Welcome To 2010 America, In The Year 1984?

Am I alone in realizing that America is...well...over?
Take a good look around you. I know, I know, it will stop you from fist pumping like The Jersey Shore guys, and it will definitely distract you from figuring out whether it's really Miley Cyrus in those naked bathroom shots.
Oh, and it will probably interrupt your slacktivism when you're posting Sherman and Mr. Peabody as your profile picture on Facebook, to "stop child abuse". But when you stop....when you actually take a look around, you'll see that there's something very wrong going on here.

You know what? I'm glad I thought of that silly Facebook Slacktivist thing in my opener, because isn't that what all this complacency is about? Americans want to feel like they're doing something....without actually DOING SOMETHING!
I mean, that's what that whole thing about posting your favorite cartoon character to stop child abuse was, right?
It was much ado about nothing. It accomplished absolutely NOTHING in the way of stopping or protesting child abuse, because who was it for? Who was watching and counting? It was ridiculousness at it's very foundation.
Yet still, everyone jumped on the bandwagon.
And why?
Because they were told it was the right thing to do.

TSA screenings are also the right thing to do. At least in the name of "Security Theater". That's the term given to all of these new screenings and procedures, as coined by Bruce Schneier in his book Beyond Fear.
It's meaning is simple.....
NONE of what you're seeing is actually making us safer.
It's all "theater". It's all an illusion that we are being treated to, because all of these measures were put in place after a near catastrophe. These catastrophes were averted only because of terrorist failure, or passengers on planes attacking the perpetrator, but none ever stopped an attempt in it's tracks.

The terrorists, you see, are always a step ahead.
They were ahead on 9/11.
They were ahead with Richard Reed.
They were ahead with Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab.

So this is a sort of closing of the barn door after the cow got out.
The "bad guys" are already planning around the security measures that do nothing but annoying the piss out of you, while violating your civil rights.

The only people affected by all of this....the only ones being interrogated, are the American air travelers who are simply trying to get to the new Wizarding World Of Harry Potter attractions at Universal Studios, FL. And you're picking THEM out as the problems, because as every stand up comic will tell you, in their hackiest of material, they only search the little old grandmothers and white people at the checkpoints, not the people who fit the "profile".

Profile!
Profile!
Profile!

Sorry, I just did that to make the easily offended go away. They HATE profiling, because... "it's like wrong to target people just because they have all the attributes of people who want to attack us, and well, who already DID attack us....and also keep telling us they are GOING to attack us again. I mean, that's just wrong! I mean, think how bad it makes them feel"

Probably not half as bad as I feel knowing that everyone is gonna get to see my hog, the next time I want to go on Splash Mountain.


Sorry, Muslim people. Sorry you have to own something because some of you are fucked up....but that's just the way it goes.
As a white man, I have to own the whole slavery thing from over a century ago, even though I come from a long line of derelicts who probably wanted to own slaves, but kept blowing all their cash on booze and whores.
I'm Irish...you know how it is.

But regardless of that very real reality....most black people who see me, probably assume that my ancestors owned slaves. Just like people today will now look at you, and assume you are part of a sleeper cell.
No one said life was fair.

But no one cares about all this. Family Guy reruns are on.
Let's see if you can pull away from that for a second.

Julian Assange of Wikileaks attempted to show everyone what was really going on behind the scenes. He showed us that all those politicians who claim to have "Main Street's best interest at heart", really have anything but. It showed us that the "they're all corrupt" whispers that we've heard all of our lives, are wholeheartedly true.
He showed us that we are aware of who attacked us on 9/11, and that those same people continue to fund the insurgency in Iraq, and these very same people, Saudi Arabia in case you didn't know, have ASKED us to invade Iran!
But Fox News told us Assange is a terrorist.
That he is putting the men and women of our military "in harm's way".
So, it MUST be true!

5,817

That number up there, is the number of American military lives lost in the Afghan and Iraqi theaters as of the time that I submitted this blog entry.
While, according to the Wikileaks cables, the American government knows that Saudi Arabian donators were behind the attacks that kicked this whole party off, 5,817 men and women have died elsewhere.
Why?
I don't know.....do you?
I just know there's no plan to bring them home, and they're still over there dying...as recently as December 5th.

So I ask you.....who put our men and women in harms way more?

1.) A Government that sent them into two wars with people that had no hand in the 9/11 terror attacks? A Government by the way, that was co-piloted by Dick Cheney, a man who's currently at the center of a $180 million dollar bribery scandal, circling around Halliburton, a company that has made billions off of said wars.

or

2.) A man who released "in house" documents that showed everyone the reality of those wars.


The basis of our government being the opinion of the people, the very first object should be to keep that right; and were it left to me to decide whether we should have a government without newspapers, or newspapers without a government, I should not hesitate for a moment to prefer the latter.
~Thomas Jefferson

Thomas Jefferson, in case you didn't know, was one of the Founding Fathers.
He was one of the framers of The Constitution that this Country was built upon.

5,817.

Since Wikileaks released their cables, 12 soldiers have died in Iraq and Afghanistan.
I haven't seen any evidence that Julian Assange was responsible for that....but he's still a wanted man for it.
 
Members of Dynacorp International, a U.S. Security contractor who are training Afghan police, and that draws almost all of it's 2 billion dollar annual contract from taxpayer money, aren't wanted though. Which is strange, considering that according to Wikileaks cables, they are known to be hosting Bacha Bazi parties in Afghanistan.
What's Bacha Bazi, you ask?
It's parties where young boys are bid on by wealthy businessmen for anal sex.
That doesn't seem right, does it?

I know, maybe telling what they did, is actually worse than what they've done!
That must be it, right?
Let's check on that......

Sec. 1.7. Classification Prohibitions and Limitations.
In no case shall information be classified, continue to be maintained as classified, or fail to be declassified in order to:
conceal violations of law, inefficiency, or administrative error;
prevent embarrassment to a person, organization, or agency; restrain competition; or
prevent or delay the release of information that does not require protection in the interest of the national security.

That's from Executive Order 13932, put in place by George W. Bush, on March 25, 2003.

Julian Assange is wanted for releasing information that show violations of law, inefficiency, and administrative error. Information that was embarrassing to people....especially Hillary Clinton....organizations and agencies.

But nevermind all that....Kim Kardashian and Gabriel Aubrey have called it quits!!!! OMG!!!!
No, like I'm TOTALLY serious! It's on the frontpage of Yahoo! right now!
(How else did you think I knew who Gabriel Aubrey was?....Kardashian you can't escape, if you live in America)

Do you think if we all change our Facebook profiles to pics of our favorite things to eat as a kid, Kim and Gabriel will get back together?
I hope so.

In the coming weeks, monitors will be placed in Walmarts, Hotels, and Shopping Malls, that feature messages from Homeland Security. These messages will remind you that "If you see something, say something", and then ask you to report others that you find suspicious to law enforcement.

The question is, what does Homeland Security now deem "suspicious"

Homeland Security recently seized over 70 web domains, without due process, and then recently placed actor Mark Ruffalo on a terror advisory list, for his participation in a documentary about natural gas drilling entitled "Gasland". In fairness, I could completely understand doing this to him for his participation in "Rumor Has It" with Jennifer Aniston, but not for a documentary.

