The Master Cleanse Fasting Procedure "As Not Seen On TV!"

Yes, I know it’s very “alternative lifestyle”, but I wanted to test myself.

I wanted to see if I could handle this because I LOVE me some food. All kinds of food….Italian, Japanese, Chinese, Mexican, Thai, Vietnamese, the good ole Americana stuff…hell I’ve even eaten escargot, rattlesnake, and alligator in my time and loved them all. I have the stomach for just about everything put in front of me…well expect for Soy Milk. That’s straight bullshit, and I don’t care what you say.

For some reason however, I’ve decided that I need to see if I can stop eating all this stuff for a while.

Enter “The Master Cleanse”!!

Ok, before we go any further, I should explain this procedure to people. Wait, would this be a procedure? Am I using a word incorrectly here? Eh…who cares, you know what I mean.

The Master Cleanse goes as follows:

You don’t eat ANYTHING for 10 days, and you drink this recipe:

12 ounces of Warm Water

2 Tablespoons of Lemon Juice

2 Tablespoons of Grade B Maple Syrup

1/10 Teaspoon Cayenne Pepper

So as of the typing of this blog post, I am 4 days into this procedure. (There, I used it again, and that kind of makes it law now!) So far, this isn’t as bad as you would think.

I’ve never done the fasting thing before, so that’s new for me. I remember back to my days of Catholic School, when Lent would come around people would “give up” things, but I *think* you’re supposed to fast, right?

If so, leave it to America to “interpret” things in the way it best works for them!

“Hey Frank, how’s it goin?”

“Sup, Pete! Man this Lent thing is KILLING me!”

“What’d ya give up, Frank?”

“Dude, I totally gave up Facebook for Lent…this is insane!!”

Before I get too holier than thou (get it? Lent…Holier…I TOTALLY went Biblical on you!)…but before I do, let me say I’m not even half way there yet, so I won’t clown anyone else too much.

BUT, here’s what I’ve learned so far...

First, this drink tastes awesome! It sounds disgusting when you look at the recipe, but it tastes anything but. I really dig it, but I’m sure I’ll get sick of it soon because anything sucks after a certain amount of time, right. Except “All In The Family”…gold…always.

Secondly, I’ve lost about 6lbs in these 4 days…which isn’t too bad of a sidenote.

The one downside to this is my time at the YMCA. Again with the Village People shit?

I notice that I simply haven’t had the energy to do the shit I did just a week ago. Now, people say that you start to get AMAZING energy from this a few days in, and I think today is the beginning of that for me. I feel GREAT today…better than I have in a long while. So we’ll see how the Y goes for me tonight.

Oh, and if you’re a caffeine junkie like me, the first couple of days will be BRUTAL on your head. I had pounding headaches from caffeine withdrawl, so if you try this…be prepared!

At this point though, this seems to be getting easier…except for when someone is eating around me. The second day was insane as far as that goes. I was so hungry that even McDonald’s looked good to me, and I haven’t eaten from that shithole in years!

I’ll give an update when it’s over, or if I falter.

You many now commence with the “HOMO!” comments.