Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab's Red Line.

I want to start new law....
If your name looks like an alphabetical traffic accident, you MUST be heavily screened at the airport.
How's that sound?
No?
Why?

Let's take a look then...

Marwan Al-Shehhi
Fayez Ahmed
Mohald Alshehri
Hamza Alghamdi
Ahmed Alghamdi
Waleed M Alshehri
Wail Alshehri
Mohamed Atta
Abdulaziz Alomari
Satam Al Suqami
Khalid Al-Midhar
Majed Moqed
Nawaq Alhamzi
Salem Alhamzi
Hani Hanjour
Ahmed Alhaznawi
Ahmed Alnami
Ziad Jarrahi
Saeed Alghamdi
Abdelbaset Ali Mohmed al-Megrahi
Al Amin Khalifa Fhimah.

BETTER YET, (and this is something I just learned compiling this list)...
If your name appears with a red underline as a result of a spell check program, you need to be HEAVILY screened.
Put me in charge of Homeland Security!!!!
In five minutes, I have found a more effective form of passenger screening than what is currently in place.

Doubt me?
Well put this in your bong and smoke it....all of the names above would have been red flagged under my "Red Line? You're Fucked" policy, AND thus would have prevented the most recent incident with Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, ALL of the September 11, 2001 terror attacks, AND the bombing of Pan Am Flight 103.

And here's another added bonus for you spineless, politically correct, bitchsissies.....it's not "Profiling" it's "Spellfiling", and there is NO WAY to argue with Spellfiling. It's not the person picking and choosing, it's the Spell Check program that's the bad guy!

SEE?

This leaves you able to feel good about yourself while you drive your Prius and listen to the latest Jason Mraz disc, as your triple shot soy latte spills onto your cockandballs.
But don't worry, your boyfriend will kiss it and make it better later tonight while you watch your DVR'd episode of "Glee".

See for me, it's not a problem, but I'm not like you. If I were running Homeland Security, my policies would be so insane, that motherfuckers would think The Fourth Reich had begun...and yup, I did just say that.
OH GAWD, THE HORROR!!

You know what's funny about some of you?
You find more awfulness in that statement, than you do at the idea of Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab trying to detonate shit on his flight.

See, I wouldn't be hearing about what's fair and what's right. I'm trying to make sure you get your little angels on "It's A Small World", not "Mr. Abdulamakademijerhammud's Wild (And Final) Ride".
Me and you are tight like that, America!

So as soon as anyone started complaining how it wasn't fair, I would point to this sign...

And JUST as they got to the word "getting"....**ZAP**POW**!!!!
See how I would get down with this shit??
You don't have to say it out loud, but I know it makes you all warm and fuzzy inside....like when Ross and Rachel finally got back together.
(I still can't believe you fuckers watched that shit.)

Now the rest of you may think I'm sounding a little crazy, but here's the best part about Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab....he was on a U.S. Government watch list of people suspected with terrorist ties, AND his own father had placed calls saying he believed his son was going to attempt something soon.
Isn't that spectacular? (When you read that question, do it in Paul Lynde's voice)

SO, even though he was already HIGHLY "suspect", he STILL was able to not only get on a plane, but do so WITH explosives.
How's that upcoming flight to Paris treating you right now?

When will people start realizing that I should run this shit.....and start sending me your money?

The "Red Line? You're Fucked!" Facebook Group!