In the 50's, Senator Joe McCarthy went after everyone that he believed to be "Communists". That was the word then...they didn't invent "Terrorists" yet, or something. "McCarthyism" is widely regarded as one of the most embarrassing ideologies in American history....yet here we are....again.
Just replace "Communist" with "Terrorist".

The placement of Mark Ruffalo on a terror advisory list simply because of his participation in a documentary, reminded me of all of The Hollywood Blacklist.
Rather than me explain it to you....just go here.....
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hollywood_blacklist

See how eerily similar it all is?

Eh, what can I say, people....the great America seems to be crumbling down around us, and no one seems to either care or notice, because Snooki has a new boyfriend.
You know, after all the Wikileaks stuff broke, I was reading the comments under an article on a U.K. based website regarding a poll that day that said MSNBC found that 70% of the American people felt that Julian Assange was a terrorist.
One of the posters said something to the effect of.... 

"Look at them! They now can SEE how corrupt their Government is, and they want the head of the man who showed them, instead of those responsible!!"

SHOOT THE MESSENGER!!!!
Fear is a motherfucker, isn't it?
Not as much as complacency though.

I'm gonna leave you with a quote from one of Senator Joe McCarthy's strongest critics, Edward R. Murrow.
Just change out certain words to make it more applicable to current day terminologies and watch how creepy it gets....you'll know the ones, I'm too tired to explain it to you.....besides, Man Vs. Food is on, and I've just completed my Slacktivism for the day!

"His primary achievement has been in confusing the public mind, as between the internal and the external threats of Communism. We must not confuse dissent with disloyalty. We must remember always that accusation is not proof and that conviction depends upon evidence and due process of law. We will not walk in fear, one of another. We will not be driven by fear into an age of unreason, if we dig deep in our history and our doctrine, and remember that we are not descended from fearful men.

We proclaim ourselves, as indeed we are, the defenders of freedom, wherever it continues to exist in the world, but we cannot defend freedom abroad by deserting it at home. The actions of the junior Senator from Wisconsin have caused alarm and dismay amongst our allies abroad, and given considerable comfort to our enemies. And whose fault is that? Not really his. He didn't create this situation of fear; he merely exploited it—and rather successfully"
~Edward R. Murrow

Taking A Moment To Thank A Genius

This will be lost on you, because undoubtedly, you don't wash your hands after using a restroom, but for those of us who do, I want to extend a long overdue thank you to the Excel company for their magnificent product.

I give you....The Xlerator....

This magical device will have your hands dry in about 10 seconds flat.
I'm pretty sure it has hurricane force winds captured inside it's steel casing, that are released every time the sensor detects a hand is placed below.

Remember the days of old? A machine so weak, that it would have been quicker to pay the guy who just serviced you in the stall to just blow on your hands to dry them?
Those days sucked!

Or that silly "wave your hand under the dispenser and a towel rolls out" thing??
It gives you a sheet so tiny that only a fucking dwarf would be able to dry his little sausage hands with it, but it's pointless anyway, because he can't reach up to wave his hand under it.
I can picture the lil' fella now...jumping as high as he can with his hands flailing about, and then finally still.... looking up at the machine in silence with his sad little face...just wanting a towel, but knowing he can never have one. And then with his head down, slowly walking out of the restroom, as he dries his hands by rubbing them on the sides of his tiny pants.
Those are the moments in life to cherish, people. Don't let them pass you by without taking a minute to appreciate them!

But I digress....
The Xlerator is the greatest thing to ever hit the bathroom stall since the cologne guy. Not that I actually use the cologne guy, because I haven't rocked Drakkar Noir since the 80's....but I just like to know that he's there.
By the way...is there a dollar amount they could pay you, to get you to sit in a Men's restroom all day?
What a terrible way to make a buck.

Now, you may be asking yourself why I didn't discuss the much newer Dyson Air Blade instead of the Xlerator....

It's because I don't enjoy the Air Blade as much as I do the Xlerator.
Sure, it does a fine job of drying the hands, but I don't like the idea of putting my hands into something.
Every time I use the Air Blade, I feel like I'm presenting my hands to a police officer for cuffing, or that the machine is some sort of trap.
Besides, I don't just willingly surrender to "the man".

P.S....I'd like to see a dwarf try to use this one too!!!!

The Rally To Restore Sanity

We keep hearing about "values" and "honor" these days, and how they need to be restored. We hear about what the "Real America" is supposed to be.
The strange part about that is, the people who keep trying to force their belief system of "values", "honor", and "patriotism" down our throats, seem to be missing what America was all about.

The right to be who you want to be, live as you want to live, and to decide for yourself what the three things I mentioned above are, for you.

This past weekend, I joined an estimated crowd of 215,000 people in Washington, D.C., for the "Rally To Restore Sanity" that was held by Comedy Central's Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. The point of this get together was for Americans who feel that politicians have completely driven the train off the tracks, to join forces, and let their voices be heard.

It was for ALL people who share this belief.
I saw Whites, Blacks, Asians, Latinos, Indians, Muslims, Democrats, Republicans, Libertarians, The Green Party, the young and the old, all joined together for one common cause....to say "ENOUGH!".

Enough Paranoia.
Enough Fear.
Enough Lies.
Enough Spin.
Enough Division.
Enough Propaganda.
And Enough of YOUR "values".

When did America become a place where everyone needs to adhere to one specific group's value system?
I thought this was a Democracy?
I thought each man was allowed to forge his own path here, based on his own choices and beliefs?
I think people forget that their values, aren't necessarily someone else's, and that when you try to push your values on someone, you become very non-American.

For those of you on the Right, that feel that this rally was an attack on you, sorry.
But when you align yourselves with the Tea Party of Sarah Palin and Glenn Beck, you kind of put yourselves in that position.
For everyone who sees how crazy a lot of the fear mongering they offer is, I can only say this....
The elections tomorrow may not prove us right....but I believe history will.
I think this particular time in our existence as America, will be looked back on as a huge black eye for America. I believe this place in time for America, will be this generation's "McCarthy Era", but I hope it doesn't eventually contain events that overshadow it.

But now I want to tell you a simple story about how exactly what the rally was fighting against, is still alive and well, this very day!

At the end of the rally, as we were heading back to my car, my son asked me...
 "Do you think that the people in their costumes, and the Pro Prop 19 guys will hurt the way that people view the rally?"

I responded by saying that anyone who thinks those people hurt the point of the rally, didn't get the point of the rally in the first place, and that outlets like Fox News weren't going to tell the truth about what went on here today anyway.

He then said "Well, they can't lie about it, because there were cameras, and too many people who know what really happened."

I said "Oh, you'd be surprised what people will do to further their cause." 

This morning, my son called me. He had seen the "Fox and Friends" spin on The Rally To Restore Honor, and he was livid.
He said that he couldn't believe the flat out lies they told....including how the rally was all pro Obama and the liberal agenda, and reports of people trying to overturn and light the Fox News van on fire.

You see, we were near the Fox News van...and no one EVER bothered it...yelled at it....spit at it...nothing.
The only thing I heard, was people saying "Wow, I can't believe they actually are going to cover this...I wonder how they'll spin it." 

Well, my son doesn't have to wonder that now, because he WATCHED Fox News blatantly lie about what was happening there. 
He knows now that they in fact, distort reality for their own agenda.

