Well....it's over.
I lasted 5 days on The Master Cleanse...but not because I wanted to stop....well, not entirely.
On Saturday, I awoke and began making my concoction that I had been drinking for the previous 4 days. I slammed a couple bottles of it down, and I was feelin' good! My girlfriend and I were going to see The Cure that evening in Philadelphia...what?...no I'm not the big Cure fan, she is. The tickets were a Christmas present from me to her. Not that I hate The Cure or anything, they're fine by me, but I only *knew* about 10 of the songs that I heard that night, but we'll get to that later.
We decided that we would head to the YMCA around 3:00pm. (by the way...don't care if you're making Village People jokes anymore...you need new material now, it's old. Seriously, I won't be that guy that let's you keep running with the same tired ass joke for years. I'm telling you that it's played now. It's called being a friend)
As I told you before, the Y had been kicking the shit out of me while I've been doing this Master Cleanse...my energy levels just weren't there, but this day wasn't so bad...or so I thought.
As I got out of the car and began walking up the steps to the house, everything started spinning and my knees started to give out....it reminded me of how I felt back in the day when The New Kids On The Block came to a local mall and I got my first "up close" look at Donny Wahlb....um....scratch that last part.
So I make my way in to the house, and start guzzling my drink....nothing is working and I'm starting to feel worse.
My girlfriend then demands that I eat something, but my inclination was to fight her like Tracy Gold being presented a sandwich by Kirk Cameron, while Alan Thicke is laughing at me in the background. (Have you ever seen Kirk's Christian Channel show, by the way?...Eh, we'll get to him another time)
Finally, I broke. I ate food.
Feeling a lot better, I got showered and we made our trek to Philadelphia.
As odd as this may seem, this was my first concert in 17 years....well, other than seeing bands at clubs and such. The last thing I ever saw arena wise was Metallica on the Black Album tour. Man, have things changed since then. Everything was so..."polite" now. Maybe it's because of the age of the people seeing The Cure, but it was all so well behaved. There was a guy sitting across the aisle from us, he was heavy-set with light colored denims on and one of those denim like button down shirts, but with white strips running down it...you know, the kind that you used to see on store shelves next to the Hypercolor and B.U.M. Equipment shirts in the 90's?
Well anyway, this guy starts smoking some weed, and people around us started going apeshit. "CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT GUY?!?" came from the girls behind us....I started thinking "Wait...isn't this what people DO at concerts?"
I mean, when I saw Slayer in this very same venue back in the early 90's, people were smoking weed...fighting...shooting up heroin...a girl was blowing guys for rent money and yelling "SINGLE FILE,PEOPLE....SINGLE FILE!!"...and people were sacrificing animals to Satan and shit. If you said some shit about someone smoking WEED, you probably better have called 911 to give them a headstart.
But this was something VERY different. People actually STAYED in their proper seats...no one was "jumping the wall" to get to the floor....fuck, I'm OLD, people!
Huh? Oh yeah, The Cure were good...I mean, they sounded good...like I said, I knew about 10 songs. Weird thing though...my girlfriend was wondering the whole time if they were going to do old stuff, because she said that when she saw Madonna at Madison Square Garden, she refused...that's REFUSED, to play any old songs. She was only going to play her new stuff, and she demanded that the air conditioning be turned off because she wanted it to feel like a "rave" in there.
Here's something to think about Madonna, because I'm going to pretend you read this...
1.) You're 50.
2.) Your fanbase is there BECAUSE of your old songs.
3.) If people wanted to be at a "rave", they wouldn't be paying $100+ a ticket to see your psuedo British accented, bullshit carny routine...they'd be at a rave.
4.) Do people still go to raves?
5.) I obviously wouldn't know...I expected middle-aged Cure fans to be hitting each other with chairs.
6.) Wasn't Friends an awful show?
7.) Enumerated lists are faggots.
I leave you with The Cure from the Philadelphia Spectrum 5/10/08
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