The Creepiest Picture Ever

Remember in the film The Shining when Wendy opens the one door and that guy is in a bear costume kneeling in front of the other guy sitting on the bed?
THAT, next to the two little twin girls is the single scariest image in that film.
But, it may have just been trumped, and I don't mean that in a The Donald Comb-Over way.

Dig this jacked up shit!

Zbigniew Brzezinski PWNS Joe Scarborough

You gotta love when you watch a Newstalk host get handled like this.
I don't personally have anything against Scarborough, and I have no idea if Brzezinski is correct in an absolute sense, but it still makes me happy inside when I see things like this.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

The Most Active Entry In 2008 At And Anudder Ting

There have been a lot of post here in the less than one year that AAT has been...well...alive.
So many topics...so much discussion about life and current events.

But there is one article here that has been visited by people around the WORLD more than any other. And when I say more, I mean that on a daily basis this one article is visited over and over again. There is no article that even comes close to it in terms of page views.

You might think it's something regarding Barack Obama...Sarah Palin...or Metallica...something that people would be searching for no matter what Country they emanate from.
But you would be wrong.

You also might be thinking "Oh here we go...this self important douche is about to point to something he wrote to show how popular he is with the masses...Christ, just do it already, asshat."

Again....you would be wrong.

This year's golden keyboard goes to an entry that illustrates the old adage "sex sells".
In May of this year, Bryan posted an entry entitled "Cleavage Etiquette", and since that day, it has had tons of page views. Men across the globe search Google for "cleavage" according to my Stat Counter, and come here to read his article.

So congratulations, Bryan....you have the single most popular entry here.

Cleavage Etiquette

Chaunce Hayden Needs To Go Back To Gossiping

How he lived after this is beyond me.

And so....

That's right, I said CHRISTMAS!
I'm not playing into the "Happy Holidays" bullshit. I celebrate Christmas...hell, even my Jewish friends do Christmas now that I think about it.
But all of that is irrelevant.
When someone says to you "Merry Christmas!", you know what they mean, so stop acting like a crybaby. They mean for you to enjoy this time of year...nothing more, nothing less.
They aren't challenging your right to celebrate, or not celebrate the holiday of your choice. They aren't suggesting that Hitler should have won, or that Kwanzaa is as legitimate as Valentine's Day...they just mean..."I don't give a squirt of piss about you the rest of the year, but hey....enjoy yourself right now."

Are you really such a douche that you just can't take that at face value?

Regardless....to all of you who, according to my World map, come here often from around the globe and read the pseudo intellectual bullshit that I, and the others post here, while you never have the decency to sign up and say anything.....Merry Christmas!

I hope that by next Christmas we all find ourselves in a better economic situation, and that we have an end to the bullshit wars going on that are taking people's loved ones away from them on both sides of the fence.

There Is Just No Logical Reason For This To Exist

Nothing.
Seriously.
None.

For $50, You Too Can Pretend To Jump Rope

Yet another addition into the list of reasons why America is INSANE anymore....I give you "Jumpsnap".

With the amazing Jumpsnap, you get to hold two sticks in your hands and make all the motions of jumping rope, but with no more of that silly rope to get in your way!!
NO, with Jumpsnap, you can laugh at all those people who refuse to come in to the 21st Century, and are still doing the same activity you are for a fraction of the cost while developing much more coordination!!

America, seriously, if you think Jumpsnap is a logical purchase because developing the coordination to jump rope is too difficult, then you aren't the exercise type in the first place.
Listen to your pal Joe....save your money.

Besides, think how many times you can get that extra cup of queso for your "Home Wrecker" burrito at Moe's with that $50, anyway!

Go watch this...
http://jumpsnap.com/

Thundercats: Sword Of Omens

This is done by a guy who goes by "WormyTv", who can be found here:
http://wormytv.blogspot.com/

This kind of stuff always amazes me.
First because of the sheer amount of time it would take to do something like this.
Secondly because anyone would WANT to take the time to do something like this.
But mostly, because of how much talent it takes to do it.

Thundercats were a little past my time as far as cartoon watching goes, but I still remember enough about them to be able to appreciate the attention to detail he showed with this.

Enjoy

9/11: The Falling Man

I came across this during my YouTube travels today.
I think many of you will remember the famous image from the September 11, 2001 tragedy of a single man, upside down, plummeting to his death.
This story is an account of one man's quest to identify that man, whose final moments of life are forever etched into our memories.

And before anyone starts with their "Loose Change" bullshit theories, that isn't what this is about, so save it. I'm not really big on conspiracy theories anyway.
It's somehow become hip and trendy to trivialize the lives lost on 9/11 with that tripe now, and it's pathetic. If your desire to seem "informed" to what "the man" is really doing, negates ANY semblance of empathy you have as a human being, how are you any better than "the man" anyway, asshat?
How is that evolved?

This is simply about a single life ending, what it symbolizes, and the thoughts surrounding this individual's final moments. The ideas of what he could have been thinking...what he could have been dealing with...and the thought of what you might do if you were faced with a similar fate.

And Anudder YouTool Returns!

In this edition of And Anudder YouTool, we enjoy the A Capella vocal stylings of "nobodysangel44".
For this particular outing, he decides to dazzle us with his take on Coheed And Cambria's brilliant "Welcome Home".
Mr. Excitement puts it down with all the audible panache' of Carlton Banks on downers, and I think we all get to walk away from it knowing that we've truly witnessed something special.
You know what...fuck it...MERRY CHRISTMAS, asshats!
NO ONE will give you anything more amazing as this.
No, no...don't bother thanking me, just buy me a beer or something next time you see me out!



WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!!!
Now I just found this guy! Who knew singing along to Coheed And Cambria was such a booming YouTool gimmick?
This guy delivers his vocals like he's practicing for his school's production of "Phantom Of The Opera" and if you watch carefully, you catch moments where his eyes roll in the back of his head, no doubt because his boyfriend is tooting on his rig under the desk.
Whatever...that's what it looks like to me! I don't see you coming up with a better explanation!



For good measure...the original from Coheed And Cambria...I can't embed it because Sony is a douche, but you can go watch if you want.
Welcome Home

Mike's Gained Some Weight....

But are YOU gonna be the one to tell him?

This Is The Greatest F**king Parody Video Ever!

Don't even argue with me about this....seriously...I will shut this whole goddamn site down.
Mixing Bruno Ganz BRILLANT performance as Adolf Hitler in one of my favorite films "Downfall", with a rampant problem in video games was just a touch of genius.
I guess if you know nothing about the videogame world, you won't find this funny...but I was literally laughing so hard, I had tears in my eyes.

The Idiot's Guide To How Things Should Be

I always find it funny when I see schools talking about budget cuts and removing programs because they can no longer afford to run them, while they tend to ignore some of the most simple ways to cut huge amounts of expenditures that wouldn't only NOT effect what our children get from school, but increase efficiency at the same time.