My son was especially irritated with the female host of Fox and Friends, Gretchen Carlson, because of the way she tried to belittle Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert for not being "real newsmen" and laughing at the people who didn't understand that.
He said "When did they ever claim they were anything but comedians...and who there didn't realize that?" 
I told my son that he would have to forgive her....she was probably just a little upset that, while they are not real newsmen, she is....and yet I guarantee that more people know who they are than who she is, and that their respective shows probably have more viewers in one episode, than Fox and Friends has all month.
That fact is probably irritating her a little bit.

So what did Fox News accomplish with all of this?
It discredited itself on a personal level, to a 12 year old boy, who was a first hand witness to their lies.

So for him, the rally means more today, than it did Saturday.

Well played, Fox News!

How Do You Type Out The Close Encounters Theme?

So if you've been paying attention, you have noticed an insane amount of UFO sightings lately.
Starting specifically on October 13, 2010 in the day lit skies of Manhattan.

But here's what you may not know.
In his book, "Challenges Of Change" retired NORAD officer Stanley Fulham, who claims to be in contact with extra terrestrials, stated that they would begin revealing themselves to us on....you guessed it....October 13, 2010.

And if you take the number 10, 13, and 2010 do you know what that signifies???
Huh?
No, I'm asking you....I have no idea, but isn't that what people always do in these situations?
Look, I'm just as new to this as you are, you don't need to get all uppity on me!!!
Whatever.

Now let's look at this....the Vatican recently held meetings regarding how they would deal with the revelation of extra terrestrial life. That would kinda mess things up for them a little bit, you know.
Then back in September, there was all kinds of buzz about The United Nations appointing an "Alien Ambassador", for the day that we make first contact.

Then in October....the sightings begin en masse.
Strange, no?

Let start at the beginning....Manhattan....



Ok, weird, but no big deal in and of itself, right?

What about 2 days later in El Paso, TX.....



Then 2 more days later on the 17th in Richmond, VA....



Italy....



Phoenix the originator of lights in the sky...but this time...in the daylight.



And North London....



Then on October 21st, there was this from Washington D.C.
Notice that the helicopters observe, but nothing is done to the craft. Strange in a post 9/11 America, no?



The following night in Cincinnati, OH....



Oh now, you're thinking we were left out of all the fun again, weren't you my fellow Delawareans?
You were thinking that the only aliens we have are Christine O'Donnell and Glen Urquhart, right?
Well you're WRONG!!!

October 22, 2010: Route 7 and 41.......



I think they sent the most to us, because they saw Christine O'Donnell's "I am not a witch" spots, and realized we either really need some help, or some good old fashioned killin'.
Are you happy now, Christine???? Your dumb has made the aliens come out!!!!

And the list goes on and on....Bath, Maine....Scotland....Argentina....Moscow.
And let's not forget China having to shut down it's airports because this gem has appeared EIGHT times since June.



All I know is, if this is all fake, it's the biggest global conspiracy we have ever seen, and I tip my hat to the crew behind it. Well, figuratively that is....I don't actually own a hat.

If it's legit square biz....just kill us quick. That whole slave thing seems like a really shitty idea.
At the very least....you'll definitely end religion, and that works for me, because I REALLY get tired of arguing with grown ass people about Noah and his Magical Ark.

AnudderCast Is Officially The Greatest Podcast Of All Time.

I noticed that Christine O'Donnell sites her own articles from her own website, on her Facebook page, so I figured....what the Hell!!

Have you heard AnudderCast?
No?
Well where have you been?? Under a rock??

AnudderCast is only the most successful, and most downloaded podcast of all time!
More people download AnudderCast each day, than have watched every single SuperBowl...COMBINED!!!
No, it's totally true!

AND, AnudderCast is an aphrodisiac! Pinky Swear!!!
If your woman has been a little cold lately, put on AnudderCast, and Rosie from the old Bounty Paper Towels commercials will have to rush in to sop up the mess!!
No that's true....there were like studies done at one of the colleges that I may or may not have attended.

And you know who else loves AnudderCast?
Only a little known guy named Jesus.
Yup.
I ran in to him last week at Buffalo Wild Wings, and he was all like "Yo, Episode TwenT7 was ON POINT, Dawg!! Fo' reals!!!"
He wanted to pay for my meal, but it thought it would be a little much.

You know what else?
1 out of 4 doctors found that listening to AnudderCast kills the H.I.V. virus.
Yeah, I know that 3 out of 4 didn't, but lets just focus on what I *think* makes my point!

Anyway, if I were you, I'd be off to iTunes, Podbean, or Podcast Alley, and downloading AnudderCast....unless you LIKE not getting laid.

Walter and Pacman For The Atari 2600.

I've already told you that I'm 40 now, so I have no problem admitting that I used to play the Atari 2600 like it was my job.
Seriously....as much as I possibly could, I was planted in front of that thing.
That was, until Colecovision came along, but that's a whole other story.

Now, if you were around in the early 80's, or hell, even are around now, which you clearly are because you're reading this, you no doubt know what Pacman is. More importantly, if you do, you also know what Pacman is supposed to look like.
But nowhere in your recall, do you remember Pacman looking like this, right?



THAT, was the Atari 2600 version of Pacman....and it was a complete and utter piece of shit.
Atari COMPLETELY screwed everyone with that version of Pacman.
And it never had to be that way....in fact, years later, it was proven that it never had to be that way.

A guy who wanted to show what a lazy job the Atari programmers did with their port of Pacman, programmed his own version of the game, using an emulated 2600 developers kit.
In short, his computer simulated the tools that he would have had back in the early 80's, if he were a real Atari game programmer.

Here's what he turned out...

So as you can see, Atari raped you.
Atari raped us.
That was the Pacman we could have been playing in our homes.

But, I do have some found memories about their version of the game. Not involving me actually playing that piece of shit, because I never really did. But involving my friend Walter.

Walter was a high strung young fella....so much so, that he had a Ritalin prescription.
But getting him to actually take his Ritalin, was a magic trick that his mother seldom could pull off.
So most days, his energy level was a little more than what was desired.

There were two things that Walter loved and gave his undivided attention to, and they were both on his Atari 2600.
Pacman and Yar's Revenge.
Both games, I found to be really shitty...but he adored them for some reason that I will never quite understand.
His Pacman sessions stand out for me more than Yar's Revenge, because he actually put himself into the Pacman world.

If you recall from the video I showed you of actual gameplay, the sounds, much like the graphics, were NOTHING like what we had come to know with the arcade Pacman experience. That somehow did not bother Walter in the least bit. In fact, he embraced it.
When Walter would successfully consume a ghost, he would exclaim "PAAAA-KOOOO!!!"....each and every time.

But there was also a sound effect that Walter created FOR the game.
See, the Atari version of Pacman didn't have the cherries, strawberries, and other various fruits as it's bonus items that would appear below the ghost box. It had a giant square.
Yes, a square.
But Walter decided that it was a pie.
Yes, a pie.
So, each and every time he would eat the pie, he would exclaim "PIE FOR WALTER!!" Each...and...every...time.

All was right in Walter's world!
Except for one small problem.
Walter's brother Robert, would want his turn with their video game system.
This usually consisted in Robert entering the room and saying "Gimmie the jewystick, Walter!"
Yes, the "Jewystick".

You see, back then, you didn't have a game controller, you had a joystick.
This joystick, to be precise....

 

For some reason though, it was refered to as a "Jewystick" around their household. It would have made more sense to call it a "Chewystick" though, because someone in that house had left teeth marks all over the rubber stick part. It was literally gnawed upon.

