Monday, June 8, 2009

The Wilmington Bag Lady


If you live in Wilmington, DE, you have CERTAINLY seen this woman.
She's simply known as "The Wilmington Bag Lady"...BUT, she's a little more unique than the average homeless person.

For one thing, she doesn't stay in one place begging for shit. Instead, she walks LONG distances, clearly to get herself out there, and self promote. See, you can see her down in Trolley Square one minute, and up near the Concord Mall the next. For those who aren't familiar...that's a LONG ASS WALK....especially for you Ho-Ho guzzling hamhouses that I see all the time.
I actually saw her shopping in the ACME at the Fairfax Shopping Center once, which was weird somehow... but I mean, something has to go in those bags, right?
Isn't it strange that seeing her do what all normal humans do, seems bizarre somehow.
Or is it just because I'm an asshole?

But really I'm not joking about the self promotion thing...I mean, I AM, in that I don't *think* she's doing it consciously...but then again, she MAY just be that crafty. But what I DO mean is, how many homeless cats become KNOWN by everyone?
She's borderline iconic at this point.
So much so that she had her own Myspace page, and *I* feel the need to write something about her.


Look at her...no "Please help me, I'm homeless" bullshit sign...NONE of that!
In fact, I hear if you try to help her...by like offering to get her some shoes so she doesn't have to wear duct tape anymore..she gets HEATED.
She doesn't need your pity, asshat!

By the way, I was in NYC once, and there was this homeless guy sitting under a drain spout, in the winter, as it was raining. He had a perfectly written sign that said "Please help me, I'm blind, Homeless, and have AIDS." SO, I approached him and said "If you're blind, how did you write the sign so perfectly?"
He all of a sudden could see very well as he looked at me and told me to go fuck myself.
Oh stop it, people.
He was CLEARLY a gimmick. I don't give a fuck if you're blind...you can still feel water DRIPPING ON YOUR FUCKING HEAD, RIGHT?
His attempt at sympathy was a little overstated for my tastes.
Besides, on the list of things that I will burn in hell for...this is nowhere near the Top 10.


Now...do you see that, douchenozzles?
The Wilmington Bag Lady KNOWS when it's inclimate weather.
Does she look like some assclown that would sit under a drain spout during a rain storm?
HELL NO!

See, I don't seem like such a dick now in regards to what I said to that guy in NYC, do I?
When are you gonna learn to trust me about shit?
You know what, why do I even bother...all you care about is Tivoing the "Mama's Family" Marathon on TBS.

ANYWAY....I salute you Wilmington Bag Lady!
You do your own thing...you don't ask anyone for SHIT, and you would NEVER do something completely idiotic to garner sympathy from rubes.
Keep on truckin, sister!

11 comments:

WICKS RASH said...

Joseph McCabe-you have outdone yourself,sir. I humbly bow to your feet (but REEFUSE wash them with my hair!!). You are a flucking ROCK STAR!

Anonymous said...

That graphic is unreal! It would be awesome as a desktop for my computer. I walk past the bag lady everyday on my way to work at the bag factory. She's a legend.

Unknown said...

I actually attended morning church with her once at St. Anthony's. It was pretty weird to see her doing something normal for once.

Unknown said...

the bag lady has a disease known as skitsafrenia (i prob spelled that wrong). she is a dupont and is filthy rich. she goes home every night to her house not out on the streets. my mom offered her shoes onces but she said no. i know this cuz my geometry teacher is close friends with her family

Unknown said...

Ha! I finally googled her after all these years and YOU come up first. Made me giggle. Nice drawing.

Unknown said...

Ha! I finally googled her after all these years and YOU come up first. Made me giggle. Nice drawing.

Rob H said...

I know the family. Her first name is Claire and she is now living in an apartment near St. Anthony's paid for from the family. And for the record she doesn't have any money. She suffers from schizophrenia and the family has tried to get her help from the state but the state say's that as long as she isn't a threat to her self or anyone else they wouldn't do anything.

Rob H said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Unknown said...

RIP wilmington bag lady http://abclocal.go.com/wpvi/story?section=news%2Flocal&id=9351234 her name was Li Yu Zhang

Missjami said...

Nope. She's still around. There can only be one.

Henry Breeding said...

How do you know