Unbiased "Fux" News Coverage

Don't be trying to use your fancy countin' and learnin' to correct this either.

How soon before Katie just simply bends Palin over?

You can see the look on Palin's face as she slinks down deeper into her big shoulder pads like a tortoise withdrawing into it's shell to avoid a predator. She feels so bullied by Couric, and Katie isn't even a hardball journalist.

Here we go again.
"Gotcha Journalism...is that a pizza place?"
WHAT THE F**K DOES THAT MEAN, JOHN?
Seriously, I've played it and re-played it over and over in my head, and I can't even begin to link that to a semblance of comedic meaning.

Anyway, so we're clear, people....if you say something and people quote you on it directly, they are guilty of "Gotcha Journalism", and ergo owning a pizza place.

Where Does It End?

Just when you think she can't POSSIBLY be more of an embarrassment....she proves you wrong.
Let's keep in mind that this woman is about to face an opponent in Joe Biden this coming Thursday, that is expected to destroy her on such a level that the debate is being coined "The Demolition Derby".
Let's keep in mind the atrocity that was the interview with Katie Couric.
Let's keep in mind the buzz from Capitol Hill that senior McCain advisers were in a panic after staging mock debates and press conferences with this woman because of how clueless she was.
Quotes of "What are we going to do?!?" from McCain campaign managers were plastered all over the political side of the internet.

But most importantly, let's keep in mind that this country, at this particular time in history, cannot afford this frivolity. We are in dire straits financially and in respect to our reputation and position globally.
We can't afford to have another leader who serves as nothing more than fodder for Saturday Night Live, no matter how amazing of a job Tina Fey does.

This woman is nothing more than a joke of a Vice Presidential candidate at one of the worst times in our lives as Americans, and we just sit back and laugh.
I'm reminded of Nero and his fiddle.

Here is Sarah Palin addressing her upcoming debate with Joe Biden, and more specifically, why she feels confident about her abilities to verbally out maneuver him.

You were wrong about the Buckeyes, Joe.
Godammit, were you considering what that would mean in the grand scheme of things?

Is It Wrong....

That I've seen this gentleman perform on several occasions, and find it bizarrely funny?

60 Minutes in HD

For a long time I've wondered why it has taken news shows so long to convert to HD. It seems like it would have been easier to do news in HD than a lot of other prime-time content. After finally seeing Andy Rooney's hands and eyebrows, last night, in the precise detail that only HD can provide, I guess I understand the delay.

In sincerity CBS, thanks for the upgrade.

Heather Locklear Had A Minor Indescretion

Ok, so a citizen calls 911 and tells them that they see a woman acting erratically.
What's erratic you ask?
Well, it seems that Heather was driving her car back and forth over a pair of sunglasses and revving her engine.
See...not so bad right?
Well....ok....then she left the parking lot and drove onto a main street and parked. Then...well...MAYBE she got out of the car and stumbled into the traffic lane.

Look people, do we REALLY need to pass judgment here?
I mean, just look at her up there! How ADORABLE does she look in that photo?
Don't you just want to give her a hug and tell her everything is going to be ok?

She had to live with Ritchie Sambora for YEARS!!!

Do you know how it must suck to have to listen about "Jersey this" and "Jersey that" all the time, only to have him yell "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING!!!" while he's slamming the door on his way out after you ask him why, if Jersey is so great, he lives in California with you?

That's a comfortable chair you sit in America....pointing your "shame" finger at everyone.
You sicken me.

And Anudder Ting©, it's owner and staff would like to let Heather know that we understand.
You're right as rain with us, and everything is everything.
Besides, Jersey really isn't that cool.

Home Schooling

Home schooling is extremely popular here in West Virginia, what with all that anti-Jesus crap about evolution that they try to teach in public schools.

Yes, I know this topic probably deserves a longer blog post than I am prepared to give today, but I just have to post this -- this is the exact quote of a text message my chick just got from our next door neighbor, a chick who happens to home school.

XXXX, Im not go ing to be home for while. we went to pincelavania for the day to a skate park . Its' nice and in door . Maybe we can get too gether tonite when i get home. I'll talk to you latter. XXXXXX

Now I understand that when people are texting, spelling isn't essential. We all use acronyms and what-not to make texts quick and easy. But pincelavania? Uhm...yeah...at least the two kids are learning about why Noah couldn't bring the dinosaurs onto the ark.

