Dear God, Why Hath Thou Forsaken Me?

Holy Shit! Do you know how many times I heard "When it rains...it pours!" today?
DO YOU?
Well, I don't know exactly...but it was a lot!

Ok, let's begin...

Last night, as I was about to leave with my girlfriend for the YMCA (I'm trying to slim down so I don't look like such a shapeless toolshed....not to mention, I need a decent haircut...anyone have any good recommendations? This shit is out of control now...I look like if Don King and Kramer from Seinfeld fucked and I was the offspring...only Kramer hates blacks, so that's probably a bad analogy.)...oh yeah, so anyway...I was about to leave for the Y, and my cell phone rings and I see it's my employee....
"Yes?" I answer....you see, I am NOT to be bothered after work hours....I'm uppity that way.
"Dude, I've got some bad news." He says.
"What's is this bad news that you speak of?" I ask, knowing that I'm about to wish death upon him.
"The tie-rod on the van snapped or something, and I lost control of it and side-swiped my neighbor's car."
.
.
.
.
.
"Hello....dude you still there?

"Yes, I'm still here." I responded. "It's just that I'm trying to figure out why you did this to my van, and yet have the audacity to still be alive?"

Here I was knowing that I wouldn't have a van to finish my two jobs today. SO, I then figure that I'll just load up the GayRV in the morning (Honda CRV) and finish them with that. Still, incredibly frustrated at the event, I was in no mood for the Y. Instead, I decided to finish a floor that I began installing in my girlfriend's basement the previous day. I pulled out the ole' iPod, put on the "Uhh Yeah Dude" podcast that Bryan recommended to me....and if I can take a moment with that...this podcast ROCKS. It's right up my alley...these two guys clown everything that's wrong with America today in the same way I would with my friends...and they seem to hate Dave Matthews Band too, so right there you know they have decent taste.

But back to what I was talking about....I put on the podcast and get to work. This seems to be the best therapy for me, because I tend to forget about other shit and concentrate on what I'm doing. So there I was, all but forgetting about the whole van thing, laughing at the show I'm listening to and I'm making great progress with the floor....one last tile, AND.....REJECTED!
That's right....ONE TILE SHORT. One....fucking....tile. I reach in to the box and come back empty handed.
Now, I'm pissed at my van, AND this floor. Throughout the evening I would stand on the stair landing and look down at that one empty space. It was just sitting there taunting me. Almost as if it was saying shit about my Mom. "Yeah that's right, bitch...I'M EMPTY..but you know what ain't empty...your Mom's bed...there's a single file line out the door!!!!"
I swear I think it was saying that.

At this point, I write the evening off....I tell myself..."Just one of those days!", and I head off to get a shower and go to bed.

SO, today, I do as planned....I pick up my asshat employee and we load up the GayRv.
"Screw It" I think to myself....I'll just work with what I have today....lemons and lemonade.
There we were...a better outlook....driving down Rt.141 as the rain pounded against the windshield..."thump...thump...thump...thump" went the windshield wipers, as they fought valiantly against the downpour...."thump...thump...thump...th..................................."
HUH?!?!?
Why did the wipers stop thumping? I CAN'T SEE!!!!!!! DA FUCK?!?!?
That's right....today....THIS DAY....the day that I desperately needed the GayRV....it failed me.
It seems that a bushing broke and a whole inner mechanism needs to be replaced, which will be happening tonight.
But *today*, I needed the GayRV. I needed it to be there for me...but instead, it teamed up with the Work Van's tie-rod and the empty space on the floor.
It formed an alliance with those who seek to impede my progress.

Fuck that, I say!
I stopped at the nearest Home Depot once the rain subsided a bit....grabbed some Rain-X and a squeegee. Yes, like a fucking homeless man, I was going at my windshield with a squeegee and covering it with Rain-X, so the water would just BEAD away as I drove.
Fuck the Tie-Rod...Fuck the Empty Space, and FUCK the GayRV...I will NOT be stopped.

Both jobs = Done!
Wipers fixed tonight.
Work van at the mechanic.
Tile finished tomorrow.
Employee still an asshat, however.

But more importantly, we've learned something here today.
We've learned that owning your own business is NOT what it's cracked up to be.
Hustling around trying to get shit done, owning work vans, and fixing up girlfriend's houses is for SUCKERS!

Drug dealing and hookers....HERE I COME!