now...REALLY soon.

It doesn't matter really, because this last decade probably has you broke anyway.
Maybe you've lost your job....or worse, your home....or your business.
Hopefully, nothing really changed for you.....I can't say the same.

In this decade, I watched almost everyone I knew that was married, get divorced....myself included. Through that, and a following relationship, I witnessed how awful and pathetic people can be.

I also learned a few things about how inept AND corrupt police departments can be.
That's something else that will stay with me.
If you disagree with me, it's because you've never been on the receiving end of their bullshit.
Trust me, I used to think like you....ask the "bleeding heart liberals" I used to fight tooth and nail with.

I watched my business, which once kept me busy year round, struggle to maintain any sort of full schedule at all. I've listened to my blue collar brothers echo the same sentiments that I express, and I see the look in their eyes. It's a look of bewilderment and sadness. They're confused...not able to understand what happened.
There's something about men like that...like me....we always took pride in the hard work we did, and we were always ready for more....it's what we did. Talking about our schedules was almost like veterans showing off battle scars.
But now it was gone...and we couldn't go to work anymore.
What do you do, when all you've known for 20 years goes away?

But for us....it's still there...sort of.
There's still a heartbeat, albeit faint.
Many others weren't so fortunate. Factories...companies...simply closed their doors forever.
For some, a lifetime of loyalty was wiped away in the blink of an eye.

But in the tail end of all that mess, I also reconnected with a lot of great people through the magic of Facebook.
I was again goofing with the girl who used to sit with me in art class, and the guy who stole my thunder there! (You WILL pay one day, Cobb!!)
The girl I annoyed the hell out of with my romantic advances during my Southern Comfort haze in the early 90's, was willing to speak to me again, and now I saw her be an amazing mother to her daughter in her life today.
I again had laughs with the crazy curly haired bastard that jumped out of the 2nd floor window in high school, and who now is bringing the Lotus Technique to the masses.
Then...the girl who despite Darren's claims, I never had sex with in my Grand Prix...BUT, she did steal my Queensryche disc for a year or so.
Hell, I even reconnected with someone I hadn't seen since I was around 7, and we were both able to have a laugh or two about this cat Walter that we knew back then.

All of those people mean a lot to me. I believe that everyone you ever spent time with, is a part of your fabric...that they in whatever way, comprise who you are as a human being.
So I'm happy that I get to see them again...who they are....what they do...and their children.

And I met new people....and have had some GREAT times with them all...even that creepy fucker, Dan, and that Haus Frau, Stephanie.
HA!

I became friends with Reverend Bob Levy from the Howard Stern Show during this decade, through him, met Artie Lange (On the night of the now infamous Delaware show), High Pitch Eric, Beetlejuice, Joey Boots, Jim Florentine, Twitchels, Shuli, Sal Governale, Richard Christie, Dan The Song Parody Man, Fred The Elephant Boy, Kenneth Keith Kallenbach, Ms. Amputee, Angry Black (Shelly is cool as shit, I don't care WHAT you fucks say), Jim Norton, and The Blue Meanie from E.C. FUCKIN' W.!
Oh, and superstar Chris McDevitt.

I have had some of the biggest laughs of my life during these times, and the days of Bob's website.

I also found myself in a new relationship during the later part of this year.
And for the first time in a really long time, maybe ever, I think I know what it means to have someone that is completely selfless. Someone who considers other people, as much as they consider them self....and sometimes even more so. No games...No lies....no shady bullshit....just simplicity and kindness, and it couldn't have come at a better time in my life.

Through it all....I'm a VERY lucky guy.

But that said, there was a lot in this decade that I can't wait to wash away....events, things, and people that I hope to soon forget.
At the same time, I hope those people have learned lessons through all of this....and I hope they improve. I hope they learn what's truly important in life, and grow up...for lack of a better term.
Because every time you focus energy on evil and negativity....you lose.
Period.

In closing, it just seems that people have felt an incredible amount of stress and pain in this last decade....let tomorrow night be the end of that.

Let's start it all over...correctly...in 2010.