Dullaware: HELLBOMBER IS BACK!

Yes, it's another "Dullaware" entry and if you aren't from Delaware, you probably don't care.
But here's the twist...*I* don't care if you don't care.
See, two can play that game!

For those who aren't familiar....Hellbomber is the self described "Anti Cover Band".
Now you may be inclined to believe that they are opposed to doing covers, but you'd be wrong.
See, this is where you feel silly for assuming, don't you?

Hellbomber isn't opposed to covers....they in fact, take songs that you know very well from a vast array of musical genres, smash the shit out of them until they lay shattered on the floor like the dreams I once had of actually being someone in life, and then put them back together in ways that a lot of times makes them more enjoyable than the original version.
All of which makes for some sounds that you can really jitterbug to!
(I really hope one of you is dumb enough to show up and start jitterbugging.)

The band has been on an extended hiatus, but will be returning to the stage on the biggest bar night of the year, Thanksgiving Eve at J.B. McGinnes in New Castle, DE.
Hopefully, they'll be honoring my request of a cover of Jermaine Stewarts 1986 masterpiece "We Don't Have To Take Our Clothes Of To Have A Good Time".

What?

Oh, whatever....name a song that's better!!
Go ahead, NAME ONE!!

That's what I thought.

Hellbomber's Myspace Page
J.B. McGinnes Myspace Page

This Settles It....

I'm going to Radio Shack and see if I can buy parts to build a rocket ship to Mars.
Ok, you're right....I'll probably have to stop at Home Depot too because Radio Shack doesn't sell glue and duct tape.
But I think it's crucial to abandon America at this point, and since the rest of the world hates us I probably won't be welcomed anywhere else on this planet.

Just hit play and watch your American pride wash away like rainwater heading steadily towards the closest sewer drain.


Is it safe to assume that the guy that's constantly trying to hold his hand up and block his face from being seen, has an outstanding warrant of some sort?
The best part is that he must have been too drunk to realize it at first, because it takes a minute for him to start with the hand cloaking device trick.

Music Review - All That Remains: Overcome

Maybe you've heard of All That Remains, and then again, maybe you haven't.
Chances are, if you have heard of them, it's because of Guitar Hero and their entry to the game "Six".

I'm gonna guess that you haven't heard of them, because to you, metal is still Slayer and a six pack of Budweiser. By the way, do you like how I pretend I'm not as old as you and I'm somehow much hipper, yet my spare time is filled with writing these inane entries that for the most part no one reads?
Yeah, me too.

Strangely, my musical palate has never really outgrown metal. It's a varied palate that enjoys a wider variety of musical offerings than it did back when I wore flannels over top of my Iron Maiden t-shirt, complimented by mirrored Aviator shades and a backwards hat...but it still always returns to it's metal roots.

The thing is, most of my peers find my taste in today's metal to be insane. They think that the singers simply scream or growl and that there's no value to the songs.
For a while there, I would have agreed with them...things got pretty..well...shitty.
But then came bands like Killswitch Engage and All That Remains, which for me, maintained the core elements of what MADE metal.
Sick, infectious riffs...blazing drums...and most importantly, catchy, melodic choruses that brought everything together.

All That Remains new disc "Overcome", while a slight departure from their previous sound, has completely hit the mark as a spearhead for the new era of metal.
It blends elements from their previous heavier efforts with riffs and vocals that older metal fans will surely find to be a "welcome back to metal".

Here, I'll show you...go listen to "Two Weeks" at their Myspace page:
http://www.myspace.com/allthatremains

See?
I was right, wasn't I?

So what do you say? Isn't it time to retire that "Reign In Blood" tape?
And why do you still have a tape player, anyway? You do realize that we're WAY past that now, right?
What?
No, I don't want to "cruise the pike" with you, and Aldo Nova sucks.
Maybe you should stop coming here....I don't think it's for you.

GOD BLESS YOU, JACK CAFFERTY!!!

So it seems CNN's Jack Cafferty also saw the Palin interview with Katie Couric that I put up here yesterday.
How refreshing is it to see someone IN the media, I say IN the media just layin' it down on this cornball half-wit from Alaska??