What I most remember about the Jewystick, was it's final day.
Walter was playing Yar's Revenge, and Robert entered the room in his usual way.
"Walter, it's my turn, give me the jewystick!"

This was basically ignored by Walter, who was entrenched in his game.
Robert was persistent though, and finally gained Walter's attention. Walter assured Robert that when his game was over, he would give him his turn.
But it seems that Walter's word wasn't exactly good, as once his game ended, he simply began a new one.
This sent Robert into a frenzy.
I remember the final moments going like this.....


"Give it, Walter!....give me the jewystick!.....Give it here!.....give it here!....gimmie the jewystick!.....give it!.....give it!!.....give it here!.....gimmie the jewystick!....give it here!"

And then, in a volcanic eruption, Walter shot up from his seat and yelled "FINE THEN!!!!!", and smooth blasted Robert right on his skull top with the...."Jewystick".
I think someone didn't take their Ritalin that day.

It what seemed like slow motion, I remember the orange button flying across the room, and the stick flying another way, and then silence.
Just pure silence....a silence that matched my disbelief at what I had just seen.
But suddenly, the silence was broken by Robert wailing in pain. I remember him walking up the basement steps on his path to tell their mother, holding his head, and doing one of those screams that kids do where no sound is even coming out, but when it does, it's blood curdling.

Walter, knowing the ass whooping he was about to receive, looked to me and said in a panic "WE GOTTA GO!!!"....and out the back door we went!
As we darted up the alleyway, Walter's mother screamed from the kitchen window "You gotta come home sometime, boy!!!!!", and he did, but hey....why be killed now, when you can be killed later, right?

What's my point in all this?
My point is that Atari could have made a better Pacman, but I still have fond memories of the piece of shit they gave us, anyway.
Sometimes the things that suck the most, are the most fun to look back on.
Well....not for Robert, though.

I'm About To Be 40...Let's See What I've Learned Thus far.

I'm sitting here drinking a smoothie I just made in my Montel Williams HealthMaster Blender.
It consists of two bananas, two peaches, ten strawberries, some spinach, soy milk, ice, and a little peanut butter for protein.
I'll drink this throughout the day, while you eat a Double Quarter Pounder with "ham drippins" and extra cheese, washed down with a few Bud Light Limes or something.

And you know the best part?
You'll probably out live me.
Because that always seems to be the way these things go.

You see, I'm turning 40 this week, so I think I'm supposed to start be concerned about my health and stuff....at least, that's what everyone says, right?
As time has gone by, I have become more and more "health conscious". My lifestyle today, doesn't even begin to resemble the one I lived when I was 20, or even 25.
Those were fast food filled days, and Jagermeister filled nights...by the bottle.
I don't mean that to be an exaggeration, I literally would go out each night with a bottle of Jagermeister, and it would be gone when the night was done.
THAT, to me, was "social drinking".

But make sure you live that way in your youth....just for a little while.
It can be a HELL of a good time.
And if you don't....you'll be more likely to try to live that way when you turn 40, and have what is known as a mid-life crisis. That is when you become a total douchebag, and no one wants to be a douchebag.

However, through the various trappings of life, I have mellowed out considerably as of this typing...you know, days before I turn the "Big 4-0".
I hate that saying, by the way. That, and "Lordy Lordy, Look Who's 40!".
I just feel that the person who says that to you on your birthday, should be some incredibly overweight female co-worker that wears big sweaters, and has a lot of cats that are all named "Mr. or Mrs." something or other.
Don't be that person.
Don't ever be that person.
You may have convinced yourself that "Mr. Stompybottom" is all the companionship that you need, but that's just some bullshit rationalization mechanism that you've taught yourself to use, to stop yourself from wanting blow your brains out whenever you watch "The Notebook", and you realize that you will never have a story like that of your own.


Go have a story like that of your own.
It's your choice.
YOU know what's stopping it from happening...so do something about it.

Thing is, in my personal experiences, people who are overly invested in their animals, are so, because they completely lack the social skills to make their company desirable to human beings. So, they compensate by convincing themselves that their pets "love" them in the same way that another human would.
Let me break it down to you....your pets love you, because you feed them. If you no longer had food to give them, they would eat you.
However, if a human is starving, I doubt they would eat their child or significant other...get it?

If in this life, you get along better with animals than you do people, it's because you're an asshole.
Let the kidding of your self stop at this sentence.

Don't be an asshole. Don't be someone who walks into a room and knows that you owe apologies to people who were never anything but good to you. What's the point of that? What are you getting out of it?
I mean, I'm an asshole...but just because I say inappropriate things and such. But I never go around trying to fuck people over.
That's just bullshit.
And if you are someone like that....how's that worked out for you so far?
No need to answer...I already know.

But on the flipside of that...respect people who are genuinely trying to redeem themselves.
Do you know how difficult that shit must be? To know that people are thinking about you in a poor light when you enter a room, to know that you have a long road to walk down until others see you the way you now want to be seen. To be acknowledged for *truly* correcting your mistakes, and for the life you live now, not the one that you once did?
That has to be the worst....but they still do it, because they want to be better than they were.
Be thankful, if you've never had to try that hard.

Apologize when you should.
If you've done something terribly wrong, say you're sorry.....and mean it.
However, saying you're sorry, and repeating the offensive action over and over again, means you really aren't sorry at all. I just put that on the table because I've known people in my 40 years that seemed to think otherwise.
And not apologizing doesn't make you sophisticated or powerful.....it just makes things worse.
Save that "Apologies are a sign of weakness" shit, for overdone 80's movie characters who are trying to pull off a hostile takeover or something...if you were an asshole...apologize!
It makes you more of an asshole than you already are if you don't, so at least make an attempt to right your wrongs.
After all, the only thing that you can ignore, and it'll just go away, is your teeth.
I learned that from an old Crest commercial, or something or the sort.

At the same time, however, don't think that just because you're truly sorry, people have to forgive you.
Sometimes, and for me especially, it's not so much a matter of holding a grudge, as it is that I feel there's no value to you in my life.
That doesn't mean that the new you can't have value in someone else's....just that I have invested more time than I should have in you, and am completely not interested in investing a second more.
I suspect others have that same kind of policy.
It's kinda like going to a shitty amusement park. You paid your entry fee, you went on all the rides, but at the end of the day, you felt like it wasn't worth the time or money you spent on it. Since then, it's added new rides and cleaned up it's act a bit, but you just have no desire to give it another go.
Saavy?
Good.
Let's move on.

Don't be a braggart.
Here's a little tip from me to you....when you go around broadcasting how great your life is to everyone who will listen, it usually means....you hate your life.
I don't mean the occasional, "I love my life!!!" statement, I mean the constant full resume of everything awesome about YOU, gimmick.

Overcompensation: n- an attempt to make up for a character trait by overexaggerating its opposite.

See?
It's really pretty basic, and the fact that I have to walk you people through such things, is a little embarrassing.
But more importantly than the fact that everyone knows you're full of shit, you're just plain fucking annoying!
If people are expressing a current dislike of their life, and you plow in there with your "resume of awesome", they hate you. You do not resonate with them on a human level.
No one is impressed. No one is wishing they were you.
You're just a douchebag.
A simple "Hey, I know what you mean", or an anecdote of yours that rings similarly to what they're expressing at the time, is a little more in order.
Despite what you clearly think, blowing out other people's candles does not make yours shine brighter.
It just makes everyone else hate your candle.