The Princess And The Frog

I grew up LOVING Disney Animation.

In fact, before I decided to just be a failure who never realized his dreams, I always wanted to work for the Disney Animation Department.

There was just something about that particular company that appealed to me. Their films always conjured up happy imagery to me, and even now when I watch one of the old films, the nostalgic wave is amazing. It just reminds me of a happier time or something, and I assume that it does that same for everyone else.

And THAT, is why I always wanted to be part of their magic.

The company faltered during the 1980's with a slew of less than stellar stories like "Oliver And Company" and "The Black Cauldron", but then enjoyed a rebirth with 1991's "The Little Mermaid".

After their 1991 success, the train kept rolling with hits like "Beauty And The Beast", "The Lion King" and "Aladdin".

But, once again Disney began to falter. Terrible theatrical releases like "Atlantis", "Treasure Planet", and "Home On The Range", and straight to video sequels to their biggest hits severely tarnished their legacy.

"Cinderella 3: Godmother With A Vengeance" anyone?

Ok, I exaggerated the title a bit, but with the rape that was taking place, it might as well have been named that. Besides, at least THAT would have at least been interesting.

All of these decisions were made under the watch of Michael Eisner, including eventually CLOSING the Disney Animation Department.

Brilliant, no?

I mean, I guess I should mention that there was also a strong belief that traditional hand drawn animation was no longer desired by the masses after the releases of things like the Pixar films and Shrek......BUT, under Eisner's watch, the Disney/Pixar deal also collapsed, leaving Disney completely tossing around in the wind.

Fast forward to today.

The Disney/Pixar deal is back in place, and the Disney Animation Department is up and running again, AND they have released a brand new 2D animated feature film "The Princess And The Frog".

I am very happy to say, that Disney Animation is back!

This film was everything you remember about the good ole' days of Disney Animation...interesting characters...interesting plot....solid music, and brilliant animation.

The backdrop was Jazz Era New Orleans and everything that comes with it.

Cajun food, Cajun people, and a dark Voodoo priest set the tone, as Tiana tried to fullfill her hard working Father's dream of her one day owning her own restaurant, in a time when black people were not afforded such opportunities in America.

Everything is derailed after she tries to help a prince who has been turned into a frog by the Voodoo priest "Shadow Man". Tiana herself becomes a frog, and the two begin a journey, with the help of a trumpet playing alligator and a creole firefly, to Mama Odie's house in the bayou, in hopes that she will be able to help them.

I highly recommend this to anyone with children, or to jabronies like me who grew up on this stuff. It was awesome to see Disney back doing what they do best, and who knows if we'll see this happen again.

God Bless The Iranian Resistance!

This is raw video of the Iranian Resistance saving two men who were being hanged for protesting.
It's hard to imagine the feeling of elation that the two who were to be executed must have felt when they realized they were being saved.
To be standing on the back of the truck, knowing that as soon as they pulled away, your life would end...and then being saved by your brothers in arms, so to speak.

But more importantly, this short video shows two diametrically opposed types of human beings.
On one hand, you have the individuals who are willing to callously end the lives of two people for simply expressing their points of view about a government that is clearly willing to commit acts of murder in broad daylight, to maintain it's position of power.

On the other, you have a group of people so concerned for the lives of two people, that they would risk their own lives in order to save them.

Unfortunately, here in America, a lot of people will view this video and think, "Eh, they're all animals over there.", or worse yet, lose interest once the hanging is interrupted.

But I think the video captures how amazing people can be sometimes.

Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab's Red Line.

I want to start new law....
If your name looks like an alphabetical traffic accident, you MUST be heavily screened at the airport.
How's that sound?
No?
Why?

Let's take a look then...

Marwan Al-Shehhi
Fayez Ahmed
Mohald Alshehri
Hamza Alghamdi
Ahmed Alghamdi
Waleed M Alshehri
Wail Alshehri
Mohamed Atta
Abdulaziz Alomari
Satam Al Suqami
Khalid Al-Midhar
Majed Moqed
Nawaq Alhamzi
Salem Alhamzi
Hani Hanjour
Ahmed Alhaznawi
Ahmed Alnami
Ziad Jarrahi
Saeed Alghamdi
Abdelbaset Ali Mohmed al-Megrahi
Al Amin Khalifa Fhimah.