I'm about to lay out to you my personal "Idiot's Guide To How Things Should Be: School Edition"

Now, I think we all know that it's the year 2008, and ABOUT to be 2009, right?
We have technology now, people!
We use it every day. In fact, if you weren't using it, you wouldn't be able to read my garbage right now. SEE?

Your pal Joe is always looking at things...always figuring out how other people are doing things wrong. He can't seem to figure out how to fix things for himself, or use any of his "You're so stupid, let me show you how it's done!" attitude to make any money or anything, but he spouts off anyway.

So let's begin.

Textbooks Think The World Is Flat

Is there anything so antiquated as a textbook at this point?
Think about it, the idea of carrying around all those thick books for all of your classes...it's stupid, right? And what about the cost to produce and supply these books to our schools?
What about all the paper?

In today's world, all of this:Bunch of NON sexy textbooks

Can EASILY fit on this:One ULTRA sexy 16GB Flash Drive

In fact, you could probably fit a whole library of text on a 16GB Flash Drive.
I've seen these drives for about $50 currently, and by the time ANY of what I'm saying here would actually be implemented, they'd probably be about $10. I could have mentioned the Sony E-Reader or Amazon Kindle which are actually far more practical as far as being an all in one tool for this kind of application, but they are also FAR more costly...and we're talking bang for the buck here, people...TRY to keep up, will ya?

So, you cut out all the waste of paper and production costs, you DRAMATICALLY reduce the money you would have to pay out to publishing houses, by now purchasing a license for their current versions of said books, and you make ALL books available on the school's website for download.
(Don't worry, we're gonna get back to THAT next...Joe has you ALL covered!)

The School Website 2: Website Harder!

Right now, your child's school website is probably pretty much useless, am I wrong?
I mean, it probably has some "Calendar Of Events" on it that never gets updated, and a basic email system for the teachers.
But what if just a little more went in to it?
What if each teacher had it's own Myspace within the school's site? No, I don't mean that in a Debra LaFave or Mary Kay LaTourno kind of way...I mean in a useful, non sick way.
We'll call it...."TeachSpace" for our purposes here today.

On TeachSpace, your child's teachers could have a simple database that they could update, that would allow them to post homework assignments ON their Teachspace page. These assignments could either be printed out and returned at school when they were due, OR, could be completed as a .doc, and emailed back to the teacher to be graded.
Now, kids may hate me for that, but how do you pull off "I forgot my homework" now?
By the way, do you think kid's still try "My dog ate my homework?"...eh, nevermind.

Furthermore, if your child is sick for several days, they could still keep up with their work through TeachSpace, because after logging in with their personal student ID code, they not only get their homework, but downloadable copies of all their books would be available at all times in case the flash drive is misplaced.
So now the "I lost my flash drive" excuse is already eliminated, BEFORE it's ever been used.
I'm like Back To The Future 2 up on this piece! I'm takin' care of things before they ever happen!

From the Teachspace section of the school website, the student could also email their teacher, BUT, the input of a parental code would be required to prevent any further Mary Kay LaTournos from taking the spotlight with your special little angel!

Here's an example of what I envision:

As you can also see from my design, your child's current grade in each teacher's class would be displayed at login, SO, there would be no more surprises come report card time. You would immediately be able to see exactly where your child is doing poorly and could use improvement.
Then, there's the stuff like the Student Of The Month section that could be added which could result in some sort of prize of some sort...and so forth and so on!

On a side note...when I was in school, they would try to get us to sell things by dangling the proverbial carrot of a "Weepul" in front of us. Weepuls were a colored cotton ball with eyes glued to it, antennas, and sticky feet.
That's it...that's all....
...And we clamored for these things like a junkie needing a fix. It was pathetic to say the least.
I wonder if you could get today's kids to do ANYTHING for the school with the enticement of a cottonball?

What Am I Thinking Now, Kreskin?

See, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "But Joe, you do realize that not every kid has a computer to do these things with. Computers cost MONEY, and some parent's just don't have it."
You would be right to think these things. BUT, I would think it's fair to say that *most* households in this day and age, have ONE computer. Furthermore, even if you are on dial-up, we're talking about downloading TEXT documents. And what was it Spock said about the needs of the many outweighing the needs of the few?

I'd like to introduce you to the Asus Eee PC:

This Asus can be had for about $279 at Best Buy as we speak. It can handle all of what I've spoken of here, and as you can see, is very small and lightweight.
SO, maybe the kids don't need an XBox360 AND a Nintendo Wii if money is so tight, right?
Although, I've been playing Dead Space recently, and it is SOOO much cooler than Geography!!
But I digress....The Asus even has WiFi, so your little angel can do their homework while you sit here reading my inane ramblings!
But wait, there's more....I've recently read that in March, Coby, the maker of those little flip open DVD players, is going to release a $100 netbook that will be comparable to the Asus in functionality.
So, where's your Jesus now?!?!?
Wait....wrong argument....oh yeah.....my point is, most everyone CAN afford to get their child some sort of computer in the near future...if they PRIORITIZE.

In Closing

I think I've covered most of everything, and if I've missed something, I either haven't thought things out that far, or to be honest, I've simply lost interest in typing this any further. I have a short attention span, and I'm easily distracted.
But I'm sure you're saying to yourself "Christ Joe...you've really laid it all out here...you even gave us website mock-ups and everything because we have a stunning inability to visualize unless we see a picture, and you cared enough to take that in to account! You sir, are the most awesomest awesome that could ever be awesome!"

And you would be right to think that too.

I Hope It Was At Least A Decent Quality Shoe

This has to be one for the record books, right?
What is it with Middle Eastern guys and hitting things with shoes?
I know it's a symbol of disrespect and all...but it's a little too Italian Mother for me.
If Bush would have yelled "Curse be upon your moustache!!!", all HELL would have broken loose.

Bettie Page 1923 - 2008

I Be's Gittin' Edumacated!

Yeah...so I went and took a placement test today to return to school and do something better with myself.
There I was in a room with about ten other people...most of whom looked like they JUST got out of High School. However, I wasn't the oldest cat in the room, so that helped my depleted sense of self worth!

You know, the worst part of the whole thing for me was the math portion of the test.
I haven't worked out shit like fractions in 20 years...Numerator? Denominator? Who remembers that shit?
And here's the hook of it all....remember back in school, they would tell you that you NEED to know this shit for when you get out in to the "real world"?
Well, I've spent the last 20 years in the real world, and I have YET to have a run in with one of these types of math problems.

FURTHERMORE, I'd like to introduce a thought here....
Who the hell DOESN'T have a calculator on them at all times now?
It's called a cell phone...every single cell phone has a calculator on it.

What's my point here?
Math is a douche.

