The Creepiest Picture Ever

Remember in the film The Shining when Wendy opens the one door and that guy is in a bear costume kneeling in front of the other guy sitting on the bed?
THAT, next to the two little twin girls is the single scariest image in that film.
But, it may have just been trumped, and I don't mean that in a The Donald Comb-Over way.

Dig this jacked up shit!

Zbigniew Brzezinski PWNS Joe Scarborough

You gotta love when you watch a Newstalk host get handled like this.
I don't personally have anything against Scarborough, and I have no idea if Brzezinski is correct in an absolute sense, but it still makes me happy inside when I see things like this.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

The Most Active Entry In 2008 At And Anudder Ting

There have been a lot of post here in the less than one year that AAT has been...well...alive.
So many topics...so much discussion about life and current events.

But there is one article here that has been visited by people around the WORLD more than any other. And when I say more, I mean that on a daily basis this one article is visited over and over again. There is no article that even comes close to it in terms of page views.

You might think it's something regarding Barack Obama...Sarah Palin...or Metallica...something that people would be searching for no matter what Country they emanate from.
But you would be wrong.

You also might be thinking "Oh here we go...this self important douche is about to point to something he wrote to show how popular he is with the masses...Christ, just do it already, asshat."

Again....you would be wrong.

This year's golden keyboard goes to an entry that illustrates the old adage "sex sells".
In May of this year, Bryan posted an entry entitled "Cleavage Etiquette", and since that day, it has had tons of page views. Men across the globe search Google for "cleavage" according to my Stat Counter, and come here to read his article.

So congratulations, Bryan....you have the single most popular entry here.

Cleavage Etiquette

Chaunce Hayden Needs To Go Back To Gossiping

How he lived after this is beyond me.

And so....

That's right, I said CHRISTMAS!
I'm not playing into the "Happy Holidays" bullshit. I celebrate Christmas...hell, even my Jewish friends do Christmas now that I think about it.
But all of that is irrelevant.
When someone says to you "Merry Christmas!", you know what they mean, so stop acting like a crybaby. They mean for you to enjoy this time of year...nothing more, nothing less.
They aren't challenging your right to celebrate, or not celebrate the holiday of your choice. They aren't suggesting that Hitler should have won, or that Kwanzaa is as legitimate as Valentine's Day...they just mean..."I don't give a squirt of piss about you the rest of the year, but hey....enjoy yourself right now."

Are you really such a douche that you just can't take that at face value?

Regardless....to all of you who, according to my World map, come here often from around the globe and read the pseudo intellectual bullshit that I, and the others post here, while you never have the decency to sign up and say anything.....Merry Christmas!

I hope that by next Christmas we all find ourselves in a better economic situation, and that we have an end to the bullshit wars going on that are taking people's loved ones away from them on both sides of the fence.

There Is Just No Logical Reason For This To Exist

Nothing.
Seriously.
None.

For $50, You Too Can Pretend To Jump Rope

Yet another addition into the list of reasons why America is INSANE anymore....I give you "Jumpsnap".

With the amazing Jumpsnap, you get to hold two sticks in your hands and make all the motions of jumping rope, but with no more of that silly rope to get in your way!!
NO, with Jumpsnap, you can laugh at all those people who refuse to come in to the 21st Century, and are still doing the same activity you are for a fraction of the cost while developing much more coordination!!

America, seriously, if you think Jumpsnap is a logical purchase because developing the coordination to jump rope is too difficult, then you aren't the exercise type in the first place.
Listen to your pal Joe....save your money.

Besides, think how many times you can get that extra cup of queso for your "Home Wrecker" burrito at Moe's with that $50, anyway!

Go watch this...
http://jumpsnap.com/

Thundercats: Sword Of Omens

This is done by a guy who goes by "WormyTv", who can be found here:
http://wormytv.blogspot.com/

This kind of stuff always amazes me.
First because of the sheer amount of time it would take to do something like this.
Secondly because anyone would WANT to take the time to do something like this.
But mostly, because of how much talent it takes to do it.

Thundercats were a little past my time as far as cartoon watching goes, but I still remember enough about them to be able to appreciate the attention to detail he showed with this.