If you're in a shitty marriage or relationship....become an "Ex".
Unless you're the part of the marriage/relationship that's shitty...in which case...stop being an asshole.
If you're thinking you'll just get away with your bullshit forever and that they'll never leave you because they've put too much time in, or because you have kids now, or because they have too much to lose....man, do you have a rude awakening coming your way.
And here's the worst part, right around the time that you realize that you really fucked up something good, and want another chance....that person will have had a lifetime's worth of you, and will be down the road and never looking back.

If you've found someone that's truly good to you...hold on tight, and never let go.
The owner of Mr. Stompybottom cries themself to sleep each night wishing they had what you do.
And they're waiting for their chance to pounce on your fuck up.

But if you aren't the one screwing it up, and you're the decent one in the relationship...there is nothing worse than being stuck with someone you can't stand.
For all of you out there, and I know there are some, I feel your pain. I know what it's like to go out to social events, and want people to think that everything is everything in your marriage, to put on your best face and your best fake smile, but meanwhile be secretly evaluating who you should have stayed with/went for/never let get away/or would rather be with, instead.
It's a motherfucker, isn't it?

No matter how hard you try, you just can't get them to work with you to make the relationship good, right?

Look, it's just this simple....whether you're a man or a woman, and you're in one of these kinds of relationships, there is someone better for you out there!!
There's someone who has your sense of humor, someone who likes to talk about things you like to talk about, someone who wants to experience things that you want to experience, someone who isn't a drunk or a drug user, someone who doesn't lie to you constantly, someone who isn't violent or busting your balls constantly.
That, is who you should be with.

Life is short....it really is....why waste one more minute with someone who drains the life from your body?
Someone who is all about themselves.
Do you really want to be with them for the rest of your life?
No?
Then why be with them for the rest of the week?
It doesn't matter how much YOU valued a relationship, if the other person doesn't value it at all.
That's a VERY important thing to think about.

CARPE DIEM, BITCHES!!!

Spend as much time with your kids doing the things they want to do, as possible.
People will always tell you how fast it all goes by, and it's so incredibly true, that I really can't convey it accurately in words. One of my children will be a teenager in just a couple months, the other is a preteen....but I can still remember taking them hunting for Batman figures and Care Bears, and more importantly, the excitement they had when they found the exact one they were looking for, like it was yesterday.
And I always will.
I can't imagine being like some of the people I have seen, who have children, but invest no time into them at all. Who don't care what their interests are,  and who have never shown them something that sparked a new interest in them.
I also don't care for people who try to shelter their children from the realities of life. You aren't doing them, you, or anyone else a service.
Talk to them, and explain things in detail....you'll be surprised how much better things flow that way.

Place an inordinate amount of value on your friends.
They are the only people who know what a total fuck up you've been your whole life, yet still will call you to go out for a beer on Saturday.
There's something to be said about that. 

And express yourself.
Do something you like to do. Don't just be another cog in the machine...say something, draw something, build something, grow something, compose something...anything...but leave some kind of mark. Be known for SOMETHING even if you aren't good at it....just be known for trying to be.
Believe me, there are people that I can think of, that just the thought of them can bring a smile to my face, simply because of how badly they wanted to be good at something that they weren't.
There's something very endearing and admirable about that.

But most importantly, I guess, try to not look back and have too many regrets that weigh on you constantly.
Because I guess that's what all of it is about, right?
If you've done the terrible things I've mentioned here, and haven't done the great things, you probably have regrets.
That, I guess, is what we all need to figure out....how to avoid regret.

I'm still working on that.

The Future: Where Will All The Jobs Go?

Print Media Is Now What Radio "Stories" Were To Broadcast Media

I was recently listening to an episode of "This Week In Tech", where guest Kevin Rose of Digg.com was talking about his new Amazon Kindle. One of the focuses was the dramatic price drop to a mere $139, no doubt to fend off the mighty Apple iPad, which at the time of it's debut, was just a couple hundred dollars more than a Kindle, with a LOT more functionality.

More likely than not, within a couple years, the Kindle will be free with the promise of a few book downloads. So, that means everyone will be able to have a device which allows them to read books and newspapers on them at all times.
Even if you don't want to go the Kindle route, I'll bet most of you as of this typing, have a device in your possession on which you can access up to the minute news, right?
Sure you do. After all, at the very least, you have the computer that you're reading this on right now. It has access to all sorts of news, and it's updated every single second.

For the techies out there....remember the days where you'd have to wait until your favorite magazine ran it's features on the most impressive items from CES or E3? It's much nicer being able to watch the presentations streaming live, isn't it?

What would ever make you want to go back to the way things were?

Sure, print media served us well for a VERY long time, but now that we can have things beamed to our devices, why should we stay that course?
Why would we want to?

Some of you may be thinking "Yeah, but what about when you're in an area where there's no decent Wi-Fi?" Well, sure...that's a problem right now, but how big of a problem will it be in the near future?

The White Space Spectrum

Remember all those airwaves that were getting used when broadcast television was analog?
No...the way you used to get it before digital conversion?
Ok...when you still used rabbit ear antennas....THAT broadcast signal!
Well, those are all freed up now, and the FCC has cleared the path for White Space Wi-Fi to begin rolling out. Right now, it's download speeds are not what most people are accustomed to, but they're more than adequate for text based downloads....like your newspapers, magazines, etc.
So, while still in it's infancy, White Space Spectrum will eventually blanket this Country in Wi-Fi, the same way television did not that long ago. You WILL be able to get your newspaper wherever you are.

Menus Are Printed Too

Yes, in a way, menus are also print media, but restaurants have already begun eliminating them too.
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking I'm taking things way too far now, right?
You're thinking that I'm talking about some sort of "Jetsons" future, right?
Well, you're wrong.

The following video is just an example of what is beginning to happen around the World.
A little bit later, I'll explain to you what this all means.



Well, what did you think?
Pretty high tech, huh?
Not as much as you may think.

This is Inamo in London.
iPads are a little too pedestrian for them....so at Inamo, your whole F'N table is a touch screen menu.



What This Means To You And Me, Rusty

How do you feel about all of this?
Does it frighten you? Because maybe it should.
There's a lot of focus being put on the print media industry these days, and it's ability or non-ability to survive in an ever growing, ever evolving, technological landscape.
I've just shown you here how unlikely it is that there will still be print news even ten years from now.
USA Today has even announced that they are going to begin "de-emphasizing" their print edition. That basically means killing it off, boys and girls. They just don't want to flat out say it, and send shockwaves into an industry that's already hanging on by a thread.

But let's go beyond the print world now, shall we?
Think back to the videos you just watched with the iPad and touch screen table menus.
I KNOW you have a short attention span because you been diagnosed with A.D.D., but think real hard.
Remember now?
Ok.
Besides printed menus, there's something else missing from those restaurants now too. Do you know what it is?
It's a wait staff.
That's right, the wait staff isn't really needed anymore. Just someone to bring the food from the kitchen to the table. Ordering your meal is far more expeditious with an iPad; you never have to wait for someone to "get around to you"...you just order when you're ready. And it's far more cost effective for a restaurant to pay ONCE for an iPad, than to pay weekly for a full wait staff. Even the least bright among us can do that math.
So, sorry waiters and waitresses out there...your time is short.
The days of nice tips are over.
You could always get a job at a local fast food place or something.
Or can you?