I think you probably figured by now that I'll be taking a refresher math course when classes begin.

Some day soon, I'll expand on how the entire school system requires a full technological overhaul, and what my ideas are.
But now, I have to go study me some 'rithmatic.

Look At This Assclown

The Tiger Man

Ro used to date him.

Zack And Miri Make A Porno

Now, I enjoy a Kevin Smith movie...that's kinda where my humor lies.

That first statement is so that you understand why I'm always suckered in to the newest Smith film when it's released. It's not because I feel that there's any particular brilliance going on in his creations. But, there's something about a guy calling another guy "cocksmoker" that just makes me giggle like a tool.
You know, I really need to grow up now that I'm thinking about it. I mean, I've heard people say shit like that a million times, but somehow, it's still "brand new funny" to me whenever I hear it in a Smith film. What is it about typing something out about your self that puts things into perspective?

Eh, who cares...

As I'm sure you were able to surmise with the title of this movie, I got my fill on variations of "cocksmoker" throughout. Hell, the porno they're filming is titled "Suck My Cockaccino", and if you can figure it out from that, it takes place in a coffee shop.

The stand out performance for me was Craig Robinson as "Delaney". In case you don't recognize his name, he's the black guy who works in the warehouse on "The Office". If THAT still doesn't give you a clue, I don't know what to tell you except that maybe you should stop watching so much "Celebreality" on VH1.
Everytime Robinson was on screen, I was laughing my ass off....wait, this is the internet, isn't it?
Ok let's try that last part again....I was LMAO.
There...that's more like it.

But once again, I encounter the same problem with Smith's latest outing as I have in some of his previous films, and most specifically "Chasing Amy".
The premise is interesting, it starts off really strong, but then it kinda burns out.
It always takes some sort of serious tone instead of remaining as clowny as it began.
I'm sure this is all part of some storytelling formula, that your characters have to learn something of value by the end, but just once, I like to see Smith just continue with the laughs all the way through, instead of trying to have the characters come to some sort of "epiphany" about how they've lived their lives the wrong way and now want to make good in some capacity.

Christ, I don't think there was ANY proper sentence structure in that last one. I mean, it has like four or so commas. Is that even allowable in ONE sentence?

Screw it, if you gave a shit about stuff like that, you'd never come here in the first place.
I have no fucking idea what I'm talking about half the time anyway.

Zack And Miri was overall an enjoyable ride....wait, why do we say shit like that? Why do we call it a "ride"?
I'm gonna come up with something else....I'm not quick witted enough to do it right here and now, but I'm gonna do it soon.

The And Anudder Ting Dating Service

Name: Mike (Devilchild)

Ethnicity: WHITE!

Smoking: Weed, Crack, Salvia....hell I'll smoke a car tire if it'll get me f**ked up, jack!

Kids: If they don't tell.

Interests:	Arts, Dancing, Dining, Family, Movies, Listening to Music, Outdoor Activities, Photography, Reading, Theater, Travel, Cooking, Playing Music Breaking and Entering, Assault With Weapons And Without, Tattoos, Satan, Death, Narcotics Trafficking, and the Occasional Rape.
Astrological: Sign	Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Political Views:	Liberal. Like, more Liberal than you could possibly imagine.
Sense of Humor:	Friendly, Campy / Cheesy, Goofy / Violent, Sadistic
Social Setting:	Shy at first, but warm up quickly.
TV Watching Habits:	Sitcoms, Romantic Comedies, Porn Banned In Most Countries
Personality Type:	Different.
Love Style:	Doggie, Reverse Cowgirl, Tied Up, Crying, Sobbing, Repeatedly Hearing That Special Lady Say "I swear if you let me go, I won't tell anyone!"

Turn Offs: I really hate people who say "You shouldn't have gotten those tattoos".
It's a huge pain in the ass to have to stab them until they stop saying it.

Ok, now all kidding aside. The person above has apparently been a career criminal all of his life. From outward appearance, call me crazy, but it doesn't *seem* like things are headed in a positive direction. I don't know what's making me think that...can't quite put my finger on it...but it just seems that way, ya know?

SO, all that said, would it be so bad if we just "disappeared" certain people?
Like if one day one of the guys on the corner said "Hey...youse seen Mike lately?"
And then the other degenerate would say "Nah...I ain't seen him for weeks. But who cares, let's go commit some crimes!"

And I lived happily ever after.

One Of The Coolest Things I Have Ever Seen

This is video mapping technology using 3D objects to project on.
It creates some really amazing effects, and if this is just the beginning, I think it's safe to say that our cities will have a whole new appearance at night in the next several years.
How badass would an Empire State Building with a giant gorilla climbing up it be?
Sad thing is...it'll realistically be a can of Coke© being poured and "filling up" the building instead.
Still, I love the times we live in sometimes.

I'm Gonna Hate Myself For This

Ok, before you view this video, I want to make it clear that I in no way condone the words and actions of Big Tone.
I would like to say that Tone is only saying the things he's saying for entertainment purposes, but I'd be lying. And the fact that he isn't, actually supports my opinion that I'm about to explain.

HOWEVER, regardless of my feelings about the things that Tone says, I support his right to be a lunatic as long as he doesn't harm anyone else....which I have never heard of him doing.

Now, I'd first like to suggest that you fast forward the video to around the 2:24 mark, because that's the part that I find interesting, and sadly, all too common.

Tone approaches a group of people who are protesting California's Proposition 8.
I'll let you watch, and then come back to this

So, as you can see, while Tone is a complete lunatic, he DID NOT approach the group with any sort of hostility. He simply tried to discuss his opposing point of view.
Now, I have no problem with them saying something like "We really aren't here for a debate...we just wanted to make our opinions clear on the matter."
But that's not what happened.

"Maya" begins to go on a tirade about what a real Catholic should believe and becomes amazingly *intolerant* of Tone's opinion.
THEN, she says "And you know what? Now you guys can leave, BECAUSE I HAVE MY KIDS HERE."
Strangely, she has no problem bringing her kids out as a tool to promote her agenda, AND supporting an idea that GREATLY upsets the value system of MANY other parents.
She doesn't care what THEIR kids see or hear.
Then Maya becomes increasingly dismissive and *intolerant* of any point Tone tries to make...as incoherent as it may be.
But wait, there's more! The coup de grace....Maya's sister in arms tells Tone "You have the right to your own beliefs in your own house" AS SHE IS STANDING WITH A GROUP OF PEOPLE WHO ARE SPEWING THEIR BELIEFS TO EVERYONE WHO PASSES BY ON THE STREET!!!

Then they all begin to dismiss Tone by chanting over him.
Not a shred of tolerance to be found.

What's my point in all of this?
Over the years, I have found that those who are always shouting "tolerance", tend to be some of the most intolerant people I have ever seen.
They feel that everyone has a right to live the way they want to, as long as it isn't a lifestyle or opinion that is contradictory to that of theirs and their brethren.