Dig this:


I love how he starts handling the shit out of Blitzer when he starts trying to run with the new bullshit we've all been indoctrinated to here in America (all except for me and Jack Cafferty that is!!!) where everyone has to pretend things aren't the way they are even when they're GLARINGLY fucked up.

This is why all our kids get trophies when they play a sport these days, even if their performance amounted to nothing more than licking the football and repeatedly punching themselves in the testicles when the snack stand was out of "Funyons".

Sing it with me people...
"♫ And I'm proud to be an Americaaaaaan, where at least I know I'm...♫"
Eh...fuck it.

Russell Brand

If you've seen "Forgetting Sarah Marshall", you no doubt are aware of Russell Brand's portrayal of Aldous Snow.
If you've seen it, and somehow aren't sure of exactly who he was, here's a clue....he was the funny part of the movie.
AH HA...now you remember, right?

I came across this on YouTube and thought I would share.
What?
No, it doesn't matter if you didn't see "Forgetting Sarah Marshall"...this clip is still funny.

If You Can Watch This Interview....

And not be horrified by the prospect of this woman being a heartbeat away from the Presidency, I'm at a loss for words.


Watch CBS Videos Online

"I'll try to find some, and I'll bring 'em to ya!"

HOLY.....CHRIST.

My Definition of "Fun"... Post Video, Watch Fireworks!

I fucking LOVE IT when people fight over my youtube videos. Check out the Meat Puppets versus Nirvana discussion going on right now. Feel free to pick a side and fight vehemently to support your team.



Personally, I like both versions of "Lake of Fire". But when it comes down to it, if you recall from the "Nirvana: Unplugged!" DVD, Cris Kirkwood borrowed Krist Novoselic's bass to deliver the bassline for Nirvana's version of the song. Curt Kirkwood replaced Pat Smear and Kurt Cobain on guitar. That left Dave Grohl on drums and Kurt Cobain on vocals. My point is this... based on a technicality, I think that both versions of the song were Meat Puppets' versions. I dunno though... keep debating I LOVE IT!!!

For the record, Nirvana did three Meat Puppets' songs that night... "Lake of Fire", "Oh Me", and "Plateau". RIP Kurt.... such a talented musician. :(

September's 4chan Trifecta

Tom Cruise proves to Oprah that his scientology power is well over 9,000.

This month's 4chan shens are cracking me the fuck up.

First, someone hacked and posted the password to Sarah Palin's email on the 4chan message board. Then, 4chan affiliates "Anonymous" protested Scientology outside of Gerald Schoenfeld Theatre on the opening night of "All My Sons" starring Katie Holmes.

But September's coup de grâce was last week when a poster on Oprah Winfrey's message board dropped an obvious chan-bomb that Oprah mistakenly read on air. From Oprah's mouth came this:

"Let me read you something that was posted on our message board from someone who claims to be a member of a known pedophile network. It said this, 'He does not forgive, he does not forget. His group has over 9000 penises, and they’re all raping children.' "

In case you don't already know, what makes this so funny is that one of the many catch-phrases of 4chan's "Anonymous" group is, "We are Anonymous. We are Legion. We do not forgive. We do not forget.". The 4chanism "over 9,000" was derived from the Japanese cartoon DragonBall Z. Anime nerds use it to describe their vast greatness (like Nigel Tufnel's amp that goes to 11).

Heh heh... Oprah said "over 9,000 penises".

So I Was Going Through My "Saved By The Bell" Trading Cards...

And I came across......what?.......oh, like you don't have a full set too!
I'm getting sick of your attitude!

As I was saying....I came across Tiffani Amber Thiessan.
Remember her as Kelly?
No?
Here, let me refresh your drink a bit.....


The very definition of hotness, no?
Remember how you used to wish you were Zach and could get a crack at her...well, and because he had that big blocky cell phone at a time when NO High School kid ever had a cell phone.
Hey, remember when Ruth Buzzi played Screech's Mom?
Doesn't Sarah Jessica Parker look just like Ruth Buzzi?...which in turn makes it funny that SJP is supposed to be some hot chick on that Sex In The City tripe, because when exactly was the time that fellas just HAD to get a piece of Ruth Buzzi?

Eh...anyway....

I'll bet ole' Tiff is still hot today, right? I'll bet she still....