The way I see it, if we've reached a point where we don't need wait staff anymore, we CERTAINLY won't be needing cashiers at fast food chains.
You'll simply walk up to the touch screen, touch "Two double triple Big Macs, a Super Dooper size chocolate covered fries, and a small Diet Coke."...then swipe your debit card, or insert your cash, and voila...out comes your heart attack on a dirty tray.

Drive Thru, you say? NO PROBLEM!
How about a Wi-Fi sync that allows you to place the order on your way to the restaurant, on your touch screen handheld device? You simply are handed the food at the window when you arrive, and it's automatically billed to your debit once you hit "Submit Order" on your handheld.

What about your job?
Can you think of ways in which this kind of stuff can eliminate the need for you?
And where will all these people go? What will they do for income?
See, this is about to get a WHOLE LOT BIGGER than print media. This isn't some distant future, this is now. THIS, is the genesis of the new world....it's just that no one is paying attention that closely.
They never do, until it affects them.

Lucky for you, you have me.

Ines Sainz: A Guide To All You Need To Know About Her

 

Yup.

That about covers it.

At least, I would think that's all SHE wants you to know, right?
After all, if you do a Google image search, there isn't a single picture of her, in which she doesn't look like she's on her way to shoot "Booty Wreckers 8: Return Of Ass Mangler". (I made that title up, by the way, and I swear if there's EVER a character known as Ass Mangler, I'm suing!)

Now, for anyone to be upset, that men responded to her THE WAY SHE WANTS THEM TO, is the upper echelon of insanity. She is dressing in a way that she knows men find incredibly attractive.

For the record, that is one of the greatest asses I have seen in recent memory.
I know it.
You know it.
Ines knows it.
And we judge a "great ass" based on...get ready for it....SEXUAL DESIRE.
There are shapes and characteristics that men find incredibly appealing, and Ines' ass contains ALL of them.
So what does she do? She wears things that do their damnedest to accentuate every curve and crevice.
And who does she does this for?
Men.

Unless she gets down with broads too, in which case she only becomes MORE desirable to men.

Women, let me break this down for you....YOU have responsibility here too. You are not exonerated of your crime, just because you are female.
Sorry.
If you want to exercise your right to enter the mens locker room, then you also need to exercise something else....common sense and a semblance of professionalism. And there is NOTHING professional about what Ines wears when she enters these locker rooms.

If you don't want to be treated like a whore, then don't dress like you're up for "Best Interracial Gang Bang" at the AVN Awards.
It's just....that....simple.

By the way, how come you don't see men in the women's locker rooms?
Oh that's right, because it's probably not a good idea.

Announcement: I Need Your Attention!

Since Pastor Terry Jones chickened out and decided not to stage his book burning, I truly believe that something needs to be done to show our protest, as Americans. In this turbulent age we find ourselves living in, we as Americans can not afford to just sit by on the sidelines and do nothing. We must fight back! We must stand up for ourselves and secure our sacred landmarks, preserve our culture -- our very way of life.

With that in mind, I am hereby announcing that I will be holding a book burning at my home in Milford Delaware in my backyard fire pit this Saturday, September 18th.

It has recently come to my attention that Mad Magazine is headquartered and published in New York City, a mere thirty blocks or so from Ground Zero. This is intolerable. We as Americans can not let this continue. Mad Magazine has been a subversive force in America for more than 50 years. They have taken unwarranted shots at our American political system, our culture, even baseball and apple pie -- the very fabric of our society.



They supported the hippie movement in the 60's; they were against Reagan in the 80's; they continue to support gun control, abortion, stem cell research, ear-marks, high taxes, welfare for the needy, Obama-care -- all things anti-American...(well I'm not really sure about anything in this last paragraph, I really just made all this up).



Do not forget about those Spy vs. Spy bastards. This is like a mini terrorist training manual, where these guys teach us ways to plant bombs and set booby traps, in each and every issue.

Lastly, the final page has some kind of cryptic fold up message that if decrypted properly lays a path for Americas destruction...again, they publish this magazine only thirty or so blocks away from Ground Zero!

So join me in burning as many copies of Mad magazine as we can gather. I have gathered almost a dozen copies and will be accepting donations from local churches, schools, and libraries. I will be holding a press conference later this week to announce my final plans, so stay tuned.

God bless America.

September 11, 2001

You know, growing up I always heard people say "I remember EXACTLY what I was doing when John Kennedy was killed.", and I used to think..."Yeah, whatever...I'm sure you remember exactly what you were doing , asshat."
Hey, I've told you before, I'm a bit of an asshole.
BUT, I'm no where near the asshole that I USED to be, AND, I tell you that I'm an asshole.
Other people just act like they're friendly and such, then pull the rug out from under you.

Guess what?
I remember EXACTLY what I was doing on September 11, 2001.

I was working in Greenville, DE. My employee Ryan and I were listening to the radio, and installing 4 inch by 3/4 select red oak in the upstairs bedroom of a customer of mine, whom I had done work for over the years. This was the last room for me to install wood in, as I had already done the rest of her house.
Ryan and I were discussing another guy we know who just the day before returned to work at the company that we both previously worked for.

Then Howard Stern cut from his banter to mention that a plane had crashed into the World Trade Center.

Almost in unison with Stern, Ryan and I laughingly wondered how someone could be such a dumb ass and hit something so huge. And also in unison with Stern, we said..."Must have been a small commuter plane".

Along with the rest of America....the rest of the World, we soon realized that it was something much, much more.

The hour that followed was filled with panic, as false reports were coming in of bombs going off all over Washington D.C., AND some douche shooting something off near the jobsite we were on.
At that moment, we were under the impression that an all out attack was going down.

I called my wife at the time, and she seemed to not fully grasp the gravity of the situation, even though she told me that someone at the Capital Management firm she worked at, was on the phone with someone at Cantor Fitzgerald when he heard yelling and then silence as the phone went dead.
THAT, is something that would haunt me forever....hell, it sticks with ME as it is, and I didn't even hear it.

For all of us who were alive that day, the feeling was indescribable. I remember just being numb, not able to process what I was seeing. Somehow feeling like it was footage from a Michael Bay film, but knowing that it was incredibly, and horribly real.

I don't think I've ever viewed life the same way again.
What I mean is, I know that I was never the same person again after that day...that September 10, 2001, was the last time I was the carefree moron that viewed the World with such a sense of levity and frivolity.

I remember my only, albeit smallest bit of comfort that day, was the knowledge that I personally didn't know anyone in the Towers.
Or so I thought.

Following my divorce, I learned through the person I was dating that I indeed did know someone who died there that day.
Now, I don't mean to claim that I knew him well at all...just that I knew WHO he was, which is why it took years for me to ever even realize he was gone.
I had ONE interaction with him, but for some reason I always remembered it. Not because it was anything out of the ordinary, but it just stuck with me.

Probably around 1990 or so, I went to a party in the townhouse where the friend of the girl I was now dating lived. Or so I *think*....I'm a little fuzzy on that part....but hey, it was a long time ago...how many specifics about a house party that you went to do YOU remember, junior???