The worst part of these types is their arrogance. They seem to hold themselves in a higher station than those who oppose them. And to me, that kind of display is indicative of a person who is using a cause to make themselves feel "special" , more than it is the behavior of someone who is TRULY supportive of "tolerance".

The guy talking to Tone at the end.....HE was tolerant.
Maya and her BFF could learn a thing or two from him.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go make a donation to GLAAD to wash the filth of defending Tone's insanity off of me.

GLAAD Website

#30

As of this moment, we are officially #30 on Podcast Alley out of 3,411 Comedy Podcasts, and #179 of 50,000+ overall.
This is really unbelievable to me.

Black Dynamite

http://www.blackdynamite.com/trailer

As you can see, that movie looks SPECTACULAR.
BUT, and this is a big BUT...they could have at least mentioned the man that they stole everything that you've just witnessed from.
From the narrative, to the look, the kung-fu...EVERYTHING you just witnessed, was 100%... RUDY....RAY....MOORE.

How do you name "Shaft" and "Superfly", and not pay tribute to the man Dolemite?

He's not mentioned anywhere in the trailer, AND in the history of Blaxploitation section on the site.

All kidding aside...this is fucking disgraceful.

The Best "Rick Roll" Ever!

Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends pulled the biggest "Rick Roll" ever at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade today.
This cannot be topped, and thus, OFFICIALLY ends Rick Rolling.

Recess is Cancelled

Today my son came home and reported to me that most of his outside recess was cancelled. Why, you may ask.

Did he get in trouble? No.

Was it bad weather? This sounds reasonable, but no.

It was because of excessive gun shooting in the vicinity. And this did not make national news why? No I don’t live in an inner city with a lot of gun violence…I live in West Virginia. Oh yeah, and its deer season.

Spreading The Message

Rest In Peace, Brendan.


On a related note, I just tried to volunteer at The Sunday Breakfast Mission for Thanksgiving, and they are filled with volunteers.
Figures...the one time I try to do something decent with myself.

Twilight (2008)

Before you even start in on me, YES, I should have known better, but I'm a sucker for vampire stories.

The problem is, Twilight isn't really a vampire story...at least the way I've come to love them.
Twilight instead is a glorified episode of "90210" with a vampire element as a subplot.
Replace Dylan McKay's drinking problem with Edward Cullen's "vampire problem" as the reason why the female protagonist should stay away from him, and there you have it.

Now, I've heard people say that Stephanie Miller's series, of which Twilight is the first entry, is the new "Harry Potter".
That statement makes me realize why I dislike so many people.

To compare this story to Harry Potter is an insult to J.K Rowling of the highest order.
Harry Potter was so multi-faceted and imagination igniting.
Twilight is as vapid as a soap opera.
There's really no meat to the story...the characters really aren't engaging in any way.

And for the record, I also listened to the audiobook...well, for as long as I could...it wasn't engaging either. I just didn't care about these characters, and the movie remained faithful to that feeling for me. Seeing them visually did nothing to improve the situation.
In fairness, it probably didn't help that this movie had all the production value of an episode of "Dawson's Creek". It simply didn't *feel* like a theatrical release.
Nothing about it was special visually, and when there WERE special effects, they were hacky and didn't give the illusion of reality at all.

In fact when I think about it....this should have seriously just been a special movie night on Fox or The CW.
This was bullshit.

Last night, I caught an episode of "True Blood" on HBO, and I SWEAR to you, it was infinitely better than this entire movie.

So listen to your pal, Joe....SAVE YOUR CASH.

"Motherf**ker!!....Food Eater!!"

As discussed on Episode 8 of ZZZCast, here's the scene from 1986's "River's Edge".

That's awesome, don't even say shit.

I would try to show the great scenes with Crispin Glover's character "Lane", but I'd have to put up every single time he's on film, so just go watch the movie.

The Electronic Cigarette

On the last episode of ZZZCast, I suggested that Andrew "Dice" Clay get one of these, so he doesn't have to look like such an assclown puffing on an un-lit cigarette while he does his act.
(As seen on Jimmy Norton's "Down & Dirty" on HBO.)

I have no idea why anyone else would need one of these...it seems REALLY stupid to me, but so does the entire pop music scene, and millions of people disagree with me about that too.

Enjoy this video, complete WITH some pop kind of music playing...because you know you wanna be "in da club" when you're puffing on an electronic cigarette.
Oh, and they also have electronic cigars too, that ALSO contain no tobacco.
If they ever come out with and electronic joint of bowl and people buy that too, I will officially turn over my American club card.
Not that I use....but there's a line, people.


http://www.smokingeverywhere.com/

A Leopard's Spots

Lately, I've been wondering about people and their ability to change. Sure, you'll often hear people say that they're going to do it, but they never really do. OR, they change for a brief period of time, only to fall back in the their bad habits or patterns again.

I often find that those who DO claim to have altered some bad behavioral pattern in their life, are just ONE bad incident away from everything unraveling again. These types seem to have a weak emotional foundation that's easily shattered when things aren't going precisely the way they want them to.
This to me, is the worst case scenario in personality traits.

What do you think it is that causes destructive behavior?

I often see people say that they are a product of their environment, and while I'd say that's true in a lot of cases, it isn't always accurate. How many of us have known people who come from a great family, were born with good looks and all of the blessings that one could hope for entering the game of life, yet still seem to conduct themselves like a complete jackass regardless of the toll it takes on themselves and those around them?

Would you say these people are born this way?
And if so, can they truly stop a behavior that is innate to them?

"A leopard can't change it's spots"

I think that statement is more or less true.
I think that people can however, experience extremes in life. That they can enter a phase of their life as a result of some sort of personally tragedy, that throws them into a tailspin for a while. If they are fortunate enough during this time, the people around them will help them see their way to a path of healing, when they can no longer find it for themselves.
These people can "change their spots", because the spots they were wearing were never really theirs in the first place.
Afterward, wise leopards will take the lesson that they learn during this time, and use it to grow more remarkable spots....but still, not different ones. Just ones that are a little darker and richer than they were before.

But the ones who are inherently bad leopards....the ones who simply disregard everyone and everything else in their life for their own personal gain....these leopards have permanent spots.
Their spots never seem to alter in any way.
And the only thing that seems to change for them is opportunity.

Over time, these leopards eventually drive away those around them. Those who hoped against hope that the leopard would eventually change, at some point realize that it's an exercise in futility, and separate themselves from the leopard.
After years of this, you'll often find the leopard appear to be a shell of his/her former self.
Withered as if they've been through a terrible storm, meeker than they were before.
It's at times like this the people tend to pity the leopard...to think that if it just had one more chance, things might be different...that it surely has learned it's lesson now.
Only to be burned again.