BETTER YET, (and this is something I just learned compiling this list)...
If your name appears with a red underline as a result of a spell check program, you need to be HEAVILY screened.
Put me in charge of Homeland Security!!!!
In five minutes, I have found a more effective form of passenger screening than what is currently in place.

Doubt me?
Well put this in your bong and smoke it....all of the names above would have been red flagged under my "Red Line? You're Fucked" policy, AND thus would have prevented the most recent incident with Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, ALL of the September 11, 2001 terror attacks, AND the bombing of Pan Am Flight 103.

And here's another added bonus for you spineless, politically correct, bitchsissies.....it's not "Profiling" it's "Spellfiling", and there is NO WAY to argue with Spellfiling. It's not the person picking and choosing, it's the Spell Check program that's the bad guy!

SEE?

This leaves you able to feel good about yourself while you drive your Prius and listen to the latest Jason Mraz disc, as your triple shot soy latte spills onto your cockandballs.
But don't worry, your boyfriend will kiss it and make it better later tonight while you watch your DVR'd episode of "Glee".

See for me, it's not a problem, but I'm not like you. If I were running Homeland Security, my policies would be so insane, that motherfuckers would think The Fourth Reich had begun...and yup, I did just say that.
OH GAWD, THE HORROR!!

You know what's funny about some of you?
You find more awfulness in that statement, than you do at the idea of Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab trying to detonate shit on his flight.

See, I wouldn't be hearing about what's fair and what's right. I'm trying to make sure you get your little angels on "It's A Small World", not "Mr. Abdulamakademijerhammud's Wild (And Final) Ride".
Me and you are tight like that, America!

So as soon as anyone started complaining how it wasn't fair, I would point to this sign...

And JUST as they got to the word "getting"....**ZAP**POW**!!!!
See how I would get down with this shit??
You don't have to say it out loud, but I know it makes you all warm and fuzzy inside....like when Ross and Rachel finally got back together.
(I still can't believe you fuckers watched that shit.)

Now the rest of you may think I'm sounding a little crazy, but here's the best part about Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab....he was on a U.S. Government watch list of people suspected with terrorist ties, AND his own father had placed calls saying he believed his son was going to attempt something soon.
Isn't that spectacular? (When you read that question, do it in Paul Lynde's voice)

SO, even though he was already HIGHLY "suspect", he STILL was able to not only get on a plane, but do so WITH explosives.
How's that upcoming flight to Paris treating you right now?

When will people start realizing that I should run this shit.....and start sending me your money?

The "Red Line? You're Fucked!" Facebook Group!

Brittany Murphy Dead At 32

Cardiac Arrest.
Age 32.
You do the math.

Maybe I'm being a complete cynical asshole before we know the facts, but I think we've seen this too many times before, to not know where the smart money is.
I'll refrain from any further comments, but as someone who has been drug free all of their life, I'll NEVER understand people who piss their lives away for that shit.

Maybe I'll have to apologize for my comments when the autopsy comes back...maybe she'll have had some congenital heart disease that went unnoticed, but I doubt it.

Avatar

You have no doubt heard about this movie for a long time, right?
You heard that this was going to bring forth a new era in cinema and that film would never be the same after this. After all, it's the film that James Cameron has been working on ever since he rocked the theatrical world with 1997's "Titanic".
"Jack!.....Jack!"
You know what, screw that uppity ass hooker, Rose! She let him freeze to death in that water.
Did you see the size of that door she was floating on??
You mean to tell me that she couldn't have let him get a piece of that?
The whole affair sickens me.

But we're here to talk about Avatar....so let's do that.

Let's get this out of the way right now....Avatar IS everything you've ever heard it would be.
It's a cinematic experience that you have never had before, and it's EASILY that most visually stunning film you have ever seen.
Yup, I AM telling you what you think, because I KNOW that you have never seen anything even remotely close to the visual majesty of this film. Don't even waste anyone's time trying to argue.