BAM!

OH SHIT!!! Look how I just did that to you!
I could almost hear your youthful fantasies shatter to the floor like glass from all the way across the internet.

Huh?

You're right...that was wrong of me.
Here, let me help you pick up the broken pieces...I see a couple over there in the....





BAM!

Oh God..DAAAMMMMNNNN, I just did it AGAIN!
It's like I don't even consider your feelings.

I don't know how accurate my source is, but I was told that her look of excitement in the second picture is because someone just told her that Krispy Kreme unveiled a new "Fried Triple Chocolate Butter Dipped Fatback Glazed" doughnut that's on the "by one, get one" plan for Platinum V.I.P.s.

Hey, does anyone have the ultra rare "Rod Belding" card?
He was always the cooler Belding, you know.

In Case You've Somehow Missed It

This scene from Layer Cake is perhaps the greatest use of a piece of music coupled with strong editing that has ever existed.
Argue with me all you want that Scorsese using "Gimmie Shelter" 73 different ways, or Pee Wee Herman dancing to "Tequila" was better, but you also like "Get Fuzzy", so maybe you should re-assess things.

Enjoy, and then tell me that you'll ever hear "Ordinary World" the same way again.

I Hate Comic Strips Today

I give you..."Get Fuzzy"...
This is the worst shit of all time. When did comic strips get to stop trying?
I've seen this one several times now over the last year or so. I personally no longer read the newspaper because I feel it's an antiquated form of an "information source", BUT my girlfriend still has a subscription, so from time to time, I'll go through it.

A long time had passed since I looked at what the olden folk call "The Funny Pages", and when I finally gave it a gander (still keeping in the olden folk theme), I saw "Get Fuzzy". I have yet to see one that makes me smile, or is even remotely entertaining. In fact, I'm left questioning how the fuck this shit even got published.
Are people really entertained by this?
Are you entertained by this?
I'll bet you are.

Look, I'll show you how easy this is....poorly drawn...makes no sense...voila, I'm a comic strip artist!
Now if I can just find someone to pay me for this shit, I'd be all set.

A Message From Kenny Calihan

It was requested that this go up a bit ago, but I was on vacation, so I'm posting it now.

To Whom It May Concern:

Due to the recent "Dateline" special on national TV - a lot of stuff was totally incorrect in what Dateline reported in their special on Charles Manson whom I have personally known since 1992. The Dateline special aired on: 8/29/08.

At no time do any inmates in this unit that houses me, Charles Manson, etc, attempt to make a profit whatsoever on the Internet or by selling anything period, via to anyone. Where Dateline got their information - who knows - but it was totally incorrect, frivolous. They should double check before they make false statements, as they have.

Thank you for your ample time on this urgent matter.

Sincerely,

Kenny Calihan 9/1/08

Protesters Arrested at the DNC

"My next body marking will be a forehead tattoo that reads 'This is really gonna look stupid when I'm 60'"

Here is an idea for a fun new party game...

Go here and check out the mug shots of the protesters arrested at the Democratic National Convention. Peruse the gallery and guess if the arestee is a self-proclaimed anarchist or an anti-abortion extremist. Bonus points if you see someone you actually know.

Keeping Abreast of The Election

I'll be supporting Obama with a sexy little black silk underwire number.

Go here to embrace your candidate. Try not to say, "Honk Honk" while you're doing it.

Oh and if you picked Nader, I don't even want to know about it.

Code Name: GINGER

It was introduced as something that would quote: change the world. Simply known as "IT", or by its super-top-secret code name: GINGER. I seem to remember hearing talk about it, that it would be something that everyone would own and use in a few years, and that the mad inventor Dean Kamen would soon be richer than Bill Gates…After all America, we were just in the early dawns of the new millennium, and gadgets like this were a part of the proverbial bridge to the 21st century that the previous politicians had been touting. ABC’s Good Morning America had the exclusive interview -- they were going to be the first to unveil it…and we all watched, mouths gaping wondering: Were we seeing the gleaming brightness of our future? Would this gadget really change the way we live our lives? Or was it just all this talk, this hype, just simply a sales gimmick -- the proverbial “lipstick on a pig”?

