Into The Wild

"Based on a true story.
After graduating from Emory University in 1992, top student and athlete Christopher McCandless abandoned his possessions, gave his entire $24,000 savings account to charity and hitchhiked to Alaska to live in the wilderness.."

Ok, for a few months now, my girlfriend has been wanting to see this movie. She apparently read the Jon Krakauer book, and was dying to see the film adaptation. You see, as it turns out, people apparently find this book inspiring, interesting, or some other shit. It seems that the idea of leaving all of the ways of society behind and simply living off the land in an attempt to "find" one's sense of self is apparently such an amazing concept that people are left in awe of this guy.

Here's the problem for me...and if you don't want any spoilers, leave now.





Ok





You were warned.





THE JACKASS DIES FROM STARVATION AND EATING POISONOUS BERRIES!!
What the hell is so admirable about going to Alaska to "live off the land"....AND FAILING?!?!?!?!?
*I* can go put my self in the Alaskan wilderness and DIE....I SWEAR I CAN DO THAT! This guy was a goddamn douchetrain!!! He gave up all of his earthly possessions because he got WAY too caught up in some 90's slacker bullshit mentality, he took himself to Alaska, and he fucking DIED!

WOW! That's really awe inspiring.

Here's an idea…how about if you're going to do some shit like this…oh…I don't know…HAVE A GAMEPLAN!! Don't be some over-privileged cockrod that has "Mommy and Daddy" issues, so you think you'll show them by becoming some twisted mix of Wavy Gravy and Grizzly Adams, with a splash of a spoiled "everything sucks" crybaby tossed in.
Chris McCandless is no more interesting to me than someone who finds them self homeless, and ultimately dies of exposure in some piss stinking alleyway. McCandless failed the same way....he just chose a more interesting location....to us here in the mainland States anyway. To Alaskans it probably meant nothing. I mean if some hobo makes his way to Pennsylvania and dies there, does it matter to anyone? But throw in the land of Eskimos and Igloos and we're all supposed to take notice, right?

You know who's fucking inspiring if you're in to shit like that?
Dick Proenneke.
You know why? In 1968 he decided "Screw this structured lifestyle, rat race bullshit", and he moved to Alaska. He had some hand tools with him and an old style video camera so he could send videos back to his family to let them know he was alright...he didn't just let them think he was dead like ole "Alexander Supertramp". And what kind of self absorbed toolshed renames himself "Alexander Supertramp" ?!?!? From now on...I'm "Xavier Aldo Nova"...there, now I'm awe inspiring too!!! UGH....anyway, Proenneke went up to Alaska...claimed a piece of land (which you could do then) and by HAND cut down trees and built a fucking HOUSE!
THAT is a motherfucker that's awe inspiring....and you know how long he lasted up there?
No, not several months like our buddy, Chris....35 GODDAMN YEARS!!!
That's right bitches...he died of old age.
You know what Dick Proenneke did with the berries he found?
He made syrup for his FUCKING PANCAKES THAT HE COOKED IN HIS HOUSE THAT HE BUILT!!!!!!
He didn't die like an assclown while living in a bus that someone left out there.

And how far in the "Wild" were you, if there was an abandon bus around. Did somebody say "shit, I've got to get rid of this bus….I know….I should drive it WAY deep into the wild so I don't get hit with any fines…What?....No it won't be a problem, this bus can drive through trees and over rivers and shit!"

You KNOW this prick was three blocks from a 7-11 but was proving something to Mommy and Daddy.

FUCK INTO THE WILD!
FUCK CHRIS MCCANDLESS!
FUCK THE SLACKER GENERATION AND IT'S BULLSHIT IDEALS!
FUCK EDDIE VEDDER AND HIS BULLSHIT GRUNGE ERA INSPIRED MUSIC!

Dick Proenneke like a motherfucker, yo!!!!