Enjoy

9/11: The Falling Man

I came across this during my YouTube travels today.
I think many of you will remember the famous image from the September 11, 2001 tragedy of a single man, upside down, plummeting to his death.
This story is an account of one man's quest to identify that man, whose final moments of life are forever etched into our memories.

And before anyone starts with their "Loose Change" bullshit theories, that isn't what this is about, so save it. I'm not really big on conspiracy theories anyway.
It's somehow become hip and trendy to trivialize the lives lost on 9/11 with that tripe now, and it's pathetic. If your desire to seem "informed" to what "the man" is really doing, negates ANY semblance of empathy you have as a human being, how are you any better than "the man" anyway, asshat?
How is that evolved?

This is simply about a single life ending, what it symbolizes, and the thoughts surrounding this individual's final moments. The ideas of what he could have been thinking...what he could have been dealing with...and the thought of what you might do if you were faced with a similar fate.

And Anudder YouTool Returns!

In this edition of And Anudder YouTool, we enjoy the A Capella vocal stylings of "nobodysangel44".
For this particular outing, he decides to dazzle us with his take on Coheed And Cambria's brilliant "Welcome Home".
Mr. Excitement puts it down with all the audible panache' of Carlton Banks on downers, and I think we all get to walk away from it knowing that we've truly witnessed something special.
You know what...fuck it...MERRY CHRISTMAS, asshats!
NO ONE will give you anything more amazing as this.
No, no...don't bother thanking me, just buy me a beer or something next time you see me out!



WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!!!
Now I just found this guy! Who knew singing along to Coheed And Cambria was such a booming YouTool gimmick?
This guy delivers his vocals like he's practicing for his school's production of "Phantom Of The Opera" and if you watch carefully, you catch moments where his eyes roll in the back of his head, no doubt because his boyfriend is tooting on his rig under the desk.
Whatever...that's what it looks like to me! I don't see you coming up with a better explanation!



For good measure...the original from Coheed And Cambria...I can't embed it because Sony is a douche, but you can go watch if you want.
Welcome Home

Mike's Gained Some Weight....

But are YOU gonna be the one to tell him?

This Is The Greatest F**king Parody Video Ever!

Don't even argue with me about this....seriously...I will shut this whole goddamn site down.
Mixing Bruno Ganz BRILLANT performance as Adolf Hitler in one of my favorite films "Downfall", with a rampant problem in video games was just a touch of genius.
I guess if you know nothing about the videogame world, you won't find this funny...but I was literally laughing so hard, I had tears in my eyes.

The Idiot's Guide To How Things Should Be

I always find it funny when I see schools talking about budget cuts and removing programs because they can no longer afford to run them, while they tend to ignore some of the most simple ways to cut huge amounts of expenditures that wouldn't only NOT effect what our children get from school, but increase efficiency at the same time.

I'm about to lay out to you my personal "Idiot's Guide To How Things Should Be: School Edition"

Now, I think we all know that it's the year 2008, and ABOUT to be 2009, right?
We have technology now, people!
We use it every day. In fact, if you weren't using it, you wouldn't be able to read my garbage right now. SEE?

Your pal Joe is always looking at things...always figuring out how other people are doing things wrong. He can't seem to figure out how to fix things for himself, or use any of his "You're so stupid, let me show you how it's done!" attitude to make any money or anything, but he spouts off anyway.

So let's begin.

Textbooks Think The World Is Flat

Is there anything so antiquated as a textbook at this point?
Think about it, the idea of carrying around all those thick books for all of your classes...it's stupid, right? And what about the cost to produce and supply these books to our schools?
What about all the paper?

In today's world, all of this:Bunch of NON sexy textbooks

Can EASILY fit on this:One ULTRA sexy 16GB Flash Drive

In fact, you could probably fit a whole library of text on a 16GB Flash Drive.
I've seen these drives for about $50 currently, and by the time ANY of what I'm saying here would actually be implemented, they'd probably be about $10. I could have mentioned the Sony E-Reader or Amazon Kindle which are actually far more practical as far as being an all in one tool for this kind of application, but they are also FAR more costly...and we're talking bang for the buck here, people...TRY to keep up, will ya?

So, you cut out all the waste of paper and production costs, you DRAMATICALLY reduce the money you would have to pay out to publishing houses, by now purchasing a license for their current versions of said books, and you make ALL books available on the school's website for download.
(Don't worry, we're gonna get back to THAT next...Joe has you ALL covered!)