Almost a decade after the Segway’s publicity machine went to work for it, after all the excitement, the build-up, the announcement and the eventual let-down, I finally got the chance to ride one. We had our neighborhood block party yesterday…another tiny facet of our megalo-monster American marketing machine. Sure, the name neighborhood block party sounds like fun… You imagine neighbors getting together, maybe having a few drinks, some music, maybe some playing some horseshoes. Nah, not so much anymore; that ideal has gone away with Tina Louise’s hotness. The simple, fun block party doesn’t seem to existent anymore, not with homeowners associations trying to score a few bucks. I might as well have gone through the yellow pages, it was nothing more than, simply, a sales event. To describe the available fun is nearly impossible, and possibly illegal without mentioning the sponsors. It was simply just a carney fair. You had the Gold’s Gym booth providing free vitamin water with every application, the free smoothys provided by VitaMix or VitaMaster blenders (honestly the fruit smoothys were shit and I forget the name of the product). Step right up folks, toss this little ring over the bottle top and win a free coupon to buy some more crap you don’t want or need.

Of all this silliness, the one sell that I really enjoyed was the Segway Scooter rides provided by the local citizens for Barack Obama. Yes my scooter ride was tainted by the political posters hanging from all sides of the buggy…but who the F cares? It was an amazingly fun, sensational ride…and if I had several thousand dollars laying around, not earmarked for some bridge or something, I’d love to have one of my own.

Now, I’ve decided that I really want one of my own -- but I need to find a valid use for it. I guess I could ride it around the huge expanses of the supersaver warehouse mart; I just hope it would stay balanced with gallon jugs of mayonnaise and ketchup hanging from the sides. Nah, I don‘t want to slip and fall and maybe have to sue the store. Maybe I could use it to be all green and what-not, and add an hour to my commute for work. Again this doesn’t seem like that great of an idea, what with rain and semi-trucks and all. Well I guess I have no real use for it, much like the rest of the nation. But for some reason, I still kind of want one.

And finally, after all these words, I think I finally have a point to get to: Hasn’t America learned anything about our phenomenal mass-media -- our super turbo, low-fat, low-cal, new and improved, buy now and pay later marketing machine? It’s all a work, a ruse, a scam…everything. The bridge to the 21st century was simply a bridge to getting more and more marketing into our homes and in our collective faces faster, cheaper and easier than ever before. And all the while all of us, asleep at the wheel, let these notions creep into our brains. Honestly, I have absolutely no real explanation nor excuse for myself as to why, only moments ago, I was pricing Segways on eBay. The machine is strong, really strong.

But only a few years later Charlie Gibson is introducing something else (in an exclusive, see it only here interview), a candidate for Vice President of the United States of America. I didn’t want to use any abbreviations in the last sentence because of the sheer gravity of the position. Yet, we seem to be treating John McCain’s own codename: Ginger with the same aloofness as a scooter. Is it because they’ve brought out the full blown dog and pony show with all the marketing gravy dripping off the sides? Let me ask: If Sarah Palin had some crazy honking wart hanging off her nose and a peg-leg would she receive a single vote because of her positions? (On the issues, you perverts) Of course, obviously not. But the machine rolls on with today’s IT girl…the hockey mom who made it big. Overblown seems like too weak of a word to describe it. And yes much like Sarah Palin, this Segway road machine was just phenomenally over-hyped as something that would “change the world”… Change the world? No. Change my life? Not even close, but damn, it was really fun to ride.

Does She Look Hungry to You?!?!?!

I saw this poster today. Is it wrong that I laughed?

Pray For A Pipeline, And The Iraq War Is A Task From...Wait For It.....GOD!!!!

In case you people didn't already know, God himself cleared our military engagement in Iraq.
SO, if you've ever seen the pictures of Iraqi children with their limbs blown off from when we bombed their cities, or all shot up because they were caught in a crossfire, sleep easy knowing that God asked for it to happen.

Oh, and want a 30 Billion dollar natural gas pipeline in Alaska?
Pray for it and get it done.

Are people seriously going to vote for this ticket?

Music Review: Metallica - Death Magnetic

Yes, as a matter of fact I AM aware of what I said before.
I was wrong.
See how easy that is?
You people should try it more often...but that's why I'm a better human being than you.
Why are you laughing?
Whatever....

