Tales Of Absinthe, Gay Karaoke, And A Full Body Massage.

Man, that just sounds NASTY, doesn't it?
It's not that bad, I swear.

This past weekend...right after Thanksgiving dinner in fact, I went with my girlfriend to spend four days in Bethany Beach, DE.
I was really up for the whole "nothing to do, no where to be" schedule of things, because even when you're home and things are that same way, it doesn't FEEL like it.
You know what I mean?

These four days were the closest a man has ever been to actually being one of the girls on Sex And The City, while being completely heterosexual.
Or at least as far as *I* have ever been.

What?
NO, I am NOT a fruitbooty, wimmens!!!!
Don't believe me?
Bring yourself over here, and see how I handles my bidness!
You ever been duct taped while "Danke Schoen" from Wayne Newton plays in the dark, and all you can see is the spark from when I touch the two cables together that are hooked to the car battery?

Um...
Nevermind.


Anyway, during the course of my excursions around the beach on Friday, I came across a store that was selling Lucid Absinthe. Now, I have always wanted to try Absinthe, aka The Green Fairy, and since the ban on it in America was finally lifted a little while ago, I figured these four days of nothingness were the perfect time to do so.

Now, Absinthe has more of a legendary folklore to it than any other drink I can think of, and the list of people who were known to love the drink doesn't hurt it's lure to an idiot like me either.

Charles Baudelaire, Vincent Van Gogh, Oscar Wilde, Aleister Crowley were all notorious 'bad men' of the late 19th and early 20th Century that loved Absinthe and the drink has been linked to may other bizarrely creative types also.

So, I needed to see what all the fuss was about.....and I got my bottle of Lucid.

That up there....that's how it's done.
You drip ice cold water on to sugar cubes...that falls into the green concoction, and it turns cloudy white.
Here's is what I can tell you about my experience...
You will be completely fucked up in a matter of no time.
Two shots is really all you should need.
I would imagine that if you had more than two servings of The Green Fairy, you would be a complete and utter mess.
Despite the legend of it being a psychoactive drug, I did NOT experience anything of the sort.
I did however, feel it course through my body after the first few sips.
The warm drunk feeling rushes over you almost instantly.
As far as alcohol goes...this is NO entry level shit.

Highly recommended.

Now, what else can one do with oneself on a relaxing weekend?
Get a massage!

I had NEVER been to a professional masseuse in my life, and didn't plan on ever being to one, but my girlfriend decided to surprise me with a reservation to one Saturday morning.
I'm still not sure how I feel about this.
While I really felt great afterward, I felt really strange having some young woman that I never met before rubbing all over me.

How do you guys go to prostitutes???
I mean, I felt weird enough having some woman just rubbing on me...I can't imagine paying her to do crazy shit like THAT. I mean, paying to kill American tourists in German hostels is one thing...they are touching you....but having sex with a strange woman for cash is weird to me.

Oh, don't try to play it off...you look JUST LIKE the type of cat who trolls around for hookers.

After the massage, I went shopping.
This is where the Sex And The City part starts to come in.

I went to the Guess store, because I dress like I should be hanging out somewhere other than Delaware, but I LOOK like I'm from Delaware...lower Delaware....where they "Punkin' Chunk".

Anyway, I was looking at this red button down.
My girlfriend said "That's an awesome looking shirt...I think you would look really good in it."
I said "I don't know...that's a pretty bold statement."
She said "Yeah, but you always wear wacky shit....you should get it."
Then, the salesman came over...he was clearly living an alternative lifestyle and he said...
"The color is Cranberry, and it IS a bold statement, but at the same time, not so bold that it's garish."

"Garish" is not a word that is in my lexicon.
Shall we?

Main Entry: gar·ish

Pronunciation: \ˈger-ish\

Function: adjective

Etymology: origin unknown

Date: 1545

1 : clothed in vivid colors
2 a : excessively or disturbingly vivid b : offensively or distressingly bright : glaring
3 : tastelessly showy : flashy

Ok, I can dig that....he's right now that I think about it.
It isn't garish at all.
So, I bought that and this other black one with crazy shit on the shoulders.
I SOOOO look better than you when I'm out.

Now how else do you finish off a weekend in the Rehoboth Beach, DE area, but at Gay Karaoke.
Actually I don't know if that's how you do it, it's just how the girlfriend decided we would do it, and as I said, I was in a very relaxed, passive mood...so off we went.

We went to "The Purple Parrot", and I had a blast.
Ok, let's get this out of the way...because it cracked me the hell up when we pulled up to the place...
As we were parking, you could hear someone inside performing "It's Raining Men".
I know that sounds COMPLETELY cliche', but I assure you it's true. I laughed like a hyena.
This was not like the normal karaoke I was used to...these people took pride in their performance!!! AND, most of them could really sing...except for this one transvestite name "Amanda Cruise"...as I am told, Amanda is spelled "A Man DUH!" by this individual. Amanda looked just like a blond Howard Stern, had the same deep toned voice to match.
There was also another one there who looked absolutely terrible. His makeup was bad, and his wig had a TERRIBLE hairline, and his skirt was WAY too short, and from time to time, his pantyhose covered ass would be hanging out.
I would think if one is inclined to do that, they would put a little time into their craft.
Shame on him!!!!

In closing, I spent an entire weekend doing things completely out of my norm.
And I had a blast.
You should try it sometime too.