So what do YOU think?
Have you ever met a "leopard" that changed it's spots....for good?
You know, it IS possible that I just have met the wrong people.
In fact....I just went over the list of the people I know, and YES, I have indeed met the wrong people.

Uptown Saturday Night

For me, next to Fat Albert, this is the greatest thing Bill Cosby ever did.
I would recommend that you skip to the 1:20 mark of the clip and then sit back and watch one of the funniest scenes of that era of film.
"You so ugly...til the sun refuse to shine when you come out!"
Why do I think that this it what Obama would have been like playing the dozens?

Now...I'm completely awesome, right?

But just imagine how much my awesome factor would go up if one of you got me this for Christmas! I would be walking down the street...or ordering my latte in Starbucks, and people would be all like "Whoa! that dude is AWESOME!", and their friends we be like "I don't think I've ever seen anyone more awesome."

And Anudder Music Review: Guns N' Roses - Chinese Democracy

I want to tell you that this disc is pure shit.
I *want* to tell you that.
But it would be a lie.

It's been 17 years since Guns N' Roses released their last disc, the double album "Use Your Illusion 1 and 2". The discs were the follow up to one of the biggest albums of all time "Appetite For Destruction", and in my opinion, they couldn't have been more fittingly titled.

I often am stunned at the way the American public and mostly radio stations, still regard Guns N Roses as rock and roll legends. Let's break this down for a minute.
Appetite For Destruction was released in 1987....almost 22 years ago.
Anyone who was born at the time of the release, has now potentially graduated college.

The follow up double discs were mediocre at best. 30 some odd songs, and I don't need all of one hand to count the memorable tracks. Oh wait, I'm a liar because I just remembered that masterpiece "Get In The Ring" where Axl sat and challenged people to fights to a background track. That's AWESOME, right?

There were a couple of EPs in between the two major releases, but other than that....nothing.

So, Guns N Roses basically had ONE great record, almost a quarter of a century ago.
Is that fair to say?

Ok...for the last...let's say...15 years, Axl Rose, after getting rid of every other original member of the band has been in the recording studio creating the follow-up to "Use Your Illusion".
And use his illusion he did. In perhaps the greatest magic trick I have ever seen, this man has been able to get MILLIONS of dollars from a record label to create a new disc...for 15 years...because he made ONE great disc in 1987.
THAT, my friends, is fucking brilliant by ANY standard.
It is easily the greatest hustle I have ever personally seen, and I tip my hat to that gentleman.

As for the disc that the world has waited 15 years for?
It's very solid.
It's well composed...it's lyrically strong....it's got some really great elements to it.
But it's 15 years of hype, and 15 years too late.

Axl Rose has created an atmosphere around this disc that simply forbids it from being as amazing as it needs to be, to justify the wait.
Furthermore, the funniest part of this whole thing is that for me, Axl himself is the weakest link.
The musicians who play on the disc are great...there's some material that seems it would have been more up to date about 5 years ago or so, but it's still very good.
But it's Axl's voice that detracts from the whole endeavor.

What was once THE voice that defined a generation of music, now sounds like a relic of an age long since passed.
And that's the kick in the nuts of it all.
This whole time, people have been saying "It's gonna suck without Slash and Duff and those guys.", but the exact opposite is true. It only DOESN'T suck because of the new blood.
I assume Axl wrote the material, and as I've said, it's very solid that way.
But I can't imagine this disc even being close to interesting if all the players involved were from that era gone by.

At the end of the day, this disc won't be the final nail in Axl Rose's coffin...or at least it shouldn't be.
And believe me, I really didn't want to have to say that.

Guitar....um...Bike...Hero?

I don't understand why a lot of people on Youtube bother doing the things they do, but I have to admire the amount of work that went in to this.

And Anudder Audiobook: Artie Lange - Too Fat To Fish

Back in July, Adrienne Curry, the wife of Christopher Knight of The Brady Bunch told me that I was "filth" that she needed to "purge" from her life.
The reason that she found me so undesirable was because I gave her my opinion on an excerpt from her book, which by the way, she asked for.

Now, many people gave her their opinions too....but mine was offensive to her, because it wasn't favorable. Before you start, no, I wasn't trying to be an asshole.
Curry had posted an excerpt which recounted a bad experience she had while taking acid. The point of this chapter was to illustrate her history and battle with this, her drug of choice.

I politely explained to her that I found it a tough read because it was clear that she was trying to play up the situation, and that she came off as a white girl seeking "street cred". That the "celeb drug addicted past" thing had been done a million times before, and much better. But mostly because it read like the term paper of a high school student who thought they were being a trailblazer by choosing marijuana as their subject matter.
I then told her that *in my opinion* she should excise this chapter from her book.

What's my point in all of this?

My point is that Artie Lange's "Too Fat To Fish" is a TRUE example of an individual who sincerely battled with drugs. Not an experimenting teenager, but a guy with the world in the palm of his hand who put drugs before EVERYTHING else. And real drugs...not some "I wanna be in touch with the colors" bullshit, but cocaine and heroin...REAL DRUGS, people. The shit that cartels kill people over. When's the last time you saw some jacked up story about a ruthless LSD cartel?
When's the last time a chick found herself doing something that she later has to cry about in the shower, for a hit of acid?

Get it, Adrienne?

"Too Fat To Fish" details the life of comedian Artie Lange who is most likely known more for being a cast member of The Howard Stern Show, than for anything else in his career.
Now, I'm reviewing the audiobook here, mostly, because I really don't like to read. It's just never been my thing...I get distracted too easily when I just stare at a bunch of words on paper.
But in this particular case, I recommend the audiobook anyway, because of who reads it.
It becomes a whole seperate form of entertainment in audio form, that I'm sure you can't possibly get from just reading the book.

The first few chapters are read by Lange himself, and are by far the most entertaining.
Naturally, no one else can tell Artie's story like the man himself. He lived what he's telling you about, and his telling of his life is reminiscent of Ray Liotta narrating as Henry Hill in "Goodfellas". I loved these particular chapters more than I ever thought I would. They revolve around Lange's remembrances of his father who passed away a few years after having an accident at work that left him a quadriplegic. You will find yourself laughing one minute and being brought to the verge of tears the next.

Too soon, however, Lange's voice informs you that for the rest of the ride, other people will be reading for him, because this was yet another in a long list of things that he "fucked up". Normally, this would be pretty irritating. But it makes sense in a weird way, because the whole theme of the book is about him making a mess of all good things that come his way.

The remainder of the book is read by Gary Dell'Abate, the producer of the Stern Show, comedians Jim Florentine, and Reverend Bob Levy.
Dell'Abate's reading is fine, but it lacks a bit of the Jersey grit that the other three deliver.
Florentine does a really decent job and his fluidity and style is the closest to Lange's.