Anyway, at the time I was playing guitar a bit, and this was after "Goodfellas" was released. I was so impressed with the scene that used the outro to "Layla", that I was attempting to learn the guitar part at the time.
When I got into the party, there was no where left to sit, so I ended up sitting on the end of a piano seat, where this other guy was sitting. As I sat there with my back to him, I barely clung to the edge so as to not look like Edith to his Archie, I began to hear the outro from Layla coming from the piano.
It wasn't perfect or anything, but it was really solid, so I turned to him and said "Hey man, I've been trying to get the guitar part down for this....but I kinda suck." I remember he laughed, and we began to talk a bit about music.

His name was David Marc Sullins....but everyone I ever knew called him Marc.
He was a paramedic for Cabrini Medical Center and died trying to save others lives in the South Tower of The World Trade Center.

That was my one and only interaction with him...but like I said, for some reason, I always remembered it.

Upon being told that he perished in the World Trade Center, I recanted this very story to my girlfriend at the time. It was more or less a simple anecdotal note when answering the question "Did you know Marc?"

Months later, when going through old pictures of hers, there was one single photograph from that party.....it was of me, sitting barely on the edge of that piano seat, and Marc Sullins...back to the camera, tapping away at the keys.
What a weird thing.

Now, I'm not trying to attach myself to Marc for your pity, because as I said, I had one interaction with him in my entire life, and the thought of doing so is perverse and appalling to me.
I'm simply conveying my personal remembrance of one person who died that horrendous day, because for years, I simply felt terrible for faces and names that I saw flash across my television screen, but I had no personal attachment to any of them.

But now, I can't think of that day without remembering the outro to Layla.

Marc Sullins Memorial Site

Christmas Is NOT The "N Word", So Stop Treating It That Way

Yes, I know it's September.
Yes, I AM aware that I'm the guy who says all religions are crazy.
Yes, I know this drum has been beaten to death now.
But will you just bare with me for a minute, this is gonna be short, I swear.

Today, my children have off from school for Rosh Hashanah, which in case you live in a world of pork rinds and Jerry Springer, is a Jewish holiday. In brief, Rosh Hashanah is a time when Jews spend time reflecting on their relationship with God and creation.

Yes, the same God that you may NOT mention during the Pledge Of Allegiance.
What?
Well, I don't know why you can have a day off from school to reflect on him, but you can't say his name....that's what I'm trying to figure out here, along with you.

Many years ago, I remember noticing that the Christmas Concert at the schools, were now called the Holiday Concert, or the Winter Concert. Songs were carefully chosen to reflect aspects of the individual culture's holidays, but to not directly say any of them by name.
I find that fucking ridiculous.
But I also say "fucking", and that would make the people who get upset when they hear "Merry Christmas", go into catatonic shock.

While we're on that....is there ANYONE out there who seriously gets upset when they hear the word Christmas?? I mean, are you telling me that there are people who are truly rocked to their foundation by the acknowledgement of the birth of Christ? Which, by the way, in America, really only means presents and Gingerbread Lattes from Starbucks, these days.
Mmmmm Gingerbread Lattes!!! Triple shot, of course!

Anyway, if you are out there....please send me an email explaining IN DETAIL, exactly why you're such a bitchsissy, at anuddercast@gmail.com.
I look forward to making you cry, and increasing your therapist's workload.
Seriously.
I don't like people like you.
You're all whiny and Nazi like at the same time.
I'll bet you always used to tell the teacher on everybody too, didn't you?

Point is, this goes back to the whole Burlington Coat Mosque thing, it's groups of people trying to control another group's right to believe and express joy about whatever religion they choose, in a Country founded on a belief of not persecuting anyone based on their religion.
See how even handed I am?

So I say this, it's time for all parent's in these school systems to DEMAND the end to this politically correct bullshit. If our children can have off for a religious holiday that is designed to reflect on one's relationship with God, then it can again at least openly speak the name of the day marking the birth of his son.
It's not some dark day of shame that needs to be hidden away.
It's not a member of the Klan.

Christmas is NOT the "N Word"!!
Yamsayin? You feel me, my Christma's?

Into The Future: The Jersey Shore

I know, you're asking how I went from tackling the political hatred that's running rampant through America right now, to stooping so low as to analyzing personalities on The Jersey Shore...well, because I can do whatever I want here...THAT'S why.

PLUS, I'm being "Pop Culture Topical"!
See, I can be a very hep cat when I want to be.
Wait...doesn't anyone say hep cat anymore?

Eh, who cares?

SO, being someone who shamefully admits that I've been watching the show from Season One, I feel as if I have *kind of* a handle on the people in the house....well, as much as you can with phony "reality" tv.

For instance, I think that Vinnie is smarter than everyone else in the house, and will be more successful than anyone else there....in the long run. What I mean by that is, like the New Kids On The Block, there will be a day when all the hoopla (<---old timey word) surrounding the Guidos and Guidettes is nothing more than trivia question fare, and they will be featured on a "I Love The 10's" thing on VH1...ON WHICH, Michael Ian Black will still be participating...yup, even then. Realistically though, they won't wait until the 20's to air this....more like 2011, when we are actually still IN the 10's, and most of what they are asking us to remember happened last week.

But I digress....
During this recanting of all things cool during the 10's, we will see a commercial break that says "When we come back, we're gonna get into a little "Situation" with some Gym, Tan, and Laundry, when "I Love The 10's" continues!"

See how well I did that?
I mean, when you read it, you actually HEARD the voice of the VH1 voice-over guy, didn't you?
That's why I type things that people read, and you just finished typing:

"2 tired 2 talk. C u 2nite dawg......PEACE!"

But that's neither here nor there.

Point is, during the course of the show, we will find out that Vinnie, unlike the others on the show, wisely invested his cash, and now is working as an investment banker or lawyer. And when asked about his days on The Jersey Shore, he maturely will reflect back with a casual "We were young and crazy. Who isn't crazy when they're young?, but will shy away from behaving in any manner that would make him appear as if he still has urges to "fight the beat" in the clubs.

I think The Situation will end up in a decent position too, maybe not with as stable of a foundation as Vinnie, (whose current financial standing at the time, won't be entirely reflective of his show business days) but being that he stands to pull in $5 Million dollars this year, and doesn't seem like an idiot to me, I think life will be just fine for ole' Mikey The Situation. 

As for the rest....

Sammi - Married with kids, to a doctor or something, who was a total geek as of this writing. He hit Sammi up for a date when he met her at a "World Of Wheels" Car Show as she was signing autographs. His timing was impeccable, as this was right around the time she was hitting 30 and felt she was running out of options.

Ronnie - Died of alcohol poisoning four days before the filming of "Return To The Jersey Shore"; a show about the original cast returning to the beach house, five years after Season Three. His last words, as he pounded away to Deadmau5, were "Bro....check me out, Bro!", before falling on his face, never to regain consciousness.

DJ Pauly D -  Too old to be a hip club DJ anymore, Pauly D is producing "New Age" meditation music. He converted to Buddhism at 37, after his hair began to fall out, thus forcing him to examine the TRUE meaning of life. "Dude, it's like, if your hair isn't there to put product in, did you ever really, like, have it at all?"

Angelina - Who fuckin' cares? Oh, but she still doesn't understand why everyone hates her.

Snooki -  After gaining a SHIT-TON of weight, and doing a brief stint as a "Snack Cake Pornstar" (a new type of porn where large women and men...and women, smash each other with Ho Hos, Ding Dongs, and Chocodiles, and then engage in various sex acts), Snooki goes into a massive depression, which after an extensive time going through peaks and valleys, leads her to become a fitness and self help guru. She has a website where you can pay to download her latest workout video with Tony Horton, entitled "P90Snook".