The School Website 2: Website Harder!

Right now, your child's school website is probably pretty much useless, am I wrong?
I mean, it probably has some "Calendar Of Events" on it that never gets updated, and a basic email system for the teachers.
But what if just a little more went in to it?
What if each teacher had it's own Myspace within the school's site? No, I don't mean that in a Debra LaFave or Mary Kay LaTourno kind of way...I mean in a useful, non sick way.
We'll call it...."TeachSpace" for our purposes here today.

On TeachSpace, your child's teachers could have a simple database that they could update, that would allow them to post homework assignments ON their Teachspace page. These assignments could either be printed out and returned at school when they were due, OR, could be completed as a .doc, and emailed back to the teacher to be graded.
Now, kids may hate me for that, but how do you pull off "I forgot my homework" now?
By the way, do you think kid's still try "My dog ate my homework?"...eh, nevermind.

Furthermore, if your child is sick for several days, they could still keep up with their work through TeachSpace, because after logging in with their personal student ID code, they not only get their homework, but downloadable copies of all their books would be available at all times in case the flash drive is misplaced.
So now the "I lost my flash drive" excuse is already eliminated, BEFORE it's ever been used.
I'm like Back To The Future 2 up on this piece! I'm takin' care of things before they ever happen!

From the Teachspace section of the school website, the student could also email their teacher, BUT, the input of a parental code would be required to prevent any further Mary Kay LaTournos from taking the spotlight with your special little angel!

Here's an example of what I envision:

As you can also see from my design, your child's current grade in each teacher's class would be displayed at login, SO, there would be no more surprises come report card time. You would immediately be able to see exactly where your child is doing poorly and could use improvement.
Then, there's the stuff like the Student Of The Month section that could be added which could result in some sort of prize of some sort...and so forth and so on!

On a side note...when I was in school, they would try to get us to sell things by dangling the proverbial carrot of a "Weepul" in front of us. Weepuls were a colored cotton ball with eyes glued to it, antennas, and sticky feet.
That's it...that's all....
...And we clamored for these things like a junkie needing a fix. It was pathetic to say the least.
I wonder if you could get today's kids to do ANYTHING for the school with the enticement of a cottonball?

What Am I Thinking Now, Kreskin?

See, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "But Joe, you do realize that not every kid has a computer to do these things with. Computers cost MONEY, and some parent's just don't have it."
You would be right to think these things. BUT, I would think it's fair to say that *most* households in this day and age, have ONE computer. Furthermore, even if you are on dial-up, we're talking about downloading TEXT documents. And what was it Spock said about the needs of the many outweighing the needs of the few?

I'd like to introduce you to the Asus Eee PC:

This Asus can be had for about $279 at Best Buy as we speak. It can handle all of what I've spoken of here, and as you can see, is very small and lightweight.
SO, maybe the kids don't need an XBox360 AND a Nintendo Wii if money is so tight, right?
Although, I've been playing Dead Space recently, and it is SOOO much cooler than Geography!!
But I digress....The Asus even has WiFi, so your little angel can do their homework while you sit here reading my inane ramblings!
But wait, there's more....I've recently read that in March, Coby, the maker of those little flip open DVD players, is going to release a $100 netbook that will be comparable to the Asus in functionality.
So, where's your Jesus now?!?!?
Wait....wrong argument....oh yeah.....my point is, most everyone CAN afford to get their child some sort of computer in the near future...if they PRIORITIZE.

In Closing

I think I've covered most of everything, and if I've missed something, I either haven't thought things out that far, or to be honest, I've simply lost interest in typing this any further. I have a short attention span, and I'm easily distracted.
But I'm sure you're saying to yourself "Christ Joe...you've really laid it all out here...you even gave us website mock-ups and everything because we have a stunning inability to visualize unless we see a picture, and you cared enough to take that in to account! You sir, are the most awesomest awesome that could ever be awesome!"

And you would be right to think that too.

I Hope It Was At Least A Decent Quality Shoe

This has to be one for the record books, right?
What is it with Middle Eastern guys and hitting things with shoes?
I know it's a symbol of disrespect and all...but it's a little too Italian Mother for me.
If Bush would have yelled "Curse be upon your moustache!!!", all HELL would have broken loose.