Levy's however, is the most entertaining.
When Lange introduces Levy as one of the people who will be filling in for him, he describes him as the only Jew that you'll ever meet, who can't read, and if you know Bob, you know what he means.
But that's not what the funniest part of Bob's reading was for me.
First and foremost, and if you read this Bob, you'll probably want to strangle me for this, but all I saw in my head when I heard Bob's voice was Larry Fine from The Three Stooges.
I don't know what it was, and I've spoken to Bob on many occasions, but he sounded like Larry Fine to me. I *think* it's because Bob was putting so much enthusiasm into it, and when you talk to Bob, he's usually pretty low key. The only times that Bob actually sounded like Bob to me, was when the reading required him to be calling someone a "cocksucking motherfucker", because that's basically how Levy says hello when he answers the phone.
The second thing that had me cracking up during Bob's reading was the voice he would do anytime the reading required him to repeat the dialogue of a black character in the story.
But in particular Quincy Jones.
At one point in the book, Lange recounts a conversation he had with Quincy Jones. Lange even describes Jones' voice as being smooth and cool, but Levy goes into a characterization that could only be described as "Silky the 69th Street Pimp".

Most of all, I just found Lange's story to be something that I could relate to. No, I never did insane amounts of drugs, or experienced any success in show business. But Lange's story is that of an average jerkoff, like me, who went after his dream and can't even believe himself, that things have worked out the way they did.
And most of all, he still comes off as that average jerkoff....and I think that's why so many people love Artie.
His story is like any of ours....only with a Cinderfella story twist to it.

What?!?
Cinderfella was a nice reference!!! Lange is a comedian...Cinderfella was a Jerry Lewis film, and HE'S a comedian.

I hate you.

Anyway, I highly recommend getting this audiobook, because it's great, and reading is for sissies.

O.....K.....

Either someone wasn't thinking AT ALL....or.....they're a marketing genius.
You decide....

It's not a podcast, it's a ZZZCast!

How was that for a cornball slogan?
Oh whatever, it's just as good as the shit that real companies conjure up.

So, a little over a month ago, Ro asked me if I would do a podcast with her for her site ZZZList.com.
I said "Well....only if I don't have to do ANY work. If I can just sit there and respond to shit you say to me, you have a deal....but no way will I do any work"
See, I'm a lazy bastard and the idea of doing ANYTHING on the internet that seems like work to me, is out of the question...I love the internet as a clowny outlet, but that's all.

She said "Fine...I'll just call you and that's all you have to do....GOD you're a tool!"
Then I said "Oh, and I'll need $100 a show...catch you later!"

By episode 6, we somehow became the #64 podcast out of 3,372 comedy podcasts on Podcast Alley..just one spot below the Onion Radio News and outranking the Philadelphia morning radio duo of Preston And Steve who were positioned at #103 .
We had over 2,000 downloads in the month of October alone and our "popularity" gauge is full at iTunes.

F'N crazy, right?

There are now seven episodes of ZZZCast so I figured I'd finally say something here.
Here's the page she set up for it at her site....http://www.zzzlist.com/Podcast/Show.htm
The production value is shit....I'm a moron....and she's some sort of gloryhound.
But if that seems interesting to you, have at it.

How was that for a sales pitch?

Why I'm The Way I Am

As of late, I've been in a very introspective kinda way.
Human behavior has always interested me, though not enough to actually pursue any real understanding of it as dictated by textbooks and degrees. To some degree, I've always had a decent handle on what drives most people...there's always a curve ball here and there, but for the most part, you can understand someone just by watching them for a short amount of time.
Lately though, I tend to try to figure out my own behavior and what the catalysts to a lot of them are.

One of the first things I find perhaps odd about myself, is my sense of humor. I tend to find things funny that many other people might find horrifying or incredibly embarrassing to laugh at. Now however, I find that I can't find anything shockingly funny anymore. I feel like it's all been done in some shape or form before, and I'm even at the point that when I see someone trying to be over the top shocking, I find them hacky and pathetic.

During one of my introspective dalliances, I attempted to figure out why I was never entertained by "comedy" unless it was something just....well....awful.
And then I traced back to the source.

Now, I could describe to you the individual that I hold responsible for me not being able to be entertained by Jeff Foxworthy or Judy Tenuta, but just so you have a nice visual, I give you....Billy:


When I was 14 years old, I began working Summers and Weekends for my Step-Father's company. Billy was his employee, and when I would go in to work, nine times out of ten I was paired with him. As you can see, he was a typical contractor type, but that is exactly where Billy stopped being typical in any way, shape, or form.
Whenever I was paired with him, I would step in to his van and be greeted with a borderline sinister "Hello, Boooooyyyy". The tone always supplied a "just wait til you see what I have in store for you." atmosphere to the morning.
Billy seemed to have no gauge for what you thought in your head, versus what was appropriate for audible broadcast. And it wasn't just what he said, but how he said it. For instance, I can recall many times where we would arrive at a customer's home and they would do the obligatory "Is there anything you need from me before I head out?", and Billy would respond with "It wouldn't hurt ya to throw a pot of coffee on, now would it?" Then there would be the stare down between him and the home owner.
Them with their "Did he just say that to me like that?" look, and Billy with his hands rested on his ,very much accurate in my drawing, protruding gut..rolling his fingers on it like he was playing a bloated piano, and smiling back at them as if to say "Yes, motherfucker...I DID just talk to you like that."
All of this became very commonplace for me...so much so that I even reached a point where I didn't even get embarrassed by it anymore.

But this time...here today...I'm gonna tell you one of the first memories I have of working with this guy that let me know that there was something very wrong going on here.

On October 30 1985 a woman named Sylvia Seegrist carried out a killing spree at the Springfield Mall in Springfield, PA. When it was over, 3 people were dead, and seven wounded. It horrified the nation, because it was a time when things like that didn't happen as often as they do now.
At the entrance in front of the mall, an ATM was embeded into it's brick facade. As Seegrist entered the mall, she shot at a person who was using the ATM, which luckily missed them, but left a bullet hole in the brick.

A few days later, Billy needed cash in the morning before work.

As we pulled up to the front of the mall, we could see a local news van positioned near the ATM.
We approaced the curb, and Billy looked at the cameraman and newscaster, then turned to me and smiled in a way that resembled The Grinch when he was about to steal Christmas.
I thought to myself "OH FUCK, OH FUCK...Dude don't do this!!!"
But there really was no stopping him once he had this look, and I never even bothered actually speaking the thoughts in my head.

As he turned away from the ATM after completing the transaction, the newscaster set in.

"Sir, can I ask you some questions?"
The smile once again set in on his face and the fingers began playing the belly piano in preparation for his response.
"Why.....you sure can!" he responded in an almost Ward Cleaver-ish tone.

"Sir, how do you feel coming here after the events of the last week?"

"Why.....what do you mean by the events of the last week?

