And The Gold Medal For Bong Hits Goes To....MICHAEL PHELPS!

Ok, seriously America....can we stop getting all jacked off about shit like this?

I'm gonna say some shit right now that's gonna throw you through a tailspin.
Ready?

PEOPLE SMOKE WEED!

That's right...people smoke weed.
They do it now...they've done it before us....and they'll do it WAY after we're gone.

So Michael Phelps will now be run through the mill because he got caught hitting a bong. By the way, did anyone NOT think this fucker was smoked up all the time?
See, I didn't follow the Olympics...I couldn't give a squirt of piss that this cat can swim....good....REALLY good....whatever, it didn't make a damn bit of difference to me.
Why?
Because Michael Phelps don't pay my bills.
I know, that's a shock...but if you go and check your canceled checks, you'll see he don't pay yours either.
So as far as I'm concerned, that cat could have so many Gold Medals on him that you could mistake him for C3PO, and I wouldn't give a FUCK!
Ok...that's a lie...especially if he was standing next to a round topped trash can.

Think about the visual for a minute, I'll wait till you get it.

Good?
See that was funny, right?

Anyway, on that same token....I don't give a fuck if he smokes weed, either. Not that I'm some big weed smoker who just wants the threat of being busted to go away or someting. Actually, quite the contrary...I don't use drugs at all. Never really did. I just base life on logic, kinda like Spock from Star Trek.
Logic goes like this....if alcohol is legal, so should marijuana be. Wait, did I word that right? Why does that sound like some Yoda shit to me?
Screw it anyway, Yoda made some sense with his backward ass shit too.

And please don't start with the "But he's a role model for the...wait for it....CHILDREN!" You know who your child's role model is?...YOU, stupid!
The minute you start looking to a Michael Phelps to be your child's role model because he can swim back and forth really fast, you really need to sit down with yourself and try to pinpoint the exact moment you became an unadulterated jackass.

See here's the thing that makes me different than you...I don't expect people to act correctly. I never did.
In fact, I always assume the worst of a cat, and then it's like a surprise when they do shit right.
It's like fucking Hanukkah all the time...except I'm not Jewish.

Speaking of that, you HAVE to see "The Boy In The Striped Pajamas".
Every once in a while, Hollywood....you do something correct. But, what an ending!
I didn't expect that shit at all.

What am I doing? YOU aren't gonna watch something interesting like that...you're busy waiting for a "House Party" sequel or something, aren't you?
Christ, you're probably listening to "Tubthumpin'" from Chumbawumba while you're reading this and REALLY enjoying it, aren't you?

But you know what I WILL say about all of this?
If a cat who can dazzle the World with his athletic prowess, likes to get smoked up from time to time...or fuck it...if he wakes and bakes and keeps the shit going all day until he lays his head down at night....hell, if he gets high UNDERWATER...who are you to tell him it's wrong?

Can YOU out perform that guy?

He was your hero a minute ago, America...he was a "phenom", remember?
Guess your "phenom" likes to smoke weed.
It'll be ok, America.

HEY, look over there...isn't that Britney?!?!?