Bettie Page 1923 - 2008

I Be's Gittin' Edumacated!

Yeah...so I went and took a placement test today to return to school and do something better with myself.
There I was in a room with about ten other people...most of whom looked like they JUST got out of High School. However, I wasn't the oldest cat in the room, so that helped my depleted sense of self worth!

You know, the worst part of the whole thing for me was the math portion of the test.
I haven't worked out shit like fractions in 20 years...Numerator? Denominator? Who remembers that shit?
And here's the hook of it all....remember back in school, they would tell you that you NEED to know this shit for when you get out in to the "real world"?
Well, I've spent the last 20 years in the real world, and I have YET to have a run in with one of these types of math problems.

FURTHERMORE, I'd like to introduce a thought here....
Who the hell DOESN'T have a calculator on them at all times now?
It's called a cell phone...every single cell phone has a calculator on it.

What's my point here?
Math is a douche.

I think you probably figured by now that I'll be taking a refresher math course when classes begin.

Some day soon, I'll expand on how the entire school system requires a full technological overhaul, and what my ideas are.
But now, I have to go study me some 'rithmatic.

Look At This Assclown

The Tiger Man

Ro used to date him.

Zack And Miri Make A Porno

Now, I enjoy a Kevin Smith movie...that's kinda where my humor lies.

That first statement is so that you understand why I'm always suckered in to the newest Smith film when it's released. It's not because I feel that there's any particular brilliance going on in his creations. But, there's something about a guy calling another guy "cocksmoker" that just makes me giggle like a tool.
You know, I really need to grow up now that I'm thinking about it. I mean, I've heard people say shit like that a million times, but somehow, it's still "brand new funny" to me whenever I hear it in a Smith film. What is it about typing something out about your self that puts things into perspective?

Eh, who cares...

As I'm sure you were able to surmise with the title of this movie, I got my fill on variations of "cocksmoker" throughout. Hell, the porno they're filming is titled "Suck My Cockaccino", and if you can figure it out from that, it takes place in a coffee shop.

The stand out performance for me was Craig Robinson as "Delaney". In case you don't recognize his name, he's the black guy who works in the warehouse on "The Office". If THAT still doesn't give you a clue, I don't know what to tell you except that maybe you should stop watching so much "Celebreality" on VH1.
Everytime Robinson was on screen, I was laughing my ass off....wait, this is the internet, isn't it?
Ok let's try that last part again....I was LMAO.
There...that's more like it.

But once again, I encounter the same problem with Smith's latest outing as I have in some of his previous films, and most specifically "Chasing Amy".
The premise is interesting, it starts off really strong, but then it kinda burns out.
It always takes some sort of serious tone instead of remaining as clowny as it began.
I'm sure this is all part of some storytelling formula, that your characters have to learn something of value by the end, but just once, I like to see Smith just continue with the laughs all the way through, instead of trying to have the characters come to some sort of "epiphany" about how they've lived their lives the wrong way and now want to make good in some capacity.

Christ, I don't think there was ANY proper sentence structure in that last one. I mean, it has like four or so commas. Is that even allowable in ONE sentence?

Screw it, if you gave a shit about stuff like that, you'd never come here in the first place.
I have no fucking idea what I'm talking about half the time anyway.

Zack And Miri was overall an enjoyable ride....wait, why do we say shit like that? Why do we call it a "ride"?
I'm gonna come up with something else....I'm not quick witted enough to do it right here and now, but I'm gonna do it soon.

The And Anudder Ting Dating Service

Name: Mike (Devilchild)

Ethnicity: WHITE!

Smoking: Weed, Crack, Salvia....hell I'll smoke a car tire if it'll get me f**ked up, jack!

Kids: If they don't tell.

Interests:	Arts, Dancing, Dining, Family, Movies, Listening to Music, Outdoor Activities, Photography, Reading, Theater, Travel, Cooking, Playing Music Breaking and Entering, Assault With Weapons And Without, Tattoos, Satan, Death, Narcotics Trafficking, and the Occasional Rape.
Astrological: Sign	Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Political Views:	Liberal. Like, more Liberal than you could possibly imagine.
Sense of Humor:	Friendly, Campy / Cheesy, Goofy / Violent, Sadistic
Social Setting:	Shy at first, but warm up quickly.
TV Watching Habits:	Sitcoms, Romantic Comedies, Porn Banned In Most Countries
Personality Type:	Different.
Love Style:	Doggie, Reverse Cowgirl, Tied Up, Crying, Sobbing, Repeatedly Hearing That Special Lady Say "I swear if you let me go, I won't tell anyone!"

