Can We Pause For A Minute, People?

Wait....just wait before you go all apeshit on me. This isn't what you think.
Well, maybe it is....sort of.

America is filled with assholes. No, it is, we can be honest....let's just say it out loud.
Good?
Everybody feel better?

Ok, America is filled with assholes...people are right when they say that shit. I look around and can't believe half the shit I see anymore. And while it isn't the worst example of Americans being assholes, the magnetic car ribbon is pretty high on the list. It's not as bad as the "In Memory Of My Homeboy Soupy" type of moving fucking memorials that people adorn their cars with these days...oh you know the shit I mean...people remembering lost loved ones by putting that shit on their back windows. That is the fucking WORST. I swear to Christ if I died and someone I knew put on of those things on their car about me, I would fucking haunt your shit. And it wouldn't be some playful "prankster" haunting either...it would be that awful "The Entity" type shit where you're left balled up in a fetal position questioning the existence of God.

But my point here was initially about the magnetic car ribbon, so let's get back to that.
There's one for every occasion it seems...the war....breast cancer....domestic violence....your uncle Petey's testical that he lost in a biking accident....whatever.
THIS, it seems, makes Americans feel better about themselves.
I can just picture them...breaking open the plastic wrapper....taking out their car ribbon of choice...walking to the back of their Suburban, and placing it *just right* so that everyone knows how "aware" they are.
Funny thing is, in most cases, I'll bet their "awareness" ends as soon as they walk away from the back end of their car. They don't actually DO anything with all their awareness....but they just want you to know they are aware.

America LOVES getting caught up in a trend, don't they?
It loves seeing the latest car accessory and jumping on the band wagon.
"Baby On Board", Garfield clinging desperately to the back window....oh, and who can forget Seymour Butts. God it was SO hilarious when they would squeeze that little air pump and ole' Seymour would moon me!

What's my point in all of this?
Well, today I stopped in a 7-11 to get a cold beverage because I was all hot and sweaty and such...so I got myself one of those G2 low cal Gatorade things because I'm trying to reduce my hammy exterior...and as I was waiting in line I noticed the woman in front of me.
See that Car Ribbon I put at the top of this post?
She had that TATTOOED at the top of her back.
T.A.T.T.O.O.E.D.
A car ribbon.

I couldn't fucking believe it.
I mean, there I was staring at this woman in total amazement.
I was literally in the presence of THE most aware person in history.
She was getting a beverage from the same 7-11 that I chose.
It was like *I* was aware just by being in her presence.

You know, a pregnant woman with a "Baby On Board" tat would be kinda funny though....for like 9 months.