If you remember back to the "Seriously Japan...WTF?" entry I made about Inochi, I made mention of Sam Elliot's character "Gar" in the film Mask. Then, yesterday, Gar again came up in a discussion between me and some friends on Facebook.
All this got me to thinking about how Gar would handle things today...you know, in the age of the Metrosexual.
For instance, would Gar watch "American Idol"?
F**K NO!!
The last time I checked, I don't remember Foghat being on that show.
Gar also would NEVER order a Venti Non-Fat Decaf Cinnamon Dolce Latte at Starbucks.
He would stop at an Exxon mini mart, and their .99 cent large would be just fine...especially when he put a little whiskey in it because he needs to "take the edge off", for his job interview this morning.
And you know...Gar wouldn't be into these super thin women, with bodies that have all the shape of a 13 year old boy. Well, unless it was because they were strung out on the heroin he was selling them.
No, Gar would like a woman with a little meat on her bones, so that he had a little something to hold on to, while he was puttin' down on her hardstyle as the lyrics "Sweet Lucy was a dancer...but none of us would chance her...." were blasting in the background to "set the mood".
And Gar would NEVER spend $69 on an Affliction T-Shirt when a black Hane's T, with iron on lettering gets his message across just fine.
You know, now that I think of it...from now on, whatever clothing line is the new "it" thing....I'm just gonna get a shirt like Gar's up above, and have the lettering say the name.
For instance...here's my shirt for tonight....
See that?
I just saved myself a SHIT TON of money, and I'm blazing my own path in my world of awesome!
You know what else....Gar would NEVER be on anything like Match.com.
He doesn't need to meet women that way.
He won't be creating a profile that tells women his interests...what restaurants he frequents...what books he's read...where he likes to spend time in the Summer...NONE of that.
"Moustache Rides" IS his profile.
It lets women know EXACTLY what he's about in two words, and they see it wherever he goes.
Ladies, if YOU'RE down...HE's down...you dig?
Gar is THE MAN.
I mean, just look at his name! Who the F**K calls them self GAR?
It's like calling yourself Trog or something Neanderthal like that.
We need more Gars again, I think.
Oh, and since I began all this by tying Gar to a story about how whacky the Japanese are...let's now close that way too!
Again, Japan...Seriously, WTF?
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