What's that?
Yes, wiseass, I WOULD blow this film's visuals if I could.
They DESERVE to be blown....and it deserves for ME to blow it, because I put more effort into things than you do.

But here's the thing about all the praise I've just showered this movie with....if you don't see Avatar in 3D....you didn't see Avatar.
Everything....yes, EVERYTHING, is layered in it's own dimension.
Foreground blades of grass....characters....backgrounds...weapons....subtitles.....
hell, I even think a blue tit had it's own dimension.
The colors are so vivid, and the landscape so rich and lush, that at times you feel as if you're staring out of a window.
And the mapping process that Cameron used on the actors to change them into the blue Na'vi race, gave an all new realism to what you've come to know in traditional CGI characters.
Facial expressions, down the eye emotion, are SPOT ON. You get lost in the world of Pandora, and forget that you're immersed in a completely artificial environment.
It's truly amazing in every sense of the word.

And again, I implore you, see this in the theater...in 3D.
Don't rob yourself of this experience, because I don't see how it will be replicated in the home.

From a storyline standpoint, Avatar is nothing you haven't seen before, and that is where I feel the film fell short. Not that it's a complete ripoff of other films, as certain plot points are very original, but the overall storyline has been done a million times.
Had this had an amazing storyline to compliment the visuals, I believe it would have been the highest grossing film of all time.

But despite all of my minor gripe with the plot, this is an amazing film, and will easily serve as a benchmark for a long time to come.

Go see it, because as captivating as Jersey Shore is, it's not quite in the same league.

About Stories

I watched the final episode of this season's Dexter, with mixed emotions. For those who watch it, you might know what I mean. For those who don't here's a very quick synopsis of Dexter: The Dexter character is a serial killer, who also moonlights as a CSI type guy -- a blood spatter expert working for Miami Metro Police. His character has been interesting because of the duel roles -- the dichotomy, the yin and the yang...And the story follows as you'd expect, he kills his victims all the while maintaining a family life, and a job, and loose friendships. As I'm writing this, it very well might have some metaphorical relationship to addiction; I'll have to think more on that.

Anyway the character has always been the hero of the show, the protagonist, the good guy because he only killed those, who we all (the audience), deemed deserved to die. He killed other murderers, rapists, and the like. He was our favorite vigilante, doling out the justice that a stint in prison didn't seem to cover well enough.

My real problem happened as Dexter killed an innocent man, earlier in the season. He ritualistically murdered a man whom he thought was a killer, as well. But, much like John McCain, Dexter hadn't properly vetted his candidate. How are we to see Dexter as the hero of the show anymore? How can this show continue with the same vibe as good guy Dexter cleaning up the scum that our justice system doesn't seem to handle properly? He's now just another low life in my eyes, and I don't think I could get past it this season.

And that's the bottom line to my rambling, I guess is that it's all about the character. Dexter was such a strong character in my mind, until they tainted him. Did it take away from his character? Yes. Did this change in the story of Dexter change him in such a way that he could never overcome? Yes. I mean, if Dorothy had knifed the Wizard in the back and jacked his balloon for a ride back to Kansas, you couldn't look at her the same way.

Another great character of this year was Hans Landa of Inglorious Basterds. He was evil, sneaky, conniving, all the while incredibly smart and intuitive. I'd say my favorite story character of the year, at least. Now, I'm so impressed with that character, I ask: what could Tarantino do to ruin that character for me? The only answer I have is for him to step out of character -- and that's what I feel has happened to the Dexter characters. Hans Landa described himself to a "T" in the opening scene of the film as a rat, doing whatever he needs to, to survive -- and he was a slimy rat throughout. With Dexter though, I don't know how to define him anymore. He's lost his goodguyness, he's become his own anti-Christ through his failures, and through his new emotional connections -- that his character used to be incapable of. Dexter was emotionless. Dexter was cold and unfeeling. Dexter was fun. Dexter has run his course.