Today, I was able to hear Death Magnetic in it's entirety. Today I FINALLY heard what *I* feel is the true follow-up to "...And Justice For All".
That's right...I'm going back to 1989 here people. Fuck the "Black" album and everything after....THIS is what you've been waiting for.

See, I remember when the Black album came out. I was working that day, and my friend Rob picked up my copy for me in between his classes at the time. As soon as I got home, Rob swung by to pick me up. The first thing I said when I got in his car was "WELL?"...knowing that he had been listening to it for hours at this point.
He said "It's cool....but it's different."
Of course this didn't bode well...no Metallica album was ever introduced as "cool but different" up until this point.
I remember driving around listening to it and just thinking "what the fuck happened here?".

Needless to say, that was the beginning of what would be a 16 year stretch of offerings from this band that would range from mediocre to just downright godawful.
For me, that is.

Today, I sat through Death Magnetic from beginning to end without interruption.
For the first time since 1989, I didn't feel like something was wrong. Everything felt right again.
But make no mistake, this isn't yesterday's metal coming from men nearing 50...this is something strong by it's own right.
As you listen, at times you'll hear the swelling punkish undertones of The Misfits....you'll hear bluesy metal grooves....you'll hear thrashy riffs with blazing drums....and yes, you'll hear Kirk Hammett soloing again. And it's not just the "Wah" pedal soloing that permeated everything they did in the 90's...it's DIRTY shit. Distorted sounds so deep that it almost reminds you of the unpolished Hendrix sound of the 60's at times.

This is Metallica being Metallica again. Not the thing that Bob Rock created and not the band that needed to "set their anger free" by force feeding us some underproduced....noise...it was fucking noise, wasn't it.?
THIS, is finally the evolution of this band that we all hoped was there somewhere.

Did Metallica re-write the metal handbook here?
Of course not.
As I said before, you can't expect that from the elderstatesmen of metal.
It's simply not fair.
That's something to be left to the young bands out there.

But what they *did* do was make a rock solid disc that old fans like me can finally be proud of.
They gave us something that we won't have to skip through to find the good stuff, because it's all good. (Well, except that "The Day That Never Comes" crap....I really do dislike that song, and I'll NEVER understand why that was chosen as the first single. I think you'll see when you hear this, that it really doesn't fit in with the rest of the disc's vibe.)

Let's be honest, it's not 1986 anymore...did you really expect Master Of Puppets 2?
Realistically, if you go back and listen to that disc now, it sounds dated, right?
You're hearing your memories more than anything else.
Yes, I understand how cool you were when you pulled in to the school parking lot with that badass Puppets riff BLARING from your Camaro while the jocks were listening to INXS, but you also had a mullet back then and those sunglasses with the leather side covers, and that would be pretty dated today too, wouldn't it?

Eh, there's no talking to you.

In closing I would like to welcome Metallica back.
Great job, Gentlemen!
Please continue keeping Bob Rock locked outside of the studio.

Just.....WTF?

Well how exciting, it appears that soon we might have Mrs. Poole from the Hogan Family as our Vice President!

Wait, let me guess.....
"Dude Mrs. Poole don't look like that, dude!! She's a TOTAL M.I.L.F!!!"

I hate you sometimes, America. (Christ, when the fuck did I become Bernie Mac, exactly?)
Eh, I don't care...I DO hate you sometimes America. Or at least I don't understand you, I guess would be more accurate. Has anyone listened to this woman? How can you NOT be nauseated by her?

Oh, and before I get too sidetracked, can we stop using "M.I.L.F." now? You should know something is over with once we reach the point that bounced lookin' old women with Jersey accents started trying shit on and asking their shopping companions "Does it make me look like a MIIIIILLLLLFFFFF, Susan? (<----insert the mixture of laughter with hacking pre-cancer cough.)
No Rhonda, NOTHING makes you look like a M.I.L.F.
Nothing.

As for Palin....please stop telling me how you're "just a hockey Mom from Alaska!". Please stop showing me how you like to shoot your gun....stop telling me about the PTA....I don't care if your husband is the "Iron Dog Champion"... stop mentioning that you were a beauty queen and then saying how you don't like to focus on that....stop trying to make me feel like you're about to show up at my door any minute with Oatmeal Raisin cookies...just...fucking....stop.

