Hey Hey Hey, I'm Fat Albert, Neighborhood Snitch.

If you grew up in the 70's and 80's, you watched Fat Albert.
Don't even bother debating me about this...you did.

Fat Albert was a staple of my childhood, and it seemed to run forever. Other cartoons would come and go, but Fat Albert was always there somehow.
As I got older, I of course abandoned Fat Albert, but when the Greatest Hits was released on DVD, I had to grab it out of uncontrollable nostalgic reaction.

I sat with my kids over several weeks and we went through all of the episodes on this boxset. My kids in this day and age, found Fat Albert to be as captivating as I did back then.

But I noticed something that I hadn't really paid attention to as a youth. Something that kind of made me see the character of Albert a different way.
Albert was a snitch.

Seriously, that's ALL he did. Every episode centered around Albert disapproving of someone else's behavior, and then telling on them.
He told their parents, he told police, he told the teacher Ms. Wooker, he told Mudfoot the homeless guy...if they would listen, he would tell.

Now, I understand that Albert and crew were supposed to be teaching you a decent value system, but seriously, WHO would hang out with this guy?

Dumb Donald: "Say Rudy, let's cut school and go to the movies"
Rudy: "Can't now stupid...you said that in front of Albert!"

Russell: "Hey guys, my parents are away why don't we all hang at my place and invite some girls over."
Albert: "Hey Hey Hey, it's not cool to have girls over when your parents are away!"

You see what I mean?
Would you hang with this guy when you were a teenager?

I'd actually like to see an updated version of Fat Albert that went the same way but in a more realistic Northeast Philadelphia.

Rudy: "Hey ya'll...I just downloaded The Dark Knight off the internet...let's watch it!!"
Albert: "Hey Hey Hey, I'm gonna tell the MPAA!!"
Weird Harold:"Snitches get stiches, bitch!!! Beat that motherf**ker down, yo!!!"

Or maybe a scene like this:

Rudy: "Yo, check it...I got some weed we can smoke!"
Albert: "Drugs are bad news, Rudy....I'm tellin' the police!!!"
Rudy: "BLAM!...BLAM!....BLAM!.....now you ain't tellin NOBODY shit, Albert!!"

See, now that would be realistic...and funny!
The more I think about it, the more I like it....a show where every week, Albert tries to tell on somebody and gets gunned down in the street by his own crew.
That's comedy.

So in short, we've learned that ultimately, all Fat Albert taught us was how to have EVERYONE hate you, and NEVER get invited to do cool shit.