Dexter And Californication...To Be Continued?

SPOILERS AHEAD....GO AWAY NOW!!!

First off, YES, I know they'll continue with both shows, but I'm kinda hoping the next year is the last for each.

First let's get to Dexter.
I want to say before anything else, that I LOVED the season finale of Dexter...mostly because I HATED the character of Rita. If you recall back to the first season, Dexter specifically chose Rita as a partner because she was damaged, and didn't require the usual maintenance that you wimmens require.
She was mousy, didn't want sex, didn't ask questions.
All of those things fit the needs of a serial killer who needed to *look* normal to other people.

But then, her character became something that resembled the rest of you, bellyaching, "what have you done for me lately?", menaces, that there is NO WAY a serial killer would continue to deal with. Think about it....her character could evolve...but an emotionally void, killing machine could NOT. If he could, then he would defy the very nature of a serial killer. His unalterable pathology would be...well...altered.
Dexter's uncontrollable internal drive would forbid him from continuing the relationship if it detracted from his killing time.

So, good riddance, Rita.

What was truly spectacular about the ending was Trinity's acceptance of his fate. His instructions and life lessons to Dexter....the way he found absurdity in Dexter's suggestion that they were somehow different, and the haunting visual of him watching the toy train go by, and singing along with "Venus" as Dexter was about to bring the claw end of a framing hammer down into his face.
All while KNOWING what he had done, and what Dexter didn't yet know.
And even the murder of Rita, that fact that you didn't see it happen, brought it home more.
You're left imagining what he said to her as they lay in the bathtub together...if he explained that this was all happening BECAUSE of Dexter, as her life drained into the warm bathwater?

That was brilliant stuff.

BUT, my problem with it all, is that I feel overall the show has run it's course.
I find the repeated premise of the show to be bordering on absurd at this point. I mean, how many serial killers ARE in the Miami area?
Is it like some sort of a magnet for them all?
It just seems silly at this point.

But I'm sure you disagree with me.


Again with Californication....fantastic ending.
The idea that JUST as Hank was going to have the life he seemingly wants so badly, it gets ripped away from him, was awesome.
But the build is what set it off.
Beginning with his daughter's revelation to him during their walk, that she had sex for the first time and wanted to tell him first. His daughter wanted him to know that even through all the crazy things that had happened, he hadn't ruined her, and that somehow she clearly felt more bonded to HIM as a result.

Then, after speaking with Mia and her manager, Hank realized there was no other way but to tell Karen about Mia....the audio of their voices cut out, and Elton John's "Rocket Man" began to play....calling back to last season when they would use My Morning Jacket's cover of "Rocket Man" whenever Hank would do something that would throw a monkey wrench into his life with Karen.

The scene was very powerful, with Karen's eyes welling up with tears, and her eventually physically lashing out at Hank.
BUT, what brought it home was when his daughter saw her father being put into a police car, her attempt to run to him, and her mother holding her back. Her loyalty STILL lying with her father, even though he once again caused the foundation of her life to crumble.

Hank had destroyed everything again, just as he was finally ready to put his demons behind him once and for all.

Now, I LOVE Californication.
It's one of my favorite shows of all time, and the Hank Moody character is the quintessential whiskey swilling, entering a room with swagger, ladies man, that every red blooded American male should thank God has come along in serial television.

BUT....

Where do we go from here?
Do we begin again with Hank buried in the booze and the vagina, and watch him try to rebuild his life?
Is that really gonna cut it again? Seriously, how many times will that storyline suffice?
At what point will WE finally have enough of him being a fuck up, and want to turn him off?

The thing I'm noticing about the Premium Channel original programs, is that they have a short shelf life. Look back at The Sopranos....after Season 3, EVERYTHING was shit.
Oh stop, you know I'm right.
Is it the whole theory about the brightest flames burning out the quickest, that we're seeing here?
Don't get me wrong....I'll watch again....especially Californication.
I can't give up on Hank yet....picture Jake Gyllenhal saying "I just wish I could quit you!" to Heath Ledger in "Brokeback Mountain"....except I don't want to gay Hank Moody....ever.....not even after a few cocktails, or a towel snapping incident that went a little too far.