First and foremost, I don't want my Vice President to be an "average joe", and even if I did, we all know that you aren't really average anyway. So stop pandering to me. I think back to ole' W when he would show us videos of himself on the ranch rustling livestock and shit. He wanted us to know that he was just one of us. That he could "relate" to the everyman's struggle. But that was anything but true wasn't it? And before you think I'm just another person on the internet bashing Bush, I'm not. I voted for Bush during the last election...mostly because John Kerry was just a terrible salesman of...well...himself. And if YOU can't sell me on you...who can?

As I get older, I notice that I start to see things differently. While I know that our two party system if one of the biggest smoke and mirrors shows going, I'm not foolish enough to believe that it will operate any other way in the foreseeable future....SO, I know my choice must come from these two options. That in our "democracy", no real opportunity is given to an independent to become a viable candidate for the Presidency. So you can either accept that, and pick a lesser of two evils approach, or you can NOT vote in some sort of a protest posture, which to me is crazy.

Accepting what I've just said about the two options being the only options, I ask you this...is a World leader someone that you should laugh at for not being able to pronounce basic words? Sure, we've all come to accept that with our current President, and we make it fodder for the SNL's and MadTv's out there...but when you really think about it, how sad is it that our President can't SPEAK properly?
What example does that set?

When you deal with someone like that at your place of work, you clown them after they walk away, right? Oh stop lying, I know you do. Why do you always try to pretend you're above that kind of thing?

But what I'm saying here is this....if WE goof on people like this, imagine what it's been like for the rest of the World leaders who not only have had to listen to Bush turn basic words into an alphabetical train wreck, but then in the back of their minds have to worry about him labeling them "tersts" and bombing the shit out of their Countries?

Wouldn't it be nice to have a leader that you know you couldn't out-debate? Ok, maybe not *know*, but don't you think you could sometimes?
I mean seriously?
I want my leaders to make me feel like I shouldn't even TRY to speak in front of them because nothing I could say could even come close to the eloquent tapestry of words that they just laid down in front of 38 million viewers. I want my leaders to NOT be "just like all of us"....I want them to be MORE than the mediocrity out there that wants to be a M.I.L.F, or has a magnetic car ribbon for every occassion. I want them to have NOT sat with their girlfriend last night watching the season premiere of "90210" while thinking "Wow, they really did a decent job with this" as he was trying to drown out the sound of his girlfriend saying "Are you SURE you're not gay?"......um..no....that wasn't ME, I'm just uh....creating a hypothetical example.

Oh whatever....what were YOU watching last night that was so masculine?

Anyway, at the same time, I don't want my leader saying that they're "just figuring out this internet thing". Because the internet isn't exactly something "new fangled" in 2008. And I certainly don't want my leader introducing his ridiculous choice for a VP and talking about her husband winning the "Iron Dog MOTORIZED SNOW MACHINE race". Are you fucking with me? Motorized snow machine? Does this fucker think that you still have to crank start your car? It's a SNOWMOBILE, Methusala!!!

I can't wait until the debates with Joe Biden. I won't even say that Biden will eat her for dinner, because dinner is one of the three main meals of the day. Biden will eat her like a guy that's sitting around between lunch and dinner on a Saturday afternoon watching Munsters re-runs and then all of a sudden has a small hunger ping. He gets up...goes to the fridge and sees that there isn't much there...so without any thought, he squeezes some squirt cheese on some crackers an downs them without even giving them the courtesy of worrying about presentation on their plate, because there is no plate...there's a paper towel.

That's what Palin is....crackers with squirt cheese on a paper towel.

We get it Senator McCain, you needed a "When You Wish Upon A Star" magic to your campaign too....you needed that extra "Wow" factor. But when your wow factor comes off like a Julia Sweeney character from Saturday Night Live....well, let me leave you with a quote from someone else who is "just like me"....

"I knew I should have made a left at Albequerque."
~Bugs Bunny

R.I.P. Don LaFontaine

This is a SAD day for film fans like me. The voiceover guy...no people, I mean THE voiceover guy that we've all come to know over the last 25 years, Don LaFontaine, has died. I don't know how many trailers are upcoming from Don, but it won't be long before we no longer hear the words "In a world...." and "one man stands alone" anymore....at least not the same way.

Big Tone's Got Joke!

http://www.bobfreemanshow.com