Movie Spew: The Lost Boys "The Tribe"

You know what? I give up.
Seriously, I'm not even going to expect people to try anymore...why should they?
There is absolutely no incentive for Hollywood to put out anything decent....the money still flows like water, and even if your film is a complete pile of dog shit, the studios will STILL greenlight a sequel.

I, in all honesty, have no idea where to begin. How do you truly do justice when describing something so incredibly terrible?

The biggest question that comes to mind here is, why did you wait 21 years to drop a sequel, if you were going to just slop together this dogshit? This could have been put out when "straight to video" was kicking ass at the local Blockbuster. Why treat the film with the kind of regard that Warner Studios had, only to turn around and shit all over it now?

First, let's get the highlights out of the way

1.) Angus Sutherland as Shane

2.) Aiden's re-do of Cry Little Sister. (I still dig the Carfax Abbey remake, but this also had some elements that were solid. I think the Carfax vocals, with the arrangement from Aiden would be KILLER, but alas...not a perfect world and all...)

Now for the rest of this shitpile...

SPOILERS AHOY!!!! PROCEED YE NO FURTHER!!!!

Ok let's make this quick...
A brother and sister lose their parents in a car accident.
They move to a coastal California town that I can't for certain say is Santa Clara because there is no familiar locales.
They meet a ultra hip vampire gang.
Vampire leader wants to give sis a toolin'.
Slips her a flask with the dreaded "head vampire blood" in it.
She's now part-time like Michael in the original because being a Hollywood writer is easy.
Brother is heated, no doubt because of some latent incestous feelings and because he wasn't invited to play in the reindeer games. Jealous little asshat.
Brother seeks the help of dum DAH DAAAAAHHHH "The Frog Brothers"!!!!
BUT, only Edgar is doin' the vampire fightin' these days, because it seems ole Alan has since gotten a case of the vampires. NOW, this would lead the logical mind to think that the story will culminate in a battle between Edgar and Alan since, oh I don't know, Jamison Newlander is credited as playing "Alan Frog" in the film, and he's acknowledged several times in the film as being part of the vampirical bad guys now.
You would THINK that, right?

Oh but you would be wrong.

Not only is there no epic showdown, but Newlander never appears in the film, unless it happened when I blinked.
I'm not even gonna comment on that further, I'll just leave it with you.

NOW, you know who else is credited in the movie?
Corey Haim returning as "Sam Emerson" and the "new kids" are also of the surname Emerson! Haim's connection to the new story...that would be cool, right? I mean, it's a sequel and all, and you can't just base the entire connection to the first film on Corey Feldman and his Edgar Frog character, right?
Well, you'd be PARTIALLY right.
You see my droogies....Corey Haim does in fact appear in this film.
But in a decision that is surely a copy-cat move from this summer's Iron Man and The Incredible Hulk, you will only see Haim AFTER the movie is over.
Yes, you would be correct to say "The Lost Boys 3" is what Warner Bros. clearly has in mind.
In the brief moment that Haim is actually delivering dialogue, you get what you came for. You get the follow-up story to one of your favorite 80's teen movies. But you had to sit through almost 2 hours of utter garbage to enjoy it.....should I do this?.....oh screw it....Corey Haim is a VAMPIRE!
That's right....Sam is now one of "them"
And just as Edgar and Sam lunge at each other, they kick you square in the nuts and roll credits.

I say to you people in all the honesty that I can muster, *I* could have written a better sequel to this movie. I could have even taken what they gave us here storyline wise, and made something much more sincere out of it, and a writer I am not. This movie contained none of the magic of the original. It was goofy, disjointed, silly, and went a lot further with the gore than the first did. Not that I care about gory shit, but shouldn't they be in keeping with the original tone if they're going to make the sequel? What I mean in short is, I let my son who's 10 watch The Lost Boys....but I would never let him watch this.

Now, I've heard that a lot of this film had to be shot and re-shot because Haim was fucking shit up and smoking crack on the set and all, but if I was Haim, I may have been smoking crack too....no fuck it, I WOULD have...I would have smoked crack, shot up heroin...hell, I would have shot up my crack rocks WITH heroin so that IT was high when I smoked it in my crack pipe that I previously coated in LSD.
This script...this movie, was terrible....and I think they're trying to blame it on Haim and the trouble he caused.
But if Haim IS the reason that we were robbed of a decent...not great....but DECENT sequel to The Lost Boys, then why would you set it up for a 3rd WITH him?

Remember that song "It's All About The Benjamins"?
Die Hollywood.