Now I knew something bad was about to happen, and I just wanted to be any place but where I was.

"Well....sir....you DO realize that a woman named Sylvia Seegrist shot and killed a bunch of shoppers in the mall the other day, don't you?"

Billy then began screaming!
"WHAAAAAT?!?!? HERE?!?!? OH GOD, YOU'RE NOT SAFE ANYWHERE!!!!"
At this point he began running back to the van, arms flailing "START THE VAN, KID!!! START THE VAN!!!!! LET'S GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE...PEOPLE ARE KILLING PEOPLE AROUND HERE!!!!"

He jumped in the driver's seat and turned to look at the reporter as she was lowering her microphone with a look on her face as if she smelled something awful.
With all the energy she could muster while being completely appalled at what she had just witnessed, she muttered the most simple "Asshole", that I have ever heard.

Billy ERUPTED in laughter at the utterance, and we drove off.

"What is the MATTER with you, dude?" I asked him.

"Wha...oh....hey, FUCK that bitch, booooyyyy. She's a fuckin' parasite. She don't care about what happened there the other day...this is a big payday for her kind! FUCK EM'!" he responded.
"You gotta lotta growin' up to do, kid. The world isn't the way it appears. But don't worry, ole Uncle Billy is here to show you the light, spider!
Say...did you ever give a girl some qualudes?"

This would be my harsh introduction into his world of entertainment, but certainly not the last thing I would ever witness.
His brand of "comedy" though, has apparently stuck with me all this time.

Madonna Had A Few Simple Requests

Don't even start with me....NO, I don't usually get in to gossipy shit, but I hate this bitch with all that I am, so I thought I'd share.

It seems that Guy Ritchie, the dopey bastard who "Once Upon A Time" thought it would be a good idea to marry Madonna who, to me, looks like what would be produced if Skeletor fucked a praying mantis.
I think my sentence structure was ALL jacked up on the last one, but read it a few times until it makes sense. Chances are, if I didn't know better the first time out, I'll only make things worse with an edit.
ANYWAY, over the weekend Ritchie was apparently foolish enough to think he could have visitation with his kids without the ever powerful Voguing arms reaching out and interfering in his business.
Let's have a look at the list, shall we? (read that last sentence with a British accent...it's more in keeping with our subject that way....what?.....no, not Madonna, she just *pretends* to have a British accent.)

-Under no circumstances should they be allowed to read magazines, newspapers, or be allowed to watch TV or DVDs

-They must adhere at all time to a macrobiotic, vegetarian, organic diet with no processed or refined foods

-All water they drink, even when it's to dilute organic juice, should be Kabbalah water.

-They should wear the clothes that Madonna has sent with them on the flight. If they need to be bought anything, they should not contain man made fibers.

-Their hands should be regularly cleaned with disinfectant spray if they are in public places.

-They should not be bought toys which are spiritually or ethically unsound.

-Guy should not discuss the separation with them.

-Madonna should have phone contact with the boys at least three or four times a day, at times set by her

-The boys should not be introduced to Guy's new friends, especially any female friends he has attracted since the separation

-Madonna has encouraged this access to give Guy time with the boys, rather than his parents spending time with them

-The boys should not be photographed while with Guy. It is his responsibility to organize security so that does not happen

-At bedtime, Guy should read David the "English Rose" books that Madonna wrote.

Oh Guy, you silly bastard!
How cool does banging "The Material Girl" seem now?
This my friend, is unfortunately what you have to look forward to for the rest of your days.
Isn't it funny really, how a woman who built her career around controversial hijinks and sexual antics...who made a book entitled "Sex" in which she simulated intercourse with a dog and Vanilla Ice all of a sudden knows what's best for everyone?
Hey, come to think of it...which one is more embarrassing now...the dog or Vanilla Ice?

My advice Guy?
Go ALL O.J. on that gap toothed, pseudo Brit hooker!
Seriously, dude....I don't have tons of cash or anything, but I SWEAR I will go door to door like I'm raising money for fuckin' Jerry's Kids to fund your legal team, and I think a LOT of other people would too.

By the way....when I was in my freshman year of High School, there was this cat Steve in my wood shop class that was all excited with himself because people told him that he sounded just like Madonna when he sang "Starlight" so he began singing it to show us.

Did you ever want to beat someone to death with a spice rack even though you knew it would mean a failing grade on the project?

Word to your mutha!

LISTEN AT THE BIBLE!!!!!

Ron's entry that featured Benny Hinn reminded me of an entry I've been meaning to make for quite some time now.
I'm not a religious person, so to speak....AND, I find that most people who *claim* to be religious have no idea what adhering to the word of God really means. Mostly I think that those in America interpret the bible to work *for* them and their lifestyle, rather than curb their lifestyle to work for the bible/word of God.
BUT, that's a sticky conversation, and as I said, I'm not really religious, so we'll just leave it at that for now.

However, there is one preacher that I watch fairly often, and that's Pastor Gino Jennings from Philadelphia.
Now, I don't really watch him to get my religion fix, but more because I enjoy the way that he forces people to look at how they DON'T really follow the word of God the way they are supposed to while calling themselves faithful believers.

The synchronicity in which he operates with the scripture reader Steve is flawless, and his methods are second to none. (in my opinion, that is)
In the two following clips, he addresses...well...basically Catholicism I suppose, and where it and it's followers often deviate directly from what the bible tells them.

What did Yoda say..."Do or do not, there is no try."
Or Myagi for that matter .."You karate do yes....safe. You karate do no...safe. You karate do guess so....SQUISH...just like grape!"

I don't really know what the fuck that had to do with anything, but I always enjoy tying I movie reference to shit, and besides, it kinda works if you think about it.

Anyway, I give you the HONORABLE Pastor Gino Jennings:

Is This The Greatest Video Ever?

There have been many music videos that I thought were great, but this one is just fucking genius!!! I know it has been around for a while, but it is an all-time classic!

Benny Hinn might be one of the biggest scumbags of all time, preying on stupid people all over the world, but...... the motherfucker and his flock of fools make me laugh! "My Man Benny!" I can't help it, I love watching morons act like morons.

I guess that's why I watch Fox News so much.

This Makes Me All Sad And Nostalgic

Goddamn that was a great time to be young.
YES, I know this is all computer generated, you ass....but it's pretty accurate.

