And Anudder Audiobook: Artie Lange - Too Fat To Fish

Back in July, Adrienne Curry, the wife of Christopher Knight of The Brady Bunch told me that I was "filth" that she needed to "purge" from her life.
The reason that she found me so undesirable was because I gave her my opinion on an excerpt from her book, which by the way, she asked for.

Now, many people gave her their opinions too....but mine was offensive to her, because it wasn't favorable. Before you start, no, I wasn't trying to be an asshole.
Curry had posted an excerpt which recounted a bad experience she had while taking acid. The point of this chapter was to illustrate her history and battle with this, her drug of choice.

I politely explained to her that I found it a tough read because it was clear that she was trying to play up the situation, and that she came off as a white girl seeking "street cred". That the "celeb drug addicted past" thing had been done a million times before, and much better. But mostly because it read like the term paper of a high school student who thought they were being a trailblazer by choosing marijuana as their subject matter.
I then told her that *in my opinion* she should excise this chapter from her book.

What's my point in all of this?

My point is that Artie Lange's "Too Fat To Fish" is a TRUE example of an individual who sincerely battled with drugs. Not an experimenting teenager, but a guy with the world in the palm of his hand who put drugs before EVERYTHING else. And real drugs...not some "I wanna be in touch with the colors" bullshit, but cocaine and heroin...REAL DRUGS, people. The shit that cartels kill people over. When's the last time you saw some jacked up story about a ruthless LSD cartel?
When's the last time a chick found herself doing something that she later has to cry about in the shower, for a hit of acid?

Get it, Adrienne?

"Too Fat To Fish" details the life of comedian Artie Lange who is most likely known more for being a cast member of The Howard Stern Show, than for anything else in his career.
Now, I'm reviewing the audiobook here, mostly, because I really don't like to read. It's just never been my thing...I get distracted too easily when I just stare at a bunch of words on paper.
But in this particular case, I recommend the audiobook anyway, because of who reads it.
It becomes a whole seperate form of entertainment in audio form, that I'm sure you can't possibly get from just reading the book.

The first few chapters are read by Lange himself, and are by far the most entertaining.
Naturally, no one else can tell Artie's story like the man himself. He lived what he's telling you about, and his telling of his life is reminiscent of Ray Liotta narrating as Henry Hill in "Goodfellas". I loved these particular chapters more than I ever thought I would. They revolve around Lange's remembrances of his father who passed away a few years after having an accident at work that left him a quadriplegic. You will find yourself laughing one minute and being brought to the verge of tears the next.

Too soon, however, Lange's voice informs you that for the rest of the ride, other people will be reading for him, because this was yet another in a long list of things that he "fucked up". Normally, this would be pretty irritating. But it makes sense in a weird way, because the whole theme of the book is about him making a mess of all good things that come his way.

The remainder of the book is read by Gary Dell'Abate, the producer of the Stern Show, comedians Jim Florentine, and Reverend Bob Levy.
Dell'Abate's reading is fine, but it lacks a bit of the Jersey grit that the other three deliver.
Florentine does a really decent job and his fluidity and style is the closest to Lange's.

Levy's however, is the most entertaining.
When Lange introduces Levy as one of the people who will be filling in for him, he describes him as the only Jew that you'll ever meet, who can't read, and if you know Bob, you know what he means.
But that's not what the funniest part of Bob's reading was for me.
First and foremost, and if you read this Bob, you'll probably want to strangle me for this, but all I saw in my head when I heard Bob's voice was Larry Fine from The Three Stooges.
I don't know what it was, and I've spoken to Bob on many occasions, but he sounded like Larry Fine to me. I *think* it's because Bob was putting so much enthusiasm into it, and when you talk to Bob, he's usually pretty low key. The only times that Bob actually sounded like Bob to me, was when the reading required him to be calling someone a "cocksucking motherfucker", because that's basically how Levy says hello when he answers the phone.
The second thing that had me cracking up during Bob's reading was the voice he would do anytime the reading required him to repeat the dialogue of a black character in the story.
But in particular Quincy Jones.
At one point in the book, Lange recounts a conversation he had with Quincy Jones. Lange even describes Jones' voice as being smooth and cool, but Levy goes into a characterization that could only be described as "Silky the 69th Street Pimp".

Most of all, I just found Lange's story to be something that I could relate to. No, I never did insane amounts of drugs, or experienced any success in show business. But Lange's story is that of an average jerkoff, like me, who went after his dream and can't even believe himself, that things have worked out the way they did.
And most of all, he still comes off as that average jerkoff....and I think that's why so many people love Artie.
His story is like any of ours....only with a Cinderfella story twist to it.

What?!?
Cinderfella was a nice reference!!! Lange is a comedian...Cinderfella was a Jerry Lewis film, and HE'S a comedian.

I hate you.

Anyway, I highly recommend getting this audiobook, because it's great, and reading is for sissies.