Turn Offs: I really hate people who say "You shouldn't have gotten those tattoos".
It's a huge pain in the ass to have to stab them until they stop saying it.

Ok, now all kidding aside. The person above has apparently been a career criminal all of his life. From outward appearance, call me crazy, but it doesn't *seem* like things are headed in a positive direction. I don't know what's making me think that...can't quite put my finger on it...but it just seems that way, ya know?

SO, all that said, would it be so bad if we just "disappeared" certain people?
Like if one day one of the guys on the corner said "Hey...youse seen Mike lately?"
And then the other degenerate would say "Nah...I ain't seen him for weeks. But who cares, let's go commit some crimes!"

And I lived happily ever after.

One Of The Coolest Things I Have Ever Seen

This is video mapping technology using 3D objects to project on.
It creates some really amazing effects, and if this is just the beginning, I think it's safe to say that our cities will have a whole new appearance at night in the next several years.
How badass would an Empire State Building with a giant gorilla climbing up it be?
Sad thing is...it'll realistically be a can of Coke© being poured and "filling up" the building instead.
Still, I love the times we live in sometimes.

I'm Gonna Hate Myself For This

Ok, before you view this video, I want to make it clear that I in no way condone the words and actions of Big Tone.
I would like to say that Tone is only saying the things he's saying for entertainment purposes, but I'd be lying. And the fact that he isn't, actually supports my opinion that I'm about to explain.

HOWEVER, regardless of my feelings about the things that Tone says, I support his right to be a lunatic as long as he doesn't harm anyone else....which I have never heard of him doing.

Now, I'd first like to suggest that you fast forward the video to around the 2:24 mark, because that's the part that I find interesting, and sadly, all too common.

Tone approaches a group of people who are protesting California's Proposition 8.
I'll let you watch, and then come back to this

So, as you can see, while Tone is a complete lunatic, he DID NOT approach the group with any sort of hostility. He simply tried to discuss his opposing point of view.
Now, I have no problem with them saying something like "We really aren't here for a debate...we just wanted to make our opinions clear on the matter."
But that's not what happened.

"Maya" begins to go on a tirade about what a real Catholic should believe and becomes amazingly *intolerant* of Tone's opinion.
THEN, she says "And you know what? Now you guys can leave, BECAUSE I HAVE MY KIDS HERE."
Strangely, she has no problem bringing her kids out as a tool to promote her agenda, AND supporting an idea that GREATLY upsets the value system of MANY other parents.
She doesn't care what THEIR kids see or hear.
Then Maya becomes increasingly dismissive and *intolerant* of any point Tone tries to make...as incoherent as it may be.
But wait, there's more! The coup de grace....Maya's sister in arms tells Tone "You have the right to your own beliefs in your own house" AS SHE IS STANDING WITH A GROUP OF PEOPLE WHO ARE SPEWING THEIR BELIEFS TO EVERYONE WHO PASSES BY ON THE STREET!!!

Then they all begin to dismiss Tone by chanting over him.
Not a shred of tolerance to be found.

What's my point in all of this?
Over the years, I have found that those who are always shouting "tolerance", tend to be some of the most intolerant people I have ever seen.
They feel that everyone has a right to live the way they want to, as long as it isn't a lifestyle or opinion that is contradictory to that of theirs and their brethren.

The worst part of these types is their arrogance. They seem to hold themselves in a higher station than those who oppose them. And to me, that kind of display is indicative of a person who is using a cause to make themselves feel "special" , more than it is the behavior of someone who is TRULY supportive of "tolerance".

The guy talking to Tone at the end.....HE was tolerant.
Maya and her BFF could learn a thing or two from him.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go make a donation to GLAAD to wash the filth of defending Tone's insanity off of me.

GLAAD Website

#30

As of this moment, we are officially #30 on Podcast Alley out of 3,411 Comedy Podcasts, and #179 of 50,000+ overall.
This is really unbelievable to me.