The Failed Art Of The Apology

See how smart I am, America?
I told you on January 31, 2009 that you would turn on Michael Phelps, and you did just about a week later.
Ok, maybe I'm not that smart...maybe you're just that predictable now.

So now, he gets to be suspended for 3 months and Kellogg's has dropped him from a deal he had with them in which he would adorn their cereal boxes. But here's what's funny about it all...the suspension will be over before it hurts America's chances at the World Championships this July....I mean, he needs to be taught a lesson, but not at OUR expense, right? Sure, he's a vile dopehead, but we need him to win us some championships!!!
We can lay our "holier than thou" attitudes down for that, surely.
I mean, priorities, people!!

Everywhere I read, I see him saying "I'm so ashamed of myself...I have to live with this for a long time now".
Doesn't that make you feel better?
Everything you wanted to hear, right?
Or will you keep digging your claws in now?

See, it seems in America anymore, an apology is nothing more than a sign of weakness.
Think about it...who have you ever seen apologize, and things just went away?
It doesn't happen like that. America LOVES to build someone up so they can tear them down. They LOVE that.

In June 2006, the Philadelphia Commission on Human Relations began pursuing a discrimination case against "Geno's Steaks" owner Joey Vento. Vento put up a sign at his store that read something to the effect of "We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone who doesn't speak English when ordering."
People were appalled...they wanted Vento fined, tarred and feathered, and whatever else they could conjure up in their heads for such a "grotesque" offense.
More likely, they just pretended to be upset, because it's what they've been trained to do...but that's a whole other discussion, isn't it?

So everyone waited for Joey Vento to apologize...surely now that the National spotlight was on him, he would not act so "South Philly" and cave to the pressure, right?
Wrong.

Vento did the EXACT opposite of what America was waiting for him to do.
He refused to apologize, he reminded everyone that he owned the property that Geno's is located on, that he had more money than he could ever spend in his CHILDREN'S lifetime, and that if ANY action was levied against him, he would board up Geno's and let it sit there like that for the rest of time as a black eye on Philadelphia's face.

Amazingly....the case just faded away without so much as another peep.
Subsequently, Vento has stated that his business only INCREASED as a result of the position he took during the scandal. Furthermore, the media was no longer interested because Vento wasn't going to cry and grovel everytime a camera was put in front of him.

But that wasn't how it went for Don Imus, was it?
He apologized to EVERYONE who would listen, but he was still fired, drug through the mud, and never really regained the position that he previously held.

So you see kids, apologizing doesn't always make it better. In fact, it more often makes it worse.

In a perfect world, Michael Phelps would tell America that he owns his swimming abilities, and that if any action is taken against him, he'll close up shop here and go swim for Japan, the land that LOVES American celebrity endorsements.

Then, he would go to Geno's in Philly, and have one "wit and wiz" with a Birch Beer.
And I'd meet him there because writing that shit just made me hungry!