Twilight (2008)

Before you even start in on me, YES, I should have known better, but I'm a sucker for vampire stories.

The problem is, Twilight isn't really a vampire story...at least the way I've come to love them.
Twilight instead is a glorified episode of "90210" with a vampire element as a subplot.
Replace Dylan McKay's drinking problem with Edward Cullen's "vampire problem" as the reason why the female protagonist should stay away from him, and there you have it.

Now, I've heard people say that Stephanie Miller's series, of which Twilight is the first entry, is the new "Harry Potter".
That statement makes me realize why I dislike so many people.

To compare this story to Harry Potter is an insult to J.K Rowling of the highest order.
Harry Potter was so multi-faceted and imagination igniting.
Twilight is as vapid as a soap opera.
There's really no meat to the story...the characters really aren't engaging in any way.

And for the record, I also listened to the audiobook...well, for as long as I could...it wasn't engaging either. I just didn't care about these characters, and the movie remained faithful to that feeling for me. Seeing them visually did nothing to improve the situation.
In fairness, it probably didn't help that this movie had all the production value of an episode of "Dawson's Creek". It simply didn't *feel* like a theatrical release.
Nothing about it was special visually, and when there WERE special effects, they were hacky and didn't give the illusion of reality at all.

In fact when I think about it....this should have seriously just been a special movie night on Fox or The CW.
This was bullshit.

Last night, I caught an episode of "True Blood" on HBO, and I SWEAR to you, it was infinitely better than this entire movie.

So listen to your pal, Joe....SAVE YOUR CASH.