It's just that I feel like we've already seen everything these shows have to offer, and I'm a huge believer in ending something when it's still good, before you run it into the ground.

Maybe it's just me.

What's Wrong With You, America.

Every once in a while, a SHINING example of what's wrong with America comes smashing through the rest of the crowd, and sets the bar for illustrating everything that's wrong with people today.

On this outing, I give you "Mother Of The Year 2009"

If you just looked at this picture, and thought "Duh...what's the big deal?"....please blow your fucking brains out as soon as possible.

Friendster Looks To Compete With Facebook By Becoming MySpace?

I don't know about you, but that looks just like MySpace to me.
And since people have left MySpace in droves for Facebook, I don't know how this helps...BUT, there are probably a bunch of people that are looking for something a little different at this point, and that's what Friendster seems to be banking on.

The HUGE problem that Friendster is facing is that Facebook recently hit 350 Milllion registered global users...is that insane or what?
That's basically saying that the entire population of America is on Facebook. In fact, there are more people playing Farmville on Facebook, than there are registered users on Twitter.
I never really got into Twitter anyway.

The layout looks very similar to Facebook, except that you will be able to have customizable backgrounds....like MySpace.
OH, and if the video is any indication, being Asian is a pre-requisite to signing up.
All other ethnicities can fuck off.

The new Friendster launches tomorrow, but I'm gonna go register Joey Huang now, just in case it does become the next big thing....I'm VERY trendy.

Link to Friendster

Poor Tiger Woods.

While you all sit waiting for Tiger to confess about his extra-marital activities, *I* have learned what REALLY happened between Tiger and his "wife".
It turns out, Tiger Woods was forced by the Illuminati, into helping Michael Jackson scam millions in insurance money, by faking his own death.
Oh, and he's having a queermosexual affair with him too.
NTTATWWT.

See, YOU have all been fooled by a bottle of peroxide...but not me!
You can't pull the wool over my eyes, Tiger!!

Want proof?
FINE!!!


Tell me that's not Michael Jackson!!!!!
I dare you!!

AND, just look at Tiger's face....

"Why the hell did I get myself involved with this shit?"
"I ain't even attracted to this motherfucker."
"I need to CHEAT!"

So, as you can see, Tiger didn't cheat on his wife, he cheated on Michael Jackson.
And who WOULDN'T cheat on Michael Jackson??

On behalf of all of America, I apologize to you Mr. Woods.

You're Dead, But Your Ass Looks GREAT!

See that chick up there?
That's Solange Magnano, former Miss Argentina.
She's dead today.

Wanna know why?
Because she wanted her ass to look better, so she went under the knife to have gluteoplasty.
Various online definitions describe a gluteoplasty as a procedure to either lift the buttocks, or to enlarge the posterior by inserting synthetic implants.

THIS, people....THIS is what's wrong with you today.
Are you seriously so caught up in appearance, that you will risk everything to have a nice ass?
Seriously think about this....she is dead now, because of her ass.
How stupid would you feel in the afterlife?
AND, if you believe in God, he SERIOUSLY frowns upon shit like this.
Remember the Seven Deadly Sins?

To quote Al Pacino as Satan in "The Devil's Advocate".....
"Vanity.....that's my favorite sin."

JUST....BE....YOU.
To quote Pastor Gino Jennings..."What's wrong with the way GAWD made ya?!?!?"

Wimmens....just be hot in your own way.
There's some man out there who LOVES the way you look.
It's not me of course, because you simply aren't up to snuff for a man of my distinguished character.

But somewhere out there, there's a guy who pronounces Filet Mignon as "Fill it Mig Non", has on an "I Put Ketchup On My Ketchup" t-shirt, and is eating Cheeze Balls out of the can in his underwear, who would worship the ground you walk on.

Again, it's not me though.

But back to my original point....there are twins who are without a mother today.
Well played, stupid.