I remember standing around crowds of people watching someone play Dragon's Lair. They actually would have to place a monitor on top of the arcade cabinet because otherwise you couldn't get close enough to the machine to see anything.
Anyone remember Showbiz Pizza? That's one of the places around here that had Dragon's Lair.
They had a couple other hot games too, but the problem was it was like a Chuckie Cheese, so you had a bunch of little kids running around fuckin' up your gametastic style.
And then there was this jacked up robot band called The Rockafire Explosion that would play the current hits of the time, only minus whatever cool factor the original version of the song had.
You haven't lived until you've seen a hillbilly bear singing "Der Kommisar"!
See what I mean? It's hard to get your game on with that kind of loopy shit going on as a backdrop.
You were applauding for ROBOTS, people!!!!
WHAT THE FU.....hey....speaking of shit like that....why do people applaud at the end of a movie?
Haven't you seen that before? The movie ends...the credits start to roll...and the theater starts erupting in applause.
WHY?
I could see if the cast were in the theater with you...or even let's say a member of the production team, and you want to just say to them "Hey, that was some damn fine editing, my friend...DAMN FINE!".
But why are you applauding at the SCREEN?

Wait...what the hell was this post about anyway?

F Joe Lieberman!

Joe Lieberman made his choice to pimp for John McCain all over the country and betray the Democratic Party. Now Lieberman wants to kiss and make up. F that! Lieberman should be stripped of his Senate Committee Chair of Home Land Security and banished to a low profile subcommittee. Senate majority leader Harry Reid needs to grow a set and kick Lieberman out of the Democratic Party Caucus. Last I checked Lieberman is an independent. He calls himself an Independent-Democrat. No Joe, you are a sell-out! Lieberman addressed the Republican National Convention, so let the GOP have Lieberman. I still blame the nasally douche for being too much of a pussy as Al Gore's running mate. Lieberman is a traitor and has to go!

Now Will You Stop Complaining?

All I ever hear is "Joe, why don't you ever give us some pictures of hot chicks?", or "Joe, I like to jack it during my lunch break...Obama isn't hot enough though, bro."
Well, THERE!
How hot is Amy these days?
Tell me you wouldn't LOVE to put it down on that!!!

I mean, what a total package that is....the hair, the running mascara, the lumberjack coat.
Who says drugs are bad for you?
World Of Warcraft playing DORKS, that's who!!!
People who just don't get what it means to party hardstyle.

So WHAT...EVER to all you 9 to 5, slave to the grind chumps.... Me and Amy Winehouse are gonna set this bitch OFF, yo!

I'd Say Brand Is Bouncing Back Fairly Well...

"Russell Brand left Britain in disgrace, but less than a week after resigning from his BBC Radio 2 show his career appears to have recovered.

Brand is reportedly thrashing out a deal to appear in the fourth Pirates Of The Caribbean film - as Captain Jack Sparrow's younger brother Jonathan. The deal to appear in the children's film could be worth as much as £5million and would catapault the 33-year-old into the Hollywood A-list.

A source told The Sun: 'There couldn't be a role more perfectly suited. There's a lot of Jack Sparrow in his mannerisms and behaviour. Depp's accent isn't a million miles away from Russell's either."


So there you have it. I think it's safe to say that resigning from the show may not have ONLY been about what it seemed at face value. Maybe someone knew it was time to clear up the schedule a bit, huh?

At the same time, I can't wait to see a "Pirates" film with Brand opposite Depp.
On paper, it should be the most entertaining yet.

Ralph Nader Is A Doucherocket

Last night while watching the outcome of the Election, I fell asleep.
Screw you, I was tired...I've been KILLING myself recently...with not only my job, but my new career in cake design.

ANYWAY, I woke up around 12:45 am or so and my local Fox affiliate was running a live interview of Ralph Nader conducted by Shepard Smith which I caught already in progress. Smith asked Nader something to the effect of "what obstacles does Obama face now?".
Nader came back with "We have to see if he can deliver on the promises he's made, or if he's going to be an Uncle Tom."

AWESOME, right?

SO, a shocked and horrified looking Smith says "You said Uncle Tom on the evening that America has just elected it's first Black President?"
Nader, realizing what he had just done, immediately begins trying to accuse Smith of "bullying him" and telling him that they can just cut to black now, because he wasn't going to take this from him.

Smith went on to try to explain that he wasn't trying to bully him, but more that he just couldn't believe that Nader would use such and ugly terminology ESPECIALLY on this particular night.
He then offered Nader an out by saying "In retrospect, do you wish you maybe had used a different description or set of words?"
Nader looks directly into the camera and says as deliberately as one can "NO...I...DO...NOT!"

I tried to find video of it for you, but my Web-Fu seems to have failed me.

UPDATE: Found the video...my memory was a bit off, but it's basically close to what I said.

Barack Obama Is The New Messiah Of The World!!

Can a brother JUST be the President?

If you've been following this blog, you'll know that I've been an Obama supporter from the outset. So as you can imagine, I'm elated at last night's outcome.
But there is an undertone going on here that I can't help but be troubled by.

In the midst of everyone being so amazed that America has elected it's first Black President, I think they are forgetting that he was only elected PRESIDENT, not "The Rectifier Of All Of Societal Ills"...not "The Messiah: Christ v2.0".
I understand that everyone is all excited now, and I understand what an amazing step forward it is for America to have finally overcome the racial barrier that has until now prevented ANYONE of dark complexion to hold the highest office.
BUT, I think *some* grounding in reality needs to occur here.

If the mentality that exists here now continues, Barack Obama can ONLY fail. People are setting the bar so high that no one could hope to reach expectation.

We're a funny lot, White America.
We went from hundreds of years of thinking that a black man couldn't succeed in such a position of great importance, to thinking instantly that a black man will be able to accomplish more than any white man in the same position ever could.
How about just letting him be President the same way that everyone before him did?
How about THAT kind of equality?

But maybe that's what the black leaders who have made the comments to the effect that "this is only a step forward, and NOT the end of the long road" mean?
Maybe we haven't REALLY reached the end of the road, until a black man can just be elected President without all the fanfare and high expectations of being New Coke...err...I mean Christ?

On the flipside....how many of you have heard all the racist comments from white friends today? Oh stop it...be honest!!!
I've heard a TON of cool shit so far. I imagine it must be what Hanukkah is like for Jewish people...it seemed that every time I turned around, I got another "present".
It's really weird, you know?
On one hand, this Country DID just elect it's first Black President...and 61% of those who voted for him were White.
On the other hand, I still hear racist bullshit every day.
Where do we really stand, Whitey?

Oh, and how cool is the "What?....is the White House gonna start serving fried chicken and Kool-Aid at dinners now?" line?
Yes, Zeke, it is.
And I hope it's extra crispy recipe and cherry flavored, because all other Kool-Aid flavors are bullshit. Except Berry Blue...that shit was fuckin' dope, yo! I used to drink that as a hangover cure during my Jagermeister phase. I wonder if it really worked, or I just convinced myself it did?
I was kind of a tool back then, so it could be the latter.
What?
Yeah, I know I'm still a tool by societal definition, but I've more or less excepted it.
YOU on the other hand are running around singing "Miley Cyrus" songs thinking it shows how you're still in touch with the youth.

Jesus Obama doesn't sing Miley Cyrus, and neither do I.