JWoww -  Having come to terms with who she really is, AND having had her breast implants removed, JWoww now reads spoken word poetry at the "Hot Cup Of Va Jay Jay" coffee shop in The Village which is owned by her girlfriend Saja. During "Return To The Jersey Shore", a short haired Jenny surprised everyone by revealing that she was living a lie for years, and now realizes that the source of her hostility, and for lack of a better word, Linebacker-esqe behavior, around the house, was a result of repressed feelings for Sammi. To which, Sammi responded "I ain't gonna clam slap wit choo, BITCH!", and then was subsequently kicked in the vagina by JWoww, whom MTV had to then remove from the house. Confident that the remaining anger is now gone, Jenny stays far away from the Jersey Shore cast, and focuses on her art and poetry.

I'm serious about the last part, by the way.

I think that really may be the case! I mean look how she struts around like she's ready to throw down at the drop of a hat. And have you ever seen a woman whose answer to EVERYTHING is to punch someone in the face, or threaten to punch them in the face...or think about punching them in the face....or draw a picture of punching them in the face?

Whatever. 

 

The "Christian/Patriot" Hate Machine

Are you noticing what I'm noticing?
This Country, is slowly reverting to a civil rights era atmosphere right before our very eyes. Muslim cab drivers being stabbed for being...well...Muslim. A Mosque site in Murfreesboro, TN being set on fire for being...well...a mosque.
We're returning to a complete "us vs. them" mentality, and it's all being done by groups of people who are claiming they're "Restoring Honor". People who are constantly telling us what the Founding Fathers would think if they saw the state of America today.

Part of what they're saying is probably true.
That's something that I'll say, that they won't ever say regarding people who think differently than they do.
No sir, they'll be the ones to yell "Nazi" at the "other side" for a contradictory point of view.
Thing is, I think everyone has some valid points of view...if you really open your mind, and listen.

But, there's also a lot of crazy out there too....afterall, people pay real money to see Lady Gaga in concert!!

Eh, on to serious matters.....
This is a flyer...one of many, that are currently posted all around Ground Zero in New York City.

Picture from Reddit.com

"The answer to the GROUND ZERO MOSQUE is to know the life transforming love of Jesus Christ"

Is that what's happening here? Love?

When I think of love, I think of kindness, compassion, caring, and selflessness.

When I think of Jesus Christ, I think of tales of the same...."turning the other cheek", even to the point of torture and subsequent death.

Is that what's happening here with these so-called "Christians"?

Let's take a moment to examine the hosts of the services promoted on the flyer, Live Prayer.com, shall we?
THIS, is their front page....

Picture from Reddit.com

So, as we can see, Barack Obama is "God's Enemy", AND apparently the worst Photoshopper in the World, would have you believe that he used to go to Titty Bars with Adolf Hitler on Friday nights for the 1/2 price wings and $1.50 Miller Lite drafts.

Silly me, I thought God's only REAL enemy was Satan, all this time!
Oh, and that's another thing while we're here...the whole Adolf Hitler thing is TOTALLY fucked out at this point.
It literally has no impact anymore.
Congratulations, "Patriots", you have likened so many people to Adolf Hitler, that Hitler's name has no punch anymore. I miss the days when you would say "That motherfucker is like Hitler!!!" and people would gasp at your assertion!!
By the way, Christians and Patriots, when you're downplaying the leader of The Third Reich like this, it's REALLY disrespectful to Jews who endured a little thing called THE HOLOCAUST at his hands.
But that wasn't a big deal, was it?
I mean soon, I'll probably be....oh I don't know...selling shirts that say "I Am Just Like Adolf Hitler Too!", to completely finish off ANY semblance of meaning that his name could still be retaining.

Don't worry, I won't even get into how not a single American President has come close to Hitler-esqe levels of anything, because it would be completely lost on you.
Besides, you aren't really interested in learning anything anyway, are you?
I mean, that would take all the fun out of the name calling thing that you like to do....in the name of Christ of course!

Because all of this...all this bullshit, and hatred, and judgement...THAT is what Christ was ALL about, right?

I remember when Christ used to make stone carvings of Pontius Pilate hanging out with Lucifer at Hooters....that guy had MAD skills with Adobe Carvoshop.
The only thing that sucked about him, was when he would get drunk and CONSTANTLY be going off about "fags". Every minute was "Is that guy a fag? My father HATES him! Let's kick his ass!".
It was REALLY annoying.

Huh?
Whadda ya mean, Christ never did or said shit like that?
Well, I don't understand, YOU do, and you tell me it's in the name of Christianity???

Maybe I need to check my definition of Christianity....

Christianity is a monotheistic religion based on the life and teachings of Jesus Of Nazareth.

Hmm....just as I was thinking, it's based on Jesus' teachings...sooooo if he didn't condone this kind of behavior, and he never did things like what I claimed, why are you acting this way, if you're living your life as he did??

More importantly, why does the "Ground Zero Mosque" need to be "answered"?
Are you in some sort of street gang battle?
A religious war....like a....*GASP*....Jihad?!?!?!?
That can't be...only crazy Muslims engage in things like that.
Why couldn't you have JUST promoted your hour of worship to those who are interested in...well...an hour of worship?
Because that wouldn't have quite enough hate in it, would it? 


On April 19, 1995, Timothy McVeigh committed, what was until September 11, 2001, the worst act of terrorism on U.S. soil, when he detonated a bomb at the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City, OK. He was a former U.S. Army Soldier, an Irish Catholic, and a white man.
He killed 168 people and wounded 450 that day.
Many of the dead were children and babies who were located at a day care on the first floor of the building, right near the detonation.

McVeigh issued this statement regarding the loss of life:

"To these people in Oklahoma who have lost a loved one, I'm sorry but it happens every day. You're not the first mother to lose a kid, or the first grandparent to lose a grandson or a granddaughter. It happens every day, somewhere in the world. I'm not going to go into that courtroom, curl into a fetal ball and cry just because the victims want me to do that."

Where were all the "Patriots" then?

I'll tell you where....they were in Tim McVeigh's jail cell: Population - One.
You see, Tim McVeigh did what he did, in the NAME of Patriotism....in the name of a "True America". He felt that the Government's attack on David Koresh's Branch Davidians in Waco, TX, and the Ruby Ridge standoff between the Government and Randy Weaver, were signs of a Government out of control, so he took matters in his own hands.
He wanted to start a revolution that would send America back down the path of what The Founding Fathers intended....to get things back on course again....a sort of "restoring honor" of his own, if you will.

My point in all of this?
My point is, if you aren't careful, the lines can blur quickly, and you can lose sight of what we were all supposed to be about here in America. That YOUR version of the "True America" may not be someone else's. I know mine isn't the same as ole' Timmy's!

It's not about "who has the bigger religious dick".
It's about letting everyone worship the way they please. Freedom from religious persecution!
And it makes no more sense to forbid a mosque from being built blocks away from Ground Zero, than it would to forbid a Catholic Church from being built blocks from the site of the Murrah Building in Oklahoma City.

In every religion, and in every country, there are fringe assholes that will do some REALLY terrible things in the name of what they believe.

There's nothing "honorable" about becoming one of them.
I hope people start realizing that, because it seems things are quickly heading to a bad place.